Bringing hostess gifts, preparing a side dish, pulling up a makeshift chair to a coffee table for dinner are all things I love to do. I’m all about surrounding myself with friends and family, hugging each other’s necks, and seeing each other whenever we want. The pre-quarantine life seemed perfect for my extroverted self.
Unexpectedly, however, as we seem to be moving back toward “business as usual,” I’ve noticed I’ve changed. I’ve found myself already grieving the loss of what some people may call too much time with their spouse, too much time to think, and too much time to spare. I don’t want to downplay the lives COVID-19 has claimed too early and the hardship it’s caused for many families. However, I do want to reflect on the silver linings I discovered in quarantine.
Just like some of you are surprised by people who are dying to return to normalcy, I’m just as surprised reading that someone isn’t looking forward to it. But, my life during COVID has been simplified, which has been exactly the change of pace I didn’t know I needed. My life has always danced on the fine line between chaotic and the perfect storm.
The majority of the almost 7 years we dated, my husband Tyler and I were on different schedules. If I was in class, he was out. If he wanted to have a date night, I had other responsibilities to the high schoolers I was mentoring. I would go into work as he was getting off. Goodness, even during our engagement we only saw each other once a week. (Which let’s be honest, was probably spent on wedding planning.)
Once we married and moved in together, I started a new job. He had one year of teaching under his belt when all of the standards changed, which by the way, only change once every six years. So as I was navigating my new normal, he was redoing all of his lesson plans from the year prior. As a result, our time together wasn’t exactly quality. My dad died unexpectedly. Someone wrecked into Tyler’s car. Both of our cars needed repairs. We went to small groups on different nights of the week. I had work events on the weekend… our life was nonstop.
We felt like we couldn’t catch a break. And if we got a break, it didn’t feel like we had the time to take it. We spent our evenings preparing for the next day.
Now vs. Then
Fast forward to now. I’ve spent more quality time, not just time, with my sweetheart. It’s been more intentional, romantic, purpose-driven time than we’ve known what to do with. We kiss leaving the room, catch up on how we are doing during meals, cuddle more and nag less.
We’re like two best friends who are co-workers for different jobs but under the same roof. We have worked so well together and kept each other motivated. The thought of returning to work and “business as usual” under different roofs just makes me want to… be a little dramatic and shed a tear. (Notice, I did only say a little dramatic.)
I don’t want to give up any of this unprecedented, long craved–for quality time.
I feel like I’m in a period of transition and growth, and I never thought my social-butterfly self would be sad about giving up alone time. Prior to this quarantine, the thought of not having someone to see or someplace to go on my schedule made me feel like I was doing something wrong.
Now, I’ve redefined “busyness” as exhausting instead of a measure of my importance. (I have used my busyness to measure how valuable I am as a person since high school.)
I’ve been learning to love Tyler better and how my extroverted-self needed permission to be “selfish.” Now I use the energy I normally over-poured into others for myself and for Tyler.
As I sit here typing on my couch in practically pajamas, I know with a slight turn of my head, I can catch a smile from Tyler and that I’m a few steps in my pink fuzzy slippers away from a kiss.
I’m treasuring this. I want to hold onto what I’ve learned about myself and how my life has changed for the positive because of this standstill.
I think the question we will all ask ourselves as our country pulls up its bootstraps and heads back to work is, “Will I change the way I live my life, or will I snap back into the place I was?”
We are all wading in unknown waters, but one thing is for certain: We have the choice to sink or swim. To choose what gives us life or choose what drains it. I want to choose what gives me life.