These things can help when life seems to be out of control.
Nothing seems normal these days. Many people say, “I just keep pinching myself thinking I’ll wake up and this nightmare will be over.” Sometimes life can take a real toll on everyone – both physically and mentally. As you continue to navigate through these times, there are ways you can be intentional about protecting your family’s mental health.
For starters, it’s important to continually remind ourselves that when we’re going through something that’s very unusual, we remain in a heightened state of anxiety and stress that impacts our mental and physical health.
One thing that can help you regain your footing is to establish routines, rituals, and structure.
In times of high anxiety and stress, the consistency of routines and structure is soothing to everyone.
Make your home a peaceful place—a refuge from all the craziness going on in the world.
Spend some time thinking about things you can do to create calm. Play calming music, light a lavender candle and let the sunlight in. Encourage your children to find a comfy spot where they can read or play with their toys.
Your children are like sponges. Whether you notice it or not, they’re watching your every move, your facial expressions and even listening to your conversations that don’t include them. They’re quick to pick up and take on your stress and anxiety. Have adult conversations out of the hearing range of your children. Be proactive in dealing with your emotions.
Be open and intentional about having conversations about things that are going on in your world.
Ask your children to tell you what they know or have heard. Use their information as a platform to affirm accurate information and correct inaccurate details. Assure them that your job is to make sure they are cared for and protected and you are doing that.
Exercise, getting enough rest and eating right are three essentials for protecting your family’s mental health.
This is like the trifecta right here! Walk as a family and insist that people get the rest they need. Involve everyone in creating fun, healthy meals.
Limit the amount of time you and your family members watch the news.
This one action can dramatically decrease the anxiety, stress, anger, fear and drama in your home. Mentally and emotionally, our brains and bodies aren’t meant to live in a constant state of stress, but that’s exactly what happens when we watch news nonstop.
Think of ways you can be helpful to others.
During difficult times, it’s easy to become focused on yourself and all that’s wrong with the world. A great way to combat this as a family is to look for ways to help others. Deliver food, do yard work, run errands, bake bread or cookies and share them with your neighbors. (Let your kids do a ring and run when they deliver. It can be your secret!)
Make play a priority.
Seriously. Play releases all the feel-good hormones that promote an overall sense of well-being. Heaven knows we could all use a triple dose of that right now. Ride bikes, go for a hike, play hide and seek, tag, kick the can, four square, hopscotch, double dutch jump rope or any other active game you can think of. Just get moving!
Remind yourself and your family members – there is light at the end of the tunnel.
This is hard and there are parts of dealing with life right now that are not fun, but together as a family, you can do hard things. When one person’s having a hard day, other family members can be encouraging and affirming to help them get through it. Having healthy relationships with each other is one of the best ways to protect your family’s mental health.
When parents model and lead using these strategies, children learn how to navigate through hard times in healthy ways. It shows you believe they have what it takes to keep going even when things get really challenging. This builds self-confidence and helps them learn how to think and be creative in the midst of change.
A side note: if you feel like members of your family aren’t handling all that is going on well, don’t hesitate to seek help. Talk with their pediatrician and/or a counselor to seek guidance on other ways you can help them.
If you or someone you know is struggling and you need immediate assistance, you can find 24-hour help here:
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/pexels-elly-fairytale-4008800-3-1-e1602084544645.jpg7381400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-10-07 11:25:462022-07-25 14:02:07How to Protect Your Family’s Mental Health
Sometimes life just seems to be getting harder. For many, most days feel like slogging through thick fog and it’s really hard to see the road ahead.
Perhaps you or someone you know is really struggling at the moment and you’re wondering if the sadness is due to a single life circumstance or if something bigger is going on like depression or some other mental health issue.
First, let me just say, you’re not alone! We’re living in a moment in time where everything—marriage, parenting, work, socializing with friends, even the most normal things—seem more difficult than they should be for many people.
Second, regardless of whether you or someone you care about is sad or dealing with something else, the good news is, help is available.
Sad? Depressed? How do you know the difference?
Glad you asked!
Feeling sad and down about things like job loss, finances, marital issues, a child giving you a run for your money, or a breakup is normal for a period of time. But, when you:
Can’t seem to shake those feelings and you begin to feel hopeless and desperate;
It feels impossible to think clearly;
Making a decision seems out of your reach;
Work is consistently challenging;
Things that used to bring you joy in life don’t anymore;
Food doesn’t interest you or you are eating way more than normal; and
You’re either not sleeping enough or you are sleeping all the time and still feel like you don’t get enough rest.
These are like blinking caution lights warning you something is not right. There are some things you might be able to do to help move you to a different place, though.
Here Are 5 Ways to Work Through Depression
1. Surround yourself with a supportive group of friends.
Not necessarily people who are experiencing the same thing you are, but people who seem to be mentally and emotionally healthy right now. Ask them to walk this road with you and help hold you accountable for changes you’re trying to make.
2. Create a new bedtime routine.
Lying in bed watching television or scrolling through social media doesn’t count as rest. Stop all screen time at least an hour before you plan to get some shut-eye. If silence makes it hard for you to sleep, download a white noise app or purchase a white noise machine. Maybe you could try a simple fan in your room. Don’t use your bed for anything other than sleeping… and well, those things that you typically do in bed (like sex). Otherwise, keep your bedroom as kind of a safe place where your body knows it’s time to relax and rest.
3. Get moving.
Exercise has been shown to be one of the BEST ways to combat depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, regular exercise releases feel-good hormones that can make you feel better about yourself. It also can help you get out of the negative thought cycle that feeds depression. Exercising on the regular can give you more confidence, it’s something you can do with others and it is a super positive way to cope with and manage depression. Don’t forget, being outside, getting enough vitamin D, drinking plenty of water, and fueling your body with healthy foods are all powerful weapons for fighting depression.
4. Pay attention to how much news and negative information you take in every day.
Remember, the motto for the newsroom is, “If it leads, it bleeds.” Their whole goal is to be sensational to draw you in. The more you are drawn in, the more it will affect you. It’s a vicious cycle. Your brain doesn’t know it’s the fifth time you’ve seen information about the plane crash, murder, latest political blunder, or car wreck. All of this impacts you mentally and physically whether you realize it or not. Put a time limit on how much news you watch. The same applies to social media.
5. Eliminate as much stress as possible.
Think through all you have on your plate. Is there anything you can let go of for a while to reduce the stress in your life? If you can’t let go of certain activities, can you ask others to help you?
In addition to doing all of these things, be bold and ask for professional help. Plenty of counselors are providing telecounseling and Zoom sessions right now. If you don’t know where to look for help, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline is 1-800-662-4357.
If you’re worried about someone you care about, don’t be afraid to step up and say, “I see you. How can I help?” Guiding them through all the above is a great place to start if they’re open to your support.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/pexels-inzmam-khan-1134204-1-e1600806395453.jpg6261400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-09-22 16:22:232021-04-20 11:43:10Is Depression Affecting You and the People You Care About?
The nip of fall is in the air, which means Halloween and fall festivals should be right around the corner. Sadly though, this year may look very different. Some festivals have been put on hold and many parents are uncomfortable with trick or treating. If you’re looking for fun ways to celebrate Halloween that don’t involve trick or treating, you’ve come to the right place!
Here are seven ways you and your family can celebrate Halloween without feeling like you’re missing out.
Make your own costumes and take family photos.Have some fun prizes for the most creative, out-of-this-world, colorful, funniest, scariest, and judge’s choice. Let the entire family vote on the costumes.
Create a Halloween-themed scavenger or treasurehunt that involves candy in all the places where they actually find the “treasured item.” This can involve making fun clues. They could do the hunt individually or as a team.
Host a neighborhood Halloween Costume Parade for adults and kids. Families can walk or bike together while social distancing. You could even pool your candy and make bags ahead of time to hand out at the end of the parade. (The upside to this is you don’t have too much of a sugar high for the kids. The downside is there isn’t enough candy for the parents to steal. Just sayin’…)
Have a pumpkin-painting contest.Let everybody choose their own pumpkin and give them a set amount of time to decorate it. You may or may not want to limit the materials they use. Categories could include: scariest, silliest, most unusual, most original, best use of materials, best traditional, most unique shape and most adorable. Winners could get candy, gift cards or some other fun prize.
Build a fire and roast S’mores.No fall celebration is complete without a bonfire and roasting marshmallows for S’mores. While you’re eating S’mores, play Build a Story. Here’s how: one family member starts the story with a sentence and the next person adds a sentence to build onto the first one. See how long you can keep it going. If you want to get really creative, build the story around a theme like Halloween, fall or some other topic.
Plan a Halloween menu and be creative. Let your kids help you come up with Halloweenish goodies. Think eyeball cookies, deviled egg spiders, gummy worm ice cubes, pumpkin-face cuties, “finger” foods, etc. (You get the picture.) Then have a Halloween/Fall party or meal with your family.
Play Minute to Win It or other friendly “competition” games.We all know trick or treating involves getting the “good” candy you love (YES, please). But, you also get the “blah” kind you’ll still have to hand out next Halloween. Buy everybody’s favorite candies instead! Then give them as prizes to the winners from the different Minute to Win It games.
No doubt this year will be different in a number of ways. Although many are choosing not to have corn mazes, fall festivals, trunk or treats and trick or treating, it doesn’t have to be disappointing for you and the kids. Launching off of these ideas and some of your own family traditions, there’s lots of fun to be had for sure!
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/frank-luca-d0PewyVcP_s-unsplash-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-09-15 16:10:342020-11-03 11:42:447 Fun Ways to Celebrate Halloween That Don’t Involve Trick or Treating
B.C. (Before COVID) plenty of us lived life at a frenetic pace and had resigned ourselves that it would always be that way. Fast forward to COVID lockdown and a forced stop. We actually had room to breathe in our lives whether we liked it or not. Being forced to taste the simple life for a few months reminded a lot of us how much we actually longed for a less frenzied existence. With things opening back up, some folks are trying to figure out how to keep a little bit of that margin in their life.
Maybe right now you’re already missing your quarantine life. Perhaps you’re finding that, once again, you don’t have time to do the things you want to do. If this is true for you, you don’t have to settle.
Here are five simple things that can help you reclaim or keep margin in your life moving forward.
1. Decide what you don’t want to pick back up.
Make a list of all the things you and your family were participating in B.C. Decide now what you’re not willing to add back into your schedule. Making the decision ahead of time will make it easier to say no as opportunities arise. Think of it as being proactive instead of reactive when it comes to knowing what your priorities are and sticking to them even under pressure. This will require you to keep your guard up so you can recognize when something is encroaching on the boundaries you’ve set.
2. Schedule quiet time just like you would schedule any other appointment.
It’s that important. Living life in a whirlwind leaves you feeling empty and exhausted, not to mention a hot mess when it comes to relating with the ones you love. Whether it’s early in the morning, the middle of your day or right before you go to bed, taking a few minutes to reflect can make a world of difference in how you go through your day. It can also impact how you rest at night.
Avoid the temptation to schedule yourself back to back in order to make the most of every waking minute. Take a walk, do some deep breathing or light a candle. Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, listen to calming music, read, or do something else that will allow you to take a break from the chaos. Inserting buffer zones into your day will actually give you energy and help you be more creative. Plus, it’ll make you more effective and present with the ones you love.
You might find it helpful to literally block out times on your schedule for this. Blocking the time off can lessen the temptation to put something in that time period because it isn’t available. If you are a high energy person who likes to be productive, this may feel like time wasted. Here’s a challenge for you, though. Try this for a whole month. Then assess your energy level, what you have been able to accomplish and the state of your relationships. You might be pleasantly surprised at the results. Just sayin’.
This is a time vacuum and we all know it. It robs us of time with our kids, spouse and friends. If you don’t believe it, the next time you jump on social media “for just a minute,” time yourself. See how long you end up scrolling to see what everybody else is doing. Limiting your time on social media will give you some margin to live your own life and pay attention to the ones you love and your own needs. (And if others have your full attention, you won’t be distracted and miss something important!)
5. Create transitions and hard stops.
There is something to be said for the impact of routines and rituals when it comes to incorporating margin into our lives. Intentional transitions help your brain know the difference between work, play and rest. If possible, have set start and stop times for work, time with family and friends, and time to take care of yourself.
It can be helpful to prepare for the next day before you go to bed each night, too. Go over your to-do list, decide what you will wear for work (even if you are working from home) and other activities, take a look at the schedule, plan meals, etc. For example, the act of preparing to be in work mode helps your brain know you are making a transition. At the end of your work day, changing into “play” clothes is another transition that tells your brain it is doing something different. It’s a physical exercise that mentally prepares you for being fully present.
As one who has struggled with margin in life, I can tell you it’s very easy to fall back into old habits. Don’t beat yourself up. It happens. The best way forward is to remind yourself of your goal, identify where the breach happened and keep moving ahead.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/pexels-thought-catalog-904616-1-scaled.jpg13662048Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-09-01 16:37:452021-05-28 10:50:045 Simple Things You Can Do to Reclaim Margin in Your Life
Managing virtual school in addition to being a working parent feels overwhelming on the best days and insurmountable on the worst days. But what if merging the two can strengthen your family and provide other benefits, too?
Many parents find themselves in a position they didn’t actually apply for and never anticipated. Now they are struggling to figure out how they’ll handle all the job requirements. It’s a new position morphing parenting, teaching and employee all into one. Talk about a varied job description that for sure includes all other duties as assigned!
Believe it or not, you can not only make this work, but you also have the opportunity to strengthen your family in the process. And, part of what will help you is putting your work skills to good use at home.
Ditching the guilt and giving family members permission to make mistakes can be empowering to everyone.
As you begin this process, it will be important to let go of any guilt you may feel as you navigate all you have to do. It’s not your friend and won’t help you accomplish anything at all. These are uncharted waters. You’re giving it your best shot. It’s highly likely you’ll need to make adjustments as you get further down the road. This will decrease your anxiety and stress level, which will likely help you have more patience and strengthen your relationship with each other.
Families do better when they have a general idea of what’s coming next. In this age of total uncertainty outside our homes, you can create some certainty in your home by setting a schedule based on your work requirements, your spouse’s work requirements (if you’re married) and your child’s school schedule. Knowing what is coming next and what to expect can help reduce drama and tension in your family. It doesn’t have to be the exact same schedule every day, but there does need to be some consistency because children thrive on that. Write your weekly schedule on poster board and put it where everybody can see it. Take time at the beginning of each week to go over the schedule. It might also help to review it each day over breakfast so everybody remembers the plan for the day and can speak into changes that need to take place.
If your children are younger, color code the schedule and talk about what the colors mean. Maybe Red means don’t interrupt mom/dad unless it’s an emergency. Orange could mean exercise for everybody. Green may mean you will be with them to help with whatever. You may want to give older kids a notepad to write down questions that come up when you aren’t available. This will help them remember what they needed help with and allow them to keep going or work on something else until you are free.
By doing this, you’re helping your child build confidence, learn self-discipline, and figure out how to work independently. You’re also providing security by making sure they have what they need, setting boundaries and being available.
Controlling your mindset when things aren’t going the way you expect them to teaches your children resilience and that together, families can do hard things.
Your children will follow your lead. If you’re looking at these days as an adventure and an opportunity to work together as a family to figure it out, just the process of working together and being positive about it will help strengthen your family bond. It isn’t that you don’t have concerns or don’t grasp the significance of all that’s happening, it’s that you manage the concerns together and don’t let them take up residence in your head.
Putting your support system to work teaches children it is okay to ask for help.
Even in the midst of COVID-19, it’s possible and quite frankly necessary to deploy your support system. This is one of the most powerful ways you can strengthen your family in the midst of virtual school and work. Knowing that family members and friends are there for each other and that others are willing to help share the load gives you time to catch your breath, sit in silence or do whatever you need to do to refresh and replenish your energy. When our kids see us taking care of ourselves, they experience us being less irritable and tense. We’re also better able to handle whatever comes our way. Families function better when they don’t feel like they have to walk around on egg shells for fear someone might explode. There is a peace and calm that brings security to the relationship.
If you don’t currently have a support system, work to put one together. Some parents are dividing up responsibilities at home and working with other families who are in the same situation to make things work. If that’s completely out of the question, try to include times in your new schedule where everybody does a chore or goes to their room/favorite nook in your house for quiet time to read, nap or play quietly.
Celebrating the little things acknowledges what you can do when you work together as a team.
In the midst of all we are dealing with, getting through a single day is reason to celebrate. Turn on your favorite music and dance or create a family cheer that you do to signal the end of your work and school day and transition into the evening. In addition to celebrating as a family, find ways to celebrate as a couple and individually. You might be surprised at how energizing it is to acknowledge what is going right versus focusing on failures and missed opportunities.
If you’ve ever been through anything hard before, individually or as a couple, you know in the midst of it, it feels daunting and exhausting. You work together to come up with a plan. You continue to put one foot in front of the other while holding on tightly to ensure nobody gets left behind.Before you realize it, months will have gone by and you won’t be hanging on for dear life, but there will be a certain resolve and strength about you. The very thing you believed might do you in made you stronger and brought out the best in you.
With all of the negatives associated with COVID-19, there are some potential positives, too. One for sure could be that virtual school and working from home made your family stronger.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/pexels-ketut-subiyanto-4474037-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-08-25 16:09:182020-08-25 16:13:35How Managing Virtual School as a Working Parent Can Strengthen Your Family
COVID-19 has most likely contributed to the longest ongoing uncertainty people have dealt with in, well, maybe ever.
Should I send my children to school?
Will I have a job tomorrow?
Is the economy going to make it?
Are we going to lose our home?
If I get COVID-19, will I survive?
Will things ever be normal again?
These are just some of the questions we are wrestling with as we try to create a sense of normalcy for ourselves and others.
The hard truth is, even when we are living our best lives, there’s a great deal of uncertainty. Anything could happen in the next moment that could throw our lives into complete chaos. The difference is, it’s not as in your face as COVID-19.
So, short of throwing in the towel, how do you deal with the ongoing uncertainty?
In Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl describes being separated from his wife in the concentration camps. Everything he owned was taken from him, including the manuscript for his book. As he shared what it was like living one day to the next with no idea whether his wife was still alive or whether that day would be his last day, he says he realized that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s own attitude in any given set of circumstances—to choose one’s own way.
Frankl says, “In order to live a meaningful life, we have to identify what is meaningful to us in every moment. There is a kind of mindfulness to meaning—a level of focused attention where we must focus on identifying what we find meaningful.”
Straight out of the gates, it seems like we all have the opportunity to deal with uncertainty. It starts with two things. We can decidewhat is most meaningful to us. AND we can choose the attitude with which we will engage the days ahead. Making decisions about both of these things will anchor us in our journey and give us a mindset for everything else we need to do.
Other strategies for dealing with uncertainty include:
Making plans, but holding them loosely. Everybody would like to be able to make a decision about school and be done with it. In this particular moment though, that is probably not how things will roll. So, making a plan, but including a couple of alternatives can help decrease the out of control feelings uncertainty often brings.
Doing what you will wish you had done. Sounds a bit crazy, but these are difficult times. Often when we look back on a time when we struggled, we will say, “I wish I had just gone with my gut and…” It is easy to second guess yourself, but seriously, looking back 10 years from now, what will you wish you had done?
Paying attention to your mental health and the mental health of those around you. Back to the attitude thing. Our brains have a natural tendency to go negative, especially when the going gets tough. You or the ones you love may really be struggling at the moment. Surround yourself with supportive people. Seek help if you just can’t seem to shake feeling down and depressed all the time.
Giving yourself permission to feel what you feel. Write down your emotions: frustrated, tired, irritable, abandoned, isolated, anxious, lonely, bored, confused, inadequate, jealous. None of these are bad in and of themselves. How you choose to respond to these feelings can either help you move forward or make your life more complicated.
Making a list of all the things you actually have control over. Even if you did this early on, do it again. It’s a good and helpful brain exercise. Remember, your brain believes what you tell it. If you are constantly talking about everything being out of control, your brain believes you and acts accordingly. Feeling out of control creates fear, and our body responds to fear by creating adrenaline and cortisol. Research shows that the long-term activation of the stress-response system and overexposure to stress hormones can disrupt almost all of your body’s processes. It affects your ability to think clearly, make decisions, sleep and literally function on a daily basis.
Considering things you can do to create some consistency in your daily living. Routines, rituals, consistency and structure help us feel more secure, especially in times of extreme uncertainty. Little things like going to bed and getting up at the same time every day or planning your meals can make a major impact on your well-being.
Enlisting the help of others. Once you have given some thought to your mindset and the attitude with which you want to engage life right now, ask friends, family members and/or co-workers to encourage you in your efforts. Ask them to help you be accountable for how you have decided to embrace the uncertainty, too.
Showing yourself some grace. You can do all of the things above and still have some really hard days. Instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge how hard it is. Cry if you need to, journal, go for a run—whatever it takes to help you process through it. The good news is, you know the direction you want to head and you can get back on track putting one foot in front of the other.
When you are lost and using a compass to figure out where you are, the needle may shake a bit, but it always finds north.
The road ahead may be shaky and full of twists and turns, but working through some of these strategies for dealing with uncertainty can help you find your north again. That way, you can keep on keeping on.
Make your conversations more productive with these tips.
It’s nothing new to disagree with the ones you love, whether it’s about current events, religion, guns, racism, politics, football or something else. In fact, chances are pretty good that you completely disagree on certain topics with someone you care deeply about. The disagreements may be so intense you wonder how you can actually co-exist.
The level of intensity might feel more so at this moment in time in our culture. In fact, many people can hardly believe that the people they love have such different perspectives from their own. The ongoing stress from trying to navigate these issues can take a massive toll on our relationships.
What do you do when you strongly disagree with the ones you love?
Although you might be tempted to confront them and tell them they are just plain wrong, you might want to reconsider. That plan probably won’t go very well for you because it’s likely your loved one will feel attacked. Nobody wants to feel attacked, right?
Instead, start by asking yourself a few questions.
What’s the goal of my conversation with this person?
Do I just want to share information?
Am I trying to understand their perspective?
Do I feel the need to convince them they are wrong?
Am I trying to prove that I have a valid point?
Do I have to WIN?
Taking the time to think about your ultimate goal can help you prepare to constructively engage with them.
It may help to remember that no matter how hard you try, you cannot change someone else or make them see something the very same way that you do. Yelling at them, belittling them, coming across as condescending, stomping out of the room or being sarcastic will only fuel the fire. And it will take you further away from your intended goal.
Plenty of married couples, extended family, siblings and roommates have vehemently disagreed about things, yet their love and respect for each other was never in question. How you have the discussion matters.
Here are some tips you can use to make your conversations productive:
Look for things you do agree on. It is likely that you agree on far more than you disagree about.
Kindness and respect goes a long way when trying to discuss difficult topics. Be aware of your tone of voice and body language.
Avoid imagining how you think the conversation will go or how it has gone in the past. Playing negative scenarios in your head will actually increase your stress. It could also steer the conversation downhill straight out of the gates.
Be prepared to genuinely listen to their perspective—even if you already believe you don’t agree with them and can’t fathom how they could believe what they believe. When people feel heard, you are more likely to keep the conversation going and avoid damaging your relationship. **PRO-TIP:Paraphrase what you hear and avoid using the word, “but.” Using “but” negates everything that the other person just said. Try using “and” instead.**
If it feels like the conversation is becoming heated, remember that getting louder will escalate the situation for sure. Plus, it actually makes it harder to hear what is being said. If you’re struggling to think clearly or keep your cool, take a break. Say you need to go to the bathroom or you need to get a drink of water—anything to take a break in the action and allow yourselves time to breathe. Pausing is powerful.
Avoid using “You always, you never,” and “You should.” Instead, focus on yourself and share your perspective while using “I” statements (I feel, I believe, I want, I need, etc.).
These are particularly stressful times, and when you disagree with the ones you love, IT’S HARD.
This means that many of us are experiencing extended periods of heightened anxiety and are constantly in a fight or flight mode—which is totally not normal. Fuses are shorter and we are probably more easily irritated. And, we may react more quickly, especially if we’ve been thinking or dwelling on the topic at hand. Acknowledge this and think through the fact that how we handle difficult conversations can impact the quality of our relationships.
It’s vital to remember that this is a process. If over time the conversation seems to go nowhere, you may need to set boundaries around this topic in an effort to keep from destroying the relationship. Keep in mind that if you choose to walk away from the relationship, you will no longer have the opportunity to present a different perspective.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/disagree-priscilla-du-preez-ZxMASvRPEn4-unsplash-1-e1596214094110.jpg205500Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-07-01 06:07:272022-03-18 12:43:35What to Do When You Disagree With the Ones You Love
Something shifted overnight for me. At first, I scoffed at how absurd people were being about a silly virus. Then I began to feel a looming sense of dread, realizing that this was not something to take lightly. It was 3 months into my third pregnancy. I started questioning if that meant I was an immunocompromised at-risk person who would be more susceptible to COVID-19. And although I suddenly went from an apathetic state to a concerned and informed citizen, I still had no clue what it all meant. Or how it would actually affect all of our lives in such a drastic way. If I’m being honest, I still didn’t worry too muchabout being pregnant during a pandemic. That’s because I thought it would blow over in a month, or, at the most, by the time I gave birth.
But being in the middle of a pandemic rapidly changed the landscape in which I conducted my life and consequently my third pregnancy.
Ya know, they say each pregnancy is different, but now that I’m 6 months pregnant and COVID-19 isn’t going away anytime soon… I’d say this one is taking the cake. But just because this pregnancy is DIFFERENT, doesn’t mean it has to be DISASTROUS. I am realizing that finding the positives in pregnancy during a pandemic is ALL about shifting my perspective.
My prenatal workout class…
…Went from an amazing escape every Monday night, connecting with other pregnant mamas and getting an hour break from all the responsibilities of having two kids and a full-time job to a virtual Zoom session from home. And it’s quite the struggle to find a quiet space to exercise without my kids literally jumping on my back or bumping into me. attempting to do the moves alongside me.
UPSIDE: The kids are kinda cute when they try to do the workout moves. I still get to check in with other mamas, and working up a sweat contributes to a healthy pregnancy! (Also having my girls see me working out models good healthy habits for them!)
Prenatal doctor appointments… (specifically the 20-week Anatomy Scan)
…changed drastically. It went from a much-anticipated appointment where my husband would attend and we’d find out the gender together to an extremely lonely experience. I wore a mask, sat in an almost empty waiting room, and saw a skeleton crew of healthcare employees. I recorded the ultrasound to show my husband when I got home since spouses were (and currently are) not allowed to attend any appointments.
UPSIDE: I have a video of the ultrasound, which would otherwise not be allowed. And really, I’m thankful for the healthcare workers taking extra precautions to ensure the safety of their patients… even if it means I had to be alone for such a significant moment.
Big announcements like gender reveals…
…changed, too (because yes, gender reveal parties are still a thing)! We went from all our friends and family gathering around a big box filled with balloons that we would let free at just the right moment to yet another virtual Zoom session. Among only our closest friends and family, I let Jackie, my 4-year-old daughter, do the honors of announcing we’d be adding ANOTHER girl to the mix!
UPSIDE: Having a special intimate announcement that I was able to record was priceless. And I saved a tonof money on balloons, food, and decorations. Just sayin’.
Documenting my pregnancy…
…went from a variety of social events where we would naturally take photos to trying to remember what day of quarantine it was and finding a split-second where the stars aligned (aka the weather was good, makeup and outfit were put on and I had my fancy camera on hand) to get a good picture to document my growing baby bump.
UPSIDE: The photos that I do get will be that much more precious. And, the captions I write with them will give tremendous insight into this unprecedented time in history for future generations.
The pregnancy attention…
…went from the normal socially appropriate, “You’re glowing!” or “You don’t even look pregnant from behind, it’s all belly!” to crickets. Honestly, some days I think people forget I’m pregnant. They usually only see me from my shoulders up on video calls or FaceTime. If not for my intentional picture-taking that gets posted on social media, I probably would surprise everyone when I resurface from this quarantine to reveal a brand new baby!
UPSIDE: The socially inappropriate comments have stopped, too! I don’t have strangers trying to touch my belly. I don’t have awkward co-worker conversations about whether I will be breastfeeding, either. And people don’t exclaim, “Are you SURE you’re not having twins?!” (All these things have most definitely happened in previous pregnancies.)
These are but a handful of ways this pandemic has reshaped this pregnancy. I could choose to dwell on the overarching climate of fear, anxiety, worry, and confusion that only increases my stress. OR, I can focus on finding the upside in every situation. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for the health of me and my baby girl. So, today, I’m choosing to be thankful. Yes, I recognize the downsides, the difficulties, and the disasters happening around me. However, I’m choosing to be positive, no matter what.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Cropped_DSC09860-scaled-e1596224901972.jpg183450Tamara Slocumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngTamara Slocum2020-06-09 09:10:462020-09-02 11:38:46Pregnant During A Pandemic