Something interesting is happening around kitchen tables these days. Families are talking more openly about things that used to stay quietly tucked away—anxiety, boundaries, burnout, childhood wounds. Mental health culture has brought these topics out of the shadows and into everyday conversation.
That’s a good thing—mostly. But it’s also created a growing tension between generations.
Adult children are using new language to describe their experiences. They’re setting boundaries, processing trauma, and trying to parent differently. Meanwhile, many parents—especially those who raised kids in a time when emotions weren’t openly discussed—are struggling to keep up. Some feel blamed, misunderstood, or left out entirely.
This disconnect isn’t about bad intentions. It’s about different frameworks. And bridging the gap, while worth the effort, is far from easy.
Mental health awareness has grown significantly in recent decades, and therapy-informed language is now common among Millennials and Gen Z. Words like “emotional labor,” “gaslighting,” and “generational trauma” are part of regular conversation.
But research shows that this increased awareness sometimes leads to more—not less—conflict. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that while emotionally open communication improves individual well-being, it can cause friction when others aren’t operating from the same emotional playbook.
Older generations, often raised to “push through” or “keep it to yourself,” may feel confused or criticized when adult children bring up past pain or ask for emotional boundaries. And younger generations, wanting to heal, may struggle to understand why their parents seem resistant or defensive.
Avoiding these conversations altogether can lead to even deeper problems. A study from Cornell University found that unresolved family conflict is one of the top regrets people carry later in life. Estrangement, which was once rare, is becoming more common—nearly 1 in 4 Americans say they’ve cut off a close family member at some point.
In most cases, families don’t want to drift apart. They just don’t know how to talk across the emotional and cultural divides.
Here’s the hopeful part: families who do the hard work of navigating these tensions often emerge stronger.
Healthy conflict, handled with mutual respect, can deepen understanding and build trust. Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert in family estrangement and family therapy, notes that reconciliation is most successful when both sides are willing to reflect on their part and adjust expectations.
Adult children don’t need their parents to be perfect. Parents don’t need their children to forget the past. But both sides benefit when they can say, “I want to understand you, even if I don’t fully agree with you.”
If you’re a parent struggling with this tension in your relationship with your adult child, try these tools:
- Ask questions before offering advice. When your child shares how they’re feeling or something they’re experiencing, posture yourself to listen rather than sharing. “What do you need from me right now?” goes a long way.
- Don’t take boundaries personally. They’re often about the adult child’s needs for understanding and growth—not a rejection of your love.
- Be open to learning. Therapy-speak might sound foreign, but behind it is often a deep desire for connection.
If you’re an adult child struggling with this tension in your relationship with your parent, try these tools:
- Share feelings without shaming. “I needed something different back then” is easier to hear than “You failed me.”
- Evaluate your own desire for the conversation and set realistic expectations for the outcome. Are you wanting your parents to go back in time and spend more time with you? Hear your needs? Show up more? We don’t have time machines, and it may not be something they’re willing to acknowledge and apologize for at the moment. They may need time to process and gather a response.
- Acknowledge growth. Even small efforts by your parents to understand should be seen and named. Don’t expect perfect healing. Aim for progress, not perfection.
Repairing emotional rifts across generations requires humility, patience, and a lot of practice.
But it matters. Because our family ties, when healthy, are one of the few places where we can be fully known and still loved.
We won’t always say it right. There will be missteps. But leaning in—gently, consistently, and without the need to win—creates space for something new to grow.
Maybe that’s the real gift of this mental health moment: not to blame or divide, but to build something stronger than what we were handed.
And maybe, that work begins with just one honest conversation at the table.
Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].
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