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The Surprising Subject That’s Missing from Our Kids’ Lives

The other night, my six-year-old son asked, “Can something be true for one person but not for another?” And just like that, between spaghetti and bedtime, we stumbled into philosophy.

I know—it sounds like something best left to college kids with thick glasses and lots of coffee. But recent research says otherwise. In fact, teaching philosophy to kids might be one of the best ways to help them think more clearly, speak more confidently, and understand the world around them. Even better? It doesn’t require fancy lessons or textbooks. Just a little curiosity and a lot of listening.

Philosophy is all about asking big questions and thinking deeply about them. Questions like: What’s right and wrong?, What makes something real?, Why do we do what we do?

It’s not about having the right answers. It’s about learning to ask smart questions, listen to others, and explain your thinking.

And yes, even young kids can do this. They already do—every time they ask “Why?” five times in a row.

According to a recent article from OK Diario, philosophy is one of the best subjects for sharpening kids’ minds. In places where it’s taught, students do better in reading, writing, and math. But here in the U.S., it’s hardly ever part of the school day.

Why? A few reasons. Schools focus so much on testing that there’s little time for open-ended thinking. And some adults assume kids aren’t ready for deep ideas—but the research suggests that’s just not true. Research shows children who study philosophy become better thinkers, kinder classmates, and more confident speakers.

So if it’s so helpful, how can we bring it back?

You don’t need a degree in ancient thinkers to get started. Philosophy can happen anywhere—on the way to school, at dinner, or during storytime. The key is to welcome questions and let your child do the thinking.

When your child asks a big question—like “What happens when we die?” or “Why do some people lie?”—try this:

  • Ask what they think. Instead of giving an answer, say, “That’s a great question. What do you think?”
  • Listen. Let them talk without jumping in right away. Sometimes just saying things out loud helps kids understand their own thoughts.
  • Wonder with them. You can say, “Hmm, I’m not sure either. Let’s think about it together.”

Even toddlers can join in. My daughter, who’s almost two, recently said, “Moon sad.” I didn’t correct her—I asked, “Why do you think the moon is sad?” Her answer? “It’s alone.” Philosophical gold. 

In a world full of quick opinions and loud arguments, kids who can think deeply and speak kindly have a big advantage. Philosophy helps them pause, reflect, and connect with others. It doesn’t just build brains—it builds better people.

So next time your child asks a big question—or even a weird one—lean in. You might just find yourself in the middle of a thoughtful, funny, meaningful conversation. And that’s something no app or worksheet can teach.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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Bridging the Gap: When Mental Health Culture Meets Family History

Something interesting is happening around kitchen tables these days. Families are talking more openly about things that used to stay quietly tucked away—anxiety, boundaries, burnout, childhood wounds. Mental health culture has brought these topics out of the shadows and into everyday conversation.

That’s a good thing—mostly. But it’s also created a growing tension between generations.

Adult children are using new language to describe their experiences. They’re setting boundaries, processing trauma, and trying to parent differently. Meanwhile, many parents—especially those who raised kids in a time when emotions weren’t openly discussed—are struggling to keep up. Some feel blamed, misunderstood, or left out entirely.

This disconnect isn’t about bad intentions. It’s about different frameworks. And bridging the gap, while worth the effort, is far from easy.

Mental health awareness has grown significantly in recent decades, and therapy-informed language is now common among Millennials and Gen Z. Words like “emotional labor,” “gaslighting,” and “generational trauma” are part of regular conversation.

But research shows that this increased awareness sometimes leads to more—not less—conflict. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that while emotionally open communication improves individual well-being, it can cause friction when others aren’t operating from the same emotional playbook.

Older generations, often raised to “push through” or “keep it to yourself,” may feel confused or criticized when adult children bring up past pain or ask for emotional boundaries. And younger generations, wanting to heal, may struggle to understand why their parents seem resistant or defensive.

Avoiding these conversations altogether can lead to even deeper problems. A study from Cornell University found that unresolved family conflict is one of the top regrets people carry later in life. Estrangement, which was once rare, is becoming more common—nearly 1 in 4 Americans say they’ve cut off a close family member at some point.

In most cases, families don’t want to drift apart. They just don’t know how to talk across the emotional and cultural divides.

Here’s the hopeful part: families who do the hard work of navigating these tensions often emerge stronger.

Healthy conflict, handled with mutual respect, can deepen understanding and build trust. Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert in family estrangement and family therapy, notes that reconciliation is most successful when both sides are willing to reflect on their part and adjust expectations.

Adult children don’t need their parents to be perfect. Parents don’t need their children to forget the past. But both sides benefit when they can say, “I want to understand you, even if I don’t fully agree with you.”

If you’re a parent struggling with this tension in your relationship with your adult child, try these tools:

  • Ask questions before offering advice. When your child shares how they’re feeling or something they’re experiencing, posture yourself to listen rather than sharing. “What do you need from me right now?” goes a long way.
  • Don’t take boundaries personally. They’re often about the adult child’s needs for understanding and growth—not a rejection of your love.
  • Be open to learning. Therapy-speak might sound foreign, but behind it is often a deep desire for connection.

If you’re an adult child struggling with this tension in your relationship with your parent, try these tools:

  • Share feelings without shaming. “I needed something different back then” is easier to hear than “You failed me.”
  • Evaluate your own desire for the conversation and set realistic expectations for the outcome. Are you wanting your parents to go back in time and spend more time with you? Hear your needs? Show up more? We don’t have time machines, and it may not be something they’re willing to acknowledge and apologize for at the moment. They may need time to process and gather a response.
  • Acknowledge growth. Even small efforts by your parents to understand should be seen and named. Don’t expect perfect healing. Aim for progress, not perfection.

Repairing emotional rifts across generations requires humility, patience, and a lot of practice.

But it matters. Because our family ties, when healthy, are one of the few places where we can be fully known and still loved.

We won’t always say it right. There will be missteps. But leaning in—gently, consistently, and without the need to win—creates space for something new to grow.

Maybe that’s the real gift of this mental health moment: not to blame or divide, but to build something stronger than what we were handed.

And maybe, that work begins with just one honest conversation at the table.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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The Unsung Superpower of Fathers: What Dads Really Bring to the Table

It’s no secret Dads play a special role in the lives of their children. Whether they’re fully present, somewhat present or not present at all, the impact fathers and even father figures have on children’s lives is profound. Yet a report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services notes, “Too many fathers become convinced that they are simply an extra set of hands to help around the house, rather than irreplaceable to their children.” 

Here are a few lesser-known ways fathers can influence their children’s development, mental health and overall outlook on life.

1. Fathers Shape Emotional Intelligence and Relationship Skills

Recent research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies reveals that men who experienced affection from their fathers during childhood were 48% less likely to commit or be engaged in intimate partner violence as adults. This underscores the importance of emotionally available and engaged father figures in teaching boys and girls about love, respect, and conflict resolution. 

2. Dad’s Involvement Boosts Academic and Behavioral Outcomes

Children with actively involved fathers are 43% more likely to earn A’s and 33% less likely to repeat a grade. Moreover, these children exhibit higher levels of sociability, confidence, and self-control, giving them an extra boost in positive behavioral patterns.

3. Unique Play Styles Foster Development

Fathers often engage in more physical and unpredictable play, which encourages risk-taking and problem-solving skills in children. An article released by The Fathering Project reveals that this type of interaction is crucial for developing resilience and adaptability. 

4. Fathers Influence Long-Term Mental and Relational Health

High-quality father involvement during childhood is linked to better mental health outcomes in adulthood, including lower rates of depression and anxiety throughout the child’s life. A study published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychological Science also suggests the depth of connection developed between a child and father can greatly influence the child’s romantic relationships later in life. This held especially true for males.

5. Dads Teach Practical Life Skills

Beyond emotional support, fathers often impart essential life skills. A survey through the New York Post found children believe their dads are instrumental in teaching day-to-day necessities such as how to drive, fix things, and build overall confidence. 

6. The Absence of Fathers Has Tangible Effects

Further information revealed through The Fatherhood Project shows children growing up without a father figure are more likely to experience poverty, drop out of school, and engage in behaviors that put their physical health at risk, such as unprotected sex, binge drinking and drug abuse. This highlights the critical role fathers play in providing stability and guidance.

7. Fathers as Attachment Figures

While mothers are often primary attachment figures, fathers can also serve this role, providing a wider net of support and care for children. Secure attachments with fathers contribute to better social abilities and fewer behavioral problems in children.

Fathers and father figures bring a unique set of skills and attributes that are indispensable to a child’s development.

From shaping emotional intelligence to teaching practical life skills, their influence is profound and far-reaching. 

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads and father figures out there! You are irreplaceable.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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The Poverty We Don’t Talk About Enough

I’ve worked in the non-profit space long enough to know poverty wears more faces than just financial strain. And while my current reality is keeping my toddler from climbing everything in sight and trying to stop my six-year-old from sneakily waking up in the middle of the night to play legos for hours, I can’t help but reflect on another kind of scary reality—one we don’t often see but we feel: social poverty.

Social poverty isn’t about empty wallets. It’s about empty calendars, empty tables, and empty inboxes.

It’s the absence of dependable relationships and meaningful community—what some researchers from Northwestern University call a “lack of perceived or actual support from social networks.” It cuts across economic lines, affecting everyone from CEOs in high-rise condos to single parents in subsidized housing. But it hits harder and sticks longer in low-income communities, often compounding the already heavy weight of generational poverty.

Simply put, social poverty is a lack of social capital. That’s a wonky term, but think of it as your “people portfolio”—the relationships that give you help, guidance, accountability, encouragement, even opportunity. When that portfolio is empty, you’re socially poor. And the consequences? They’re not just sad; they’re significant.

Social poverty can impact everything from mental health to job prospects, parenting to physical well-being.

According to a 2023 study in Social Science & Medicine, those with weak social networks and disconnected family structures are at increased risk of depression, substance abuse, and chronic illness—regardless of income.

Yet for families living in low-income neighborhoods, where institutions are often strained and trust is fragile, this scarcity of connection becomes generational. Kids raised without a strong web of relationships and supportive families are more likely to grow up without the very safety nets that help them thrive.

Now let’s talk family. Because the breakdown of the family unit plays a huge role here.

Strong families are the original social safety net.

They’re the first responders in crisis, the late-night babysitters, the ride to the doctor, the wisdom at the dinner table– the built-in support system. But as marriage rates fall and single-parent households rise—particularly in economically vulnerable communities—many families find themselves going it alone.

Melissa Kearney, a University of Maryland economist and author of The Two-Parent Privilege, makes this point clearly: “We have a growing class divide in family structure, and that divide exacerbates inequality.” Two-parent families, she notes, are more likely to provide the kind of consistent emotional and logistical support that buffers kids against adversity. Without that, children are more vulnerable to instability, and parents are more likely to feel isolated.

And when isolation becomes the norm, social poverty isn’t far behind.

Let’s be clear: solving financial poverty matters. But if we address only the bank account and ignore the relational account, we’re missing half the story.

While I mentioned before that relational poverty exists across the socioeconomic divide, Dr. Robert Putnam, author of Our Kids: The American Dream in Crisis, highlights how affluent families not only have more money, but also have more access to “mentors, tutors, more stable family structures, social networks, and community stability.” This web of relationships supports upward mobility. Meanwhile, lower-income families often lack access to the very connections that could help them climb out of poverty.

As a mom of two, I think about this all the time. Not just What do my kids need? but Who do my kids need? Who’s going to show up when life gets hard? Who’s in our corner?

If we want to support families and children in poverty effectively, we need to build community and relationships as fiercely as we build resumes.

That means:

  • Rebuilding the family: Supporting healthy marriages and involved parenting is not just good policy—it’s good economics and social strategy. Programs that teach relationship skills, co-parenting strategies, and conflict resolution actually increase family stability, according to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
  • Investing in community: Whether through churches, schools, neighborhood groups, or nonprofits, communities thrive when people know and are known. Communities thrive when residents are empowered to make a difference from within.
  • Reducing stigma: Admitting loneliness or a lack of support should be met with compassion, not shame. Let’s normalize reaching out, showing up, and making room at our metaphorical tables.

Financial poverty may be easier to measure, but social poverty is just as real—and arguably more insidious. As a society, we can’t afford to keep treating relationships like luxuries when they’re basic necessities.

So when it comes to considering how to support families in poverty, let’s do more than ask, “How much do they make?” or “What type of education do they have?” but “Who do they have?” Because sometimes, the kindest thing we can offer isn’t a handout—it’s a hand to hold.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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Should You Care for Family Members Who Never Cared for You?

There’s an old saying: “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.”

It’s a phrase often used when we’re caught between the emotional turmoil of familial obligation and the complex realities of our relationships. But does this mean we’re required to care for family members who’ve shown little to no care for us in return?

In my daily work, we deal with adults and children stuck in generational cycles of neglect, abuse, addiction, etc. My own family consistently deals with the complex dynamic of caring for and helping family members who have not made the best decisions or been dependable and functional in relationships.

Family dynamics are rarely as simple as we’d like them to be.

Sometimes, family members, whether parents, siblings, or other relatives, fail to provide the care and support that we expect or need. This can leave lasting scars, and understandably, the question arises: Is it still our responsibility to extend a hand when they’ve shown us nothing but indifference or neglect?

There’s a psychological phenomenon known as “familial obligation,” the belief that we must maintain close relationships with family regardless of how those relationships make us feel. Research suggests that this belief can stem from deep-rooted cultural and societal expectations.

Family is seen and desired to be a unit that provides unconditional love, yet this isn’t always the case for everyone.

A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family showed that individuals who experience emotional neglect or dysfunction within their family often feel torn when it comes to maintaining these connections. On one hand, the sense of loyalty is ingrained; on the other, the desire for emotional well-being may conflict with these familial obligations and longings.

Psychologist Dr. Laura Markham, known for her work on family dynamics, suggests that empathy plays a significant role in how we navigate difficult relationships. She notes that while it’s essential to set boundaries for self-preservation, it’s equally important to understand the root causes of a family member’s behavior. If a parent, for example, was emotionally unavailable due to their own unresolved traumas, it might help to approach the situation with compassion rather than judgment.

“Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing,” Dr. Markham says. “It means choosing to move forward with empathy, understanding that we can’t change the past, but we can redefine how we respond to it.”

Yet, the emotional cost of continuously caring for someone who never reciprocates can be high. The risk of burnout, resentment, and emotional depletion is real. For this reason, experts in family therapy often recommend establishing clear boundaries while still holding space for empathy. Remember, it’s okay to feel conflicted about giving to someone who hasn’t given back. Acknowledge your feelings, and then decide what you’re capable of offering.

When faced with the dilemma of whether to care for a family member who hasn’t shown you care, consider this:

What are you emotionally able to give? And what are your expectations? Compassion is vital, but so is self-care.

The National Institute of Mental Health suggests that maintaining mental health in difficult family relationships requires balancing compassion with self-preservation. If the act of caring for a family member becomes a burden, the impact on your mental and emotional health can be significant. Likewise, if you choose to care for a family member because you have an expectation of turning the relationship around or healing a wound, make that expectation known up front. Or, better yet, evaluate whether or not that expectation is realistic in the first place.

A study published in Family Relations found that individuals who engage in caregiving without proper emotional boundaries and expectations often experience depression and anxiety.

That’s why it’s essential to reflect on what your limits and desires are and communicate them clearly. You can love someone and still protect your emotional well-being.

The key is creating healthy boundaries that allow for compassion without compromise. This doesn’t mean cutting ties or withholding care, but rather, finding a balance that respects both your needs and the needs of others. Establishing these boundaries can sometimes mean limiting the frequency of contact or focusing on more specific ways to provide care that feel manageable.

Also, building a network of supportive relationships outside of your family can serve as a crucial support system. Studies indicate that strong, non-familial relationships can provide the emotional stability needed to navigate complex family dynamics. Leaning into these relationships can help you feel more grounded when dealing with family challenges.

Ultimately, deciding whether to care for a family member who hasn’t cared for you requires both introspection and external support. It’s okay to prioritize your own mental health while still maintaining a sense of empathy. There’s no “one size fits all” answer, and that’s okay. Each family dynamic is unique, and the decision to engage or disengage with family members should be made with consideration of your personal circumstances, emotional capacity, and overall well-being.

As we navigate our family relationships, we may find that our ability to care for others is strengthened when we first care for ourselves. And in doing so, we can create more meaningful, balanced relationships that honor both our needs and the complexities of family.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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From School Bells to Summer Breezes: 9 Ways to Make the Most of Summer

If your household is anything like mine, summertime can feel like you’ve traded one color-coded calendar (school) for another (everything else).

The good news?

With a pinch of planning and a dash of research-backed creativity, families can turn the season into a relationship-building sandbox—no matter how full the calendar looks.

Here’s the game plan.

1. Name the season before it starts.

Researchers at the National Summer Learning Association call the vacation months “high-impact yet high-need” for kids’ academic and social development—especially when opportunity gaps mean some children have rich programs while others have none. In fact, a recent Gallup-backed summary shows 68% of higher-income students can afford extra summer learning, versus 37% of their lower-income peers.

Defining your family’s priorities—whether it’s catching up on reading or catching lightning bugs—helps guard against the comparison trap while keeping your goals front-and-center.

Pro tip: Hold a five-minute “summer summit” at dinner this week. Ask each child (and grown-up) to name one “must-do,” one “nice-to-do,” and one “let-it-go” item. Post the list on the fridge and let it steer decisions before something else does.

2. Busier schedules don’t mean less time together.

Parents often assume that a packed itinerary leaves no room for connection, but social-psychology research disagrees. Even micro-moments—brief laughs with the barista or a 30-second gratitude text—boost well-being and belonging. Think of your day as Swiss cheese: the holes are tiny, but they’re perfect for intentional touchpoints.

  • Commute-unity: Turn car rides into a “two-question ride.” Let kids pick the questions (e.g., “What superpower would you give the dog today?”).
  • Pocket postcards: Pre-stamp postcards and keep them in your work bag. Scribble a silly note between meetings; kids love snail mail—even when it arrives at their own mailbox.
  • The “Sunset 15”: Choose three evenings a week for a device-free, 15-minute family check-in on the porch. Short, predictable, powerful.

3. Keep flexible routines—your future self will thank you.

A 2023 Journal of Child and Family Studies survey of 1,500 elementary families found that predictable routines were linked to fewer internalizing and externalizing behavior problems and more prosocial skills in kids.

Structure doesn’t kill spontaneity; it liberates it by reducing decision fatigue.

Morning anchors (same wake-up, breakfast playlist, quick chore) and evening rituals (story, stretch, song) give children—and busy parents—cognitive rest stops. Sprinkle in spontaneity inside the framework: Taco Tuesday can become “Torch-lit Taco Tuesday” with flashlights in the backyard.

4. Move, Eat, Sleep—the summer edition.

The CDC reminds us that kids still need at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily, plus fruits, veggies, and plenty of Zzz’s. Make these guidelines work for real life:

  • “Commercial-break calisthenics” for rainy-day screen time. One jumping-jack per year of age during commercial breaks keeps things giggly and on-brand for the 6-year-old audience.
  • Sleep signals: Keep bedtime within 30 minutes of the school-year schedule to avoid September jet lag.

5. Use the SUN strategy: Sleep, Unplug, Nature.

Psychologist Lisa Damour’s summer mantra is delightfully on-the-nose: S for Sleep, U for Unplug, N for Nature. Her research-informed podcast episode argues that these three levers offer the biggest parental bang for the time-pressured buck.

Try a weekly “digital sabbath” hike, or let kids camp in the backyard (toddler makeshift-tent included).

6. Tame the screens before they roar.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends clear “screen-free zones” (think dinner table) and “screen-free times” (pre-bed).

Draft a family media plan together; ownership breeds compliance. For working parents, automatic downtime settings on tablets mean you’re not the summer fun police—the tablet or device just needs a break.

7. Give yourself a grown-up recess.

Seventy percent of parents report feeling exhausted by late August. Block one evening a month for adult recharge—whether that’s a spouse date, solo bookstore wander, or literal nap.

Kids benefit from parents who model healthy boundaries and joy.

8. Leverage community assets.

Remember: camps, church VBS weeks, city splash-pad evenings, and grandparent swaps are not childcare “cop-outs.” They’re relationship multipliers that widen your child’s circle of safe adults while giving you oxygen to lead at work and at home.

Bonus: they often come with built-in social-emotional curricula (check those brochures).

9. Celebrate the last-day-of-summer feeling—now!

Mark the calendar for a simple end-of-summer ritual: backyard movie night, ice-cream-for-dinner day, or “kindergarten graduation keynote” delivered by your rising first-grader. Rituals stitch experiences into memory, signaling to kids,

We did something special together, and it mattered.

Intentional summers aren’t about squeezing more stuff in; they’re about weaving relationships through the stuff that’s already there.

With research as your compass and creativity as your sunscreen, you can step into June confident that every camp pickup, bedtime giggle, and microwaved s’more is building the family you want—one micro-moment at a time.

Happy firefly chasing!

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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How Artificial Intelligence is Shaping Families

My (almost) two-year-old daughter loves to listen to Elmo songs. Thanks to AI, she can say “Hey Google, play Elmo” in any room in the house and her favorite jams will fill the speakers, so long as Google can “speak toddler” that day.

While this is cute and convenient for her, it’s also created a bit of unrealistic expectations. Now she yells “Hey Google, play Elmo!” at the grocery store, friends’ houses, in the middle of church, and even in outside spaces like the park. When Google doesn’t respond, she’s heartbroken.

My six-year-old son loves to ask AI questions throughout the day. “What sound does a howler monkey make?”, “Is it okay for dogs to eat strawberries?”, “How long would it take to dig to the other side of the Earth?” He gets instant answers to feed his curiosity. 

While I enjoy the convenience of AI, I can’t help but wonder how it’s shaping the realities of my family and families across the globe.

How will my children’s lives continue to evolve with the growth of AI and how are other families experiencing this phenomenon?

A recent Pew Research survey found that 19% of U.S. teenagers have used AI to assist with their homework, with 39% deeming it acceptable for solving math problems.

While AI can be a valuable educational tool, it’s essential to ensure it complements learning rather than take over critical thinking.

Dr. Ying Xu, an assistant professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, emphasizes that AI designed with learning principles in mind can benefit children’s growth. However, she cautions that AI should be used to build children’s learning, not replace it.

AI isn’t just influencing children; it’s also reshaping parenting.

Some parents are proactively teaching their children to use AI tools responsibly, aiming to prepare them for a future where AI is expected to be even more present. However, the reliance on AI for tasks such as health advice has raised eyebrows. A study from the University of Kansas Life Span Institute revealed that some parents trust AI tools like ChatGPT more than healthcare professionals for health information. These parents also rated AI-generated text as credible, moral, and trustworthy, highlighting the need for discernment in AI usage.

Moreover, experts such as MIT’s Sherry Turkle, warn about the erosion of empathy due to AI. In her book Alone Together, Turkle suggests that over-reliance on technology in general can hinder our ability to empathize with others. She argues that the digital world often strips away nonverbal cues and subtle nuances in communication, making it harder to understand and connect with others on a deeper level. 

As AI continues to integrate into our daily lives, it’s important for families to approach it with a balanced perspective.

Embracing the conveniences and educational benefits of AI can be helpful, but not at the expense of human interaction and critical thinking.

In this evolving landscape, perhaps the best approach is to treat AI as a helpful tool rather than an additional family member. After all, while AI can set reminders, play our favorite songs and answer questions, it can’t replace the connection formed through time spent having conversations and playing together. 

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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The Invisible Load: Why Moms Are Mentally Maxed Out (and What We Can Do About It)

As a 34-year-old mom of two (a Lego-obsessed 6-year-old and a toddler who thinks sleep is optional), wife of 12 years, and CEO of a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening families, I often find myself juggling more than just the usual daily tasks. It’s the mental load—the invisible, relentless stream of responsibilities—that truly weighs me down.

The “mental load” has been a hot topic of conversation, research and investigation since the COVID-19 pandemic, especially in regards to how it affects mothers. To better define the phrase, the mental load refers to the cognitive labor involved in managing a household and family life. It’s the constant planning, organizing, and remembering that keeps everything running smoothly.

Research published by the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that mothers shoulder up to 71% of the mental load in family life. 

This disproportionate burden has tangible effects.

A study found in the Psychology of Women Quarterly reveals working mothers, whether full-time or part-time, specifically carry a combination of cognitive, physical, and emotional labor that leads to significant stress and burnout. Moreover, the mental load has been linked to postpartum depression, with an increase in the past decade from 9.4% to nearly 19% of new mothers affected, according to the National Health Institute.

Beyond personal well-being, the mental load impacts family dynamics.

When mothers are overwhelmed, it can affect their relationships with their significant others and their children. Understanding the weight of the mental load is not just about valuing fairness; it’s about the health and harmony of the entire family unit.

What can we do to lessen the mental load for Moms?

  1. Open Communication: Discuss the mental load openly. Make an effort to truly understand the weight each mom carries and be intentional about providing support. Setup a regular check in time to share what feels heavy or overwhelming.
  2. Delegate Tasks: Make a list of all the tasks mom has to accomplish, then delegate the tasks throughout the family. You can also give children age-appropriate chores. This not only lightens Mom’s load, it teaches them responsibility .
  3. Setting Realistic Expectations and Boundaries: This comes more easily for some Moms than others, but it’s important to say no or not right now from time to time. And, it’s important for others to be okay with a Mom’s decision in setting boundaries or saying no.
  4. Taking Time for Herself: Give Mom space to regularly engage in activities that rejuvenate her, whether it’s reading a book, listening to her favorite podcast or going on walks alone. If you notice a mom in your life who doesn’t have the capacity to take time for herself, offer to watch the kids or run to the store for her so she can. Even short breaks can make a difference in a Mom’s mental capacity.

Acknowledging and addressing the mental load is crucial for the well-being of mothers and their families. By supporting each mom’s mental capacity, we can work towards a more balanced and healthy family life.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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