“Forgive and forget,” right? That’s what they say. But what happens when you can’t forget and you certainly aren’t ready to forgive? Have you ever felt like something was wrong with you because forgiveness didn’t come quickly, easily, or at all? You are definitely not alone and there is certainly nothing wrong with you. These…
“I have a dilemma.” An old co-worker mused as we headed back to the office after a quick lunch date, reconnecting after I had recently changed jobs. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked, but the tone of his voice already raised a red flag in the form of my quickening pulse and intuition that his…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/christin-hume-610U5teI5B4-unsplash-2.jpg13652048First Things Firsthttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngFirst Things First2019-11-18 12:47:052020-09-30 15:13:38Am I Having an Emotional Affair?
Will Counseling Work For Me? Will beekeeping? Homeopathic remedies? Fixing your own transmission? Doing the same thing over and over again work for you? I dunno. You are unique. Going to a professional counselor might not work for you, but there are some very compelling reasons to give it a try. The better question might…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/youssef-naddam-iJ2IG8ckCpA-unsplash.jpg24483264John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2019-11-13 16:12:362020-09-30 15:01:28Will Counseling Work For Me?
Finding the right one can help you save your marriage.
In 30-plus years of working with couples and listening to why they have decided to divorce, the reasons include things you would expect to hear such as infidelity, lack of commitment, financial issues, too much conflict, the stress of caring for children with special needs, the impact of the death of a child, substance abuse and physical abuse.*Reasons that might catch you off guard are health issues. Sometimes the spouse is too overwhelmed by the health issues of their partner. In other situati…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/katarzyna-grabowska-sRAWQyoUiVQ-unsplash-1.jpg13652048Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2019-10-28 00:00:002021-05-06 08:27:02How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor
Tamara’s second child was six months old when her best friend invited her to read How Not to Hate Your Husband After You Have Kids by Jancee Dunn. “I was in the thick of raising two children. Both my husband and I worked full-time jobs and the biggest thing I was struggling with was feeling…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/couple-embracing-enjoying-enjoyment-2250589-scaled-e1597259788226.jpg300450Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2019-10-21 00:00:002022-04-04 10:44:06How Not to Hate Your Husband
We sat next to each other on the hotel bed, the awkward silence between us laden with guilt, fear, confusion and trepidation. Something had transpired on the drive to our weekend getaway with my husband’s family, who had come into town for our youngest daughter’s dedication. A celebration, a joyous occasion, marked by a colicky…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/laura-fuhrman-bl7kgLtzdOQ-unsplash.jpg13652048Tamara Slocumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngTamara Slocum2019-10-16 09:33:262020-09-30 15:37:386 Ways a Husband Can Support His Wife Through Postpartum Depression
Buying a house is one of the most stressful things that you can go through as human beings. Especially if you’re newlyweds! Yes, it’s even more stressful than planning a wedding. Not only do you have to decide on a house together, but once you do that, there’s also a *TON* of legal jargon, paperwork, and timely…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/nathan-fertig-FBXuXp57eM0-unsplash.jpg13652048Caroline Henryhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngCaroline Henry2019-10-16 09:22:362021-12-21 10:25:47How to Buy Your First House Without Going Crazy
If you feel like something just isn’t right, know that you are not alone.
“Why are you crying?!? What do you need?!?” I pleaded with my baby to somehow answer me. But when she didn’t, my anger quickly morphed into full-on rage. I tried to calm her, every way I knew how, but with slightly more force than was necessary. I shushed her, I swaddled her, I held her…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/zach-lucero-fwjsBPbRm4g-unsplash.jpg13652048Tamara Slocumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngTamara Slocum2019-10-15 14:17:582022-04-06 09:24:34What They Don’t Tell You About Postpartum Depression
If you want to try to have a good relationship with them, this is for you.
In-laws are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. They might blow through boundaries. Your in-laws might meddle in your marriage. You might even be having a hard time living with your in-laws. Possibly, they’re totally toxic. This isn’t about any of those things. Sometimes, your in-laws are just difficult…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/haley-phelps-twoahjAsoO4-unsplash.jpg13652048First Things Firsthttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngFirst Things First2019-10-09 11:49:332022-05-24 16:06:19What to Do When You Don’t Really Like Your In-Laws
Examining your differences can be key to finding out.
You’re in love and you’re total opposites. Is this your true love? Can your relationship last forever? Do you guys stand a chance? You’ve heard “opposites attract” and you’ve definitely felt that attraction, but you can’t deny how opposite you are either. (Your friends and family constantly remind you…) Then, maybe in quiet moments, the…
What, exactly, were you expecting when you got married? Did you expect marriage and your spouse to make you happy? Are you on the verge of stepping across the line into the world of marriage with your beloved? What do you expect when you get there? Are you expecting your “happily ever after?” If you’re…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/477b895e-3212-4a65-b3c1-7c4d47af2505.jpg13652048Chris Ownbyhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngChris Ownby2019-09-26 09:02:182020-09-30 15:39:06What If My Marriage Doesn’t Make Me Happy?
Think hearing loss really doesn’t have an impact on your relationships? You might want to think again. Lorina knew that she had some hearing loss, but didn’t really think it was that big a deal. “I knew over the years my hearing loss had increased, but it wasn’t until my friend pointed out to me…
Cheating is the ultimate violation of marital trust. It can destroy families and ruin lives. The bottom line is that if you are even wondering about your spouse’s faithfulness, at minimum, there is some important relationship work to be done! In general, is there a lot of cheating going on? Is there a “cheating type?”…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/noah-silliman-gzhyKEo_cbU-unsplash.jpg13652048John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2019-08-29 09:22:062020-08-13 15:32:16I Think My Spouse Is Cheating. What Do I Do?
Learning how to lead in a new marriage is hard. Trust me. I’ve got the scratches to prove it! “WILL!! YOU’RE PUSHING ME UNDER A TREE!!!” It was at this moment I realized my husband and I should not have gotten in the same canoe on this family trip. You see, my husband (the most…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/bob-orchard-9v4FScFlTDg-unsplash-scaled.jpg13652048Caroline Henryhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngCaroline Henry2019-08-19 08:49:312020-10-27 11:22:54Learning How to Lead (and knowing when not to) in A New Marriage
In July 2019, the 2019 State of our Unions: iFidelity: Interactive Technology and Relationship Faithfulness report revealed some interesting findings. These findings were about marital health and relationship attitudes/behaviors, both online and in real life, in America. The study dives deep into the impact of technology on faithfulness. According to the report, the internet has…
Controlling your emotions is hard, regardless of your age. When you’re in the checkout line at the store and a 2-year-old has a meltdown because they can’t have a candy bar, nobody is shocked because well, they are two. It’s totally another story when an adult who is unable to regulate their emotions has a…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/daiga-ellaby-7edWO30e32k-unsplash.jpg8531280Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2019-07-29 06:30:002020-10-01 14:47:50Tips for Controlling Your Emotions
If you are 50 or older and have been married for 30 years or more, the latest headlines might have you wondering if your marriage is in trouble and you don’t even know it.Articles from Pew Research Center, the Wall Street Journal and other publications with titles like, Led by Baby Boomers, Divorce Rates Climb for America’s 50+ Population, and The Divorce Rate is at a 40-Year-Low, Unless You’re 55 or Older, seem to be painting a grim picture. Should people be worried?Professors…
Do you have a mindful marriage? Here’s how to find out… Pop Quiz! How would your spouse answer the following questions right now? What is their primary motivator at the moment? Their biggest fear or concern? What is the dream that is driving them? What is their biggest source of frustration? How do they feel…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/couple-sitting-under-the-tree-during-daytime-3764174.jpg8531280John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2019-07-02 14:58:322020-10-01 15:19:534 Steps to Having A Mindful Marriage
Is it even possible to fight nice with your spouse? When my kids were younger and they disagreed (or worse) I would tell them, “Boys, fight nice!” This always got concerned looks from any other parents hanging around. “Shouldn’t you be telling them not to fight?” “Nope,” I would stand my ground. “I want them…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/phillip-goldsberry-1507556-unsplash-scaled.jpg13662048John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2019-06-03 16:46:472020-10-01 15:47:5710 Rules To “Fight Nice” With Your Spouse
An angry wife greeted her husband, who was late getting home again from work, as he walked through the door. As was their usual pattern, an argument followed. This has been an ongoing issue between the two for several months with no apparent resolution in sight. It is obvious that some fear impacts their marriage.…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/priscilla-du-preez-9vHPCKymSh0-unsplash.jpg8531280Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2019-05-20 06:30:002021-08-17 12:37:17How Fear Impacts Your Marriage
I Can’t Forgive My Spouse
“Forgive and forget,” right? That’s what they say. But what happens when you can’t forget and you certainly aren’t ready to forgive? Have you ever felt like something was wrong with you because forgiveness didn’t come quickly, easily, or at all? You are definitely not alone and there is certainly nothing wrong with you. These…
Am I Having an Emotional Affair?
“I have a dilemma.” An old co-worker mused as we headed back to the office after a quick lunch date, reconnecting after I had recently changed jobs. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked, but the tone of his voice already raised a red flag in the form of my quickening pulse and intuition that his…
Will Counseling Work For Me?
Will Counseling Work For Me? Will beekeeping? Homeopathic remedies? Fixing your own transmission? Doing the same thing over and over again work for you? I dunno. You are unique. Going to a professional counselor might not work for you, but there are some very compelling reasons to give it a try. The better question might…
How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor
In 30-plus years of working with couples and listening to why they have decided to divorce, the reasons include things you would expect to hear such as infidelity, lack of commitment, financial issues, too much conflict, the stress of caring for children with special needs, the impact of the death of a child, substance abuse and physical abuse.*Reasons that might catch you off guard are health issues. Sometimes the spouse is too overwhelmed by the health issues of their partner. In other situati…
How Not to Hate Your Husband
Tamara’s second child was six months old when her best friend invited her to read How Not to Hate Your Husband After You Have Kids by Jancee Dunn. “I was in the thick of raising two children. Both my husband and I worked full-time jobs and the biggest thing I was struggling with was feeling…
6 Ways a Husband Can Support His Wife Through Postpartum Depression
We sat next to each other on the hotel bed, the awkward silence between us laden with guilt, fear, confusion and trepidation. Something had transpired on the drive to our weekend getaway with my husband’s family, who had come into town for our youngest daughter’s dedication. A celebration, a joyous occasion, marked by a colicky…
How to Buy Your First House Without Going Crazy
Buying a house is one of the most stressful things that you can go through as human beings. Especially if you’re newlyweds! Yes, it’s even more stressful than planning a wedding. Not only do you have to decide on a house together, but once you do that, there’s also a *TON* of legal jargon, paperwork, and timely…
What They Don’t Tell You About Postpartum Depression
“Why are you crying?!? What do you need?!?” I pleaded with my baby to somehow answer me. But when she didn’t, my anger quickly morphed into full-on rage. I tried to calm her, every way I knew how, but with slightly more force than was necessary. I shushed her, I swaddled her, I held her…
What to Do When You Don’t Really Like Your In-Laws
In-laws are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. They might blow through boundaries. Your in-laws might meddle in your marriage. You might even be having a hard time living with your in-laws. Possibly, they’re totally toxic. This isn’t about any of those things. Sometimes, your in-laws are just difficult…
We’re Total Opposites! Can Our Relationship Work?
You’re in love and you’re total opposites. Is this your true love? Can your relationship last forever? Do you guys stand a chance? You’ve heard “opposites attract” and you’ve definitely felt that attraction, but you can’t deny how opposite you are either. (Your friends and family constantly remind you…) Then, maybe in quiet moments, the…
What If My Marriage Doesn’t Make Me Happy?
What, exactly, were you expecting when you got married? Did you expect marriage and your spouse to make you happy? Are you on the verge of stepping across the line into the world of marriage with your beloved? What do you expect when you get there? Are you expecting your “happily ever after?” If you’re…
How Hearing Loss Impacts Relationships
Think hearing loss really doesn’t have an impact on your relationships? You might want to think again. Lorina knew that she had some hearing loss, but didn’t really think it was that big a deal. “I knew over the years my hearing loss had increased, but it wasn’t until my friend pointed out to me…
I Think My Spouse Is Cheating. What Do I Do?
Cheating is the ultimate violation of marital trust. It can destroy families and ruin lives. The bottom line is that if you are even wondering about your spouse’s faithfulness, at minimum, there is some important relationship work to be done! In general, is there a lot of cheating going on? Is there a “cheating type?”…
Learning How to Lead (and knowing when not to) in A New Marriage
Learning how to lead in a new marriage is hard. Trust me. I’ve got the scratches to prove it! “WILL!! YOU’RE PUSHING ME UNDER A TREE!!!” It was at this moment I realized my husband and I should not have gotten in the same canoe on this family trip. You see, my husband (the most…
How Technology Use Impacts Faithfulness
In July 2019, the 2019 State of our Unions: iFidelity: Interactive Technology and Relationship Faithfulness report revealed some interesting findings. These findings were about marital health and relationship attitudes/behaviors, both online and in real life, in America. The study dives deep into the impact of technology on faithfulness. According to the report, the internet has…
Tips for Controlling Your Emotions
Controlling your emotions is hard, regardless of your age. When you’re in the checkout line at the store and a 2-year-old has a meltdown because they can’t have a candy bar, nobody is shocked because well, they are two. It’s totally another story when an adult who is unable to regulate their emotions has a…
5 Ways to Help Prevent Gray Divorce
If you are 50 or older and have been married for 30 years or more, the latest headlines might have you wondering if your marriage is in trouble and you don’t even know it.Articles from Pew Research Center, the Wall Street Journal and other publications with titles like, Led by Baby Boomers, Divorce Rates Climb for America’s 50+ Population, and The Divorce Rate is at a 40-Year-Low, Unless You’re 55 or Older, seem to be painting a grim picture. Should people be worried?Professors…
4 Steps to Having A Mindful Marriage
Do you have a mindful marriage? Here’s how to find out… Pop Quiz! How would your spouse answer the following questions right now? What is their primary motivator at the moment? Their biggest fear or concern? What is the dream that is driving them? What is their biggest source of frustration? How do they feel…
10 Rules To “Fight Nice” With Your Spouse
Is it even possible to fight nice with your spouse? When my kids were younger and they disagreed (or worse) I would tell them, “Boys, fight nice!” This always got concerned looks from any other parents hanging around. “Shouldn’t you be telling them not to fight?” “Nope,” I would stand my ground. “I want them…
How Fear Impacts Your Marriage
An angry wife greeted her husband, who was late getting home again from work, as he walked through the door. As was their usual pattern, an argument followed. This has been an ongoing issue between the two for several months with no apparent resolution in sight. It is obvious that some fear impacts their marriage.…
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