Relationships are key to understanding and lasting change.
Sam Collier didn’t have his first white friend until he was 21 years old. “It wasn’t until I had this friend that I realized how different our worlds were. He didn’t understand my world and I didn’t really understand his,” says Collier. It might be helpful to know that Sam is one of five children.…
We had been married for about a year and I was really frustrated. My husband owned his own business and to me, it felt like it was the mistress in our marriage. He worked long hours which meant I spent a lot of time by myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t have friends I could…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/kimi-albertson-nTOHlmml4wY-unsplash.jpg13652048Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-06-02 08:38:542022-06-10 11:36:42What Do You Do When You Know Your Marriage Needs Help?
For me, it often happens in the evening (though not always). It feels like a sudden Visitor at your door who comes in unannounced and spreads an uncomfortable, heavy, warm, wet blanket over you, gradually but quickly covering your whole body, and I feel it mainly in my chest. As soon as I feel myself…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/man-kissing-left-cheek-of-smiling-woman-1667847-2.jpg13652048Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2020-05-29 07:45:492022-05-19 11:15:25How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Anxiety
Doing these things as a couple can make it a little easier.
No matter how you slice it, the birth of a child brings about changes that can be challenging. Here are some of the reasons why marriage can be harder after having a baby and how those challenges can make your marriage stronger. Unspoken Expectations. You probably have a picture in your mind of what your…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/mother-kissing-her-daughter-3662849.jpg20481365Reggie Madisonhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2020-05-29 07:38:252022-04-14 09:54:095 Reasons Why Marriage Can Be Harder After Having A Baby
There’s a lot that happens when a couple has their first baby… Sleepless nights. Endless, life-impacting decisions. The world being turned upside down. Re-creating a “new normal.” A constant fear of things going wrong. The steep learning curve for both parents. The list could go on, and on, and on. And I’ve heard it all……
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/photo-of-people-looking-on-child-3617872.jpg12382048Caroline Henryhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngCaroline Henry2020-05-26 16:18:402021-03-30 09:48:0810 Questions Couples Should Ask Each Other Before Having a Baby
It’s your dining room table, you and your spouse are having dinner. And it happens. You realize that you can’t think of anything else to say. It hits you — I’m bored with my spouse. How did this happen to us? We were the fun couple. Conversation was always easy for us. We enjoyed a…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/man-and-woman-sitting-on-stairs-3585817-1.jpg13672048Gena Ellishttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngGena Ellis2020-04-30 14:55:032021-06-15 15:39:38I’m Bored With My Spouse!
These 3 things that can help you argue less and connect more.
Marriage is two individuals doing life as a team. You and your spouse will always have some differing perspectives, needs, priorities, habits, and let’s say – idiosyncrasies – that make you both unique. This means ongoing work on communication skills, learning how to handle disagreements and conflict, and doing the intentional stuff that keeps you…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/man-and-woman-wearing-brown-leather-jackets-984950.jpg13672048John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2020-04-22 16:09:582022-05-18 14:21:49Help! My Spouse and I Can’t Stop Fighting!
Resentment is a sneaky little emotion. It can come out of nowhere. It’s often spurred by a nagging feeling that someone has mistreated you. If you don’t deal with it, resentment can harm your relationships and your emotional and mental well-being. So is there anything you can do to stop resentment? First off, what is…
My husband and I were having a conversation about navigating work, caring for family, grocery shopping and the like. In the midst of trying to figure it all out and all the “what ifs,” I kind of lost it. Actually, not kind of—I lost my cool. My husband just stared at me. It took a…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Communication-is-Key-AdobeStock_297884366-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-03-27 08:49:002022-07-28 12:04:37How to Not Blow Up on Your Spouse When They’re Getting on Your Nerves
In the March issue of The Atlantic, David Brooks writes a provocative and compelling article about the nuclear family and how he thinks it was a huge mistake.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/jessica-rockowitz-6c4Uhhe68yQ-unsplash-1-e1597073348782.jpg193450Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-02-24 00:00:002022-05-19 08:52:16Is the Nuclear Family a Problem?
It may not be the argument, but how you handle it, that matters.
Even after being married for 30 years, I vividly remember our first argument after we got married. It was intense and to be honest, it scared me. In my mind, I thought, “Wait, we are happy and we love each other, but happy couples don’t argue, do they?”I wish I knew then what I know now: Happy couples do argue.
Let’s be honest—boundaries can be hard to talk about for everyone. “Can we talk about boundaries with opposite-sex friends?” or “We need to talk about boundaries with social media.” Both of those topics can easily be construed as passive-aggressive suspicion or even a flat-out accusation. So, let’s change that. Let’s take a look at why…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/henri-pham-CLSRxisaf7E-unsplash-1.jpg14012646John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2020-01-28 11:52:122021-10-28 11:04:40Help! My Spouse HATES to Talk About Boundaries!
What people are thinking about about marriage may surprise you. At the 2019 NARME Summit in Nashville, Dr. Scott Stanley shared what people are thinking about marriage using the latest marriage and cohabitation research. If you’ve heard that married couples have a 50% chance of eventually divorcing, did you know that this statistic pertains specifically…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/FTF_2019Website_Mockup-Image-019.jpg13652048Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2020-01-12 10:00:052021-08-17 11:54:06What People Are Thinking About Marriage
When asked, “What do couples fight about?” most people usually say money, sex, kids and in-laws straight out of the gates. In romantic relationships, couples can have all kinds of major and minor disagreements that impact the quality of their relationship. If you’re wondering what the research says about what couples are most likely to fight about, you’ll be interested in the results of a 2019 study by psychologists Guilherme Lopes, Todd Shakelford, David Buss and Mohaned Abed. They co…
It was 3 AM. Our two-week-old son, Strider, was crying for the third time that night. To say we were exhausted was an understatement. We were full-blown zombies ready to eat each other alive. “Why is he CRYING LIKE THIS when I’m trying to change his diaper?” my husband yelled. “Because he is a HELPLESS…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/FTF_2019Website_Mockup-Image-026.jpg13652048Lauren Hallhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngLauren Hall2020-01-11 11:40:412020-09-30 11:30:083 Things I Wish I Had Done Differently After Having a Baby
Cheating. Pretty much universally denounced as the worst thing you could do in a relationship (maybe just a tiny bit behind murdering your partner). We can all agree that cheating is wrong and definitely nobody wants someone to cheat on them, but… “But what?” you ask. But let’s be honest, so much of the media…
You don’t give in to peer pressure, right? That was so Middle School! Surprisingly, adult you is still rather impressionable. Your chances of divorce just went up! A study from researchers at Brown University, UC-San Diego, and Yale University has found that having a divorced friend can increase your own risk of a breakup by…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/kelly-sikkema-E8H76nY1v6Q-unsplash.jpg20003000John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2019-12-04 15:14:592020-09-30 12:16:46My Friends Are Getting Divorced and It’s Affecting My Marriage
A CBS piece shared the story of Dale Schroeder, a humble man from Iowa. He worked as a carpenter at the same company for 67 years. He never married and had no children. Since he had no living relatives, he approached his lawyer about a plan for his money after he passed away. His lawyer…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/cdc-F98Mv9O6LfI-unsplash.jpg27314096Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2019-11-25 00:00:002021-02-15 13:28:22How Can You Show Generosity?
“Forgive and forget,” right? That’s what they say. But what happens when you can’t forget and you certainly aren’t ready to forgive? Have you ever felt like something was wrong with you because forgiveness didn’t come quickly, easily, or at all? You are definitely not alone and there is certainly nothing wrong with you. These…
“I have a dilemma.” An old co-worker mused as we headed back to the office after a quick lunch date, reconnecting after I had recently changed jobs. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked, but the tone of his voice already raised a red flag in the form of my quickening pulse and intuition that his…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/christin-hume-610U5teI5B4-unsplash-2.jpg13652048First Things Firsthttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngFirst Things First2019-11-18 12:47:052020-09-30 15:13:38Am I Having an Emotional Affair?
How Relationships Can Transform Race Relations
Sam Collier didn’t have his first white friend until he was 21 years old. “It wasn’t until I had this friend that I realized how different our worlds were. He didn’t understand my world and I didn’t really understand his,” says Collier. It might be helpful to know that Sam is one of five children.…
What Do You Do When You Know Your Marriage Needs Help?
We had been married for about a year and I was really frustrated. My husband owned his own business and to me, it felt like it was the mistress in our marriage. He worked long hours which meant I spent a lot of time by myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t have friends I could…
How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Anxiety
For me, it often happens in the evening (though not always). It feels like a sudden Visitor at your door who comes in unannounced and spreads an uncomfortable, heavy, warm, wet blanket over you, gradually but quickly covering your whole body, and I feel it mainly in my chest. As soon as I feel myself…
5 Reasons Why Marriage Can Be Harder After Having A Baby
No matter how you slice it, the birth of a child brings about changes that can be challenging. Here are some of the reasons why marriage can be harder after having a baby and how those challenges can make your marriage stronger. Unspoken Expectations. You probably have a picture in your mind of what your…
10 Questions Couples Should Ask Each Other Before Having a Baby
There’s a lot that happens when a couple has their first baby… Sleepless nights. Endless, life-impacting decisions. The world being turned upside down. Re-creating a “new normal.” A constant fear of things going wrong. The steep learning curve for both parents. The list could go on, and on, and on. And I’ve heard it all……
I’m Bored With My Spouse!
It’s your dining room table, you and your spouse are having dinner. And it happens. You realize that you can’t think of anything else to say. It hits you — I’m bored with my spouse. How did this happen to us? We were the fun couple. Conversation was always easy for us. We enjoyed a…
Help! My Spouse and I Can’t Stop Fighting!
Marriage is two individuals doing life as a team. You and your spouse will always have some differing perspectives, needs, priorities, habits, and let’s say – idiosyncrasies – that make you both unique. This means ongoing work on communication skills, learning how to handle disagreements and conflict, and doing the intentional stuff that keeps you…
How to Stop Resentment
Resentment is a sneaky little emotion. It can come out of nowhere. It’s often spurred by a nagging feeling that someone has mistreated you. If you don’t deal with it, resentment can harm your relationships and your emotional and mental well-being. So is there anything you can do to stop resentment? First off, what is…
How to Not Blow Up on Your Spouse When They’re Getting on Your Nerves
My husband and I were having a conversation about navigating work, caring for family, grocery shopping and the like. In the midst of trying to figure it all out and all the “what ifs,” I kind of lost it. Actually, not kind of—I lost my cool. My husband just stared at me. It took a…
Is the Nuclear Family a Problem?
In the March issue of The Atlantic, David Brooks writes a provocative and compelling article about the nuclear family and how he thinks it was a huge mistake.
Do Happy Couples Argue?
Even after being married for 30 years, I vividly remember our first argument after we got married. It was intense and to be honest, it scared me. In my mind, I thought, “Wait, we are happy and we love each other, but happy couples don’t argue, do they?”I wish I knew then what I know now: Happy couples do argue.
Help! My Spouse HATES to Talk About Boundaries!
Let’s be honest—boundaries can be hard to talk about for everyone. “Can we talk about boundaries with opposite-sex friends?” or “We need to talk about boundaries with social media.” Both of those topics can easily be construed as passive-aggressive suspicion or even a flat-out accusation. So, let’s change that. Let’s take a look at why…
What People Are Thinking About Marriage
What people are thinking about about marriage may surprise you. At the 2019 NARME Summit in Nashville, Dr. Scott Stanley shared what people are thinking about marriage using the latest marriage and cohabitation research. If you’ve heard that married couples have a 50% chance of eventually divorcing, did you know that this statistic pertains specifically…
Why Do Couples Fight?
When asked, “What do couples fight about?” most people usually say money, sex, kids and in-laws straight out of the gates. In romantic relationships, couples can have all kinds of major and minor disagreements that impact the quality of their relationship. If you’re wondering what the research says about what couples are most likely to fight about, you’ll be interested in the results of a 2019 study by psychologists Guilherme Lopes, Todd Shakelford, David Buss and Mohaned Abed. They co…
3 Things I Wish I Had Done Differently After Having a Baby
It was 3 AM. Our two-week-old son, Strider, was crying for the third time that night. To say we were exhausted was an understatement. We were full-blown zombies ready to eat each other alive. “Why is he CRYING LIKE THIS when I’m trying to change his diaper?” my husband yelled. “Because he is a HELPLESS…
What Actually Counts As Cheating?
Cheating. Pretty much universally denounced as the worst thing you could do in a relationship (maybe just a tiny bit behind murdering your partner). We can all agree that cheating is wrong and definitely nobody wants someone to cheat on them, but… “But what?” you ask. But let’s be honest, so much of the media…
My Friends Are Getting Divorced and It’s Affecting My Marriage
You don’t give in to peer pressure, right? That was so Middle School! Surprisingly, adult you is still rather impressionable. Your chances of divorce just went up! A study from researchers at Brown University, UC-San Diego, and Yale University has found that having a divorced friend can increase your own risk of a breakup by…
How Can You Show Generosity?
A CBS piece shared the story of Dale Schroeder, a humble man from Iowa. He worked as a carpenter at the same company for 67 years. He never married and had no children. Since he had no living relatives, he approached his lawyer about a plan for his money after he passed away. His lawyer…
I Can’t Forgive My Spouse
“Forgive and forget,” right? That’s what they say. But what happens when you can’t forget and you certainly aren’t ready to forgive? Have you ever felt like something was wrong with you because forgiveness didn’t come quickly, easily, or at all? You are definitely not alone and there is certainly nothing wrong with you. These…
Am I Having an Emotional Affair?
“I have a dilemma.” An old co-worker mused as we headed back to the office after a quick lunch date, reconnecting after I had recently changed jobs. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked, but the tone of his voice already raised a red flag in the form of my quickening pulse and intuition that his…
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