Tips for Controlling Your Emotions

By Julie Baumgardner
April 8, 2020

Last week I checked in on a friend to see how she was doing. Her response, “Overwhelmed, stressed and a bit stir crazy.” One thing is for sure: She is not alone. It’s probably a safe guess to say that most of us are having a hard time controlling a variety of emotions — everything from sadness, anger, suffering, fear, and annoyance to impatience, depression, disillusionment, and vulnerability. All the feels for sure.

The big question is, what do we do with all we are feeling? Great question. It’s important that we intentionally do something with those emotions.

First and foremost, we need to acknowledge what we are feeling. Put words to the emotions rolling around inside. It might help to Google a list of feeling words to help you identify and express all the emotions you are experiencing. 

Write down all the words you believe you are experiencing. After you write them down, you need to know that none of those emotions are bad or wrong. They just are. It is now up to you to decide what your response will be to these emotions. In other words, you need to boss your feelings around instead of letting them hold you hostage and feeling like you are being tossed to and fro.

There are a few clues that can help you know if you are being held hostage by your emotions. For instance, you might be sleeping or eating more than normal. Perhaps you feel like you are on the edge of the cliff not knowing what you might do in the next moment. It may even feel like the people around you are constantly pushing your buttons and you have no capacity to keep yourself from going off on them. 



Seriously, take some deep breaths. Breathe in deeply and then slowly exhale. Do this a number of times. Practice this throughout the day versus only when you feel like your emotions are beginning to run wild.


This helps clear the fog out of your brain. Go for a walk, run, bike ride, or do a workout on YouTube. Do something that will work up a sweat and release endorphins. 

Make sure you are eating healthy, getting plenty of rest, and taking in Vitamin D.

(As in good ol’ sunshine!) It can also help you physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Grab that journal you wrote your emotions in and consider specific things you can do right now.

You can write down ways you want to choose to respond when it feels like these emotions are trying to take over. Acknowledge the emotion and consider your plan of action to get it under control. Actually saying out loud, “I feel overwhelmed or angry right this minute,” is more powerful than you might think. 

Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”

If you are a verbal processor, you might want to phone a friend and talk about what you are experiencing so they can help you put together your action plan. Playing music that helps you calm down is another option. Watching a show you really enjoy or utilizing some of the free virtual tours available to visit a place you love could be helpful.

Consider what you have control over or what you have the ability to influence.

Your attitude is for sure something you can control. When you feel tension and fear creeping over you, you can literally say, “No, not today,” and then go do something constructive like yard work, helping a neighbor who can’t get outside, or baking. Anything that puts your brain in motion in a positive way will work. When you are experiencing fear and your heart starts to beat fast, stop and assess the situation to determine what is real and what “could happen.” Differentiating between the two will help you be able to decide the best next steps. Sometimes, the best next step is to tell yourself that those thoughts are not accurate or true.

Your mindset matters.

Negative self-talk can keep you from handling your emotions constructively. If you tell yourself you aren’t strong enough or smart enough to handle something or that you just can’t, your brain believes what you tell it. Instead, try statements like, “I’m not sure of the answer, but I’m going to figure it out,” or, “Another day, another adventure. I am strong and I am smart. I can figure this out.” Then set yourself in motion to figure it out.

Taking control of your emotions is a process. As you try some of these suggestions, be patient with yourself. Start by doing one thing differently. As you begin to do that thing more consistently, add something else into the mix. Over time, you’ll probably see yourself managing your emotions instead of letting them manage you.

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