Last weekend was Father’s Day. I helped my young children celebrate their dad by purchasing a small gift we knew he would love and creating personal cards for him to enjoy.

He was delightfully surprised by both, and quickly commented, “Ah, you don’t have to celebrate me. I’m not half as important as your Mom anyway. She’s the real one to celebrate.”

While I appreciated the compliment, my brow furrowed a little at this statement… and I think it still is. 

A Pew Research study completed in 2017 found that 68% of dads felt they did not spend enough time with their kids. Similarly, a whopping 85% said they felt their role as a parent mattered, but not as much as mom. While the logic behind these surveys is easy to understand, the reality is dads play a different role in a child’s life than moms, but that role is just as important.

One unique way a father contributes is to a child’s emotional and social development.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that fathers often engage in roughhousing, wrestling, and play that is physically stimulating and unpredictable. This teaches children about managing emotions and taking risks within safe boundaries. It also helps children develop resilience and confidence.

Moreover, fathers are role models for both sons and daughters. For boys, a father’s behavior can shape their understanding of masculinity and respectful relationships. For daughters, the father’s treatment of their mother and other women sets a precedent for what they might expect in their own future relationships.

A wide array of studies show that children with actively involved fathers tend to fare better on numerous fronts.

They exhibit higher levels of academic achievement, better social skills, and improved self-esteem. According to a report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, these children are also less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drug use and delinquency. The positive presence of a father can be a protective factor against many of the challenges young people face today.

Despite the significant role fathers play, they often face numerous societal pressures and challenges that can hinder their involvement. Traditional gender roles, workplace demands, and the lingering stereotype of fathers as secondary parents can create barriers. It’s crucial that we, as a society, recognize these obstacles and provide support to fathers.

Workplaces can be more father-friendly by offering paternity leave and flexible working arrangements.

This not only allows fathers to be more present in the early, formative weeks of their child’s life but also supports a more balanced sharing of parental responsibilities. Schools and community programs can actively involve fathers by hosting events and workshops that welcome their participation and acknowledge their role.

Relationship experts, like Dr. Michael Lamb, advocate for counseling and resources tailored specifically to fathers. Parenting classes that address the unique challenges fathers face, coupled with support groups, can provide the necessary tools and confidence for men to engage fully with their children.

So dads, please believe that your role is irreplaceable. Your presence, love, and involvement are crucial in shaping the next generation. For those in the community supporting fathers, continue to encourage and create spaces where fathers can thrive and feel valued. By doing so, we not only uplift individual families but strengthen the very fabric of our society.

While last week was Father’s Day, but we can celebrate dads every day, recognizing the irreplaceable contributions they provide and renewing our commitment to supporting them in their parenting journey. Whether through policy changes, community support, or simply recognizing the invaluable role they play, every effort counts in helping fathers build stronger bonds with their children.

Embracing 50/50 Custody is the Best for Children

I am not an advocate for divorce on many occasions, but I do know there are some situations in which the ending of a relationship is better for everyone involved–and that’s okay. When one of my closest friends called me to tell me she was officially filing for a divorce, there was a sense of relief in her voice and an optimistic outlook for the future. Inevitably, her biggest concern was what to do for her children. 

Deciding on custody arrangements can be one of the most challenging aspects of the divorce process, as well as for unmarried couples who have children. Traditionally, custody arrangements often lean towards favoring one parent over the other, but a growing body of research and evidence-based practices are pointing towards a more balanced approach: 50/50 custody. Experts across the nation are beginning to agree this arrangement can offer numerous benefits for children and families alike.

First and foremost, 50/50 custody promotes the invaluable principle of equality. Children thrive when they have consistent and meaningful relationships with both parents. Dr. Edward Kruk, a professor of social work at the University of British Columbia, highlights in his research that children benefit from having access to both parents post-divorce, leading to better psychological and emotional outcomes. He emphasizes that “shared parenting tends to be associated with better outcomes for children.”

In a recent article written by journalist Emma Johnson and published by the Institute for Family Studies, Johnson shares that a 2023 analysis of existing research found that on many measures, children in shared parenting arrangements “do equally well compared to children in nuclear families.” 

“The studies measured the kids’ academic, cognitive, emotional, and psychological outcomes, behavioral problems, overall physical health or stress-related physical problems, and the parent-child relationship quality,” writes Johnson. “This emerging culture shift to 50/50 parenting norms has also been a challenge for me, a lifelong feminist and journalist, who has devoted the heart of my career to celebrating single-mother families.”

Ultimately, 50/50 custody encourages co-parenting and shared responsibilities. When both parents are actively involved in raising their children, it fosters a sense of cooperation and mutual support, even after the marriage has ended. This shared responsibility can alleviate the burden on a single parent and provide a more stable environment for the children. According to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, children in shared custody arrangements report higher levels of satisfaction with their relationships with both parents compared to those in sole custody arrangements.

Critics of 50/50 custody often raise concerns about logistical challenges and disruptions to children’s routines. However, experts argue that with effective communication and cooperation between parents, these challenges can be overcome. Dr. Linda Nielsen, a professor of adolescent and educational psychology at Wake Forest University, suggests that parents can work together to create consistent routines and rules across households, providing stability for the children.

Furthermore, 50/50 custody can mitigate the negative effects of parental conflict on children.

Research consistently shows that ongoing conflict between parents can have detrimental effects on children’s well-being. By sharing custody equally, parents may be motivated to minimize conflicts and prioritize the needs of their children, creating a healthier environment for them to thrive.

Of course, every family situation is unique, and 50/50 custody may not be feasible or suitable in every case. Factors such as distance between parents’ homes, work schedules, and the child’s best interests should all be carefully considered when determining custody arrangements. The growing body of research and expert opinions support the benefits of shared parenting overall.

Embracing 50/50 custody as a standard practice can promote equality, cooperation, and stability for children and families. By prioritizing the well-being of the children and fostering healthy relationships with both parents, families can navigate the complexities of shared parenting with compassion and empathy, ultimately providing a brighter future for the next generation.

Happiness is in no way the main goal of parenting or all that a child needs. Study after study shows a bit of struggle and frustration will allow a child to build character. But having a positive outlook and a foundation of optimism can protect children from mental health issues throughout life.

Knowing this, there is one thing that will allow children to feel happiness more than anything else: your love.

A 2023 Pew Research survey showed that 94% of parents feel it is extremely important that their children have strong moral and ethical beliefs. 76% of parents said that their greatest worry for their children was their mental health. This includes the effects of depression and anxiety on the next generation. 

It’s clear parents want their children to be good, happy people. So, what can we do to help your children be happy? According to the Journal of Child and Family Studies, a parent’s warmth and love play a big role in a child viewing their world in a positive light. It specifically pointed to the influence a father or a father figure can have on a child’s lifelong happiness.

When it comes to teaching happiness to our children, actions speak louder than words. You’ve probably heard the dangers of telling your child to, “do as I say, not as I do.” Research backs this up as well. Several studies in the past twenty years have shown that things like religious practices, drinking alcohol, or exercising regularly, are more likely to be passed down through generations by action more than word. For example, if a parent tells their child not to drink alcohol, yet they themselves drink alcohol regularly, their child is more than likely to start a drinking habit as an adult.

The same thing can be used for how parents show love and affection to their children. It’s one thing to say “I love you” and to provide food, a home, and clothes. It’s another thing to establish consistent fun, warmth, and honesty in your relationship. These are some of the key things you need to make positive memories together.

What’s the key takeaway from all of this?

When you’re stuck in a parenting rut or when you’re feeling overwhelmed and lost on what to do for your child, turn to warmth and affection. Show them love.

This is easier said than done, and it may sound over-optimistic, but kids need to know they’re loved and accepted unconditionally more than anything else in the world.

And here’s some good news: showing love to your kids doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, and your kids don’t have to be perfect either. Just by being there for them, by giving them hugs, and by showing them that you care, you’re doing something really important.

So, keep on loving your kids, even on the tough days. Because in the end, your love is one of the best things you can give them. And that’s something they’ll carry with them their whole lives.