How To Establish Trust In Marriage From The Start
What’s the difference between a loving, warm marriage and one full of friction and conflict? Trust. There are probably many items on your checklist for having a strong marriage. If there’s one that ought to be at the top of the list, it’s trust.
How do you establish trust in marriage from the start?
1. Trust is built over time.
Trust is built through moments that confirm for your spouse that you are who they think you are. How you respond when someone speaks negatively about your relationship or how you care for each other during a difficult time will either confirm or cause questions about who you are. Don’t be disappointed when you find areas where trust needs to grow, especially early in your marriage. Opportunities will come that will strengthen your trust or give the two of you something to work through.
2. History matters.
Do you trust in your marriage easily? Is it difficult for you to trust? Have things happened in your past that make trusting someone hard? How have your past experiences affected your ability to trust? You want your spouse to have a fair opportunity to be trusted and not be the victim of your past experiences with other people. However, it’s important to be aware that your past is not to be forgotten but to be used as a learning experience. Talking through your ability to trust helps you develop clear expectations. Your past shouldn’t control your ability to trust. Rather, it provides understanding to help build trust.
3. Believe your spouse’s actions.
There’s a saying, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” When dating, it’s easy to create a mental image of what you think your spouse will be like once you’re married. This can cause you to ignore the behaviors that give a more accurate picture of each other. Many people have trusted others in spite of all the evidence showing that they are not trustworthy. And other times, you may have withheld trust from people despite the person being extraordinarily trustworthy.
4. Be open and honest about everything.
This includes the big stuff: family, money, in-laws, parenting, the future, and sex. Avoid the temptation to keep secrets and withhold information. Setting aside time to talk honestly about finances or your expectations of the in-laws, for example, is important.
★ As quick as transparency can build trust in marriage, secrecy can betray it.
5. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Be willing to hold each other accountable for your words and actions. You can’t build trust by telling your partner what they want to hear. If you say you’ll be home from work at six, then follow through. Trust is built when your spouse has confidence that the words you say are true.
Related: How To Tell If Someone Is Trustworthy
6. Admit mistakes.
Don’t let pride get in the way. Trust will not stand if built on the premise of perfection. It’s built on the promise that the two of you have the relationship’s best interest at heart. Admitting your mistakes sends the message that the relationship is more important than you being right.
7. Consider the effects decisions will have on your marriage.
Nearly everything you do will affect both you and your spouse. (There is no I in Us.) Talking through decisions together helps you understand the potential effects. Before making personal commitments, get in the habit of talking to your spouse.
★ Ask the question, “How will this affect you and affect us?”
Establishing a solid foundation of trust in marriage can provide the groundwork to building trust that’s as strong as a 100-year-old oak tree with deep roots. Some foundations aren’t solid. It’s good to know early that a person can’t be trusted. It’s not wise to trust someone to be honest if they continue to build a record of dishonesty. Trust will grow if you’re consistent in your words and actions.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
6 Ways To Agree To Disagree With My Spouse
If you’ve been married for a minute you know disagreements are going to come up between the two of you. But, have you ever had one of those disagreements where not only were you on opposite sides of the issue, neither one of you was willing to budge?
Guess what? You’re in good company. Plenty of marriages have experienced this; they may just not be talking about it because what does it really say about your relationship if you can’t figure out how to come to some type of compromise? Asking for a friend, right?
It’s actually possible to agree to disagree without experiencing distress in your marriage. Meaning, both people have accepted the other’s point of view without agreeing on it and they are moving on.
For some couples, this is a very far-fetched idea.
The key to couples learning how to agree to disagree is learning how to be good listeners and knowing how to value and express appreciation for their perspective, even if you have a completely different point of view.
Typically, what happens in a marriage when spouses disagree is one person shares their perspective. Instead of really listening to what the person is saying, the other spouse is focusing on words or phrases they want to respond to. So, they don’t really hear all that their spouse said. And, while responding, the same thing happens with the other spouse which creates this dangerous downward spiral, leaving both people feeling unheard and not valued.
What if you both agreed to hear each other out?
Scott Stanley, Howard Markman, and Susan Blumberg have been researching couples for more than three decades. One of the things they learned is, it’s hard for couples to slow down long enough to hear each other before jumping in with a response. They came up with an effective way to help couples hear each other called “The Speaker/Listener Technique,” which is also known as “The Floor.”
Here’s how it works.
One spouse has “the floor.” The “floor” could be an index card, a piece of paper, anything that is a visible reminder of who is speaking at the moment. That person chooses one topic—only one topic—to talk about from their perspective.
The other spouse does not have “the floor.” They are the listener. Think of this as being an investigator. The goal is for your spouse to feel heard when they finish sharing with you. You’ve asked questions in a way that makes them know you are listening. Your spouse knows you value what they have to say—even if you don’t agree with them.
Here are some other strategies to help you when it’s clear you need to agree to disagree with your spouse:
- Make sure your spouse feels heard. Sharpen those listening skills.
- Guard against allowing the disagreement to create resentment or bitterness between the two of you.
- Accept that it’s possible neither of you may be wrong—you just see the situation from different perspectives. It’s like being at the scene of an accident and two people telling what happened from two completely different angles. Neither is wrong, just different. Different isn’t bad. (See #5.)
- Make an extra effort to love through the disagreement. In other words, don’t punish each other for not seeing things eye to eye all the time.
- Different is good! Don’t forget, differences are like ingredients in a recipe. If you only have one ingredient, it will be a very bland dish. The different ingredients allow your tastebuds to experience the dish in an entirely different way. The same is true in your marriage.
- If you’re experiencing great difficulty getting past something that’s causing stress or distress in your marriage, a third party may be able to help you.
It’s not always easy to disagree without being disagreeable. Keep in mind, the one you love is far more valuable than proving your point or being right. Highly happy couples will tell you there are plenty of moments where they’ve agreed to disagree about certain things, but they never lost sight of the fact they were on the same team and their marriage was more important than whatever threatens to come between them. There is a better “right” than being right.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
You see things differently than you used to. You’re living a healthier lifestyle. You go out less. You interact differently with people. You’re investing more time into hobbies.
You love the way you feel—happier, healthier, and less stressed—except in your marriage. Your spouse seems agitated with you which just doesn’t make any sense.
Shouldn’t they be glad you’re improving and becoming a better person?
Your spouse may not see it that way, especially at first. Here’s why!
Feelings of insecurity.
Change often feels threatening. They might feel like you’re moving away from them with all the changes. It might be time to sit down and talk with your spouse about your “why” behind all the changes.
Feeling judged.
If your spouse feels judged by your attitude toward them, it might be time to ask yourself, “Am I actually becoming a better version of myself?”
Feeling Manipulated.
If there’s the slightest feeling you’re trying to change your spouse, you can expect there will be tension.
Related: My Spouse Has Changed.
★ As you grow and continue to better yourself, it will affect your marriage and your family. Naturally, your spouse may see it from a different perspective.
How can you work through it?
Never stop talking to one another.
Regularly talking to your spouse about what’s important to you gives them the chance to support you even if they aren’t “joining” you.
Understand their concerns.
Resist the temptation to get defensive. Put effort into listening to their concerns. Believe the best about your spouse.
Don’t try to change your spouse.
There are strengths in your differences. Their path to becoming the best version of themselves will look different.
People respond to change differently. Through one’s eyes, it’s great and through another set of eyes, it’s potentially destructive. The uncertainty leads to unrest.
The ultimate test is: Does your change have a positive impact on your marriage?
Patience, empathy, and understanding must be the foundations of your communication with each other to help change be seen as growth to better yourselves and your marriage.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
4 Reasons Why Sex Matters In Marriage
Sex: The Ecstasy – and for some – The “Eh.” There’s probably no other part of marriage that can challenge couples more than their sex lives. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to have a much different sex drive than the other. It’s easy for a couple to experience seasons of their marriage when their sex life seems incredible and other seasons when it becomes boring and humdrum. Stress, health changes, medication, children, and relational issues can all impact and complicate your sex life. And talking about it can sometimes feel embarrassing or awkward.
These challenges within a couple’s sex life can cause conflict and misunderstanding. And it can make a person wonder: Just how much does sex matter in marriage?
According to marriage experts, sex matters, and it matters a lot. But maybe not for the usual reasons we think it does.
Here are four reasons why sex matters in marriage:
1. Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy are directly connected.
Sexual intimacy actually increases the emotional intimacy in marriage – that’s the affection, understanding, warmth, and compassion shared between a couple. In turn, emotional intimacy has a positive effect on sexual satisfaction and frequency in marriage. Often, one person in a marriage feels more of a need for emotional intimacy while the other leans toward sexual intimacy. Nothing abnormal about that. But understanding how both kinds of intimacy build on each other can help both people get in sync with sex in their marriage.
2. Sexual intimacy builds trust.
By its very nature, sex requires incredible vulnerability. You and your spouse literally “bare it all” to each other. You open yourselves up to the possibility of either acceptance or rejection from each other on a core level. That level of intimacy magnifies why trust is all the more important. When trust is strengthened, the marriage relationship grows stronger.
3. Sexual trust translates into deeper connection.
Sex is one of the parts of marriage shared between you and your spouse. It’s such a deep, unique, intimate connection – many people would rather talk openly about what’s happening in their bank than in their bedroom. What connects you in marriage is so very only between you and your spouse, it underlines the need to protect your marriage from anything that could threaten it.
4. Sex in marriage has health benefits.
We can’t overlook the fact that sex does the body and the mind good. It’s been shown that sex can boost your immune system, alleviate stress, increase self-confidence, improve heart health, and help with memory. Not to mention, you’re enjoying these benefits while bonding with the one you love the most. You’re connecting intimately while you boost your health. Win-win.
It’s worth working through the sexual issues that can come up and strengthening your sex life.
Keep in mind, you and your spouse are two different people with different sex drives and different outlooks on sex. As awkward as it may be sometimes, it’s important for spouses to talk openly about their sex life – expectations, what’s comfortable and uncomfortable, what turns each other on, what are mood killers, how important sex is for them, and their relationship needs. The more you and your spouse talk about why sex matters in your marriage as you build that precious trust and deepen that one-of-a-kind connection, the less awkward it becomes. Talking about it is key to working through differences and staying in a common rhythm, meeting each other’s needs through the various seasons of marriage.
Related: 10 Things Every Married Couple Needs To Know About Sex
Just like other parts of your marriage, strengthening your sex life strengthens your marriage. And also like all other parts of your marriage, sexual intimacy is an area that you continually grow in and learn about as a couple. Resources like the links found below can help. If problems persist with sex in your marriage, it may be worth seeing a professional counselor. Do what it takes to become closer in your sexual relationship like you would any other part of your marriage. Because at the end of the day, sex does matter to the strength and health of your marriage. ☆ Invest in your marriage this week.
Looking for more? Check out these related blogs!
3 Ways To Have Better Sex In Marriage
My Spouse Wants Sex More Than I Do
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
What Does Trust Look Like in a Healthy Marriage?
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships,” according to Stephen Covey. This is especially true when it comes to trust in marriage.
Trust is essential; without it, maintaining a healthy marriage relationship is difficult.
It’s a word that is thrown around, but few take the time to actually define it. Trust is the confidence or belief that you have in someone. From that belief, you create a picture in your mind of that person. Based on their behavior, they either confirm your initial, positive view or create a negative one. Your ability to trust in marriage is established in your relationship prior to entering your marriage and should continue to grow after you say, “I do.”
Here are key trust areas in a healthy marriage:
1. Trust that we are a team, first and foremost.
In many marriage ceremonies, the statement, “Forsaking all others” is included. When you think about that vow, it means that you and your spouse became a family on the day you married and are TEAM #1. You went from ME to WE! That means making your marriage the priority. Yes, over self, over friendships and family, and over children.
2. Trust that you will be faithful.
Trusting your spouse to only share their physical self with you is a hallmark of marital faithfulness. Being faithful is not just limited to your physical relationship.
It also includes being trustworthy and honest about how and with whom:
- You’re sharing your emotions, dreams, struggles, and goals.
- You spend your time.
- You spend your money (and how much debt you have).
3. Trust that you will not purposefully try to control or harm me.
It’s important that an environment of safety and security be present in a healthy marriage. Even in the midst of normal conflict, be intentional to care for, love, and respect each other.
Choose words that inform, not inflict harm on your spouse.
4. Trust that you love me for me, not for what you can get from me.
Your spouse needs to feel loved for who they are on the inside not how they look on the outside. Being assured that your spouse would choose you again despite any physical or financial changes only forms a stronger bond between you.
5. Trust that we will turn to each other, not on each other.
In marriage, you will experience ups and downs, sadness, and hurts. As you go through the down times, leaning on each other helps lighten the load.
Knowing your spouse has your back provides a sense of security in a healthy, trusting marriage.
There is no better feeling than reaching out your hand to your spouse, and they reach back out to you.
★ Now that we have talked about ways to trust in a marriage, it’s key to examine yourselves and the experiences that shaped the way you trust individually. Your trust picture becomes shaped by the experiences you have with friends, family, and co-workers.
Unfortunately, you may have experienced betrayals and disappointments in past relationships, even with friends and family.
In order to move past hurts and create a positive trust atmosphere in your marriage, you may want to ponder these questions:
How have friends/family/past relationships broken my trust?
Have I taken betrayals from my past out on my spouse?
Has my spouse given me a reason not to trust?
Now, you can begin to move past those hurts across a bridge to a brighter and more trusting marital relationship.
Past hurts don’t have to be passed hurts. Build trust.
Check out more marriage resources here!
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
Image from Pexels.com
How we watch television, communicate with extended family, and even play video games with friends has changed tremendously in the last 20 years. Change is inevitable.
But what about when your spouse changes? Notice I said, “when,” not “if.” TV viewing, phone communication, and gaming was and is going to change. And there’s a good chance your spouse will also, which can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be.
There are 1,000 different changes a person may go through during the course of a long-lasting committed relationship. Some good and some not so good. (For the purposes of this blog, we’ll spend the majority of time focusing on changes that are meant to be for good.)
It may be a change in lifestyle, such as eating habits, a massive weight loss effort, or a change in thinking about things like politics, family, religion, etc. I’ve watched my spouse change and admittedly, it can be uncomfortable. You may question the security of the marriage, whether your spouse will still like you, or how it will affect how you do life together. Though you may know your spouse is growing and evolving as a person, the uncertainty can create anxiety.
There also may be the concern of, “Will we grow apart?” You had grown to really like the person you married. Now they’re changing. You’re not sure whether the two of you will continue to get along and enjoy one another.
Yes, there are some changes that are not healthy. They may be triggered for a number of reasons. Discussing those is for another blog.
In general, people grow, evolve, mature, and change as they learn and experience more of life. What drives couples apart is when we hold our spouse back from growth out of insecurity or fear.
How do you deal with a changing spouse?
Is the change bad for them as a person? Did they stop drinking or going to clubs? Did they start eating a vegan diet? Are they forming some new beliefs? If they’re changing for the intended betterment of themselves, then you should explore what really concerns you. Understanding their motivation can give you insight into the mind of your spouse.
Communicate from a place of curiosity, not fear or defensiveness. You will never stop getting to know your spouse. It’s easy to become comfortable with the image of your spouse, but marriage can stay fresh when you are continuing to learn about your spouse. Their changes don’t necessarily make your current way of thinking and doing things wrong. Your spouse may question things that you or they have done for years. They may not want to do them anymore. Be willing to ask questions and listen to their thought process.
Share your concerns while still giving your spouse the freedom to grow. The changes your spouse goes through do affect you and your relationship. Change isn’t always easy. Encourage your spouse to better themselves. Discuss the effects that changes can have on the relationship and the family. That will help everyone’s eyes be wide open as your spouse and sometimes the entire family changes their lifestyle. Stay connected and committed to the relationship as your spouse is learning new things.
Be patient. Your spouse may not understand how they’re changing during the process. This makes it difficult for them to communicate all their thoughts and desires. There may be some flip-flopping, for example going from vegan and back to non-vegan as they learn and become settled on what they feel is best for them. It’s a process. Keep a long-term view. Frustration may set in. Remember it’s a process that sometimes includes trial and error.
Know that you’ve changed. We’re all changing. Some in small, subtle ways. Others in big, major ways. Your changes could be easier to adjust to. Some people simply adjust to change more easily than others. Knowing there are some things that are different about you since the two of you met can give you comfort that change is inevitable. It can also be positive for the relationship.
As a married couple, part of our desire is to help our spouse be the best version of themselves. You grow with each other even if it appears your spouse is the one doing the growing. Through communication, understanding, and commitment to the relationship, you may simply be getting a birds-eye view of your spouse growing from good to great.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
3 Easy Ways to Make Your Marriage More Fun
What sounds better than a fun, fulfilling marriage? Nothing!!
If you’re married, you know keeping things interesting takes a little effort, but what things in life worth having don’t? You’ve signed up for a lifelong pursuit of your spouse and to fall in love with them over and over again. Having fun together helps naturally draw you closer and rekindle the flame.
1. Add elements of surprise!
- Text your spouse something spicy during the workday. Make it out of the blue and with no business attached, (aka, no talk about what’s for dinner or what needs to get done) just some good flirtatious banter.
- Surprise your spouse by wearing their favorite outfit or favorite outfit under your outfit (if you catch my drift) and suggest an impromptu date night.
- Send them something at work—could be something as small as a coffee or as grandiose as an edible arrangement.
- Pick something up for them while you’re out running errands just because.
2. Play together!
- Play is essential to having fun in marriage. There are not only relationship benefits to playing together but health benefits! The National Institute for Play (NIP) believes (and has the research to back it up) that play can dramatically transform our personal health and our relationships. It can be board games, video games, a puzzle, a Minute To Win It challenge, Dominos, cards, tag around the house, strip poker, or whatever your favorite way to spark some healthy competition is.
Play generates optimism, novelty makes perseverance fun and leads to mastery. Additionally, it gives your immune system a bounce, fosters empathy, and promotes a sense of belonging and community. Each of these by-products is an index of personal health, and their shortage predicts impending health problems and personal fragility.
3. Don’t shy away from passion!
- Light the candles, turn on some music, turn down the bed or change up the location, and enjoy the intimacy. Take time to be curious about your spouse, compliment them, cuddle up close, and turn off the phones. Alone time can be so beneficial and adventurous. It can reignite the passion and give you lovely serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin boosts (aka, the happy chemicals in your brain).
BONUS: Free date nights!
- Surely you’ve heard it before, so you’ll hear it again: Date your spouse. The romance doesn’t need to go down as the anniversaries go up. Try new places, carve out quality time, cultivate intimacy, and enjoy being one on one. There are tons of date night ideas, free virtual date nights, and date night DIYs right here on our site free to you!
It’s easy to have fun in your marriage when you realize having fun means creating fun! Enjoy laughing together, kissing one another, and everything in between.
Some more blogs you may be interested in:
- How To Have More Meaningful Conversations With Your Spouse
- Couples Who Play Together
- 4 Ways to Be More Present With Your Spouse
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
How to Stay Motivated During Marriage Challenges
There are days you wake up and have no motivation to go to work. Times when you don’t feel like seeing your in-laws and weekends and there’s no desire to get out of the bed anytime between Friday evening and Monday morning. However, when the lack of motivation creeps into marriage and you begin struggling to even want to work through marital challenges, it’s time to sound the alarm.
Incessant arguing. Constantly feeling hurt and empty. Money issues. The never-ending feeling of being lonely. It can feel like the easy answer is to stop trying.
Is it unusual to get to a place in your marriage where you want to give up?
I would’ve answered this question with a loud “NO WAY” when I first got married, but then I talked to a couple who’d been married for over 40 years. I asked a simple question: “Did you ever want to give up on your marriage?”
They looked at me like I was crazy and said “Are you kidding me? Yes!” Then, they shared some dark moments in their marriage. Moments of betrayal of trust and times of extreme disconnect. They admitted there were times when they just weren’t sure. But, they also said, “We’re glad we stuck in there because we wouldn’t trade these 40 years for anything.”
How’d they do it? How did they stay motivated when they were experiencing difficult marital challenges? The couple told me their secret: “You just have to remember.”
“Remember what exactly?”
Remember your why.
Why’d you get married in the first place? People marry for several different reasons: love, kids, a passion for another, to have companionship. Your why doesn’t have to match anyone else’s why. The neverending nature of your why can help you outlast the temporary challenges you face in marriage.
Remember your story.
Pictures. Videos. Experiences. Memories mean little without the story attached to them. You look at them to remember the story. It connects you with the positive energy captured during the moment that’s worth remembering. Let that energy motivate you to keep going. Your story helps you remember what you’ve built together.
It isn’t just about reliving your past. It’s about guiding and maintaining your perception of your spouse and your marriage. It is about truly seeing the person you’re with. It’s about being reminded of who you are and even how you’ve evolved over the years.
Remember to never stop connecting.
Keep searching for better ways to communicate, be playful, and spend quality time with one another. Regardless of how challenging marriage gets, to stop communicating is never the answer. Connecting in hard conversations, through disappointments, and in the midst of hurt is better than not communicating at all. Anytime you stop talking, you’ll slowly feel the wedge between the two of you grow bigger.
Remember you’re not alone.
Hearing a couple who had been married for 40 years share some of their darkest moments was motivational for my own marriage. They were proud to have made it 40 years, and I could sense they felt their life was better for it. Since then, I’ve learned many couples, if not most couples, have gone through difficult moments where they felt like giving up was really the best option on the table. So, when you find yourself hurting and questioning if it’s worth it to hang on, reach out to other couples who have walked the road before you and made it to the other side in one piece. Connecting with other healthy couples who are willing to be honest and real can inspire you to stay focused on your marriage when it appears hopeless. Also, a good marriage counselor can help you work through some of the toughest marriage challenges.
Remember yourself.
Sometimes we get so focused on what our spouse is or isn’t doing we lose sight of ourselves. Research shows when a person has a negative perception of work, family, themselves, and just life in general, they are more likely to be unhappy in their relationships. Continue to grow and practice good self-care. It may help you to get a fresh perspective that can help you thrive in the midst of some of the most difficult times.
When you remember these things, you’ll realize no matter how big the problems may seem, your commitment to each other is bigger. The urge to stop trying is real. But, you have everything you need in your memory bank to fight the urge to quit and help your brain to keep moving forward. The darkest part of a cave is right before you see the light. Focus on using the tools you have to get to the light and stop the darkness from making you a permanent resident.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
