Marriage

Make Holiday Memories, Not Misery

Although it has been many years ago, Deanna Brann, clinical psychologist and author of Reluctantly Related:  Secrets to Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law, has no problem recalling “The Thanksgiving from Hell.”

It was the first Thanksgiving she and her husband spent with her son, new daughter-in-law and granddaughters. Although looking forward to seeing them, Deanna was quite uneasy. Her daughter-in-law was apprehensive, too. The stress and tension on both sides caused a huge explosion.  That’s why that particular holiday is remembered as hellish by both women.

There have probably already been a few interesting discussions about this year’s holiday gatherings with the in-laws. While a first holiday together can be awkward for everyone, you may also be dealing with the stress from annual pressure from both sides of the family.  Maybe each side wants you to be there because, “It just won’t be the same if you aren’t here.” Yet trying to please everyone can make the whole season miserable.

If you are the in-laws, remember what holidays were like when you were newlyweds or raising children. What would happen if you backed off on the pressure to be at your home on a certain day? Everybody might enjoy celebrating the holidays more when there’s a little flexibility.

For couples trying to navigate the holidays with in-laws, Brann offers tips to help you create great memories instead of misery.

Don’t let others steal your joy. A little advance planning, along with a good attitude, can make for a pleasant holiday season.

If you’d like to learn more about getting along with your in-laws, check out our Healthy In-Law Relationships E-Learning page.

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