I’m Bored With My Spouse!

It’s your dining room table, you and your spouse are having dinner. And it happens. You realize that you can’t think of anything else to say. It hits you — I’m bored with my spouse.

How did this happen to us? We were the fun couple. Conversation was always easy for us. We enjoyed a lot of the same things. How and why did things change for us?

For many couples, the beginning of the relationship is full of fun and excitement. You enjoyed activities full of wonder and adventure. Now things have changed. Before jumping to any conclusions, this might just be a new season in your relationship. You’re chomping at the bit to go out and try something new, while your spouse seemingly sits there like a bump on a log. What do you do now?

If you are feeling or have felt this way, here are some things you need to consider. 

1. Is your spouse okay?

Often, losing interest in activities that used to be fun and bring someone joy is a symptom of an underlying physical or mental health problem. Being listless and restless, just wanting to lay around, not feeling like doing anything — especially if this has been going on for more than two weeks — can be a sign of a physical or mental health problem. Be supportive. Encourage your spouse to get a physical.

2. Your boredom is ultimately something you need to address.

There is a big difference between, “I’m bored.” and “My spouse is boring.” It could also be that BOTH statements are about you. If you look up the multiple definitions of boredom like I did, here’s what you may find. Being bored is “feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one’s current activity.” Another definition of boredom is “an emotional or psychological state when an individual is left without anything in particular to do or is not interested in their surroundings or feels that a day or period is dull or tedious.” You will notice (in both definitions) that the onus is on the individual and not anyone else, including your spouse. 

It may be helpful to seek out ways to engage with your spouse. 

3. Get curious about your spouse. Ask questions like:

• What do you like best about our relationship?
• Is there something that you would like to try but have been too afraid to?
• What would be your dream vacation?
• What are some things that you are most thankful for now?
• What’s something new we could try together?
• What fun things did you do as a kid? As a teenager?

4. Give yourself and your spouse permission to have some time ALONE. 

You BOTH might need some alone time. This is normal and healthy. The idea is to do something that refreshes and recharges your batteries and something that promotes growth, so that when you do spend time together, it’s more interesting and fulfilling. Your relationship involves two unique individuals. You and your spouse want to bring your best selves into the relationship.

Find ways to nurture yourself, then you can nurture your relationship.

Boredom is a tricky thing. On the one hand, it’s normal for boredom to pop up here and there. Don’t overreact to it, just find some creative ways to get out of the rut. On the other hand, prolonged boredom can signal something deeper is at work. Don’t hesitate to call in the pros.

Other helpful blogs:

3 Great Dates To Enhance Communication In Your Marriage

Help! My Spouse And I Have Nothing In Common

How To Find Common Interests With Your Spouse

Why It’s Important To Care About Your Spouse’s Interests

***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear your computer or device is being monitored, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***

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