Tag Archive for: Self-Awareness

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I Want to Keep up With Friends on Social Media but it is SO negative!

I miss my friends. I really do. Though overall, I have to admit I have enjoyed what quarantine has done for my relationship with my husband. (Check out my blog here.) I don’t like that keeping up with my friends on social media looks like scrolling through Instagram rather than making plans to hang out in person. 

As much as you love seeing what’s going on in your friends’ lives, it can become a little overwhelming. When someone is on social media, they aren’t just seeing friends’ posts. They are also exposing themselves to the negativity filling the spaces amidst the photos and posts from friends. Time spent on social media has increased by 20% during COVID-19 lockdowns, according to SocialMediaToday. Forbes also confirms that social media is full of misinformation.

It’s been rock bottom for a lot of people and an uphill battle for the world. Thousands of people are heartbroken over the deaths from COVID-19, hardships, job losses, divorces, families separated from loved ones in the hospitals, and the list goes on.

However, I really do believe there are silver linings for every dark cloud. We have seen the world set aside its differences and make trade agreements. People are sharing intellectual property for the good of humanity, not just the people in their country. We’ve seen volunteers come out of the woodwork to help deliver food to students and families who needed it. Artists share their skill and their specialty and teach people online. Musicians do in-home concerts and athletes provide free at-home training. 

I think we want to see the good—to keep up with what’s happening in our friends’ lives nearby and around the world. We also want to filter out the negative.

Here are some ways to help you keep up and stay positive:

  1. Limit your time on social media. As soon as you feel yourself start to scroll for the habit of it or because you’re bored, find something else to do. Once you’ve seen your friends’ posts and gone through their stories, shut the app. It’s when we get through the relevant posts that we start seeing the suggested videos, photos, or news.
  1. If you know someone or an entity you follow is negative each time you come across them, unfollow or block them for a bit. On Facebook, you can prioritize who you see when you click News Feed Preferences. Put your close friends and family as a priority. Help yourself keep tabs only on who you want to keep up with right now.
  1. If you have an iPhone, you can set daily limits on social networking in your settings or download an app to help you monitor your time. Android phones have apps that do this as well. Not only does putting a cap on your time help you create boundaries, but you are taking a step to protect your mental health. Substantial amounts of research from The US National Library of Medicine—National Institutes of Health have found associations between heavy technology use and poor mental health outcomes among adolescents and young adults.  
  1. If keeping up with your friends is your main concern, try setting aside time to FaceTime or have a Zoom call with them instead.

This will take keeping up with each other up to a more personal level. It’s way more personal than a text or even a phone call.

It’s been a time of transition for everyone. Be patient with yourself as you adjust and be patient with your friends as they navigate their new normal. Some people use the comment section on social media to vent, but that doesn’t mean you have to engage with it. Hopefully, this helps you to keep up with your friends more and negativity less!

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How to Stay Positive When Everything Seems to Be Falling Apart

What you say, think and do can make a huge difference.

We were about a month into our COVID-19 quarantine when it finally happened. There had been some ups and downs, of course, but I was feeling pretty good and able to stay positive as an individual, husband, and father. My family was handling it all surprisingly well. I was getting tons of work done. I felt like I was leading the family well. Then I finally snapped.

During the month or so of quarantine, I had been straining, working from home, fearful about my wife working in the medical field, stressed about a son doing middle school online, anxious about a son doing college online, sad for two adult children out of work, worried about one adult child still working in “essential services,” and totally uneasy about my at-risk mother-in-law. ALL of this under ONE roof. (You catch all the emotions in there? I didn’t.) But we were actually navigating it fairly well and trying to stay positive – movie nights, game nights, lots of good conversations. We got this! 

Then it all started to unravel. Then I unraveled. Big time.

In the span of a few days:

  • My wife was filing for unemployment. 
  • We had a brush with a tornado that left us with a yard full of fallen trees.
  • We had no power to our house for days. 
  • My car broke down while I was getting ice to keep food from spoiling. (It all spoiled anyway.)
  • We had friends who completely lost their homes and we were heartbroken. 
  • We had all-new financial pressures.

Things were starting to pile up. Stress and worry were at all new levels. 

I ignored it – too much to get done!

After about four days of trying to adjust to Generator Life and a bunch of new problems and expenses, I was soon trying to stay positive and hold my world together with threads and patches.

Then, in a single moment, life came undone. (Of course, it did.) The reality is, I came undone. Ironically, it was actually a relatively small thing that did it. Something so small that it would have been no big deal in any other context. Straw. Camel. Back. You know the saying.

I’ll admit it – I was lying in bed crying with the door locked, feeling fragile and helpless. 

How did it get to this? I’m stronger than this! What if anyone in my family sees me like this?

If we can allow ourselves to be honest, vulnerable, transparent humans for just a second, you might be feeling it, too. You might be close to snapping. Maybe you are on the edge of being overwhelmed. You may have already broken down. Your story and circumstances might have some major things going on in them that make my little pity party look pitiful. 

What do you do to stay positive when it all seems to fall apart?

Here’s what I learned after I snapped back from my snap: 

  1. Acknowledge your emotions and share them with people that you trust. For a while, I had been suppressing or burying emotions and needs deep down, trying to play it cool, but making myself a ticking time bomb. 
  2. Be real with your kids, your spouse, and your friends, because they have their “moments” too. Kids don’t need their parents to be perfect; they need them to be real. It’s good for them to see you work through imperfection and real-world problems. 
  3. Guard your mindset! Be careful what you look for in life, because you’ll find it. If you look for everything that is wrong, you’ll find it and focus on it. If you look for what is going right, that’s there, too. Find it and focus on it. You can acknowledge what’s wrong and still practice gratitude for what’s right. Remember what is really important – people. 
  4. Practice self-care. I was afraid to be honest with myself and the people around me – people that I know would help me, let me blow off steam, and help me process my emotions. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s more than okay to take care of yourself! Practice self-care. You may not be able to change your circumstances, but you can take care of yourself—physically and emotionally.
  5. Breathe. Think. Act. Take a moment to take some deep breaths, think about what you can and can’t control, and then respond appropriately – don’t react. Don’t make important decisions when you aren’t your best self or you’ve gone to pieces.
  6. Focus on helping others. This may sound counter-intuitive, but nothing feels better than helping someone with their problems. It actually makes our brain release happy chemicals and it may take your mind off your problems or even put them in perspective.

It’s okay to have a “moment”; it’s not okay to stay there. We’ve all been at a place where we felt like it was just one bad thing after the other and we’ve felt overcome by stress, anxiety, anger, or sadness. Give yourself permission to be real, but also develop a plan to stay positive the next time you feel overwhelmed and about to break down.

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Journaling Prompts When You’re Stressed

Right now, there is a lot of stress, anxiety, and fear going around, and chances are, you’ve experienced it yourself. Whether you’re a parent trying to figure out a new routine with and for your kids, a professional working through the balancing act, a student running into the obstacles of social and academic pressures or all of the above, every person is facing their own challenges in their own way.

There are so many suggestions out there to try and help combat all of the overwhelming emotions: getting enough sleep, setting up a schedule for yourself and your family, eating healthy meals, staying active, talking with friends… The list goes on. But did you know that journaling is another great way to reduce stress and anxiety? And the research is here to back it up!

How Journaling Affects Our Minds

  • According to The University of Rochester Medical Center, journaling can help you manage anxiety, reduce stress, cope with depression, and improve your mood by helping you prioritize problems and track your symptoms so you can learn your triggers and control them.
  • Journaling can also enhance your sense of well-being, improve your working memory, and boost your mood.
  • Keeping a journal can help you keep an organized mind and can be helpful when processing information or making sense of trauma.

Okay, so now what? Sure, journaling is great, but it can be hard to get started. The key to making journaling a part of your routine is getting started! So grab an old notebook you’ve got lying around, and choose one, two, or more of the questions below to answer each day. If every day feels like too big of a commitment, start with just three times a week!

Writing Prompts

  1. What are 5 good things that happened today?
  2. What’s one thing you can do differently tomorrow to help it be a better day than today?
  3. What’s one adjustment you can make to your routine to help set up the day for success?
  4. What’s the main source of your stress or anxiety? Can you do anything about it?
  5. What are 10 things that make you happy right now?
  6. What are 3 things you can do daily to be a positive influence for others?
  7. How did/will you exercise your mind, body, and spirit today?
  8. What’s one thing that happened today that you’re still trying to process/understand?
  9. Did you feel anxious or worried today? When did it start? What caused the feeling?
  10. Who are two people in your life that mean a lot to you and why?
  11. What’s one thing that would have to change for you to feel completely satisfied?
  12. Is there anything that is consistently disturbing your inner peace?
  13. What do you not like to talk about? Why not?
  14. What is one thing you learned today?
  15. If you were completely free of fear, what would you be doing differently today?
  16. What’s one thing that you’re proud of yourself for?
  17. What decisions could you make today/tomorrow that could improve your mental, emotional, and/or physical health?
  18. What’s one habit that you would like to correct? What are some steps you can take toward correcting that habit?
  19. What are you most ashamed of right now? Why?
  20. What are 3 things that you did really well today?

Journaling is a great way to understand your thoughts, gain self-awareness, and process the world around you. And now is a great time to start!

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Journaling/Writing Prompts for Kids

These journal topic suggestions can get you to thinking!

Journaling isn’t just for school. It can help your kids in a variety of personal ways that can also help you as a parent tune into your kids. Sometimes your kids will be willing to share their thoughts with you, but they will often put something into writing that they might not say to you. 

Let’s be honest — even with school and everything else that’s going on, your kids probably need some constructive things to do. Journaling can fire their imagination, improve their writing skills, and cultivate self-awareness. Plus it can be fun and give you something to start a conversation! Make it part of their daily routine — maybe the first thing they do after breakfast or the last thing they do before bed.

So, take a look around the house — is there an empty composition book or notebook you can put together? Kids love their electronic devices, but I would only use them as an absolute last resort. You can make up the topics, but try to make them as open-ended as possible or add a “Why?” at the end. Of course, keep topics appropriate for your child’s age and interests. Below are a bunch of journal topic suggestions to get you thinking! But to review just a few of the benefits of journaling for your child…

Journaling can:

  • Clarify their thoughts and feelings
  • Help them know themselves better
  • Reduce their stress
  • Give you insight into how they are dealing with our current situation.

BONUS: Here’s a great resource of journaling prompts for both you and your child to practice mindfulness. If that word sounds scary or unfamiliar, mindfulness just means that you’re practicing narrowing your focus and sharpening your attention, which is obviously so helpful for children!

Elementary School

List of things that make me happy.

I wish I knew more about __________ because….

What is something that is important to my family?

When it comes to schoolwork, what has been your favorite thing you learned?

My favorite part of last week was…

Three things I’d like to talk about.

If I could rename the colors of crayons…

What is my favorite dessert and why?

Use your creativity to describe and draw a new creature or animal.

If my dog or cat could talk, it would say things like…

I was proud when I __________

Five things I’m good at are…

If a genie granted me three wishes…

What would you choose if you were in charge of the weather?

My favorite holiday is…

Middle School 

What would happen if you found gold in your backyard?

If animals could talk, what questions would you like to ask them?

Who would you be if you could have been someone in history? Why?

I taught someone how to…

You can only take 3 people with you on a trip around the world, who would you take?

If you could give any gift in the world, what would you give and to whom?

The house was so quiet, but then I heard…

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Let’s say you received any sum of money as a gift. What would you do with it?

Did you ever catch fireflies?  Crickets?  Frogs?  Snakes? Why/why not?

What was your most difficult or most joyous life experience?

List one of your pet peeves and write about why it annoys you.

What is something that you appreciate about your parents? Why?

Write about a window you broke or something valuable you lost.

What would happen if it suddenly started raining spaghetti and meatballs?

High School

Describe the perfect date.

What is courage? What is the most courageous thing you have done?

Describe a hero. It can be either someone you know or simply qualities of a hero.

What is your favorite activity? Who do you do it with? Why do you think you enjoy it?

Write about a good book you’ve read recently.

What will you do differently when you’re a parent? Why?

Do you spend too much time with electronic devices? Why/why not?

What do you think should have or should NOT have been invented and why? 

List one major world problem and how you think we should solve it.

Do you think that there is or ever was life on another planet?

What is the most important issue facing teens your age today? 

Were you ever given a responsibility that you couldn’t handle? 

Describe the best concert you ever attended.

Write about a time you tried to help and ended up making things worse.

Did you ever break an important promise?

Write about moving to another city or neighborhood or house.

Did you ever meet a famous person? Interact with them on social media?

Describe a car or bicycle accident you were in.

If you could spend a day spent in another country, which would you choose? Why?

Describe a time that you outsmarted someone.

Write about going shopping for new clothes.

Did you ever turn someone in or tell on someone and feel bad about it later?

Was there a time your parents embarrassed you?

Can you remember a time you gave someone good advice? What was it?

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Do I Really Want To Marry This Person?

Don't let the idea of being alone make you ignore red flags.

Dating. Is. Hard. There’s no way around it. On the bright side, you meet a variety of people. You learn more about yourself and have some good (and often laughable), awkward stories. So, when you find yourself thinking about forever with that very special someone, it may be tempting to trudge forward with emotions and skip the inner-reflective monologue. But, there is one question every dating person should ask themselves: “Do I really want to marry this person, or do I just want to be married?”

Before you start psychoanalyzing every nook and cranny of your current relationship, be aware that it will take time to answer this question. Let’s talk it through a bit.

The desire to marry often comes from an overarching desire for companionship. We all know life can be pretty heavy due to bills, stress, family issues, health concerns, career disappointments, etc. There are some nights that bar-hopping, movie-binging, or venting to a listening ear just doesn’t sweeten the bitterness of life. Marriage can look like a really good, long-term way to have a sturdy hand to hold from day to day. And even though you may not see eye-to-eye on your faith, finances, priorities, or the hopes and dreams you have for your future family, marriage may appear better than the alternative… being alone FOREVER.

The desire to marry can create a monster. This monster will give you blinders. It will allow you to look past the red flags and all you thought you would never settle for.

This post shouldn’t negate marriage. I think marriage is a wonderful thing. It’s supposed to be a sense of support, security and unconditional love. But a successful marriage requires a lot of work on the front end. You need patience and discernment so that you can find a person who inspires you, cares for you and truly helps you be even more like yourself.

When you can look at your relationship and see how it benefits both people, you’re probably on the right track. And, maybe you really do want to marry this person.

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