Some things in marriage are inevitable, like conflict. But wait. Isn’t the point of marriage to avoid conflict? To live in marital bliss and peace, happily ever after? It’s commonly thought the less you fight, the healthier your marriage. As a matter of fact, both researchers and counselors seem to agree some conflict is not…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-3-01.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-10-20 12:25:142021-10-20 12:25:17Is Conflict in Marriage Inevitable?
Getting along may take time, effort, and patience.
As a newlywed, establishing and navigating relationships with in-laws can be filled with tension and pitfalls. I recall the first significant conversation with my in-laws when I felt disrespected and disconnected. The conversation went something like this: “Hey, you never call. You never come by. Do you not like us?” I remember trying to gather…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-9-01.png5001200Gena Ellishttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngGena Ellis2021-10-13 13:44:512021-10-20 11:36:325 Tips for Distancing From Your In-Laws
You can show them you value their emotions with these tips.
Your spouse: “I can’t believe you got lunch with Tim and Stacey without me. You know I would have liked to come, but instead, I was home alone with the kids. I wish you had told me.” You: “It was just a last-minute thing. I’m sure we’ll see them again soon. You’re overreacting.” Time out!…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-6-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-10-13 11:52:362021-10-20 11:43:16How to Validate Your Spouse’s Feelings
While friends are a good thing, how they impact your marriage matters.
So, your wife has that one friend you think she always wants to talk about your problems with? Or your husband has a buddy that you think he wants to spend more time with than you? Have you ever felt that friends get in the way of your marriage? Friendships are essential, but they can…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-4-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-10-04 16:40:142021-10-05 12:07:15What to Do When Friends Are Hurting Your Marriage
I have been a resentful spouse. My spouse has also resented me. Coming up on 28 years of marriage, my wife and I have five children, and we’ve seen it all. From socks that never made it to the hamper, to financially disastrous decisions, to weaponized sex, to disagreements about parenting, to not getting simple…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Untitled-2-01.png5001200John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2021-09-23 14:24:452021-09-30 12:38:10Working Through Resentment With Your Spouse
Marriage is about more than just doing things together.
You and your spouse are making plans for the weekend. You want to spend Sunday afternoon watching sports, your spouse wants to go hiking. Neither of you has any interest in the other activity. Should you compromise? Should you just do what you want? What does this mean for your relationship? Are you even compatible?…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Untitled-1-01-1.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-09-22 14:19:552021-09-30 12:34:45Do My Spouse and I Need Common Interests?
Suppose you’ve been married a few years or even a few months. In that case, you may have noticed that there’s a subtle emotional seesaw present. Resentment toward your spouse sits on one side and compassion sits on the other. Don’t worry; it’s in all marriages, although many of us may not even recognize it.…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Untitled-1-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-09-09 09:48:312021-09-21 13:02:415 Ways to Reduce Resentment in Your Marriage
Taking the time to self-reflect can help you find out.
Has your spouse accused you of being passive-aggressive? Maybe they say you’re manipulative. Maybe they tell you that you never speak your mind. Sometimes it may seem like you’ve gained the upper hand in disagreements, but it still feels like the relationship never wins. Are you passive-aggressive or being falsely accused? Well, let’s look at…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Untitled-4-01.png5001200Reggie Madisonhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-09-08 13:37:282021-09-09 10:22:095 Ways to Tell If You’re a Passive-Aggressive Spouse
Newsflash: Sometimes your spouse is going to make you plain mad. (Not to mention you’ll inevitably do something to annoy the heck out of them.) Something is said, something is done without you being informed, something is left undone… And the blood starts to boil. Being angry is perfectly normal, and usually, things can be…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-4-01.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-08-24 15:41:342021-08-30 13:26:24How to End Passive Aggressive Behavior in Marriage
When the trust was broken in my marriage, I wondered if we could survive without it. Trust is a cornerstone of marriage. When we trust our partner, we feel emotionally safe with them. This safety allows for deeper connection and drives us to endure tough times when they arise. Trust is not only important for…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-2-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-08-24 14:30:522021-08-30 13:21:29Can A Marriage Survive Without Trust?
And why saying "Baby, we need to talk..." won't actually help.
My husband and I* find ourselves in the same type of argument, over and over again. Rinse and repeat. It goes a little like this: >> I bring up something that’s bothering me. (It doesn’t matter how gently or carefully I say it.) >> He immediately gets defensive. >> I get frustrated that he’s being…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AdobeStock_140431758-scaled.jpeg13672048Tamara Slocumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngTamara Slocum2021-08-24 12:26:562021-08-30 13:11:06The #1 Thing That Can Secretly Ruin Your Marriage
You won't believe how it benefits you, your spouse, and your relationship!
Compassion is important in marriage! Did you know that there’s a whole science behind compassion in relationships? Seriously! Ok, bear with me, even if you’re not a researchy-geek like me (I promise I won’t make this sound like your high school chemistry book.) Because compassion is majorly important in marriages, even more so than you…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-1-01-2.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-08-10 09:45:532021-09-21 13:01:28Why Compassion is One of the Most Important Qualities in a Healthy Marriage
I think one partner in every marriage has heard or thought the phrase, “You don’t care.” I’ve learned to interpret that in my own marriage like this: I’m not showing any compassion. Compassion is where empathy meets action. It’s the difference between caring and showing care. You want your spouse to know you can feel…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-1-01-1.png5001200Reggie Madisonhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-08-10 09:30:092021-08-24 13:47:36How to Be More Compassionate to Your Spouse
A solid foundation can help couples handle whatever comes their way.
Our closest friends just got married. My wife and I grabbed dinner with them a few weeks ago, and it reminded me of how fun (and frustrating) the newlywed phase of marriage can be. Our friends are clearly in a season of re-learning everything they thought they knew about marriage and each other. Seeing this…
Knowing who you are individually and together can make you stronger.
We’re all wired differently, and the differences are never more evident than in marriage. While navigating differences in relationships can present challenges, you’ll go deeper as your relationship grows and you become a student of your spouse. Couples often encounter differences when one spouse is introverted and the other is extroverted. This can be a pretty…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-1-01-2.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-07-16 12:42:272021-08-24 13:50:20What Introverts Married to Extroverts Need to Know
These tricks can help you understand and appreciate each other!
I’m sure you want to understand and appreciate your spouse, and it can be hard sometimes. But I’m here to tell you: When extroverts are married to introverts, it can be a good thing — a great thing, even! You just have to figure a few things out and appreciate your differences. My spouse and…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-5-01-2.png5001200Gena Ellishttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngGena Ellis2021-07-13 11:30:422021-07-16 11:11:39Tips for Extroverts Married to Introverts
Here are two important things you can do right now.
Let me state the obvious and say it’s been a rough year or so. With the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, reality has come the closest it’s ever been to a sci-fi novel. And it’s literally messed with our heads. Society as a whole experienced a significant uptick in relationship and mental health issues. And…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-5-01.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-07-06 15:49:492021-07-16 11:44:17How to Help Your Spouse With Post-Pandemic Anxiety
A successful marriage may require you to adjust what you expect.
Dear Newlywed, How was the wedding? Did you enjoy the reception? Were all of your friends and family there to watch you join your life with your true love? Did you get to go on the honeymoon of your dreams? Or maybe you are planning it after all of the restrictions are lifted? Now that…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-2-01.png5001200Gena Ellishttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngGena Ellis2021-07-06 10:11:042021-07-16 12:06:41Newlywed Expectations Not Being Met in Marriage
To the husband who hurt his wife: Marriage is tough, and we all make mistakes. I’ve made some big ones in my marriage. I don’t know what mistake you made or what you did to hurt your wife, but I do know this: You have a chance to save your marriage. Choosing to do so…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Untitled-18-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-07-01 14:31:062021-07-16 12:47:12To the Husband Who Hurt His Wife
Find out what you can and can't do about the green-eyed monster called jealousy.
You may look at your life and say: Money’s decent. Job is stable — good social life. I get along with lots of people. I’m winning. But somehow, you still feel like you’re losing. Why? Because if your spouse is jealous of you, it can feel like it’s ruining your marriage. That’s a tough place…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Untitled-10-01.png5001200Reggie Madisonhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-06-28 14:48:502021-07-16 12:38:27My Spouse is Jealous of Me and It’s Ruining My Marriage
Is Conflict in Marriage Inevitable?
Some things in marriage are inevitable, like conflict. But wait. Isn’t the point of marriage to avoid conflict? To live in marital bliss and peace, happily ever after? It’s commonly thought the less you fight, the healthier your marriage. As a matter of fact, both researchers and counselors seem to agree some conflict is not…
5 Tips for Distancing From Your In-Laws
As a newlywed, establishing and navigating relationships with in-laws can be filled with tension and pitfalls. I recall the first significant conversation with my in-laws when I felt disrespected and disconnected. The conversation went something like this: “Hey, you never call. You never come by. Do you not like us?” I remember trying to gather…
How to Validate Your Spouse’s Feelings
Your spouse: “I can’t believe you got lunch with Tim and Stacey without me. You know I would have liked to come, but instead, I was home alone with the kids. I wish you had told me.” You: “It was just a last-minute thing. I’m sure we’ll see them again soon. You’re overreacting.” Time out!…
What to Do When Friends Are Hurting Your Marriage
So, your wife has that one friend you think she always wants to talk about your problems with? Or your husband has a buddy that you think he wants to spend more time with than you? Have you ever felt that friends get in the way of your marriage? Friendships are essential, but they can…
Working Through Resentment With Your Spouse
I have been a resentful spouse. My spouse has also resented me. Coming up on 28 years of marriage, my wife and I have five children, and we’ve seen it all. From socks that never made it to the hamper, to financially disastrous decisions, to weaponized sex, to disagreements about parenting, to not getting simple…
Do My Spouse and I Need Common Interests?
You and your spouse are making plans for the weekend. You want to spend Sunday afternoon watching sports, your spouse wants to go hiking. Neither of you has any interest in the other activity. Should you compromise? Should you just do what you want? What does this mean for your relationship? Are you even compatible?…
5 Ways to Reduce Resentment in Your Marriage
Suppose you’ve been married a few years or even a few months. In that case, you may have noticed that there’s a subtle emotional seesaw present. Resentment toward your spouse sits on one side and compassion sits on the other. Don’t worry; it’s in all marriages, although many of us may not even recognize it.…
5 Ways to Tell If You’re a Passive-Aggressive Spouse
Has your spouse accused you of being passive-aggressive? Maybe they say you’re manipulative. Maybe they tell you that you never speak your mind. Sometimes it may seem like you’ve gained the upper hand in disagreements, but it still feels like the relationship never wins. Are you passive-aggressive or being falsely accused? Well, let’s look at…
How to End Passive Aggressive Behavior in Marriage
Newsflash: Sometimes your spouse is going to make you plain mad. (Not to mention you’ll inevitably do something to annoy the heck out of them.) Something is said, something is done without you being informed, something is left undone… And the blood starts to boil. Being angry is perfectly normal, and usually, things can be…
Can A Marriage Survive Without Trust?
When the trust was broken in my marriage, I wondered if we could survive without it. Trust is a cornerstone of marriage. When we trust our partner, we feel emotionally safe with them. This safety allows for deeper connection and drives us to endure tough times when they arise. Trust is not only important for…
The #1 Thing That Can Secretly Ruin Your Marriage
My husband and I* find ourselves in the same type of argument, over and over again. Rinse and repeat. It goes a little like this: >> I bring up something that’s bothering me. (It doesn’t matter how gently or carefully I say it.) >> He immediately gets defensive. >> I get frustrated that he’s being…
Why Compassion is One of the Most Important Qualities in a Healthy Marriage
Compassion is important in marriage! Did you know that there’s a whole science behind compassion in relationships? Seriously! Ok, bear with me, even if you’re not a researchy-geek like me (I promise I won’t make this sound like your high school chemistry book.) Because compassion is majorly important in marriages, even more so than you…
How to Be More Compassionate to Your Spouse
I think one partner in every marriage has heard or thought the phrase, “You don’t care.” I’ve learned to interpret that in my own marriage like this: I’m not showing any compassion. Compassion is where empathy meets action. It’s the difference between caring and showing care. You want your spouse to know you can feel…
13 Tips for Newlyweds
Our closest friends just got married. My wife and I grabbed dinner with them a few weeks ago, and it reminded me of how fun (and frustrating) the newlywed phase of marriage can be. Our friends are clearly in a season of re-learning everything they thought they knew about marriage and each other. Seeing this…
What Introverts Married to Extroverts Need to Know
We’re all wired differently, and the differences are never more evident than in marriage. While navigating differences in relationships can present challenges, you’ll go deeper as your relationship grows and you become a student of your spouse. Couples often encounter differences when one spouse is introverted and the other is extroverted. This can be a pretty…
Tips for Extroverts Married to Introverts
I’m sure you want to understand and appreciate your spouse, and it can be hard sometimes. But I’m here to tell you: When extroverts are married to introverts, it can be a good thing — a great thing, even! You just have to figure a few things out and appreciate your differences. My spouse and…
How to Help Your Spouse With Post-Pandemic Anxiety
Let me state the obvious and say it’s been a rough year or so. With the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, reality has come the closest it’s ever been to a sci-fi novel. And it’s literally messed with our heads. Society as a whole experienced a significant uptick in relationship and mental health issues. And…
Newlywed Expectations Not Being Met in Marriage
Dear Newlywed, How was the wedding? Did you enjoy the reception? Were all of your friends and family there to watch you join your life with your true love? Did you get to go on the honeymoon of your dreams? Or maybe you are planning it after all of the restrictions are lifted? Now that…
To the Husband Who Hurt His Wife
To the husband who hurt his wife: Marriage is tough, and we all make mistakes. I’ve made some big ones in my marriage. I don’t know what mistake you made or what you did to hurt your wife, but I do know this: You have a chance to save your marriage. Choosing to do so…
My Spouse is Jealous of Me and It’s Ruining My Marriage
You may look at your life and say: Money’s decent. Job is stable — good social life. I get along with lots of people. I’m winning. But somehow, you still feel like you’re losing. Why? Because if your spouse is jealous of you, it can feel like it’s ruining your marriage. That’s a tough place…
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