Can healthy couples fight too much? How much fighting is healthy? No two people agree on everything. That’s undoubtedly true in marriage. (If it’s not true in yours, then I’d really like to meet you. And really… why are you even reading this?) The result is often misunderstanding, a failure to see eye to eye,…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Untitled-14-01.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-12-14 14:34:302022-05-10 13:58:32How Much Should Healthy Couples Fight?
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/andres-molina-llqSpTigF9c-unsplash-scaled-e1641864105311.jpg5991365Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-11-30 15:43:452022-02-18 10:17:52What to Do When Your Spouse Has a Low Sex Drive
Being thankful in marriage is packed with research-backed benefits! I know… this sounds like the beginning of a cheesy infomercial. But unlike many infomercials, this little factoid really is backed by science. Studies show that expressing gratitude for your spouse strengthens your marriage.1 Being thankful is associated with increased long-term happiness in marriage.2 Being thankful…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Untitled-5-01-1.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-11-05 15:42:412021-11-09 09:52:025 Keys to Being Thankful in Marriage
Ever had the same old fight over and over? Do you wonder why, or what in the world you can do about it? Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is, disagreeing with your spouse is normal. The bad news? According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, 69% of problems in relationships are…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Untitled-1-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-11-02 12:20:312021-11-10 14:04:32What to Do When You Disagree With Your Spouse
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Untitled-1-01.png5001200John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2021-10-28 09:20:102022-09-23 11:57:34Are You Married To A Narcissist?
These skills can take your talk to the next level.
It’s not exactly news that healthy communication is the foundation of a happy and satisfying marriage. But let’s be honest: As you interact with the one you love the most, it’s easy to let healthy communication habits slip. Marital communication is a skill. And like any other skill, you can learn and constantly improve upon…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-5-01.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-10-26 14:43:402022-11-29 12:46:395 Tools for Healthy Communication in Marriage
Disagreements provide opportunities to problem-solve together.
Some things in marriage are inevitable, like conflict. But wait. Isn’t the point of marriage to avoid conflict? To live in marital bliss and peace, happily ever after? It’s commonly thought the less you fight, the healthier your marriage. As a matter of fact, both researchers and counselors seem to agree some conflict is not…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-3-01.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-10-20 12:25:142021-10-26 13:43:21Is Conflict in Marriage Inevitable?
Getting along may take time, effort, and patience.
As a newlywed, establishing and navigating relationships with in-laws can be filled with tension and pitfalls. I recall the first significant conversation with my in-laws when I felt disrespected and disconnected. The conversation went something like this: “Hey, you never call. You never come by. Do you not like us?” I remember trying to gather…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-9-01.png5001200Gena Ellishttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngGena Ellis2021-10-13 13:44:512021-10-20 11:36:325 Tips for Distancing From Your In-Laws
You can show them you value their emotions with these tips.
Your spouse: “I can’t believe you got lunch with Tim and Stacey without me. You know I would have liked to come, but instead, I was home alone with the kids. I wish you had told me.” You: “It was just a last-minute thing. I’m sure we’ll see them again soon. You’re overreacting.” Time out!…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-6-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-10-13 11:52:362021-10-20 11:43:16How to Validate Your Spouse’s Feelings
While friends are a good thing, how they impact your marriage matters.
So, your wife has that one friend you think she always wants to talk about your problems with? Or your husband has a buddy that you think he wants to spend more time with than you? Have you ever felt that friends get in the way of your marriage? Friendships are essential, but they can…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Untitled-4-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-10-04 16:40:142021-10-05 12:07:15What to Do When Friends Are Hurting Your Marriage
I have been a resentful spouse. My spouse has also resented me. Coming up on 28 years of marriage, my wife and I have five children, and we’ve seen it all. From socks that never made it to the hamper, to financially disastrous decisions, to weaponized sex, to disagreements about parenting, to not getting simple…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Untitled-2-01.png5001200John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2021-09-23 14:24:452021-11-10 14:05:37Working Through Resentment With Your Spouse
Marriage is about more than just doing things together.
You and your spouse are making plans for the weekend. You want to spend Sunday afternoon watching sports, your spouse wants to go hiking. Neither of you has any interest in the other activity. Should you compromise? Should you just do what you want? What does this mean for your relationship? Are you even compatible?…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Untitled-1-01-1.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-09-22 14:19:552021-09-30 12:34:45Do My Spouse and I Need Common Interests?
Suppose you’ve been married a few years or even a few months. In that case, you may have noticed that there’s a subtle emotional seesaw present. Resentment toward your spouse sits on one side and compassion sits on the other. Don’t worry; it’s in all marriages, although many of us may not even recognize it.…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Untitled-1-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-09-09 09:48:312021-09-21 13:02:415 Ways to Reduce Resentment in Your Marriage
Taking the time to self-reflect can help you find out.
Has your spouse accused you of being passive-aggressive? Maybe they say you’re manipulative. Maybe they tell you that you never speak your mind. Sometimes it may seem like you’ve gained the upper hand in disagreements, but it still feels like the relationship never wins. Are you passive-aggressive or being falsely accused? Well, let’s look at…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Untitled-4-01.png5001200Reggie Madisonhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-09-08 13:37:282021-09-09 10:22:095 Ways to Tell If You’re a Passive-Aggressive Spouse
Newsflash: Sometimes your spouse is going to make you plain mad. (Not to mention you’ll inevitably do something to annoy the heck out of them.) Something is said, something is done without you being informed, something is left undone… And the blood starts to boil. Being angry is perfectly normal, and usually, things can be…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-4-01.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-08-24 15:41:342021-08-30 13:26:24How to End Passive Aggressive Behavior in Marriage
When the trust was broken in my marriage, I wondered if we could survive without it. Trust is a cornerstone of marriage. When we trust our partner, we feel emotionally safe with them. This safety allows for deeper connection and drives us to endure tough times when they arise. Trust is not only important for…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-2-01.png5001200Mitchell Quallshttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngMitchell Qualls2021-08-24 14:30:522021-08-30 13:21:29Can A Marriage Survive Without Trust?
And why saying "Baby, we need to talk..." won't actually help.
My husband and I* find ourselves in the same type of argument, over and over again. Rinse and repeat. It goes a little like this: >> I bring up something that’s bothering me. (It doesn’t matter how gently or carefully I say it.) >> He immediately gets defensive. >> I get frustrated that he’s being…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AdobeStock_140431758-scaled.jpeg13672048Tamara Slocumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngTamara Slocum2021-08-24 12:26:562022-11-21 11:49:55The #1 Thing That Can Secretly Ruin Your Marriage
You won't believe how it benefits you, your spouse, and your relationship!
Compassion is important in marriage! Did you know that there’s a whole science behind compassion in relationships? Seriously! Ok, bear with me, even if you’re not a researchy-geek like me (I promise I won’t make this sound like your high school chemistry book.) Because compassion is majorly important in marriages, even more so than you…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-1-01-2.png5001200Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2021-08-10 09:45:532021-09-21 13:01:28Why Compassion is One of the Most Important Qualities in a Healthy Marriage
I think one partner in every marriage has heard or thought the phrase, “You don’t care.” I’ve learned to interpret that in my own marriage like this: I’m not showing any compassion. Compassion is where empathy meets action. It’s the difference between caring and showing care. You want your spouse to know you can feel…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Untitled-1-01-1.png5001200Reggie Madisonhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2021-08-10 09:30:092021-12-10 09:23:34How to Be More Compassionate to Your Spouse
A solid foundation can help couples handle whatever comes their way.
Our closest friends just got married. My wife and I grabbed dinner with them a few weeks ago, and it reminded me of how fun (and frustrating) being newlyweds can be. Our friends are clearly in a season of re-learning everything they thought they knew about marriage and each other. Seeing this reminded me of…
How Much Should Healthy Couples Fight?
Can healthy couples fight too much? How much fighting is healthy? No two people agree on everything. That’s undoubtedly true in marriage. (If it’s not true in yours, then I’d really like to meet you. And really… why are you even reading this?) The result is often misunderstanding, a failure to see eye to eye,…
What to Do When Your Spouse Has a Low Sex Drive
How differing drives can cause tension – and what to do about it!
5 Keys to Being Thankful in Marriage
Being thankful in marriage is packed with research-backed benefits! I know… this sounds like the beginning of a cheesy infomercial. But unlike many infomercials, this little factoid really is backed by science. Studies show that expressing gratitude for your spouse strengthens your marriage.1 Being thankful is associated with increased long-term happiness in marriage.2 Being thankful…
What to Do When You Disagree With Your Spouse
Ever had the same old fight over and over? Do you wonder why, or what in the world you can do about it? Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is, disagreeing with your spouse is normal. The bad news? According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, 69% of problems in relationships are…
Are You Married To A Narcissist?
5 Tools for Healthy Communication in Marriage
It’s not exactly news that healthy communication is the foundation of a happy and satisfying marriage. But let’s be honest: As you interact with the one you love the most, it’s easy to let healthy communication habits slip. Marital communication is a skill. And like any other skill, you can learn and constantly improve upon…
Is Conflict in Marriage Inevitable?
Some things in marriage are inevitable, like conflict. But wait. Isn’t the point of marriage to avoid conflict? To live in marital bliss and peace, happily ever after? It’s commonly thought the less you fight, the healthier your marriage. As a matter of fact, both researchers and counselors seem to agree some conflict is not…
5 Tips for Distancing From Your In-Laws
As a newlywed, establishing and navigating relationships with in-laws can be filled with tension and pitfalls. I recall the first significant conversation with my in-laws when I felt disrespected and disconnected. The conversation went something like this: “Hey, you never call. You never come by. Do you not like us?” I remember trying to gather…
How to Validate Your Spouse’s Feelings
Your spouse: “I can’t believe you got lunch with Tim and Stacey without me. You know I would have liked to come, but instead, I was home alone with the kids. I wish you had told me.” You: “It was just a last-minute thing. I’m sure we’ll see them again soon. You’re overreacting.” Time out!…
What to Do When Friends Are Hurting Your Marriage
So, your wife has that one friend you think she always wants to talk about your problems with? Or your husband has a buddy that you think he wants to spend more time with than you? Have you ever felt that friends get in the way of your marriage? Friendships are essential, but they can…
Working Through Resentment With Your Spouse
I have been a resentful spouse. My spouse has also resented me. Coming up on 28 years of marriage, my wife and I have five children, and we’ve seen it all. From socks that never made it to the hamper, to financially disastrous decisions, to weaponized sex, to disagreements about parenting, to not getting simple…
Do My Spouse and I Need Common Interests?
You and your spouse are making plans for the weekend. You want to spend Sunday afternoon watching sports, your spouse wants to go hiking. Neither of you has any interest in the other activity. Should you compromise? Should you just do what you want? What does this mean for your relationship? Are you even compatible?…
5 Ways to Reduce Resentment in Your Marriage
Suppose you’ve been married a few years or even a few months. In that case, you may have noticed that there’s a subtle emotional seesaw present. Resentment toward your spouse sits on one side and compassion sits on the other. Don’t worry; it’s in all marriages, although many of us may not even recognize it.…
5 Ways to Tell If You’re a Passive-Aggressive Spouse
Has your spouse accused you of being passive-aggressive? Maybe they say you’re manipulative. Maybe they tell you that you never speak your mind. Sometimes it may seem like you’ve gained the upper hand in disagreements, but it still feels like the relationship never wins. Are you passive-aggressive or being falsely accused? Well, let’s look at…
How to End Passive Aggressive Behavior in Marriage
Newsflash: Sometimes your spouse is going to make you plain mad. (Not to mention you’ll inevitably do something to annoy the heck out of them.) Something is said, something is done without you being informed, something is left undone… And the blood starts to boil. Being angry is perfectly normal, and usually, things can be…
Can A Marriage Survive Without Trust?
When the trust was broken in my marriage, I wondered if we could survive without it. Trust is a cornerstone of marriage. When we trust our partner, we feel emotionally safe with them. This safety allows for deeper connection and drives us to endure tough times when they arise. Trust is not only important for…
The #1 Thing That Can Secretly Ruin Your Marriage
My husband and I* find ourselves in the same type of argument, over and over again. Rinse and repeat. It goes a little like this: >> I bring up something that’s bothering me. (It doesn’t matter how gently or carefully I say it.) >> He immediately gets defensive. >> I get frustrated that he’s being…
Why Compassion is One of the Most Important Qualities in a Healthy Marriage
Compassion is important in marriage! Did you know that there’s a whole science behind compassion in relationships? Seriously! Ok, bear with me, even if you’re not a researchy-geek like me (I promise I won’t make this sound like your high school chemistry book.) Because compassion is majorly important in marriages, even more so than you…
How to Be More Compassionate to Your Spouse
I think one partner in every marriage has heard or thought the phrase, “You don’t care.” I’ve learned to interpret that in my own marriage like this: I’m not showing any compassion. Compassion is where empathy meets action. It’s the difference between caring and showing care. You want your spouse to know you can feel…
13 Tips for Newlyweds
Our closest friends just got married. My wife and I grabbed dinner with them a few weeks ago, and it reminded me of how fun (and frustrating) being newlyweds can be. Our friends are clearly in a season of re-learning everything they thought they knew about marriage and each other. Seeing this reminded me of…
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