Is Grit the Secret Ingredient to Successful Relationships?
How gritty are you?
Is your marriage gritty?
Do you teach your kids to be gritty?
In her book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Harvard-trained psychologist and researcher Angela Duckworth examines what it takes to stick things out and accomplish long-term goals.
Grit has everything to do with how we do family relationships.
Don’t mistake grit with talent (which Duckworth describes as the rate at which a person improves a skill). Grit isn’t how intensely you want something. Instead, grit is an attitude. It is a relentless, determined work ethic—despite setbacks, defeats, and hard days.
It’s a “never-give-up” attitude.
Who do you know that is truly gritty? Grit is what drove Thomas Edison to succeed as an inventor. As a boy, teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” Edison was fired from his first two jobs for being “unproductive.” He reportedly experienced 1,000 failed attempts before successfully inventing the lightbulb. (Edison reported that, rather than failing 1,000 times, the lightbulb was an invention with 1,000 steps. Now that’s grit.)
Great things are achievable in ordinary people through gritty determination.
Duckworth quotes sociologist Dan Chambliss, “…the main thing is greatness is doable. Greatness is many, many individual feats, and each of them is doable.“
Grit is more than just a trait for inventors, athletes, or business leaders; grit is a significant family value.
Duckworth’s research points to a high correlation between grit and marital longevity. People with a gritty determination have a can-do attitude toward building a healthy, strong marriage—despite struggles, conflict, and tension. Gritty couples say, “No matter what we have to do, we’re going to make this work. We’re committed to this marriage.” [Note: There are some situations in marriage that are unhealthy and unsafe. “Grit” is NOT enduring a dangerous relationship. See the note at the bottom of the article.]
For parents, the nagging question is, how do you teach grit to your children? Duckworth offers some great answers.
First, grit is best taught with a balanced parenting style. In other words, parents who connect through affection and encouragement, while also creating structure and appropriate expectations, have a parenting style that fosters grit.
It’s a balance between love and support with accountability and parental toughness.
Second, gritty kids want to take after gritty parents. Duckworth explains that “if you want to bring forth grit in your child, first ask how much passion and perseverance you have for your own life goals.”
Third, Duckworth suggests that extracurricular activities are especially beneficial in developing grit in kids. An organized activity requiring a child to overcome challenges or criticism from peers, coaches, or teachers fosters grit. Bad days, lack of energy or motivation can help teach kids to push through and be gritty.
Let’s get practical. Do hard things.
Duckworth shares a very practical strategy for developing grit in her teenage children called the “Hard Thing Rule.” There are three parts:
- Everyone in the family, including the parents, has to do a Hard Thing. A “Hard Thing” is anything that requires deliberate practice. For a parent, in addition to the skills they use at work, it might be yoga, running, or completing a degree. For kids, it might be ballet, piano, or soccer.
- You can quit your Hard Thing. But there’s a catch. You can’t quit until “your season is over, the tuition payment is up, or some other ‘natural’ stopping point has arrived.” In other words, you can’t quit on the day your coach yells at you, or you have to miss a party because you have practice.
- You get to pick your Hard Thing.
As a family and relationship educator, it makes me wonder: If grit was a more common character quality, would we see more successful marriages, healthier parenting styles, and overall relationship satisfaction?
Perhaps it starts with you.
Maybe it means you are more intentional about pressing through your small, doable feats even when you’re not motivated. Maybe you model more grit for your family and lead by example. Perhaps this week, you and your family can pick your Hard Thing to practice.
Don’t be afraid to get your hands gritty.
I’m convinced—and I hope you are, too—grit is a good thing and something we all can use in our family.
Related:
10 Things Healthy, Happy Families Do
How To Encourage A Growth Mindset In Kids
The Blessing Of The Skinned Knee
Got some gritty thoughts on grit? Share them in the comments below!
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
Should You Tell Your Friends and Family about Your Marital Problems?
Have you ever walked over a frozen pond and realized just how thin the ice was? I have. You quickly understand that you need to step… very… carefully.
It’s the same when considering telling your friends and family about your marital problems. One wrong step can mean an icy plunge. It’s slippery, and it’s dangerous.
So should you or shouldn’t you? I wish I could tell you a definite “yes” or “no,” but it’s a complicated question. It depends on several things.
Before you unload your marital issues on someone, you need to ask yourself some essential questions:
1. What is your ultimate goal?
There are good reasons and not so good reasons to disclose the problems happening in your marriage to someone. Are you…
Seeking someone to tell you how you’re contributing to the problem?
Looking for advice from an older, wiser married person who’s been through it?
Looking for someone to point you toward a good marriage counselor?
These can be good reasons. Make sure you are talking to someone you can trust.
Are you…
Just needing to vent and blow off steam?
Looking for someone to agree that you are right and your spouse is wrong?
Looking for permission to keep doing what you’ve been doing in your marriage?
These usually aren’t great reasons. It can be counterproductive and hurt your spouse.
2. Who do you want to tell, and why?
Good listeners know there are three sides to a story: your side, your spouse’s side, and what’s really going on. You don’t need a cheerleader. You need someone willing to listen carefully and be willing to call you out for the part you play.
On the other side of the coin, talking to someone who is naturally going to take your side, like your mother or best friend, isn’t going to help your situation. You’re just making enemies for your spouse. Think about that.
Even worse, let’s say you just want to vent your dirty marriage laundry, and you choose, say, your mother. When the rant is over, you might feel better and move on. But guess who isn’t moving on? That’s right: Mom. This is going to make the next family gathering very awkward.
Consider talking to someone distant enough to be neutral and objective—and who will call you out when necessary and remind you of your core values and goals.
3. What are the possible outcomes that could come from telling someone?
Sure, you might feel better if you vent. But at what price? Will your friend or family member see your spouse in a positive or negative light?
If you tell someone, will the news about your marital problems spread among the family or the friend circle? Could your spouse end up feeling hurt from this? Would you say the same things about your marriage or your spouse if they were standing with you?
4. Are you having a conversation with someone that you should have with your spouse?
Often, we have conversations with other people that we haven’t even had with our spouse. If you haven’t engaged with your spouse to work toward solutions and growth, it’s unfair to do your marriage work with someone else. Do your relationship work with your spouse.
Related: How To Tell If Someone Is Trustworthy
It’s one thing to seek out encouragement and accountability. We need people in our lives who help us recalibrate and refocus. It’s definitely wise to learn from marriage veterans. Be discerning about what you share about your marriage and with whom.
Complaining to people about your spouse or running them down is always out of line.
I know you want to do what’s healthy for your marriage. You want to work through the problems. Give yourself 48 hours to gain a sense of calm and honestly answer the above questions for yourself before you make a decision to tell friends or family about your marital problems. Walk across the thin ice toward your spouse. Honor them with your words no matter who you are talking to. Rule of Thumb: If it’s not constructive, it’s probably destructive.
Related:
How to Find Good Relationship Advice
STAYING TOGETHER: Resist The Urge To Trash Husbands
☆ Have questions about this article? Post them in the comment section below!
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
How To Establish Trust In Marriage From The Start
What’s the difference between a loving, warm marriage and one full of friction and conflict? Trust. There are probably many items on your checklist for having a strong marriage. If there’s one that ought to be at the top of the list, it’s trust.
How do you establish trust in marriage from the start?
1. Trust is built over time.
Trust is built through moments that confirm for your spouse that you are who they think you are. How you respond when someone speaks negatively about your relationship or how you care for each other during a difficult time will either confirm or cause questions about who you are. Don’t be disappointed when you find areas where trust needs to grow, especially early in your marriage. Opportunities will come that will strengthen your trust or give the two of you something to work through.
2. History matters.
Do you trust in your marriage easily? Is it difficult for you to trust? Have things happened in your past that make trusting someone hard? How have your past experiences affected your ability to trust? You want your spouse to have a fair opportunity to be trusted and not be the victim of your past experiences with other people. However, it’s important to be aware that your past is not to be forgotten but to be used as a learning experience. Talking through your ability to trust helps you develop clear expectations. Your past shouldn’t control your ability to trust. Rather, it provides understanding to help build trust.
3. Believe your spouse’s actions.
There’s a saying, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” When dating, it’s easy to create a mental image of what you think your spouse will be like once you’re married. This can cause you to ignore the behaviors that give a more accurate picture of each other. Many people have trusted others in spite of all the evidence showing that they are not trustworthy. And other times, you may have withheld trust from people despite the person being extraordinarily trustworthy.
4. Be open and honest about everything.
This includes the big stuff: family, money, in-laws, parenting, the future, and sex. Avoid the temptation to keep secrets and withhold information. Setting aside time to talk honestly about finances or your expectations of the in-laws, for example, is important.
★ As quick as transparency can build trust in marriage, secrecy can betray it.
5. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Be willing to hold each other accountable for your words and actions. You can’t build trust by telling your partner what they want to hear. If you say you’ll be home from work at six, then follow through. Trust is built when your spouse has confidence that the words you say are true.
Related: How To Tell If Someone Is Trustworthy
6. Admit mistakes.
Don’t let pride get in the way. Trust will not stand if built on the premise of perfection. It’s built on the promise that the two of you have the relationship’s best interest at heart. Admitting your mistakes sends the message that the relationship is more important than you being right.
7. Consider the effects decisions will have on your marriage.
Nearly everything you do will affect both you and your spouse. (There is no I in Us.) Talking through decisions together helps you understand the potential effects. Before making personal commitments, get in the habit of talking to your spouse.
★ Ask the question, “How will this affect you and affect us?”
Establishing a solid foundation of trust in marriage can provide the groundwork to building trust that’s as strong as a 100-year-old oak tree with deep roots. Some foundations aren’t solid. It’s good to know early that a person can’t be trusted. It’s not wise to trust someone to be honest if they continue to build a record of dishonesty. Trust will grow if you’re consistent in your words and actions.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
6 Ways To Agree To Disagree With My Spouse
If you’ve been married for a minute you know disagreements are going to come up between the two of you. But, have you ever had one of those disagreements where not only were you on opposite sides of the issue, neither one of you was willing to budge?
Guess what? You’re in good company. Plenty of marriages have experienced this; they may just not be talking about it because what does it really say about your relationship if you can’t figure out how to come to some type of compromise? Asking for a friend, right?
It’s actually possible to agree to disagree without experiencing distress in your marriage. Meaning, both people have accepted the other’s point of view without agreeing on it and they are moving on.
For some couples, this is a very far-fetched idea.
The key to couples learning how to agree to disagree is learning how to be good listeners and knowing how to value and express appreciation for their perspective, even if you have a completely different point of view.
Typically, what happens in a marriage when spouses disagree is one person shares their perspective. Instead of really listening to what the person is saying, the other spouse is focusing on words or phrases they want to respond to. So, they don’t really hear all that their spouse said. And, while responding, the same thing happens with the other spouse which creates this dangerous downward spiral, leaving both people feeling unheard and not valued.
What if you both agreed to hear each other out?
Scott Stanley, Howard Markman, and Susan Blumberg have been researching couples for more than three decades. One of the things they learned is, it’s hard for couples to slow down long enough to hear each other before jumping in with a response. They came up with an effective way to help couples hear each other called “The Speaker/Listener Technique,” which is also known as “The Floor.”
Here’s how it works.
One spouse has “the floor.” The “floor” could be an index card, a piece of paper, anything that is a visible reminder of who is speaking at the moment. That person chooses one topic—only one topic—to talk about from their perspective.
The other spouse does not have “the floor.” They are the listener. Think of this as being an investigator. The goal is for your spouse to feel heard when they finish sharing with you. You’ve asked questions in a way that makes them know you are listening. Your spouse knows you value what they have to say—even if you don’t agree with them.
Here are some other strategies to help you when it’s clear you need to agree to disagree with your spouse:
- Make sure your spouse feels heard. Sharpen those listening skills.
- Guard against allowing the disagreement to create resentment or bitterness between the two of you.
- Accept that it’s possible neither of you may be wrong—you just see the situation from different perspectives. It’s like being at the scene of an accident and two people telling what happened from two completely different angles. Neither is wrong, just different. Different isn’t bad. (See #5.)
- Make an extra effort to love through the disagreement. In other words, don’t punish each other for not seeing things eye to eye all the time.
- Different is good! Don’t forget, differences are like ingredients in a recipe. If you only have one ingredient, it will be a very bland dish. The different ingredients allow your tastebuds to experience the dish in an entirely different way. The same is true in your marriage.
- If you’re experiencing great difficulty getting past something that’s causing stress or distress in your marriage, a third party may be able to help you.
It’s not always easy to disagree without being disagreeable. Keep in mind, the one you love is far more valuable than proving your point or being right. Highly happy couples will tell you there are plenty of moments where they’ve agreed to disagree about certain things, but they never lost sight of the fact they were on the same team and their marriage was more important than whatever threatens to come between them. There is a better “right” than being right.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
You see things differently than you used to. You’re living a healthier lifestyle. You go out less. You interact differently with people. You’re investing more time into hobbies.
You love the way you feel—happier, healthier, and less stressed—except in your marriage. Your spouse seems agitated with you which just doesn’t make any sense.
Shouldn’t they be glad you’re improving and becoming a better person?
Your spouse may not see it that way, especially at first. Here’s why!
Feelings of insecurity.
Change often feels threatening. They might feel like you’re moving away from them with all the changes. It might be time to sit down and talk with your spouse about your “why” behind all the changes.
Feeling judged.
If your spouse feels judged by your attitude toward them, it might be time to ask yourself, “Am I actually becoming a better version of myself?”
Feeling Manipulated.
If there’s the slightest feeling you’re trying to change your spouse, you can expect there will be tension.
Related: My Spouse Has Changed.
★ As you grow and continue to better yourself, it will affect your marriage and your family. Naturally, your spouse may see it from a different perspective.
How can you work through it?
Never stop talking to one another.
Regularly talking to your spouse about what’s important to you gives them the chance to support you even if they aren’t “joining” you.
Understand their concerns.
Resist the temptation to get defensive. Put effort into listening to their concerns. Believe the best about your spouse.
Don’t try to change your spouse.
There are strengths in your differences. Their path to becoming the best version of themselves will look different.
People respond to change differently. Through one’s eyes, it’s great and through another set of eyes, it’s potentially destructive. The uncertainty leads to unrest.
The ultimate test is: Does your change have a positive impact on your marriage?
Patience, empathy, and understanding must be the foundations of your communication with each other to help change be seen as growth to better yourselves and your marriage.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
4 Reasons Why Sex Matters In Marriage
Sex: The Ecstasy – and for some – The “Eh.” There’s probably no other part of marriage that can challenge couples more than their sex lives. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to have a much different sex drive than the other. It’s easy for a couple to experience seasons of their marriage when their sex life seems incredible and other seasons when it becomes boring and humdrum. Stress, health changes, medication, children, and relational issues can all impact and complicate your sex life. And talking about it can sometimes feel embarrassing or awkward.
These challenges within a couple’s sex life can cause conflict and misunderstanding. And it can make a person wonder: Just how much does sex matter in marriage?
According to marriage experts, sex matters, and it matters a lot. But maybe not for the usual reasons we think it does.
Here are four reasons why sex matters in marriage:
1. Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy are directly connected.
Sexual intimacy actually increases the emotional intimacy in marriage – that’s the affection, understanding, warmth, and compassion shared between a couple. In turn, emotional intimacy has a positive effect on sexual satisfaction and frequency in marriage. Often, one person in a marriage feels more of a need for emotional intimacy while the other leans toward sexual intimacy. Nothing abnormal about that. But understanding how both kinds of intimacy build on each other can help both people get in sync with sex in their marriage.
2. Sexual intimacy builds trust.
By its very nature, sex requires incredible vulnerability. You and your spouse literally “bare it all” to each other. You open yourselves up to the possibility of either acceptance or rejection from each other on a core level. That level of intimacy magnifies why trust is all the more important. When trust is strengthened, the marriage relationship grows stronger.
3. Sexual trust translates into deeper connection.
Sex is one of the parts of marriage shared between you and your spouse. It’s such a deep, unique, intimate connection – many people would rather talk openly about what’s happening in their bank than in their bedroom. What connects you in marriage is so very only between you and your spouse, it underlines the need to protect your marriage from anything that could threaten it.
4. Sex in marriage has health benefits.
We can’t overlook the fact that sex does the body and the mind good. It’s been shown that sex can boost your immune system, alleviate stress, increase self-confidence, improve heart health, and help with memory. Not to mention, you’re enjoying these benefits while bonding with the one you love the most. You’re connecting intimately while you boost your health. Win-win.
It’s worth working through the sexual issues that can come up and strengthening your sex life.
Keep in mind, you and your spouse are two different people with different sex drives and different outlooks on sex. As awkward as it may be sometimes, it’s important for spouses to talk openly about their sex life – expectations, what’s comfortable and uncomfortable, what turns each other on, what are mood killers, how important sex is for them, and their relationship needs. The more you and your spouse talk about why sex matters in your marriage as you build that precious trust and deepen that one-of-a-kind connection, the less awkward it becomes. Talking about it is key to working through differences and staying in a common rhythm, meeting each other’s needs through the various seasons of marriage.
Related: 10 Things Every Married Couple Needs To Know About Sex
Just like other parts of your marriage, strengthening your sex life strengthens your marriage. And also like all other parts of your marriage, sexual intimacy is an area that you continually grow in and learn about as a couple. Resources like the links found below can help. If problems persist with sex in your marriage, it may be worth seeing a professional counselor. Do what it takes to become closer in your sexual relationship like you would any other part of your marriage. Because at the end of the day, sex does matter to the strength and health of your marriage. ☆ Invest in your marriage this week.
Looking for more? Check out these related blogs!
3 Ways To Have Better Sex In Marriage
My Spouse Wants Sex More Than I Do
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
What Does Trust Look Like in a Healthy Marriage?
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships,” according to Stephen Covey. This is especially true when it comes to trust in marriage.
Trust is essential; without it, maintaining a healthy marriage relationship is difficult.
It’s a word that is thrown around, but few take the time to actually define it. Trust is the confidence or belief that you have in someone. From that belief, you create a picture in your mind of that person. Based on their behavior, they either confirm your initial, positive view or create a negative one. Your ability to trust in marriage is established in your relationship prior to entering your marriage and should continue to grow after you say, “I do.”
Here are key trust areas in a healthy marriage:
1. Trust that we are a team, first and foremost.
In many marriage ceremonies, the statement, “Forsaking all others” is included. When you think about that vow, it means that you and your spouse became a family on the day you married and are TEAM #1. You went from ME to WE! That means making your marriage the priority. Yes, over self, over friendships and family, and over children.
2. Trust that you will be faithful.
Trusting your spouse to only share their physical self with you is a hallmark of marital faithfulness. Being faithful is not just limited to your physical relationship.
It also includes being trustworthy and honest about how and with whom:
- You’re sharing your emotions, dreams, struggles, and goals.
- You spend your time.
- You spend your money (and how much debt you have).
3. Trust that you will not purposefully try to control or harm me.
It’s important that an environment of safety and security be present in a healthy marriage. Even in the midst of normal conflict, be intentional to care for, love, and respect each other.
Choose words that inform, not inflict harm on your spouse.
4. Trust that you love me for me, not for what you can get from me.
Your spouse needs to feel loved for who they are on the inside not how they look on the outside. Being assured that your spouse would choose you again despite any physical or financial changes only forms a stronger bond between you.
5. Trust that we will turn to each other, not on each other.
In marriage, you will experience ups and downs, sadness, and hurts. As you go through the down times, leaning on each other helps lighten the load.
Knowing your spouse has your back provides a sense of security in a healthy, trusting marriage.
There is no better feeling than reaching out your hand to your spouse, and they reach back out to you.
★ Now that we have talked about ways to trust in a marriage, it’s key to examine yourselves and the experiences that shaped the way you trust individually. Your trust picture becomes shaped by the experiences you have with friends, family, and co-workers.
Unfortunately, you may have experienced betrayals and disappointments in past relationships, even with friends and family.
In order to move past hurts and create a positive trust atmosphere in your marriage, you may want to ponder these questions:
How have friends/family/past relationships broken my trust?
Have I taken betrayals from my past out on my spouse?
Has my spouse given me a reason not to trust?
Now, you can begin to move past those hurts across a bridge to a brighter and more trusting marital relationship.
Past hurts don’t have to be passed hurts. Build trust.
Check out more marriage resources here!
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
Image from Pexels.com
How we watch television, communicate with extended family, and even play video games with friends has changed tremendously in the last 20 years. Change is inevitable.
But what about when your spouse changes? Notice I said, “when,” not “if.” TV viewing, phone communication, and gaming was and is going to change. And there’s a good chance your spouse will also, which can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be.
There are 1,000 different changes a person may go through during the course of a long-lasting committed relationship. Some good and some not so good. (For the purposes of this blog, we’ll spend the majority of time focusing on changes that are meant to be for good.)
It may be a change in lifestyle, such as eating habits, a massive weight loss effort, or a change in thinking about things like politics, family, religion, etc. I’ve watched my spouse change and admittedly, it can be uncomfortable. You may question the security of the marriage, whether your spouse will still like you, or how it will affect how you do life together. Though you may know your spouse is growing and evolving as a person, the uncertainty can create anxiety.
There also may be the concern of, “Will we grow apart?” You had grown to really like the person you married. Now they’re changing. You’re not sure whether the two of you will continue to get along and enjoy one another.
Yes, there are some changes that are not healthy. They may be triggered for a number of reasons. Discussing those is for another blog.
In general, people grow, evolve, mature, and change as they learn and experience more of life. What drives couples apart is when we hold our spouse back from growth out of insecurity or fear.
How do you deal with a changing spouse?
Is the change bad for them as a person? Did they stop drinking or going to clubs? Did they start eating a vegan diet? Are they forming some new beliefs? If they’re changing for the intended betterment of themselves, then you should explore what really concerns you. Understanding their motivation can give you insight into the mind of your spouse.
Communicate from a place of curiosity, not fear or defensiveness. You will never stop getting to know your spouse. It’s easy to become comfortable with the image of your spouse, but marriage can stay fresh when you are continuing to learn about your spouse. Their changes don’t necessarily make your current way of thinking and doing things wrong. Your spouse may question things that you or they have done for years. They may not want to do them anymore. Be willing to ask questions and listen to their thought process.
Share your concerns while still giving your spouse the freedom to grow. The changes your spouse goes through do affect you and your relationship. Change isn’t always easy. Encourage your spouse to better themselves. Discuss the effects that changes can have on the relationship and the family. That will help everyone’s eyes be wide open as your spouse and sometimes the entire family changes their lifestyle. Stay connected and committed to the relationship as your spouse is learning new things.
Be patient. Your spouse may not understand how they’re changing during the process. This makes it difficult for them to communicate all their thoughts and desires. There may be some flip-flopping, for example going from vegan and back to non-vegan as they learn and become settled on what they feel is best for them. It’s a process. Keep a long-term view. Frustration may set in. Remember it’s a process that sometimes includes trial and error.
Know that you’ve changed. We’re all changing. Some in small, subtle ways. Others in big, major ways. Your changes could be easier to adjust to. Some people simply adjust to change more easily than others. Knowing there are some things that are different about you since the two of you met can give you comfort that change is inevitable. It can also be positive for the relationship.
As a married couple, part of our desire is to help our spouse be the best version of themselves. You grow with each other even if it appears your spouse is the one doing the growing. Through communication, understanding, and commitment to the relationship, you may simply be getting a birds-eye view of your spouse growing from good to great.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
