5 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day With Your Family
Celebrating Earth Day usually never crossed my mind because – I’m just going to say it – I kill plants.
Unintentionally, of course. But I’ll admit: my dad’s green thumb had not NOT passed down to me. So it’s no surprise that about 4 years ago, there was a pot full of soil sitting out on my back deck, the sad remnants of where a beautiful plant used to… ahem… barely survive. I had neglected it terribly and the empty pot was a constant reminder of how I was unable to provide the appropriate care and attention required for horticulture.
Then one fine day, I saw a tiny green bud poking out of the barren soil. The next day, I saw another bud and a stem sprouting up. By day three, there were three little green plants growing in the pot. A couple of helicopter seedlings from our large Maple tree had found their way to their new home. There was soil and some rainy days that allowed these little seeds to sprout!
I was pregnant with my first child at the time and saw this as a miraculous sign of the life also growing within me.
I was convinced that this was our “Family Tree” and when the little plant continued to thrive… my belief was confirmed. So, once our little girl was born and the baby tree was large enough to survive in the ground – we planted it, as a brand new family, on Earth Day.
Having a family tree planted in our backyard has provided the opportunity to talk with our daughter about our environment and how to take care of it. It melts my heart to see her innocent tenderness toward our family tree as they grow together! This Earth Day, why not teach your children how they can enjoy and nurture mother nature?
Here are 5 fun ways to celebrate Earth Day with your family!
1. Plant (and/or tend to) a garden:
Get your garden gloves on and your watering can out! Planting a garden can be a neat experience for any age. Younger kids can help water the garden or create colorful plant markers using craft supplies. Older kids can help plant seeds and pull weeds. When the fruits and veggies are ripe, everyone can pick them together! Working together to establish a garden can open up a bigger conversation about responsibility (for specific gardening tasks and for the environment as a whole).
2. Take a hike (or just a walk):
It seems like a no-brainer, but being out in nature is a sure-fire way to appreciate the beauty of our planet! Whether it’s a walk around your neighborhood, a local park or a more scenic mountain trek, your family can enjoy the scenery, as well as each other’s company!
3. Make the switch to reusable water bottles:
If you haven’t already ditched the plastic, now’s the time to grab a glass or BPA-free plastic water bottle to refill and reuse daily! A simple change like this can have a huge impact, not only on the environment but also your wallet: On average, Americans spend about $5 a week on bottled water which means you could save $260 per person, per year, by switching to a reusable water bottle. (For a family of four, that’s $1,040 in savings!)
4. Eat plant-based meals for the day:
Eating your fruits and veggies is not just good for your health; it’s good for Earth’s health, too. Even if it’s only for one day of the week (hello #meatlessmonday), skipping the meat and animal byproducts can significantly reduce carbon dioxide emissions and conserve water. It takes 2,400 gallons of water to product a single pound of meat! This frees up our land and resources. 30% of Earth’s land mass is used to raise animals to eat. Despite the fear of the unknown, cooking a meal without meat or dairy is extremely easy! There are so many recipes out there that even the pickiest of eaters will still enjoy, we promise!
5. Make some resolutions:
Just like New Year’s Eve, this holiday is the perfect time to set some goals for the rest of the year. Write a list of practical ways your family can conserve, recycle and reuse every day! Post your list somewhere prominent (like your refrigerator) as a reminder to keep the momentum going! Every change, whether big or small, will make an impact.
Spending some extra special time with your family, no matter what you’re celebrating, doesn’t have to be difficult, expensive or extravagant. The memories you make are priceless and will last a lifetime! Happy Earth Day!
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An interesting study just released in JAMA Pediatrics should grab our attention. The study, a joint effort between Johns Hopkins University and The Guttmacher Institute, raises a warning flag about your sons, sex, and standards.
Two national surveys showed that between 4 and 8 percent of boys reported having sex before they were 13. Black males were most at risk, followed by Hispanic males. In some metropolitan areas, more than a quarter of young, African American men. These men reported sexual intercourse before age 13.
“Young men having sex before age 13 usually haven’t received the appropriate sex education and services, and we need a better system to respond to their needs,” says Arik Marcell, M.D., M.P.H., senior author of the study and associate professor of pediatrics at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and Johns Hopkins Children’s Center.
“The cultural double standard about sexual behavior in the United States, in which it is OK for young boys, but not girls, to be sexually active, has prevented us from effectively addressing male adolescents’ vulnerabilities and their healthy sexual development,” Marcell adds.
Marcell explained that he has heard boys and adolescents talking about their first sex encounters in a way that suggests they didn’t anticipate, understand or know what was happening or what’s appropriate and what’s not. It is concerning that such early sex experiences happening to boys could be unwanted and influence their future health. Marcell and his colleagues used the survey data to attempt to get a better look at the scale and pattern of this problem across the nation.
The investigators underscored the importance of recognizing young people’s perspectives, and also noted that reports of whether a first sexual experience was wanted may be influenced by gender and race expectations, stereotypes, peer pressure and coercion. Parental education also appeared to have an impact. For instance, boys whose mothers graduated from college were 69 percent less likely to have sex before 13.
As to why there are such variations in early sex rates, Guttmacher Institute researcher Laura Lindberg says, “Adolescent males’ attitudes and values about their sexuality and masculinity are influenced by the social context of their community.
“Our findings reflect that where you live exposes you to different social norms about manhood,” she added. “The variation across settings means that programs for young people’s development and health need to be tailored and responsive to the communities they are in.”
In many instances, it seems like they have taken massive strides when it comes to educating kids about sex. But this study clearly indicates work still needs to be done. All young people need to receive sex education. Parents need to be ready to have open, honest and ongoing talks with their kids.
The best time to start talking with children about sex is when they are young. Look for teachable moments. Things such as when you see a pregnant woman or a peer’s new brother or sister, are a natural discussion-starter.
Focus your conversation with elementary-age children on:
- the correct names of sexual organs and body parts,
- explaining sex and reproduction,
- personal boundaries,
- pregnancy, and
- building healthy relationships.
If they are old enough to ask questions, they are old enough to receive correct answers. But make sure to clarify your child’s question. When you understand the question, answer it briefly and simply. Sometimes kids have questions, but they are afraid to ask. This is why it is important for parents to look for opportunities to discuss these important matters.
Talking about sex is just as important as talking about drugs and alcohol, smoking, stranger danger and pornography. If this feels overwhelming to you, you might want to practice talking privately with your spouse or another adult first. The most important thing is that conversations are happening and you are an askable parent.
This article originally published in the Chattanooga Times Free Press on April 14, 2019.
As I think back to when my children were first born, there are many memories that come to mind of being bombarded with all the things that babies need. I remember attending a presentation for a $1,000 high chair. It was implied that if I didn’t purchase the high chair, I really didn’t love or wasn’t very concerned about the safety of my child. And I’ll admit, I began to struggle with the paradox of what my child needs versus what I, in my parenting, want my child to have.
If I were keeping it totally honest, I really wanted that high chair. Not for all the safety reasons or the fact that it would grow with my child, but the honest truth was I thought it made me look good to others. I heard messages that said to be a good parent, you provide what your children NEED, but even more so what they WANT.
Let’s talk about this struggle.
I should’ve owned stock in LeapFrog due to the number of their electronic toys that I purchased for my son, only because they were educational and would help with his language skills, color recognition, etc., or so I thought. I felt so disheartened when I found him playing with an empty 2-liter bottle rather than the toys I bought.
That was a pivotal point for me. I recognized that I was seeking external approval from friends and family rather than looking inside, and I realized what I was really teaching my sons. While I had taught them that they could have everything they wanted, I never taught them that there was a difference between a want and a need.
I composed a list of things that my sons really need from me, emotionally. It included:
- Love
- Time with me
- Support
- Discipline (teaching)
- Comfort
- Consistency
- Teaching them values of hard work, sacrifice, persistence, grit, etc.
That was the easy part. The hard part was changing the expectations and behaviors of my sons. Every time we went to a store, their expectation was to get something because they WANTED it. Really, they wanted it because I taught them to expect it by usually getting them something. They didn’t like the word NO.
After one especially rough trip, we had a meeting of the minds.
- I no longer took them to the store with me.
- I explained to them the difference between a want and a need in practical terms.
For example…
Need: Food (home-cooked); Want: Eating Out
Need: Shoes; Want: $200 name-brand that you are going to outgrow in 3 months.
Need: Uniforms for school; Want: Name-brand pants that you are going to get grass stains in and holes in the knee.
You get the idea.
As I look back, I’m so glad I made that pivot.
Even though that $1,000 high chair was fancy, I can’t put a dollar value on the lessons learned. My sons have grown into young men who know their worth doesn’t come from things like the right shoes or clothes or cars. And when they start parenting, they will know the difference between a want and a need.
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It’s coming. You know it’s coming. Eleven is the magic number. By age 11, 93% of boys and 62% of girls have been exposed to pornographic material. Go ahead and get your mind right before you find it. And if you have found something on your teens phone, stick with me.
The moment of truth as a parent hit me like a ton of bricks. Tenth grade boy whom we were serving as custodial guardian had made a mistake. (We’ll call him Jackson.) He’d accidentally left his screen on some cartoon porn. Graphics, animation, sex, all right there behind his glass screen. And that’s when it truly hit me. As a man, as a father, as a teacher, as a mentor.
It didn’t matter that we previously discussed proper use of technology. Or that he told me prior that he did looked at porn, that he was regularly involved in “wholesome” activities. It didn’t matter that he was making the honor roll. Curiosity had caught up to him.
I didn’t want Jackson to be part of 73% of kids under 18 viewing porn.
It was fortunate that he was not present when I saw it. I had some time to gather my thoughts and strategize. I mentally traveled the journey from, “I can’t believe he’s looking at this trash”, to “I’m so disappointed in him” to “What is the end goal that I’m looking for?” to “What is my role in helping him?” to finally, “What worked for me when I got busted?”
This mental journey allowed me to quickly move my thoughts of him from anger that this was in my house – to “This is a mile marker in his journey to adulthood. It is part of growing up that simply has to be addressed.” We want porn to have a minimal effect on him and his ability to have safe and healthy relationships. We don’t want porn to impact how he performs academically. Bottom line, we don’t want pornography to get in the way of being the best person that he could be.
All this was important because it gave me the opportunity to approach him with a peaceful, solution-driven mindset that was not filled with reactions of fear and parental insecurity. To a degree, it was life. And as things happen in life, we look at them head-on and deal with them.
So the next day I approached him. And after a few pleasantries about how things were going, I asked him directly, “Have you been looking at pornography?”
And, as I’m sure the majority of teenagers would do, he stopped, took a deep breath, looked at me, and clearly and succinctly said, “No.” Lying 101. He stayed calm and only answered the questions I asked. Note: He later majored in Theatre.
I responded in as calm a voice as I could muster, “If you did, understand that I wouldn’t be upset. It’s something I’ve had to deal with before. And since I’ve dealt with it before, I know better than to assume you haven’t yourself.”
Of course, I thought I was doing well. I had the right mindset. Was in a calm tone. I was in control. Felt like I was focusing on creating an atmosphere for honesty.
Jackson, our future theatre major who was acting a tad irritated because he was feeling accused, without looking at me this time again said, “No. Thanks though. If I ever do I’ll tell you.”
Stay calm Reggie. You are being lied to and patronized.
I looked at him and said, “I saw some cartoon pornography on your screen yesterday. What was that about?” Evidence presented. Solid testimony on my part. Not even the future actor should be able to wiggle out of this one.
His response, which, sad to say, I should’ve seen coming, but I didn’t, “Sometimes these things pop up on my screen and it must have popped up afterwards.”
Impressive. I don’t know if he was just that prepared with his script or if it was all improv.
What I did next was just a gut feel. There are many different opinions and advice on how to move forward. But what I did next worked. I bet you want to know what I did, don’t you…? Check out the next blog, I’ll finish the story. Just kidding.
Seriously though, I put it on him to make a decision.
I said, “Look, I don’t know what kind of person, what kind of man you want to grow up to be. But I think, correct me if I’m wrong, that you want to be a man of integrity, respect, honor, and one who can have amazing sex one day who is not living with shame and guilt from decisions that you have made in your past. If I’m wrong, then it is what it is. But if not, I ask that you don’t let pride, stubbornness or fear of mistakes cause a domino effect. If you did look or ever find yourself looking at porn, talk to me. No judgment, no punishment. I may even be able to help. If not, then keep making wise decisions and you’ll be all the better for it.” I dropped the mic and left the room.
That was risky. I let him lie to me. I let him think he’s getting away with it.
But I challenged his character and called him to greatness. So how do I know it worked? The next day, I get home from work and there’s a letter on my bed explaining that he had been struggling with pornography and that he lied because he thought he could deal with it himself and he wasn’t sure how I’d react. It also said, “I do want your help.”
This led to regular conversations about what he was looking at, safety controls on any technological devices he had access to and boundaries to when he was using any form of technology. But that’s not how I know it worked. A couple of years later, I get a phone call from a friend of his who I happened to know. He started the conversation with, “I’ve been struggling with pornography, and Jackson told me that when he lived with you he dealt with the same thing and you helped him get through it. He told me that I should call you.”
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As a parent, are you preparing your child for the real world? Many college graduates will soon be joining the workforce, some for the first time. The transition can be a real shocker as they face their new reality of 8-hour days, specific start times, no more spring breaks and a limited amount of time for lunch. Plus, some workplaces expect employees to work at a rigorous pace that is foreign to many college students.
In the adjustment phase, young adults may complain to their parents about workplace practices, demanding bosses, irritating co-workers and deadlines, just to name a few issues. This is nothing new for sure.
Anybody who has held a job can probably relate, but here’s where things get interesting. Many parents jump right in to deal with the issue at hand. In fact, you might be surprised at just how many parents are quick to take the reins and deal with the issue themselves.
In a recent survey of parents of children ages 18-28 conducted by Morning Consult, 11 percent of the parents surveyed said they would contact an employer if their child was having issues at work. Of the parents surveyed:
- 76% reminded their adult children of deadlines they need to meet, including for schoolwork.
- 74% made appointments for them, including doctor’s appointments.
- 42% offered them advice on relationships and romantic life.
- 16% helped write all or part of a job or internship application.
- 15% told them which career to pursue.
- 14% helped them get jobs or internships through professional network.
- 14% gave more than $500 per month for rent or daily expenses.
With the possible exception of giving romantic advice, none of these behaviors on the part of the parent are helpful in preparing a young adult for the real world.
Instead of jumping in to rescue them, it would be helpful to assist them in preparing to deal with real world, real-life work situations. Here’s how you can start:
- When they encounter a difficult professor, process with them potential ways to approach the professor and have a conversation.
- Teach them how to make their own doctor’s appointments.
- If they have internship possibilities, rehearse with them how to make the initial phone call or introduction and talk with them about potential interview questions.
If they believe they are being treated unfairly or inappropriately at work, get a good understanding of what is happening. Then:
- Attempt to walk through the situation with them, but realize the situation is not yours to handle.
- Ask them what they think they need to do besides quit, which sometimes ends up being an option if nothing else works, and then help them figure out an action plan they can execute by discussing the pros and cons of all viable options.
- If you don’t think you have the knowledge or skill set required to help them decide how to move forward, connect them with someone you believe has the knowledge to do so. Avoid the temptation to make the call yourself.
It can be painful to watch your young adult deal with difficult and sometimes very complicated circumstances, especially if they are a hard worker and what they are walking through seems unjust. However, it is not healthy or helpful to jump into circumstances they need to learn how to handle themselves. Life is for sure not fair, and this will likely not be the last time they have to navigate dealing with a difficult situation.
Whether your adult child is still in college or in the workforce, writing papers for them, calling them to make sure they are awake, reminding them of deadlines or interfering at work does not prepare your child for the reality of living an independent, productive life. Doing these things will make them more dependent on you and less prepared for dealing with what life hands them on their own.
This article was originally published in the Chattanooga Times Free Press on March 31, 2019.
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DAD HACKS: For When Mom Is Having A Girl’s Night Out
Your bride gives you the news: This Friday night I’m having a girl’s night out, so you’re on dad duty. Good luck! Great. Now what?!?
First of all, CHILL! This is your chance to be the hero, to show the full potential of your dad skills, and to give both your kids and your partner a memorable night.
Here are three dad-hacks for when Mom’s at girl’s night out and Dad’s in charge:
1. Make memories!
Dads have a unique way of giving their children memories that will stay with them well into adulthood. I still remember the fun I had playing laser tag in the house with my dad one evening with all the lights off – something I’m sure Mom wouldn’t be caught dead in the middle of.
Give your kids an experience that’s not part of their typical routine.
- Have a Nerf gun war.
- Heat up some pizza rolls, turn the lights out and watch a (kid-appropriate) scary movie (the Goosebumps movies are a favorite in my house).
- Go for a night walk around the neighborhood. Or better yet, if there are woods nearby, take a night hike.
- Roast hot dogs or marshmallows in the backyard. (Marshmallows over the stove are good if there’s no backyard.)
- Have a talent show.
- Let your kiddos dress you up and have a fashion show.
- Set up a WWE wrestling ring in the living room with couch pillows and… well, you know the rest.
This is your chance to be the dad-hero to your kids for turning what could be a boring night (without Mom) into an amazing memory!
2. …But, don’t step outside what you and your partner value as parents.
What I mean here is, don’t violate the boundaries of what you’ve established together as important to your family just because Mom is gone. If weekend bedtimes are important because there’s an early morning soccer game, be sure to wrap up the fashion show or wrestling match on time. If you don’t normally allow scary movies in the house, opt for a Disney movie – or even better, one that you grew up with – which the kids haven’t seen (think Old Yeller, Labyrinth, The Princess Bride, Hook, etc.,).
The idea is to avoid compromising what you’ve both decided is important to your family just because Mom is not there to say no. It may make Dad look like the hero, but if it makes Mom out to be the bad guy (now or later), it’s not worth the risk. Trust me on this one.
3. Celebrate Mom coming home.
Making memories with Dad while Mom is away can potentially dishonor Mom.
Think about it: Mom finally gets a night out with the girls to unwind, comes home and finds half-eaten pizza rolls on the coffee table, couch cushions scattered on the floor and Nerf darts in every corner and cranny of the room – not to mention it’s midnight and the kids are still up watching Interview With a Vampire while Dad is asleep on the couch. So much for unwinding.
Instead, teach your children how to honor Mom while she’s away. Try to clean the house better than before she left. Print out pictures of your fashion show (yes, even the one of you with your new hair-do) and have the kids put them in cards they make for Mom telling her how special she is. Have the kids pick some flowers on your night hike to give to Mom when she comes come. Just one simple gesture like that can let Mom know you missed her while she was out.
If Mom comes home early before your festivities are over, prep the kids to greet her with hugs and kisses at the door. And if she’s up to it, bring her into the mix – invite her to watch the rest of the movie on the couch, fix her a s’more, or have her be the guest of honor at a special encore presentation of the talent show.
And then let her relax and go to bed while you and the kids clean up!
Allowing your partner to relax and unwind at home after she’s gone out with friends makes you a hero to the kids, AND to her, too!
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The largest college admissions scandal in history had many people shaking their heads in disgust.
In hopes of getting their kids admitted to prestigious schools, parents used bribery, paid off test administrators to change test scores and paid athletic directors and coaches to add names as potential recruits for sports teams. This is troubling on so many levels.
Many kids actually worked hard to earn their way into college, but they may have lost their place to someone whose parents worked to play the system. This scandal exposes significant problems in the college admissions process, along with another major dilemma affecting many young people today: overzealous parents trying to snowplow the roads of life for their children. Overparenting your child can cause some major problems.
One parent arranged for someone else to take a college entrance exam for his son. He told the third party it was imperative that his son never know about it. Imagine being the son who thought he earned the score on that test, only to find out from the media that it was a lie because his father made it happen. Talk about robbing someone of their confidence.
Parents who do things like this often say the motivation behind their behavior is wanting the best for their child, but at what cost? Keep in mind the definition of success for one child might look very different for another. Parents who create a false sense of accomplishment for their child aren’t helping by overparenting; they are hurting. In the end, these young people will pay a hefty price for their parents’ actions whether they knew about their parents’ actions ahead of time or not.
Warren Buffett once told a group of Georgia Tech students, “If you get to my age in life and nobody thinks well of you, I don’t care how big your bank account is, your life is a disaster.” Buffet realizes that money can’t buy love or happiness, nor does it guarantee success.
When parents don’t allow their children to fail and learn how to pick themselves up and keep putting one foot in front of the other, they are doing an extreme disservice to their children. Failure is a part of life and can be incredibly motivating when one isn’t afraid of taking risks. Allowing them to experience failure and supporting them as they regain their footing is a very powerful confidence-builder.
Parents have to ask themselves if the motivation behind the overparenting behavior is self-serving. For example, does it just make you look good as a parent or is this in your child’s best interest?
If your child has no aspirations to attend college, none of the behind-the-scenes maneuvering you do will change that. In fact, it will likely take a huge toll on your parent-child relationship instead.
So what can parents do?
See your child for who he/she is in their gifts, talents, dreams and passions. They will likely have different passions and areas of giftedness that may take them on a path for which you haven’t prepared. You may even want to tell them, “You will never be able to support yourself doing that.”
Instead of saying those words, help them know what it will take to succeed. Encourage them and put parameters around where you must draw the line, then be brave enough to let them try. Even if they fail, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t a valuable experience. It also doesn’t mean they can’t change their direction if they decide what they are doing isn’t working.
Pediatrician and author Meg Meeker shared these thoughts in a blog post addressing this issue:
“At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter where, or if, your child goes to college. It matters that he is prepared and equipped to lead a healthy adult life. Give him that and you will have given him more than an Ivy League education ever could.”
Looking for more resources? Watch this episode of JulieB TV for an in-depth look on this topic!
Many parents feel pressure to make sure their child is actually kindergarten-ready. But, are they really focusing on the things that ultimately prepare their child for future success? Before starting kindergarten, children need to know a few things, of course…
Knowing their name, being able to tie their shoes and going to the bathroom by themselves are important for sure. But did you know that social competency skills such as being able to listen, share material with others, solve problems with their classmates, cooperate and be helpful are every bit as important, perhaps more so?
Researchers from Penn State analyzed 753 children in Durham, N.C., Seattle, Nashville and rural Pennsylvania. They found that children who were more likely to share or be helpful in kindergarten were also more likely to obtain higher education and hold full-time jobs nearly two decades later. Kids without these social competency skills were more likely to face negative outcomes by age 25, including substance abuse problems, challenges finding employment or run-ins with the law.
The researchers found that for every one-point increase in a student’s social competency score, he or she was:
- Twice as likely to graduate from college;
- 54 percent more likely to earn a high school diploma; and
- 46 percent more likely to have a full-time job by age 25.
For every one-point decrease in the child’s score, he or she had a:
- 64 percent higher chance of having spent time in juvenile detention;
- 67 percent higher chance of an arrest by early adulthood;
- 52 percent higher rate of binge-drinking;
- 82 percent higher rate of recent marijuana usage; and an
- 82 percent higher chance of being in or on a waiting list for public housing at age 25.
The research shows that high-quality relationships and rich social interactions in the home, school and community prepare children well for the future. Never underestimate the importance of a stable home in the life of a child.
No matter your child’s age, you can help them learn what they really need to know. Parents and extended family, child care providers and neighbors—everyone really—can help young children develop these social-emotional skills.
Try these strategies to help children develop social/emotional competence:
- Let them figure out how to solve their own problems (within reason).
- Instead of making decisions for them, help them make decisions.
- Teach them about emotions and help them understand other people’s feelings.
- Give them opportunities to learn what it looks like to share with others.
- Provide experiences where they can be helpful.
- Teach them how to express themselves appropriately with direction.
- Be intentional about giving them instructions and helping them follow through on what you asked them to do. This will serve them well when it comes to listening and following instructions in the classroom.
- Give your child the chance to engage in activities with others where they learn to cooperate without being prompted.
Providing these opportunities is beneficial, before starting kindergarten AND far beyond kindergarten. Although it may be easier for adults to make these things happen for their children, easy isn’t always best. Step back and see what they can do—that’s some of the best kindergarten prep you could ever do.
Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV on this topic!
