Two Things: 

1. This is a common thing in marriage.

Sometimes the culprit is busy schedules that have you going in different directions. Sometimes your spouse might be in a funk or preoccupied with a project at work. Maybe you had a spat. Feeling disconnected occasionally is totally normal. Marriage has ups and downs and peaks and valleys. Don’t sweat this, but be proactive. You’ve noticed it—let’s do something about it!

2. You are going to love courageously.

Maybe you are usually kinda timid, not an initiator, a little passive, or just not one for romantic gestures. (Maybe you’re none of those things.) Either way, this is gonna be great!

Let’s have some fun!

  1. Count how many times you pick up your phone in a given hour or just guesstimate. (I average about five or six times an hour.)
  2. You love your spouse more than your phone. (Right?!)
  3. Your challenge is to do at least that many things to connect with your spouse during the next couple of days. (I’m gonna give you tons of ideas.)
  4. If you’re a heavy phone user, just think of all that romance! 😘

Keep In Mind…

  • You know you.
  • You know your spouse.
  • Some ideas might not be your “style” or their kinda thing. 
  • So what? We’re shaking it up for you to broaden the “bandwidth” of how you connect. We are loving courageously!

Things You Can Say When You Feel Disconnected

  • “Have I told you lately how much I like your _____?” (Pick a favorite body part.)
  • “Tonight, we’re going to bed early. You’re getting a massage.”
  • “Thank you so much for how you _____. I don’t ever want to take it for granted.”
  • “My funniest memory of us is _____. What’s yours?”
  • “What is something around the house I could help you with more?”

*Check out this website for ways to start connecting convos with your spouse.

Things You Can Text When You Feel Disconnected

  • You’re the best mom/dad ever!
  • Meet me tonight. 8 pm. Our bedroom.
  • I’m grateful for how hard you work.
  • I want all of you, forever.
  • Tonight: No kids! No undies! No rules!

*Check out this website for more connecting texts.

Things You Can Do When You Feel Disconnected

  • Send them a link in the middle of the day to a song that makes you think about them.
  • Walk up to your spouse and give them a long hug.
  • Get naked and invite them into a hot shower with you.
  • Do a chore or task around the house that they hate.
  • Start a Couple Bucket List.

Things You Can’t Do

During the next couple of days of connectivity, there are a few things you need to avoid:

  • No complaining about your spouse or criticizing them.
  • No preoccupation with your phone when you’re together. Give them ALL your attention.
  • No sitting at opposite ends of the couch. Snuggle up!
  • No doing any of these things looking for anything in return.

You have your challenge! Feel free to come up with your own things. After a couple of days of this, I’m gonna bet you feel more connected. In the future, fight through disconnection when you feel it. It usually only takes some little things, not grand romantic gestures. Disconnection, left too long, only gets worse. You got this!

***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***

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