Tips for a Highly Happy Marriage

These habits may be just what your marriage needs.
By Julie Baumgardner
September 10, 2017

Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are roommates instead of lovers? Does it feel like your marriage is in a constant state of chaos? Have you caught yourself wishing for a life you don’t have?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you aren’t alone.

Truth be told, there are many chaotic marriages out there where both spouses are feeling disconnected and lonely.

When people feel disconnected in their marriage, anxiety, distrust, uncertainty and suspicion often creep in. Couples stop believing they are on the same team and start looking out for themselves. This leads to feeling the need to have the last word, always be right and a “my way or the highway” attitude which certainly doesn’t create an environment where a relationship can thrive and grow.

The first step toward changing the direction of your relationship is to identify what is creating chaos or disconnectedness.

Usual and customary suspects include children, career, community commitments, busyness and phubbing (otherwise known as snubbing your mate in favor of your smartphone).

Clearly, you can’t ship the children off; jobs matter, and it’s unrealistic to think that technology won’t be part of your relationship. However, if you are resolved that something needs to change, it might help you to know what research reveals about how happily married couples keep their marriages out of the ditch.

In her book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Harvard-educated researcher Shaunti Feldhahn uncovered 12 things highly happy couples do.

Here are a few of them that you can apply to your own relationship:

  • Remember the little things. There are a few small actions that matter a lot to men and women. In fact, surveys indicate that consistently doing these five things will likely make your spouse feel deeply cared for.
    • For women: Notice his effort and sincerely thank him for it. Tell him when he does a great job. Mention in front of others something he did well. Show him you desire him sexually. Make it clear that he makes you happy.
    • For guys: Hold her hand. Leave her messages during the day. Put your arm around her. Sincerely tell her she is beautiful. Pull yourself out of a funk.
  • Believe that your spouse is well-intentioned and truly cares about you. It is unlikely they began their day plotting how to make your day miserable.
  • Sometimes going to bed mad is a good thing. When conflict and anger are hard to resolve, sometimes sleeping on it overnight can lead to a quicker resolution.
  • Boss your feelings around. Highly happy couples lead their feelings instead of letting their feelings guide their actions.
  • Cultivate generosity. According to the research, generosity toward one another is one of the greatest contributing factors to a happy marriage.
  • Hang out together. In the beginning, you were friends. Couples who cultivate their friendship over time seem to have happier marriages than couples who do not.
  • Get in over your head. Highly happy couples were willing to put it all on the line for the sake of their marriage. The research showed they have dramatically increased security and happiness.

If you are tired of the chaos and feelings of disconnectedness in your marriage, try incorporating some of these habits into your marriage. Although creating an environment for your marriage to grow and thrive may not happen overnight, these habits could be just what your relationship needs.

Other resources:

Discover Deeper Intimacy In Your Marriage – First Things First


Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV on this topic!


***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***

Was This Helpful?

Thoughts? Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] an idea showing how many friends to compel and will help you narrow down your area search. It can ethnic wedding the good the perfect time to send out save-the-date pc cards. You can use a web system like Wedded […]

  2. […] which can be different from the best numbers which might be common at West weddings. The bride and groom’s parents are generally the most important friends at a Japan […]

  3. […] or marital relationship counselor to help you evaluate your current relationship and find methods to improve […]

  4. […] couples that imagine this will be generally engaging in avoidant behaviors. After some time, this can lead to profound dissatisfaction and potentially […]

  5. […] exploration shows that having kids can easily increase a marriage’s tension levels, and could possibly lead to divorce if certainly not handled themarketbride website […]

  6. […] in getting the marital life license is to fill out the applying. This is a sworn declaration that has to end up […]

  7. […] will ensure that your country recognizes the marriage license. If you have an european passport, it will enable you to marry in different […]

  8. […] need to realize that you have thousands of public just like you looking the net everyday, trying to find someone to promote their like with. Take advantage of the […]

  9. […] us states, Russia is well know for its high expectations for matrimony. Every Russian family unit has shed soldiers through the Second […]

  10. […] marry in Russia. This official certifications is required if you wish a foreign loved one. You should also pay a notarization charge if you are a Russian […]

  11. […] may be easier than a developed woman, there are some common errors you should steer clear of. These mistakes can make the experience even more complicated. In this article, most of us explore a few […]

  12. […] to meet someone who’s appropriate along and your way of living. In addition to the assortment belonging to the international human population, you can find a mate just who shares your interests […]

  13. […] close a foreign woman. While it could possibly be easier to start a relationship with a local girl, online dating a foreign female will require some adjustments and cultural variances. Adapting […]

  14. […] it comes to marriage in Russia, a specialized home law lawyer can assist you in completing each of the necessary steps. […]