Tag Archive for: Family

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The Poverty We Don’t Talk About Enough

I’ve worked in the non-profit space long enough to know poverty wears more faces than just financial strain. And while my current reality is keeping my toddler from climbing everything in sight and trying to stop my six-year-old from sneakily waking up in the middle of the night to play legos for hours, I can’t help but reflect on another kind of scary reality—one we don’t often see but we feel: social poverty.

Social poverty isn’t about empty wallets. It’s about empty calendars, empty tables, and empty inboxes.

It’s the absence of dependable relationships and meaningful community—what some researchers from Northwestern University call a “lack of perceived or actual support from social networks.” It cuts across economic lines, affecting everyone from CEOs in high-rise condos to single parents in subsidized housing. But it hits harder and sticks longer in low-income communities, often compounding the already heavy weight of generational poverty.

Simply put, social poverty is a lack of social capital. That’s a wonky term, but think of it as your “people portfolio”—the relationships that give you help, guidance, accountability, encouragement, even opportunity. When that portfolio is empty, you’re socially poor. And the consequences? They’re not just sad; they’re significant.

Social poverty can impact everything from mental health to job prospects, parenting to physical well-being.

According to a 2023 study in Social Science & Medicine, those with weak social networks and disconnected family structures are at increased risk of depression, substance abuse, and chronic illness—regardless of income.

Yet for families living in low-income neighborhoods, where institutions are often strained and trust is fragile, this scarcity of connection becomes generational. Kids raised without a strong web of relationships and supportive families are more likely to grow up without the very safety nets that help them thrive.

Now let’s talk family. Because the breakdown of the family unit plays a huge role here.

Strong families are the original social safety net.

They’re the first responders in crisis, the late-night babysitters, the ride to the doctor, the wisdom at the dinner table– the built-in support system. But as marriage rates fall and single-parent households rise—particularly in economically vulnerable communities—many families find themselves going it alone.

Melissa Kearney, a University of Maryland economist and author of The Two-Parent Privilege, makes this point clearly: “We have a growing class divide in family structure, and that divide exacerbates inequality.” Two-parent families, she notes, are more likely to provide the kind of consistent emotional and logistical support that buffers kids against adversity. Without that, children are more vulnerable to instability, and parents are more likely to feel isolated.

And when isolation becomes the norm, social poverty isn’t far behind.

Let’s be clear: solving financial poverty matters. But if we address only the bank account and ignore the relational account, we’re missing half the story.

While I mentioned before that relational poverty exists across the socioeconomic divide, Dr. Robert Putnam, author of Our Kids: The American Dream in Crisis, highlights how affluent families not only have more money, but also have more access to “mentors, tutors, more stable family structures, social networks, and community stability.” This web of relationships supports upward mobility. Meanwhile, lower-income families often lack access to the very connections that could help them climb out of poverty.

As a mom of two, I think about this all the time. Not just What do my kids need? but Who do my kids need? Who’s going to show up when life gets hard? Who’s in our corner?

If we want to support families and children in poverty effectively, we need to build community and relationships as fiercely as we build resumes.

That means:

  • Rebuilding the family: Supporting healthy marriages and involved parenting is not just good policy—it’s good economics and social strategy. Programs that teach relationship skills, co-parenting strategies, and conflict resolution actually increase family stability, according to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
  • Investing in community: Whether through churches, schools, neighborhood groups, or nonprofits, communities thrive when people know and are known. Communities thrive when residents are empowered to make a difference from within.
  • Reducing stigma: Admitting loneliness or a lack of support should be met with compassion, not shame. Let’s normalize reaching out, showing up, and making room at our metaphorical tables.

Financial poverty may be easier to measure, but social poverty is just as real—and arguably more insidious. As a society, we can’t afford to keep treating relationships like luxuries when they’re basic necessities.

So when it comes to considering how to support families in poverty, let’s do more than ask, “How much do they make?” or “What type of education do they have?” but “Who do they have?” Because sometimes, the kindest thing we can offer isn’t a handout—it’s a hand to hold.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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Should You Care for Family Members Who Never Cared for You?

There’s an old saying: “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.”

It’s a phrase often used when we’re caught between the emotional turmoil of familial obligation and the complex realities of our relationships. But does this mean we’re required to care for family members who’ve shown little to no care for us in return?

In my daily work, we deal with adults and children stuck in generational cycles of neglect, abuse, addiction, etc. My own family consistently deals with the complex dynamic of caring for and helping family members who have not made the best decisions or been dependable and functional in relationships.

Family dynamics are rarely as simple as we’d like them to be.

Sometimes, family members, whether parents, siblings, or other relatives, fail to provide the care and support that we expect or need. This can leave lasting scars, and understandably, the question arises: Is it still our responsibility to extend a hand when they’ve shown us nothing but indifference or neglect?

There’s a psychological phenomenon known as “familial obligation,” the belief that we must maintain close relationships with family regardless of how those relationships make us feel. Research suggests that this belief can stem from deep-rooted cultural and societal expectations.

Family is seen and desired to be a unit that provides unconditional love, yet this isn’t always the case for everyone.

A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family showed that individuals who experience emotional neglect or dysfunction within their family often feel torn when it comes to maintaining these connections. On one hand, the sense of loyalty is ingrained; on the other, the desire for emotional well-being may conflict with these familial obligations and longings.

Psychologist Dr. Laura Markham, known for her work on family dynamics, suggests that empathy plays a significant role in how we navigate difficult relationships. She notes that while it’s essential to set boundaries for self-preservation, it’s equally important to understand the root causes of a family member’s behavior. If a parent, for example, was emotionally unavailable due to their own unresolved traumas, it might help to approach the situation with compassion rather than judgment.

“Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing,” Dr. Markham says. “It means choosing to move forward with empathy, understanding that we can’t change the past, but we can redefine how we respond to it.”

Yet, the emotional cost of continuously caring for someone who never reciprocates can be high. The risk of burnout, resentment, and emotional depletion is real. For this reason, experts in family therapy often recommend establishing clear boundaries while still holding space for empathy. Remember, it’s okay to feel conflicted about giving to someone who hasn’t given back. Acknowledge your feelings, and then decide what you’re capable of offering.

When faced with the dilemma of whether to care for a family member who hasn’t shown you care, consider this:

What are you emotionally able to give? And what are your expectations? Compassion is vital, but so is self-care.

The National Institute of Mental Health suggests that maintaining mental health in difficult family relationships requires balancing compassion with self-preservation. If the act of caring for a family member becomes a burden, the impact on your mental and emotional health can be significant. Likewise, if you choose to care for a family member because you have an expectation of turning the relationship around or healing a wound, make that expectation known up front. Or, better yet, evaluate whether or not that expectation is realistic in the first place.

A study published in Family Relations found that individuals who engage in caregiving without proper emotional boundaries and expectations often experience depression and anxiety.

That’s why it’s essential to reflect on what your limits and desires are and communicate them clearly. You can love someone and still protect your emotional well-being.

The key is creating healthy boundaries that allow for compassion without compromise. This doesn’t mean cutting ties or withholding care, but rather, finding a balance that respects both your needs and the needs of others. Establishing these boundaries can sometimes mean limiting the frequency of contact or focusing on more specific ways to provide care that feel manageable.

Also, building a network of supportive relationships outside of your family can serve as a crucial support system. Studies indicate that strong, non-familial relationships can provide the emotional stability needed to navigate complex family dynamics. Leaning into these relationships can help you feel more grounded when dealing with family challenges.

Ultimately, deciding whether to care for a family member who hasn’t cared for you requires both introspection and external support. It’s okay to prioritize your own mental health while still maintaining a sense of empathy. There’s no “one size fits all” answer, and that’s okay. Each family dynamic is unique, and the decision to engage or disengage with family members should be made with consideration of your personal circumstances, emotional capacity, and overall well-being.

As we navigate our family relationships, we may find that our ability to care for others is strengthened when we first care for ourselves. And in doing so, we can create more meaningful, balanced relationships that honor both our needs and the complexities of family.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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From School Bells to Summer Breezes: 9 Ways to Make the Most of Summer

If your household is anything like mine, summertime can feel like you’ve traded one color-coded calendar (school) for another (everything else).

The good news?

With a pinch of planning and a dash of research-backed creativity, families can turn the season into a relationship-building sandbox—no matter how full the calendar looks.

Here’s the game plan.

1. Name the season before it starts.

Researchers at the National Summer Learning Association call the vacation months “high-impact yet high-need” for kids’ academic and social development—especially when opportunity gaps mean some children have rich programs while others have none. In fact, a recent Gallup-backed summary shows 68% of higher-income students can afford extra summer learning, versus 37% of their lower-income peers.

Defining your family’s priorities—whether it’s catching up on reading or catching lightning bugs—helps guard against the comparison trap while keeping your goals front-and-center.

Pro tip: Hold a five-minute “summer summit” at dinner this week. Ask each child (and grown-up) to name one “must-do,” one “nice-to-do,” and one “let-it-go” item. Post the list on the fridge and let it steer decisions before something else does.

2. Busier schedules don’t mean less time together.

Parents often assume that a packed itinerary leaves no room for connection, but social-psychology research disagrees. Even micro-moments—brief laughs with the barista or a 30-second gratitude text—boost well-being and belonging. Think of your day as Swiss cheese: the holes are tiny, but they’re perfect for intentional touchpoints.

  • Commute-unity: Turn car rides into a “two-question ride.” Let kids pick the questions (e.g., “What superpower would you give the dog today?”).
  • Pocket postcards: Pre-stamp postcards and keep them in your work bag. Scribble a silly note between meetings; kids love snail mail—even when it arrives at their own mailbox.
  • The “Sunset 15”: Choose three evenings a week for a device-free, 15-minute family check-in on the porch. Short, predictable, powerful.

3. Keep flexible routines—your future self will thank you.

A 2023 Journal of Child and Family Studies survey of 1,500 elementary families found that predictable routines were linked to fewer internalizing and externalizing behavior problems and more prosocial skills in kids.

Structure doesn’t kill spontaneity; it liberates it by reducing decision fatigue.

Morning anchors (same wake-up, breakfast playlist, quick chore) and evening rituals (story, stretch, song) give children—and busy parents—cognitive rest stops. Sprinkle in spontaneity inside the framework: Taco Tuesday can become “Torch-lit Taco Tuesday” with flashlights in the backyard.

4. Move, Eat, Sleep—the summer edition.

The CDC reminds us that kids still need at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily, plus fruits, veggies, and plenty of Zzz’s. Make these guidelines work for real life:

  • “Commercial-break calisthenics” for rainy-day screen time. One jumping-jack per year of age during commercial breaks keeps things giggly and on-brand for the 6-year-old audience.
  • Sleep signals: Keep bedtime within 30 minutes of the school-year schedule to avoid September jet lag.

5. Use the SUN strategy: Sleep, Unplug, Nature.

Psychologist Lisa Damour’s summer mantra is delightfully on-the-nose: S for Sleep, U for Unplug, N for Nature. Her research-informed podcast episode argues that these three levers offer the biggest parental bang for the time-pressured buck.

Try a weekly “digital sabbath” hike, or let kids camp in the backyard (toddler makeshift-tent included).

6. Tame the screens before they roar.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends clear “screen-free zones” (think dinner table) and “screen-free times” (pre-bed).

Draft a family media plan together; ownership breeds compliance. For working parents, automatic downtime settings on tablets mean you’re not the summer fun police—the tablet or device just needs a break.

7. Give yourself a grown-up recess.

Seventy percent of parents report feeling exhausted by late August. Block one evening a month for adult recharge—whether that’s a spouse date, solo bookstore wander, or literal nap.

Kids benefit from parents who model healthy boundaries and joy.

8. Leverage community assets.

Remember: camps, church VBS weeks, city splash-pad evenings, and grandparent swaps are not childcare “cop-outs.” They’re relationship multipliers that widen your child’s circle of safe adults while giving you oxygen to lead at work and at home.

Bonus: they often come with built-in social-emotional curricula (check those brochures).

9. Celebrate the last-day-of-summer feeling—now!

Mark the calendar for a simple end-of-summer ritual: backyard movie night, ice-cream-for-dinner day, or “kindergarten graduation keynote” delivered by your rising first-grader. Rituals stitch experiences into memory, signaling to kids,

We did something special together, and it mattered.

Intentional summers aren’t about squeezing more stuff in; they’re about weaving relationships through the stuff that’s already there.

With research as your compass and creativity as your sunscreen, you can step into June confident that every camp pickup, bedtime giggle, and microwaved s’more is building the family you want—one micro-moment at a time.

Happy firefly chasing!

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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How Artificial Intelligence is Shaping Families

My (almost) two-year-old daughter loves to listen to Elmo songs. Thanks to AI, she can say “Hey Google, play Elmo” in any room in the house and her favorite jams will fill the speakers, so long as Google can “speak toddler” that day.

While this is cute and convenient for her, it’s also created a bit of unrealistic expectations. Now she yells “Hey Google, play Elmo!” at the grocery store, friends’ houses, in the middle of church, and even in outside spaces like the park. When Google doesn’t respond, she’s heartbroken.

My six-year-old son loves to ask AI questions throughout the day. “What sound does a howler monkey make?”, “Is it okay for dogs to eat strawberries?”, “How long would it take to dig to the other side of the Earth?” He gets instant answers to feed his curiosity. 

While I enjoy the convenience of AI, I can’t help but wonder how it’s shaping the realities of my family and families across the globe.

How will my children’s lives continue to evolve with the growth of AI and how are other families experiencing this phenomenon?

A recent Pew Research survey found that 19% of U.S. teenagers have used AI to assist with their homework, with 39% deeming it acceptable for solving math problems.

While AI can be a valuable educational tool, it’s essential to ensure it complements learning rather than take over critical thinking.

Dr. Ying Xu, an assistant professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, emphasizes that AI designed with learning principles in mind can benefit children’s growth. However, she cautions that AI should be used to build children’s learning, not replace it.

AI isn’t just influencing children; it’s also reshaping parenting.

Some parents are proactively teaching their children to use AI tools responsibly, aiming to prepare them for a future where AI is expected to be even more present. However, the reliance on AI for tasks such as health advice has raised eyebrows. A study from the University of Kansas Life Span Institute revealed that some parents trust AI tools like ChatGPT more than healthcare professionals for health information. These parents also rated AI-generated text as credible, moral, and trustworthy, highlighting the need for discernment in AI usage.

Moreover, experts such as MIT’s Sherry Turkle, warn about the erosion of empathy due to AI. In her book Alone Together, Turkle suggests that over-reliance on technology in general can hinder our ability to empathize with others. She argues that the digital world often strips away nonverbal cues and subtle nuances in communication, making it harder to understand and connect with others on a deeper level. 

As AI continues to integrate into our daily lives, it’s important for families to approach it with a balanced perspective.

Embracing the conveniences and educational benefits of AI can be helpful, but not at the expense of human interaction and critical thinking.

In this evolving landscape, perhaps the best approach is to treat AI as a helpful tool rather than an additional family member. After all, while AI can set reminders, play our favorite songs and answer questions, it can’t replace the connection formed through time spent having conversations and playing together. 

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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The Invisible Load: Why Moms Are Mentally Maxed Out (and What We Can Do About It)

As a 34-year-old mom of two (a Lego-obsessed 6-year-old and a toddler who thinks sleep is optional), wife of 12 years, and CEO of a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening families, I often find myself juggling more than just the usual daily tasks. It’s the mental load—the invisible, relentless stream of responsibilities—that truly weighs me down.

The “mental load” has been a hot topic of conversation, research and investigation since the COVID-19 pandemic, especially in regards to how it affects mothers. To better define the phrase, the mental load refers to the cognitive labor involved in managing a household and family life. It’s the constant planning, organizing, and remembering that keeps everything running smoothly.

Research published by the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that mothers shoulder up to 71% of the mental load in family life. 

This disproportionate burden has tangible effects.

A study found in the Psychology of Women Quarterly reveals working mothers, whether full-time or part-time, specifically carry a combination of cognitive, physical, and emotional labor that leads to significant stress and burnout. Moreover, the mental load has been linked to postpartum depression, with an increase in the past decade from 9.4% to nearly 19% of new mothers affected, according to the National Health Institute.

Beyond personal well-being, the mental load impacts family dynamics.

When mothers are overwhelmed, it can affect their relationships with their significant others and their children. Understanding the weight of the mental load is not just about valuing fairness; it’s about the health and harmony of the entire family unit.

What can we do to lessen the mental load for Moms?

  1. Open Communication: Discuss the mental load openly. Make an effort to truly understand the weight each mom carries and be intentional about providing support. Setup a regular check in time to share what feels heavy or overwhelming.
  2. Delegate Tasks: Make a list of all the tasks mom has to accomplish, then delegate the tasks throughout the family. You can also give children age-appropriate chores. This not only lightens Mom’s load, it teaches them responsibility .
  3. Setting Realistic Expectations and Boundaries: This comes more easily for some Moms than others, but it’s important to say no or not right now from time to time. And, it’s important for others to be okay with a Mom’s decision in setting boundaries or saying no.
  4. Taking Time for Herself: Give Mom space to regularly engage in activities that rejuvenate her, whether it’s reading a book, listening to her favorite podcast or going on walks alone. If you notice a mom in your life who doesn’t have the capacity to take time for herself, offer to watch the kids or run to the store for her so she can. Even short breaks can make a difference in a Mom’s mental capacity.

Acknowledging and addressing the mental load is crucial for the well-being of mothers and their families. By supporting each mom’s mental capacity, we can work towards a more balanced and healthy family life.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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Family Burnout: How to Spot It, Stop It, and Bounce Back

If you’ve ever found yourself eating leftover chicken nuggets off your toddler’s plate while frantically answering an email and mentally calculating how many minutes you have before soccer practice, congratulations—you may be experiencing family burnout.

As a working parent of two young kids, I know the hustle all too well.

Mornings are a frantic dash of mismatched socks, spilled coffee, and forgotten lunchboxes. Evenings are a blur of homework, dinner, baths, and negotiations over bedtime (which my five-year-old treats as an Olympic sport). Add in extracurricular activities, work stress, and the ever-present guilt of not “doing enough,” and suddenly, burnout isn’t just a workplace phenomenon—it’s a family-wide epidemic.

What does family burnout look like?

In clinical terms, burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. While it’s often discussed in professional settings, families are just as susceptible. The signs?

For parents:

Chronic fatigue, irritability, feeling disconnected from your kids, or snapping at your spouse over who forgot to buy milk.

For kids:

Increased tantrums, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, or disengagement from activities they once enjoyed.

For the family as a whole:

More frequent conflicts, less laughter, and the dreaded feeling of merely “getting through the day” instead of enjoying it.

Research backs this up. A study published by the American Psychological Foundation found that parental burnout can be linked to higher levels of neglect and even aggression toward children. Meanwhile, The Journal of Family Psychology notes that overscheduled kids experience heightened stress and anxiety, often mirroring their parents’ emotional states.

The next question to ask: Is it possible to prevent burnout?

The answer is yes, but it does require consistency, boundaries and more intentionality on a daily basis. Here are some steps to get you started:

1. Audit your schedule.

Just because an activity is “good” doesn’t mean it’s good for your family right now. Pediatric psychologist Dr. Jenny Radesky suggests using the “one activity per kid” rule to prevent overcommitment.

2. Reclaim unstructured time.

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics highlights the importance of free play in child development. More importantly, it gives parents a breather! A weekend with no scheduled plans isn’t wasted time—it’s recovery time.

3. Define family priorities.

At First Things First, we often advise families to identify their “core values” to guide decisions. If quality time together ranks higher than a jam-packed schedule, just say no to extra commitments.

4. Protect sleep at all costs.

Chronic sleep deprivation is a major contributor to burnout. A Harvard Medical School study found that lack of sleep increases stress hormones, making both kids and parents more emotionally reactive. Set (and enforce) realistic bedtimes for everyone—including yourself.

5. Establish a “pause” button.

Sometimes, you need to step back before things spiral. Set a weekly family check-in—over pancakes, in the car, or wherever you can get a moment—to ask, “How’s everyone feeling? What’s working, what’s not?”

If you’re already deep in the burnout trenches, don’t panic.

You can rebuild, re-energize and bounce back with these steps:

1. Scale back.

If you feel overwhelmed, so do your kids. Cut one commitment and reassess.

2. Reconnect.

Remember, 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time each day can help repair emotional distance.

3. Get support.

A study from The Journal of Marriage and Family found that strong social networks buffer against stress. Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or even a therapist.

4. Prioritize self-care.

It’s not indulgent; it’s essential. Your kids don’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.

Burnout isn’t inevitable, but with the hustle and bustle of everyday family life, it can creep in fast.

Slowing down may feel counterintuitive in a world that glorifies busyness, but the best gift we can give our families isn’t another achievement—it’s a life filled with presence, peace, and a little room to breathe.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to enjoy a rare, unscheduled evening that involves nothing but making spaghetti, playing outside and bedtime stories.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually get my own plate of dinner tonight.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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When a Parent Goes to Prison: The Unseen Sentence on Children

Last week, I had lunch with my five-year-old son and his kindergarten class.

I try to eat lunch with him at least once a month, so all of his classmates know me fairly well.

One extra talkative student planted themselves next to me and proceeded to tell me all about how one of their parents was recently taken to prison, but they didn’t do anything wrong, they really want them to come home, and they love them with all their heart.

I’ve carried this conversation with me ever since.

Through our work at First Things First, we often deal with parents being incarcerated or losing custody of their children, but we very rarely interact with the children and hear their side of the story.

What happens when a child’s foundation is suddenly fractured? What happens when a child’s parent disappears behind bars?

The United States has the highest incarceration rate in the world, with over 1.2 million people behind bars.

More than five million children—about 1 in 14—have had a parent incarcerated at some point in their lives, according to research from Child Trends. And the effects on these children? Well, they’re staggering.

Losing a parent to prison isn’t just an absence—it’s an upheaval.

Studies from the last decade show that children with an incarcerated parent are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Unlike other forms of parental separation, incarceration carries stigma and shame, making it harder for children to express their grief.

Dr. Kristin Turney, a sociologist at the University of California, Irvine, has studied the developmental effects of parental incarceration extensively. She found that children in this situation experience greater emotional distress than those who lose a parent to divorce or even death. Why? Because incarceration is unpredictable. The child doesn’t just lose a parent—they gain a confusing tangle of uncertainty, social stigma, and economic hardship.

Data from the National Survey of Children’s Health shows that children of incarcerated parents are more likely to struggle in school, have behavioral problems, and even face increased risks of chronic health issues. The toxic stress caused by parental incarceration—when prolonged and unbuffered by strong, stable relationships—literally alters brain development, making it harder for children to regulate emotions and concentrate.

And then there’s the financial toll.

Many incarcerated parents were primary providers, and when they’re gone, families often spiral into deeper poverty. Fewer resources mean higher stress at home, less parental supervision, and a higher likelihood that the cycle of incarceration will repeat.

So, what can we do?

Experts emphasize that children need stability, connection, and open conversations to mitigate the damage.

1. Regular Contact Matters

    Research by the Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families through the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services suggests that maintaining strong parent-child bonds—even through prison visitation—can reduce the emotional harm of separation. Children who maintain contact with their incarcerated parent often fare better emotionally and behaviorally.

    2. Honest, Age-Appropriate Conversations

    Psychologists recommend avoiding secrecy. Instead of saying, “Daddy is away on a trip,” it’s better to explain in simple, truthful terms that he made a mistake, is facing consequences, but still loves them.

    3. Community Support Is Key

    Programs like Sesame Street’s “Little Children, Big Challenges” provide books, videos, and tools to help kids process their feelings. Mentorship programs, like those from one of our partner organizations, Big Brothers Big Sisters, also offer children a steady adult presence when a parent is absent.

    Parental incarceration is not just a criminal justice issue—it’s a childhood development issue, a public health issue, and a societal issue. While we can’t rewrite the past, we can build better support systems for these children so they don’t have to serve a silent sentence alongside their parents.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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    The Power of Your Mindset in Parenting

    If there’s one thing parenting will do, it’s expose the mindset you bring into it.

    Whether you’re a mom or dad, the way you approach obstacles—tantrums, sleepless nights, sibling fights, the existential crisis that is getting a toddler into a car seat—can shape not only your experience as a parent but also your child’s development.

    Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset versus fixed mindset applies to parenting just as much as it does to kids in the classroom. A growth mindset, the belief that challenges are opportunities for learning rather than proof of failure, helps parents stay resilient, adaptable, and emotionally attuned to their children. In contrast, a fixed mindset—believing that either you “have it” or you don’t—can lead to frustration, guilt, and burnout.

    While every child is different, and every parent/child dynamic is complex, there are common mindset traps where parents can find themselves stuck. Here are the most common and how to overcome them:

    1. “I should instinctively know how to do this.”
      Many parents, especially new ones, feel like good parenting should come naturally. But research shows that parenting skills are learned, not innate. When we accept that it’s okay to learn as we go, we model for our kids that growth is a lifelong process.
    2. “If my child is struggling, I must be failing.”
      This belief puts immense pressure on parents. The truth is, all children face difficulties—behavioral, emotional, academic. The key isn’t eliminating struggle but helping children build resilience. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child emphasizes that responsive parenting—meeting challenges with patience and problem-solving rather than panic—fosters emotional security.
    3. “Good parents don’t lose their temper.”
      Let’s be real: raising humans is messy. Even the best parents lose their patience. The difference is in how they repair. Psychologist Daniel Siegel, in The Power of Showing Up, highlights that kids benefit more from parents who repair after missteps—acknowledging frustration and modeling emotional regulation—than from parents who never struggle at all.

    If a growth mindset doesn’t come easy for you, it’s never too late to learn and shift your thinking to a more positive outlook.

    A great first step is to reframe mistakes as positive learning opportunities. Instead of thinking, I handled that meltdown terribly, shift to, What can I do differently next time? This approach not only reduces guilt but also helps children learn that mistakes are part of growth.

    You can also adopt the power of “yet.” If your child struggles with independence, instead of thinking, He’ll never do this on his own, try, He’s not there yet, but he’s learning. This tiny shift fosters patience and perseverance. And, taking a breath before reacting is another great way to implement a growth mindset in your parenting practice. Stress is inevitable, but response is a choice. Studies on parental self-regulation show that pausing before reacting—taking a breath, stepping away if needed—helps parents respond with more calm and clarity.

    Parenting is a journey of becoming, not just for children but for us, too. When we embrace a growth mindset, we not only ease the pressure on ourselves—we raise kids who believe in resilience, learning, and the power of trying again.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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