10 Things You Need to Know About Marriage
If youâre dating, in a long-term relationship, or engaged, you may be wondering what marriage is like. You probably have friends with good marriages and those who have so-so marriages. Perhaps youâve got questions, but you donât know exactly how to ask. Questions like: Is it hard? Is it worth it? Why get married?
Well, thereâs a lot to learn! Here are 10 things you need to know about marriage that will give you some food for thought.
1. Marriage is hard work (but itâs the best kind of hard).
Marriage requires intentional time and attention from both partners. Youâll have times that seem easy and effortless. Other times require more energy.
2. Marriage takes compromise and respect on both sides.
People often say marriage is a two-way street. I like to think of it as a one-way street where you and your spouse are walking together in the same direction. Finding common ground and respect for each other, especially if you disagree on the path, is vital.
3. Marriage: You + Me = We.
Marriage is two individuals who know themselves (likes, dislikes, stressors, etc.) and continue to grow. When you grow as individuals and learn more about caring for each other, your marriage thrives.
4. Marriage requires rearranging your priorities.
Life is busy, and youâre probably juggling all kinds of priorities, including work, family, friends, community service, self-care, etc. After you get married, you may have to rearrange some of those priorities. Friends may be a little lower on your list. There are special considerations if youâre already a parent thinking about getting remarried or married for the first time. Preparing for Marriage is a great, FREE course to help you make sure youâre ready!
5. Marriage has seasons.
Marriage changes, like all relationships do. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, smooth and rough times. These seasons are natural and sometimes predictable. It doesnât necessarily mean somethingâs wrong with your relationship. Seasons can be times of change and growth instead of trouble, depending on how you handle them.
6. Marriage has benefits.
Not just that one (wink, wink)! Research shows that married people are healthier, happier, and wealthier. Theyâre less likely to be depressed. And guess what? Healthy marriages also lead to healthier communities with better schools and lower crime rates.
7. Marriage requires skills.
For a marriage to flourish over time, youâll need a variety of skills. Communication helps you understand your partner, know when to listen and when to speak. Problem-solving skills help you work together to manage complicated situations. If these tools arenât your strong points, weâve got some great resources to help you fill that toolbox! (Check out The Magic of Communication in Marriage, 5 Days to Better Communication in Your Marriage, or do a quick search for communication here.)
8. Be aware of unrealistic expectations.
Many couples enter marriage with unrealistic and/or unspoken expectations on topics like sex, money, and how theyâll spend their alone and together time. Talking with your spouse goes a long way toward minimizing issues that come from unrealistic expectations.
9. Marriage is impacted by your family.
No matter where you live, your families affect your marriage, for better or for worse. They raised you and influenced who you are. Some of the things thatâll get on your nerves will probably be habits that started in the homes you grew up in. Remember, this isnât about blaming anyone, but itâs just so you can be AWARE.
10. Marriage is a daily choice.
After you get married, you get to choose every day to stay married. You get to show your spouse how much you value and love them daily through words and actions. Even if you have a hard day, remembering that you get to start over and choose each other again can give you hope and strength.
I hope this list does not deter you. Marriage is all of these things, but itâs so much more. Marriage is fun. Itâs exciting. And itâs an opportunity to grow as a person while youâre part of a couple. More than anything, âMarriage is choosing someone, again and again, to love and to cherish with each new dawn.â
Is Grit the Secret Ingredient to Successful Relationships?
How gritty are you?
Is your marriage gritty?
Do you teach your kids to be gritty?
In her book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Harvard-trained psychologist and researcher Angela Duckworth examines what it takes to stick things out and accomplish long-term goals.
Grit has everything to do with how we do family relationships.
Donât mistake grit with talent (which Duckworth describes as the rate at which a person improves a skill). Grit isnât how intensely you want something. Instead, grit is an attitude. It is a relentless, determined work ethicâdespite setbacks, defeats, and hard days.
It’s a “never-give-up” attitude.
Who do you know that is truly gritty? Grit is what drove Thomas Edison to succeed as an inventor. As a boy, teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” Edison was fired from his first two jobs for being “unproductive.” He reportedly experienced 1,000 failed attempts before successfully inventing the lightbulb. (Edison reported that, rather than failing 1,000 times, the lightbulb was an invention with 1,000 steps. Now that’s grit.)
Great things are achievable in ordinary people through gritty determination.
Duckworth quotes sociologist Dan Chambliss, “…the main thing is greatness is doable. Greatness is many, many individual feats, and each of them is doable.“
Grit is more than just a trait for inventors, athletes, or business leaders; grit is a significant family value.
Duckworth’s research points to a high correlation between grit and marital longevity. People with a gritty determination have a can-do attitude toward building a healthy, strong marriageâdespite struggles, conflict, and tension. Gritty couples say, “No matter what we have to do, we’re going to make this work. We’re committed to this marriage.” [Note: There are some situations in marriage that are unhealthy and unsafe. âGritâ is NOT enduring a dangerous relationship. See the note at the bottom of the article.]
For parents, the nagging question is, how do you teach grit to your children? Duckworth offers some great answers.
First, grit is best taught with a balanced parenting style. In other words, parents who connect through affection and encouragement, while also creating structure and appropriate expectations, have a parenting style that fosters grit.
It’s a balance between love and support with accountability and parental toughness.
Second, gritty kids want to take after gritty parents. Duckworth explains that “if you want to bring forth grit in your child, first ask how much passion and perseverance you have for your own life goals.”
Third, Duckworth suggests that extracurricular activities are especially beneficial in developing grit in kids. An organized activity requiring a child to overcome challenges or criticism from peers, coaches, or teachers fosters grit. Bad days, lack of energy or motivation can help teach kids to push through and be gritty.
Letâs get practical. Do hard things.
Duckworth shares a very practical strategy for developing grit in her teenage children called the “Hard Thing Rule.” There are three parts:
- Everyone in the family, including the parents, has to do a Hard Thing. A “Hard Thing” is anything that requires deliberate practice. For a parent, in addition to the skills they use at work, it might be yoga, running, or completing a degree. For kids, it might be ballet, piano, or soccer.
- You can quit your Hard Thing. But thereâs a catch. You can’t quit until “your season is over, the tuition payment is up, or some other ‘natural’ stopping point has arrived.” In other words, you can’t quit on the day your coach yells at you, or you have to miss a party because you have practice.
- You get to pick your Hard Thing.
As a family and relationship educator, it makes me wonder: If grit was a more common character quality, would we see more successful marriages, healthier parenting styles, and overall relationship satisfaction?Â
Perhaps it starts with you.
Maybe it means you are more intentional about pressing through your small, doable feats even when you’re not motivated. Maybe you model more grit for your family and lead by example. Perhaps this week, you and your family can pick your Hard Thing to practice.
Donât be afraid to get your hands gritty.
I’m convincedâand I hope you are, tooâgrit is a good thing and something we all can use in our family.
Related:
10 Things Healthy, Happy Families Do
How To Encourage A Growth Mindset In Kids
The Blessing Of The Skinned Knee
Got some gritty thoughts on grit? Share them in the comments below!
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1â800â799â7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
How To Establish Trust In Marriage From The Start
Whatâs the difference between a loving, warm marriage and one full of friction and conflict? Trust. There are probably many items on your checklist for having a strong marriage. If thereâs one that ought to be at the top of the list, itâs trust.
How do you establish trust in marriage from the start?
1. Trust is built over time.
Trust is built through moments that confirm for your spouse that you are who they think you are. How you respond when someone speaks negatively about your relationship or how you care for each other during a difficult time will either confirm or cause questions about who you are. Donât be disappointed when you find areas where trust needs to grow, especially early in your marriage. Opportunities will come that will strengthen your trust or give the two of you something to work through.
2. History matters.
Do you trust in your marriage easily? Is it difficult for you to trust? Have things happened in your past that make trusting someone hard? How have your past experiences affected your ability to trust? You want your spouse to have a fair opportunity to be trusted and not be the victim of your past experiences with other people. However, itâs important to be aware that your past is not to be forgotten but to be used as a learning experience. Talking through your ability to trust helps you develop clear expectations. Your past shouldnât control your ability to trust. Rather, it provides understanding to help build trust.
3. Believe your spouseâs actions.
Thereâs a saying, âWhen a person shows you who they are, believe them.â When dating, itâs easy to create a mental image of what you think your spouse will be like once youâre married. This can cause you to ignore the behaviors that give a more accurate picture of each other. Many people have trusted others in spite of all the evidence showing that they are not trustworthy. And other times, you may have withheld trust from people despite the person being extraordinarily trustworthy.
4. Be open and honest about everything.
This includes the big stuff: family, money, in-laws, parenting, the future, and sex. Avoid the temptation to keep secrets and withhold information. Setting aside time to talk honestly about finances or your expectations of the in-laws, for example, is important.
â As quick as transparency can build trust in marriage, secrecy can betray it.
5. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Be willing to hold each other accountable for your words and actions. You can’t build trust by telling your partner what they want to hear. If you say youâll be home from work at six, then follow through. Trust is built when your spouse has confidence that the words you say are true.
Related: How To Tell If Someone Is Trustworthy
6. Admit mistakes.
Donât let pride get in the way. Trust will not stand if built on the premise of perfection. Itâs built on the promise that the two of you have the relationshipâs best interest at heart. Admitting your mistakes sends the message that the relationship is more important than you being right.
7. Consider the effects decisions will have on your marriage.
Nearly everything you do will affect both you and your spouse. (There is no I in Us.) Talking through decisions together helps you understand the potential effects. Before making personal commitments, get in the habit of talking to your spouse.
â Ask the question, âHow will this affect you and affect us?â
Establishing a solid foundation of trust in marriage can provide the groundwork to building trust thatâs as strong as a 100-year-old oak tree with deep roots. Some foundations arenât solid. Itâs good to know early that a person canât be trusted. Itâs not wise to trust someone to be honest if they continue to build a record of dishonesty. Trust will grow if youâre consistent in your words and actions.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1â800â799â7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
We’re Engaged. How Do We Make Sure Our Marriage is Fun?
Youâre getting ready to marry the love of your life, and youâve been reading card after card wishing you a marriage full of love and adventure. With that comes the hope of fulfillment in each other and the desire to have fun, because who wants a boring marriage?! No oneâŠ
Here are 3 easy things you can put into place NOW to keep the fun in your marriage relationship forever:
1. Add elements of surprise when youâre married!
- Text your spouse something spicy during the workday. Make it out of the blue and with no business attached, (aka no talk about whatâs for dinner or what needs to get done) just some good flirtatious banter.
- Surprise your spouse by wearing their favorite outfit and suggest an impromptu date night.
- Send them something at workâcould be something as small as a coffee or and grandiose as an edible arrangement.
- Pick something up for them while youâre out running errands, just because.
2. Play together!
- Play is essential to having fun in marriage. There are not only relationship benefits to playing together, but health benefits, too! The National Institute for Play (NIP) believes (and has research to back it up) that play can dramatically transform our personal health and our relationships. It can be board games, video games, a puzzle, Minute To Win It challenges, Dominos, cards, or whatever your favorite way to spark some healthy competition is.
Play generates optimism, novelty, makes perseverance fun, and leads to growth. Bonus feature: it gives the immune system a bounce, fosters empathy, and promotes a sense of belonging and community.
3. Donât shy away from romance!
- Light the candles, turn on some music, and enjoy cultivating intimacy. You have lots to look forward to as you step into married life together. Take the time to be curious about your spouse, compliment them, cuddle up close, and tune in to each other. Alone time can be so beneficial and continually draw you closer to each other.
BONUS: Free date nights for a more fun marriage!
- Surely youâve heard it before, so youâll hear it again: Date your spouse. The romance doesnât need to go down as the anniversaries go up. Try new places, carve out quality time, cultivate intimacy, and enjoy being one on one. There are tons of date night ideas, free virtual date nights, and date night DIYs right here on our siteâfree to you!
Itâs easy to have fun in your marriage when you embrace that to have fun means to create fun! Enjoy laughing together, kissing one another, and everything in between. ; )
Some more blogs you may be interested in:
How to Find Good Relationship Advice
You want to have good relationships. You want a healthy marriage AND you want to be a great parent, a wonderful friend, fiancé, or co-worker.
But relationships are sometimes complex. They arenât always easy. Issues arise. And if youâre like me, you could just use some help sometimes.
The internet gives us ENDLESS information on relationships. Just Google how to resolve conflict in marriage or how to parent a rebellious teenager. Then watch TONS of articles, blogs, videos, how-tos, and step-by-steps fill your screen.
Itâs overwhelming.
And hereâs the thing: can they all possibly be right? I mean, with literally thousands of resources out there on any given relationship subject, thereâs got to be some conflicting information and something thatâs not accurate. (As a matter of fact, there is.)
â So when you and I are trying to get help in the area of healthy relationships, how do we know what kind of information to trust? How do you wade through the countless sources of information on your screen and determine which advice is legit?
Iâve been on both ends of this spectrum, searching for accurate relationship advice as well as writing relationship content as accurately as possible. And I can tell you there is a lot of good information out there, as well as a lot of bad.
Here are some pointers Iâve found helpful on how to identify reliable relationship advice.
Understand that relationships are something thatâs actually researched.

Seriously, thereâs a whole science behind it. There are a lot of experts and researchers out there looking at questions like what makes a marriage great, what kids need from their parents, what are the best ways to resolve disagreements, what role does intimacy play in relationships, etc. And, theyâre observing and testing answers using psychological research techniques.
This is good to know because it tells us that there is, indeed, reliable information out there to tap into for our relationship questions and struggles. Good sources of information are typically (but not always) written by researchers who have either done the science themselves or by professionals who have used the science to counsel others. Thatâs usually what I want to look for when it comes to good relationship advice.
On the flip side of the coin⊠know that just because the word âresearchâ shows up doesnât always mean itâs great advice.
Iâve read countless articles using the words research says⊠or studies prove⊠or a survey of 500 people tells us⊠If you search for any kind of advice about relationships, youâll find this, too. And it sounds very convincing.
But for many reasons, it doesnât always mean you can trust the advice. For one thing, itâs easy for writers to twist the words of a piece of research out of context to fit their own point of view. Not to mention, a lot of research just plain isnât done well. You donât have to be any kind of research expert to take what you read or watch with a grain of salt or even sense there could be some missing information.
Iâm not saying count these kinds of articles out. Give them a chance. Just approach them with a more critical eye. And hereâs something Iâve found: if you come across an article that says some sort of research proves something, approach with caution. Researchers donât try to prove anything. The goal of the research is to provide evidence of one thing or another and spark people to study the question even more. Claiming proof for something could be a big red flag that the writer could be twisting some facts.
All this goes to say, of course, to consider the source.
With any article or video, take a quick look at the authorâs bio. Google them. Do they have a background in relationship research, education, or counseling? Are they associated with a university or an organization specializing in relationships like marriage or parenting? Do they have a product to promote? Does their writing seem to have an agenda? Does it sound like they have a chip on their shoulder (like theyâre ready to pick a fight)? Or, are they simply trying to report the best information out there as objectively as possible? These are all important questions to consider.
Do a quick search on âreviewsâ or âcriticismâ of the author or the organization they represent. See what other people are saying about them.
I particularly like authors who are transparent about their own relationships and balance it with trustworthy fact-giving. Rather than making bold claims saying what they are doing in their own relationships is the way to go, thank you very much, they tend to admit where theyâve messed up before and humbly say letâs look at evidence of whatâs healthy.
Prepare to do a little digging.
Iâm confident telling you itâd be a mistake to only consider the first few pieces of relationship advice at the top of your search list. Sometimes these are reliable resources, but not always. The first sites popping up on a search list many times are determined by popularity factors or advertising dollars. This means you could very well be getting relationship advice based on opinions instead of qualified research, and on the fads families of âthe rich and the famousâ are doing. (This is just my two cents: itâs difficult for me to swallow trying to relate to Hollywood trends in marriage and parenting. Iâm not dissing actors or performers; itâs just a totally different world from the norm, and it rarely reflects what we know to be healthy in relationships.)
Dig down below the first few search results and see what else lies beneath. This is often where youâll find the real gold of reliable relationship advice.
Be cautious with sources that seem to run against the grain of what we already know to be healthy in relationships.
I get a little twitchy when I see titles like The Way Weâve Been Doing Marriage for Decades Is All Wrong! I donât ignore those sources completely (Who knows?âthey might have some good info after all…), but I do tend to read or watch it with a lot more discernment and savvy. Apply whatâs been said above to these kinds of articles and determine for yourself if the information given is truly on the level.
Understand how easy it is to find information that supports your current view and quickly rest your case.
These days you can just about find anything that will claim to back up even the wildest of ideas on how to do healthy relationships. (âSurvey Proves a Steady Diet of Tacos Will Improve Your Marriageâ â I knew it!)
So if youâre simply trying to find something to support the opinion you already have, then guess what? Youâre going to find it.
When approaching a piece of relationship advice that may run counter to your viewpoint, I find it helpful to give the information a chance. Iâll often think to myself, “Could there be the possibility that this differing opinion (other than mine) might have some truth to it?” And then, based on all the things Iâve talked about above plus a dose of common sense, I determine if the advice is worth taking.
If you truly want to learn what healthy marriages, parenting, friendships, dating, and work relationships look like, good information is out there for you to get your hands on. But itâs like swimming in the middle of the ocean. There is a virtual sea of information to swim through. Much of the advice is like currents which will guide you safely to the shore of healthy relationships. But there are some riptides of bad information that can drag you further out to sea.
One more thought to leave you with: finding relationship experts online can be extremely helpful.
But letâs not look past the fact that you probably have actual people around you in healthy (but not perfect) relationships who you can lean on. A get-together over coffee where you can ask this person (or couple) questions about how they do things in their relationships can provide some very practical wisdom.
Put the above ideas into practice, lean on the healthy people you know, and I guarantee youâll learn more about what makes relationships healthy than you ever thought you could have.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1â800â799â7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
5 Tips For Newly Engaged Couples
Engagement season is upon youâcongrats, by the way!! With the pretty ring comes some planning, excitement, questions, and ultimately preparing for marriage! With that being said, here are 5 tips to help newly engaged couples thrive during the engagement season:
1. Have the big conversations before youâre deep into planning.
If you havenât already, make sure you and your fiancĂ© are on the same page about big-ticket items by having intentional conversations. Things like whether or not you want kids, job/career expectations, finances, how you handle conflict, spirituality/religion you want to carry forward, etc.Â
Hereâs a great blog to walk you through why each of those is important! Youâre making a wonderful lifelong commitment. Reminding each other youâre on the same page (or finding out that youâre not) with these things can help you decide whatâs best for you both in the long run. Also, consider some sort of marriage preparation to enrich your relationship! We have an online preparing for marriage course you should really check out! (And, if you live in WV, TN, GA or FL, it will qualify you for a hefty discount on your marriage license. Cha-ching!)

2. Decide how long you want your engagement to be.
Before you worry about picking a date, consider whatâs best for your relationship. Long or short engagement? Is there a particular season you want to get married? Whatâs going on in your life currently that could affect when you can get married? If youâre not sure how long you should be engaged, you can read research-based reasons for both a long and short engagement here.
3. Discuss your budget for the wedding.
This will affect how many people youâll invite to your wedding, the location, and may even help you decide on a date. If youâre paying for the wedding yourselves, the length of your engagement may reflect the time itâll take to save. Remember, this day marks the beginning of a lifetime together. You want to start out on the right foot. Because finances can be one of the main sources for conflict in marriage, consider planning a beautiful day that doesnât leave you or your loved ones in debt. This may sound crazy, but U.S. weddings cost an average of $33,900 in 2019, including all the expenses related to the engagement ring, ceremony, and reception, according to the latest Real Weddings study from The Knot. So, remember, the cost of your wedding doesnât reflect how successful your marriage will be.
4. Make time for quality time.
As Iâm sure youâve been told and can imagine, planning your wedding can become time-consuming, a conversation hog, and, to top it offâoverwhelming. If you feel stressed, irritable, or unusually short-tempered with your fiancĂ©, itâs probably time to do something other than talk about the future and hash out the details. Your wedding day is a celebration of your relationship! Itâs sooooo important not to put your relationship on the back burner. So, make spending quality time together a priority. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but doing things to help you take your mind off of wedding planning will be helpful for sure. Check out this link for some great ideas!
5. Donât assumeâask!
You and your fiancĂ© are in this thing together. Just because you know them best doesnât mean you know everything they want or you can accurately anticipate all of their opinions. I’ll be the bearer of bad news: getting married wonât make you mind readers either. Everyone likes to feel heard and likes what they have to say to be valued. Itâs possible you two have very similar ideas when it comes to your dream day, but just to be safe, talk about it. Each of you write down your dreams for what you want your wedding to be like, then compare notes and find places to compromise. Youâll find out not long after youâre married how important it is to invite the middle ground into your relationship.
This is an exciting season for you and your relationship! Donât let the details get the best of you; instead give your best to each other and take it one step at a time. This is just the beginning of a beautiful life together. Cheers, for the best is yet to come!
It’s that time of year! The leaves are changing colors and falling. There’s a cool breeze in the air. Pumpkin spice is the flavor of the season. We’ve moved past the laid-back summer and now itâs FALL, the season of football, fun… and romance.
Here are several romantic fall fun date ideas that bring out the best in the season and in your relationship!
(Be aware that there may be limited availability due to social distancing constraints. Have fun, but be safe!)
- Go to a pumpkin patch. Select a pumpkin. Take it home and carve it.
- Bake seasonal goodies (pies, cakes, cookies) together.
- Go antique shopping.
- Take a carriage ride.
- Go to a drive-in movie.
- Listen to your favorite old songs and dance around your home.
- Take a scenic walk.
- Go camping.
- Go apple picking in an orchard.
- Take a scenic train ride.
- Take a scenic drive to see fall foliage.
- Go to a Fall Festival.
- Go for a hike.
- Watch a scary movie.
- Go for a bike ride.
- Host a game night with friends and family.
- Take a day trip.
- Have a picnic either in a park or your backyard.
- Go for a wine or cider tasting.
- Go horseback riding.
- Stargaze and see who can find the most constellations.
- Rake the leaves, like adults. Jump in the leaves, like kids.
- Sit in front of a fire and read a book out loud together.
- Go to a high school football game.
- Movie marathon/binge watch your favorite TV series.
- Go on a local history tour.
- Take a painting class.
- Have a bonfire in your backyard and make Sâmores.
- Go on a fall getaway weekend.
- Take part in a First Things First Virtual Date Night!
Conversation Starters:
Check out this list of 200 questions for couples to get the conversation started.
1. What makes you the happiest?
2. Whatâs worse? The barista getting your order wrong? Or finding a motorcycle in a parking spot you thought was empty?
3. What food best describes your personality?
4. What are your five most important personal values?
5. What kind of physical touch best says “I love you” to you?
6. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
7. Who is the person, currently alive, that you most want to meet right now?
8. What is your favorite type of romantic gesture?
9. What crazy thing do you want to try someday?
10. What’s one thing I can do to improve our relationship?
Now is the perfect time to get adventurous by exploring your community and creating quality time with each other. Play and fun builds intimacy in your relationship.
Now, go have some romantic FALL FUN as you try out these date ideas!
5 Dates Every Engaged Couple Must Do Before the Big Day
Youâre in love, youâre engaged, and you donât want the butterflies youâve had all this time to fly away. I mean who would? But sometimes, in the midst of wedding planning and preparing for marriage, you can forget to do the very thing that brought you to this relationship milestone: Date! And that’s what this blog is all about: dates every engaged couple needs to do before the big day!
Youâve probably heard it before and you will likely hear it again when you get married: date your spouse. The romance and wonder for each other doesnât magically sustain itself; it needs fuel and your attention.
“Dating can be extremely beneficial toward keeping romance alive, and making a practice of going on regular dates can be a great way to jump-start that habit,” says Denise Limongello, a licensed psychotherapist based in Manhattan. In an article by The Knot, Limongello points out that lack of romance is a common reason for breakups or divorce.
If you want to make a habit of something, you have to go out of your way and make time for it. A habit youâll want in your marriage is dating each other, so while youâre preparing for marriage letâs jump-start this habit!
Dates Every Engaged Couple Must Do Before the Big Day:
1. Try a restaurant youâve never been to before.
Itâs easy to get comfortable with doing the same things over and over. Itâs great to have your favorite spots, but oftentimes just switching up the location to a place youâve never been will prompt fresh conversation. When you get married, it can become tempting to fall into a routine and not challenge it. Routines are wonderful, donât get me wrong. However, it can be problematic when your routine becomes “going through the motions.” When you donât even have to think about doing or saying something, life can feel monotonous. A simple way to practice getting uncomfortable, if you will, is trying something new!
2. Coupleâs Massage.
Thereâs a lot of stress when it comes to wedding planning. Everything seems faster paced, small decisions have bigger implications, family and friends ask questions you donât know the answers to and letâs face itâthat can cause tension. Maybe the tension is physical, or maybe itâs between you and your fiancĂ©. Whether you book a coupleâs massage (Groupon always has a deal going!) or set-up a spa-like shop at one of your places and give each other a massage, taking the time to decompress and slow down together can do you some good. Release the tension, rest and relax. Trust meâyou need it.
3. Quality time date.
Engagement season: when suddenly everyone needs your attention or wants to be best friends again. No wonder itâs easy to get distracted. All of the planning and excitement seems to creep in to every conversation and fill your phone with notifications. On top of that, anyone else guilty of sitting beside your significant other (for a time longer than you care to admit) on your phones without having so much as a full conversation?
To keep this from happening, this date has two rules:
1. Turn the phones off and turn your attention toward each other, and 2. Donât talk about wedding details.
What you do/how you spend this date is up to you. I suggest whatever it is, you give yourselves the opportunity for great conversation (so maybe not a movie night). You could picnic, make dinner together and set the table fancy, go on a hike or bike ride or to your favorite ice cream place. Whatever you decide, make your time together quality time.
4. Sing karaoke.
I know, I know. Not everyoneâs cup of tea. BUT hear me out. You can do it in the comfort of your own home or if youâre feeling up to it, grace some strangers with your voice. The point of this date is to teach or remind you of some of the most important lessons that are essential to a happy marriage: Donât take yourself too seriously, laugh at yourself and together …often. What better way to humble yourself than trying to reach a note Mariah Carrey invented?!
âThere is growing evidence to suggest that one of the secrets to a long and happy relationship is to laugh together often,â according to an article by Conscious Rethink. Thereâs going to be some truly difficult times in your marriage and circumstances that will be out of your control. In those serious moments, if you havenât practiced taking yourself less seriously when nothing hard was happening, it could be much more difficult to switch gears and be positive under pressure. So pick your favorite song and get to singing!
5. Plan a date night surprise.
Thereâs nothing quite like the feeling of someone who intimately knows you choosing a curated experience for you both. The time it takes to think about what you want to do shows your fiancĂ© they are worth your time, energy and effort. Then the date itself is a gift. Itâs a win-win! You could set up a little fort in your living room with tea lights, favorite snacks and a movie queued up. You could blindfold them and drive to a destinationâcould be a historic site with a picnic packed if theyâre a history buff, or maybe a drive-in movie and the back of your car is already equipped for ultimate coziness with blankets and pillows. Or perhaps you move the furniture out of the way and have a dance tutorial pulled up and a glass of wine poured.
You donât need a birthday, anniversary, or holiday as a reason to surprise the love of your life. Loving them is reason enough. Taking this date into your marriage is a sure fire way to keep the romance aflame.
Dating before âI doâ is a great way to prepare yourself for the lifelong pursuit of each other. Keep it interesting, try new things, carve out time to be solely with each otherâeven if itâs not much! Youâll thank yourselves for it later.
If you need help figuring out a creative date night, we have tons of free virtual and DIY date night ideas here!
Additional Blogs You May Like:
- Classic Date Nights with a Twist
- 10 Date Nights Every Couple Must Do Before Summer Ends
- Conversations Every Engaged Couple Should Have Before They Say, âI Doâ
- 5 Things Every Engaged Couple Should Know
- Preparing for Marriage Online (If youâre in TN or GA, taking it gives you a $60 discount on your marriage license!)
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