Intimacy can be a scary word for some people, but it is an essential part of keeping romance strong in your marriage. We often think of intimacy as sex, but it’s so much more than that. It’s how we connect at the deepest levels. Connecting in one of the six types of intimacy (emotional, intellectual, physical, experiential, spiritual, and sexual) deepens the others. That’s totally a win for your relationship.

Ready to dive a little deeper into each type of intimacy and learn ways to pursue it? Let’s go!

1. Emotional intimacy happens through trust and vulnerability. 

It’s about revealing yourself fully to your spouse. 

How can you build emotional intimacy? For starters, be vulnerable with one another. Sharing your dreams, faults, fears, and hopes increases emotional intimacy. Each day, commit to really talking about your day and more. Ditching the technology and making eye contact can help you focus. It can help you grow emotionally closer, too.

2. Intellectual intimacy creates a space to share thoughts without fear of judgment. 

Remember, you’re two people with different backgrounds and views. You may not always agree on everything. And that’s ok. 

How can you build intellectual intimacy? Practice having conversations around challenging topics. This isn’t about changing each other’s minds; it’s about better understanding one another. Ask lots of questions to make sure you understand. Genuinely listen to what your partner says. 

3. Physical intimacy is about what you do physically to increase closeness. 

Get this: This kind of intimacy isn’t about sex. (Read that again.) Maybe it’s hand-holding, massages, or passionate kissing. Sitting next to each other on the couch or in the booth at a restaurant. Being physically close in affectionate ways is what this kind of intimacy is about.

How can you build physical intimacy? Ask your spouse what makes them feel loved and appreciated. Then practice doing those things.

4. Experiential intimacy is what you get when sharing experiences. 

Trips, adventures, hobbies – all those things you do together that bring you closer.

How can you build experiential intimacy? Do something together you both enjoy or try something new. Take a crafting class, go for a hike, kayaking, or a bike ride. Make a list of things one or both of you would like to do. Doing fun stuff together makes you want to do more, strengthening your bond.

5. Spiritual intimacy isn’t just about religion. 

It’s about sharing values and beliefs. More than likely, you and your spouse share some core values. That may be part of what brought you together.

How can you build spiritual intimacy? Start by writing down your family values and beliefs. Look for ways to implement those. 

6. Sexual intimacy seems pretty obvious. But getting to a place of sexual intimacy isn’t always easy.

If you aren’t connecting intimately in the other ways, this one can be pretty tricky (or non-existent). Physical and emotional changes, stress, and kids can impact this intimacy. This intimacy can also be difficult if there’s past trauma. 

How can you build sexual intimacy? Have a conversation about your sexual needs and desires. Be open and talk about it. And schedule sex. Your calendar is full of appointments and activities, so why not add sex? When you prioritize it, you’re more likely to make it happen. Anticipating it can make it more enjoyable for you both, too. [How’s Your Sex Life Quiz]

Connecting with your spouse intimately in each of these ways can fuel the romance in your marriage. 

Turn toward each other and talk honestly about how your relationship is going in each of these six areas. Learn each other’s intimacy needs. If you feel that one area needs work, focus on growing that intimacy together. 

Keeping romance strong in your marriage takes intentionality and commitment from both of you to make it happen. Taking small steps toward each other every day can keep you from getting overwhelmed. And seeing your romance blossom can motivate you to stay the course.

Other blogs:

6 Exercises to Strengthen Emotional Intimacy in Your Marriage

What is Romance in Marriage?

5 Things To Do When You Feel Disconnected From Your Spouse

Course: Discover Deeper Intimacy – INTRO – First Things First

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