Tag Archive for: Parents

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How We Learn to Hate and How We Can Stop

Recent events (both near and far) have led me to question one small little word with a big bite: “hate.”

My son’s school had to go into lockdown mode while we were having an outdoor celebration breakfast for his class. Nothing was going on at the school, but only a couple of blocks down the road gunshots were fired between people who were raging with hate towards each other. Out of an abundance of caution, we made our way into the cafeteria and had a giant dance party instead. 

Of course the kids asked all the questions, “Why did we have to come inside?”, “Are we safe?”, “Will we ever be able to go back outside?”

But they had no idea what happened only a few streets away, and they definitely didn’t feel the hate that started the whole issue.

Where does hate begin? How do regular disagreements turn into something darker? What helps us step back from that edge?

Psychologists say hate isn’t just “really strong dislike.” It’s a hot mix of anger, contempt, and disgust that can push us toward action. One brain-imaging study in 2008 even found a distinct pattern when people looked at someone they hated. Parts of their brain tied to strong emotion and action planning lit up, as if the mind were putting the body on standby.

But the slide into hate usually starts earlier. We sort the world into “us” and “them.” Then we tell simple stories about “them.” Psychologist Nick Haslam’s review of decades of studies shows how this can turn into dehumanization, which means to treat other people as less than fully human. This makes it easier to justify harsh words or worse. We don’t notice it at first; it feels normal, and that’s the trap. 

Politics turns that trap into a bear pit. A team led by Northwestern’s Eli Finkel, director of the university’s Relationship and Motivation lab, calls today’s political dynamic “political sectarianism,” othering, aversion, and moral contempt mixing into a poisonous cocktail. Their work notes that in the U.S., many of us feel more heat toward the other party than warmth for our own. That’s not just disagreement; that’s relationship acid.

Here’s a twist that sounds like every family argument ever: research from Adam Waytz and colleagues finds both sides think we act from love, while they act from hate. It’s called “motive attribution asymmetry,” and it locks conflict in place because compromise starts to feel like giving in to bad people with bad motives. 

So what actually helps? First, real contact. The human kind, not the comment-section kind. Back in 2006, a massive meta-analysis of 515 studies found that contact between groups reliably reduces prejudice, especially when people work together as equals and leaders support the effort. Translation: volunteering side-by-side beats arguing on Facebook.

Second, a bigger “we.” Social psychologists Samuel Gaertner and John Dovidio show that when we recategorize from “us vs. them” to “all of us,” bias drops. In normal life that sounds like, “We’re neighbors raising kids in the same city,” before we ever talk about policy. It’s simple and surprisingly powerful.

Third, shared goals. The classic 1954 “Robbers Cave” summer-camp study split boys into rival teams and—surprise—hostility erupted. What cooled it wasn’t a lecture; it was fixing problems together (like hauling a stuck truck) that neither team could solve alone. Families can borrow this: when a fight stalls, pick a goal bigger than the argument and push the truck together.

Fourth, better conversations. “Deep canvassing” is the term to describe 10-minute, nonjudgmental, story-sharing chats. In 2016, researchers David Broockman and Joshua Kalla found these conversations produced durable attitude change on a hot-button issue. The magic wasn’t debating harder; it was listening, reflecting, and trading personal stories.

And because our media diet shapes our mood, here’s a timely note: a 2024 University of Michigan analysis warned that rage-bait politics on social media can crank up our cynicism and hostility. If your feed makes you feel permanently itchy, that’s not a character flaw, it’s a design feature. Curate accordingly.

What does all this mean for daily life? In my house, we try to “disagree like teammates.”

We name the shared goal first (“We both want kind, sturdy kids”), we assume decent motives (“You’re aiming for safety; I’m aiming for independence”), and we take a break when we start narrating the other person as the villain. It’s not perfect. But the research backs up these small habits: contact, common identity, shared goals, and decent motives interrupt the slide from conflict to contempt and from contempt to hate.

So here’s a simple play for this week. Invite one person you disagree with for coffee. Ask three sincere questions before you share your view. Tell a short story about why you care. Then look for one thing you can do together like coach a team, pick up trash on your block, help a neighbor.

It won’t fix the internet, but it can change a relationship. And relationships are where the heat cools and the future is built.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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Key Adult Milestones Are Not Being Reached: What That Means for Everyone

Here’s the truth about “adulting” in 2025: it’s a moving target.

As a 35-year-old CEO of a family nonprofit—and a mom to a fearless two-year-old and a six-year-old who just discovered the magic of school lunch pizza—I think a lot about what our kids are growing up into. The U.S. Census Bureau’s latest look at milestones of adulthood gives us a clear signal: the path most young adults take today is different from the one many of us expected.

For decades, four milestones often stood in for “made it”: move out, get a job, marry, have kids. In 1975, nearly half of 25- to 34-year-olds had checked all four boxes. New Census data reveals that in 2024, less than one-quarter did. The most common pattern now? Young adults living on their own and in the labor force—but not necessarily married or parenting (about 28%). In short: economic steps are outpacing family steps. 

Census researchers also updated how they measure adulthood by adding a fifth marker—finishing education—and examined 2005 to 2023. In 2005, about 26% of young adults had reached all five milestones; by 2023, that share fell to about 17%. At the same time, labor-force participation remained the most common single marker (about 86% in 2023), and living independently dipped slightly (84% in 2005 to 81% in 2023).

We also see shifts inside the family story. Fewer young adults are married than three decades ago. In 2023, just 29% of 25- to 29-year-olds were married (down from 50% in 1993), and 51% of 30- to 34-year-olds (down from 63%). Among 18- to 24-year-olds, only 7% were married in 2023, according to the Pew Research Center.

Where young adults live has shifted, too. A majority of 18- to 24-year-olds (57%) currently live in a parent’s home, up from 53% in 1993. Housing costs, longer schooling, and a desire for financial stability are all part of the story. 

Remember, milestones aren’t just boxes on a list. They shape identity, purpose, and well-being.

The 2024 Census story notes that young adults are prioritizing economic security before starting families—understandable when housing, food, and gas take bigger bites of the budget. But when family formation lags, it can ripple into community life: fewer volunteers at schools and parks, later grandparent support, and smaller social safety nets built through extended family ties. 

At the same time, it’s worth remembering: Americans are increasingly comfortable saying there isn’t one “right” age to hit life goals. Many still see the ideal window for marriage, first child, and buying a home as 25-34, but a Pew Research Center survey reveals a large share now say there’s no best age at all. That cultural shift matters; expectations can either weigh young adults down or give them room to grow. 

For parents and families worried about whether or not their children will be a prime “failure to launch” situation, here are practical, research-backed ways to help young adults reach those milestones, on a timeline that fits real life.

1) Build the relationship before the résumé.

Strong, steady connections with caring adults protect mental health and help young people handle transitions such as college, first jobs, and new housing. Make regular check-ins a habit (text, coffee, a Sunday call). Ask good questions and listen more than you advise. Connectedness is protective.

2) Coach for independence, not control.

Think “scaffolding”: offer structure and encouragement while they practice making decisions around budgeting, reading a lease, setting up auto-pay, and making a doctor’s appointment. These are executive-function skills (planning, focus, self-control). They don’t magically appear at 18; they’re built with practice and feedback. 

3) Normalize starter steps.

Milestones are often reached in stages: roommates before solo rent, certificate before degree, internship before career. Praise the step, not just the finish line. This mindset reduces shame and keeps momentum going. (It also matches how today’s young adults are actually sequencing adulthood.) 

4) Open doors (your network counts).

Who you know still matters. New Census information shows young people who start at a parent’s employer earn 24% more at their first job and are still ahead three years later. You don’t need to be a CEO to help; introductions to managers, union halls, faith-community leaders, or small-business owners can be rocket fuel.

5) Talk about money early and often.

Help your young adult build a basic budget, check their credit report, and compare rent-to-income ratios. If you can’t contribute cash, contribute wisdom: how to avoid junk fees, negotiate a phone plan, or read a pay stub. Small money wins build the confidence that precedes bigger steps like moving out or buying. (Again, the data shows economic milestones are leading the pack.)

6) Respect different timelines and keep hope high.

Lower marriage rates in the early and late 20s don’t mean “never.” Many catch up later, and plenty thrive on these flexible timelines. Your belief in their future matters, whether they’re 19 or 29. 

7) Watch well-being.

Transitions are stressful. Notice changes in sleep, mood, or motivation. Offer help finding a counselor, campus support, or community group. Solid mental health makes the rest of adulthood more reachable. 

The bottom line is today’s young adults aren’t failing at adulthood; they’re re-sequencing it. The new Census data shows fewer are doing everything at once, and more are securing work and housing first. Our job as parents, mentors, and neighbors is to help them build skills, find opportunities, and keep connections strong so the other milestones—marriage, parenting, homeownership if they choose them—are within reach.

My two-year-old thinks adulthood means getting to pick her own snack. My six-year-old thinks it means staying up past bedtime. Honestly? Some days that still tracks.

But with our steady support, our young adults can do more than “adult.” They can thrive.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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The Low Down on Mental Health, Stress and Family Genetics

My brother and I had a lengthy conversation this week about mental health. We both work in what I’ll call “high-impact” jobs, though they seem worlds apart.

Some days, coping and processing the stress can feel like mental gymnastics, flipping and stretching the capacities of our mental health. 

According to a 2016 meta-analysis on mental health and families, the way we feel and deal with stress is part genetically inclined and part learned behavior. Does this mean we’re doomed from the start? 

Not at all, but the more you recognize your actions and identify thoughts and behaviors you’d like to shift, the more likely you can transform the cycle for yourself and others.

First, the genetics.

Think of genes like a blueprint, not a verdict. As I mentioned before, research on twins shows that depression and many anxiety disorders are partly inherited; roughly a third to a half of the risk comes from our DNA. That sounds scary until you remember the other half is about life, habits, and help. Genes can load the dice, but they don’t decide the roll.

Now, the relationships.

Kids learn how to “do” emotions and deal with stressful situations by watching us. When we name feelings, stay steady, and coach them through tough moments, kids tend to have fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression. When we’re harsh, dismissive, or always rush in to rescue, it can keep worries alive. One recent study even showed that a parent-only program where moms and dads learned how to respond more supportively and stepped back from “over-accommodating” reduced children’s anxiety as much as traditional child therapy. Parents matter (which is equal parts empowering and humbling, I know).

Stress can echo across generations, too.

Adverse Childhood Experiences, things like abuse, neglect, or living with a parent who’s seriously struggling, raise the risk for anxiety and depression later on. That doesn’t mean a child is doomed. It does mean safe, stable, nurturing relationships are medicine. The more we can make home predictable, warm, and firm-but-kind, the more we turn down the volume on risk.

And yes, the body keeps the score.

Here’s a simple illustration of how our genetics affect our mental health: life can act like a dimmer switch on our genes. Chronic stress can nudge some genes “brighter” or “dimmer” without changing the DNA code itself. That sounds heavy, but there’s hope in it—healthy routines, supportive relationships, and good skills to cope can move those dimmers back to bright.

So what do we do with all this?

If you’re struggling, start with you.

When a parent gets effective care, kids benefit. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has a strong track record for both depression and anxiety. If in-person sessions are hard to manage, ask your doctor about guided online CBT options. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about getting access to tools and using them.

Make feelings part of normal life at home.

Use simple, honest language: “My chest feels tight. I’m going to take three slow breaths—want to try with me?” Regular check-ins on a daily basis are helpful. Ask for one high, one low, and one gratitude at dinner and turn the conversation into a tiny support group. Programs that help parents talk openly about a parent’s depression or anxiety have been shown to improve how families function and how kids feel. Silence is scarier than the truth.

Help anxious kids by changing how you respond.

It’s natural to “save” a worried child from hard things: you email the teacher, cancel the sleepover, skip the tryouts. Sometimes that helps short-term, but it can feed anxiety long-term. A supportive stance sounds like, “I see you’re scared, and I know you can do hard things. I’m here to help you practice.” Step by step (and yes, sometimes with tears), kids build courage.

Protect the basics: sleep and movement.

Tired brains are cranky brains. Consistent bedtimes, phones out of bedrooms, and a calm wind-down routine help everyone. And regular movement like walking, biking, and dance parties in the kitchen, has real, measurable benefits for mood. You don’t need a gym membership to help your nervous system breathe.

Parent with warmth and structure.

The parenting style that research suggests works best is called authoritative: clear rules, consistent follow-through, and plenty of warmth. Think steady schedules, predictable consequences, and lots of affection. You can be kind and firm at the same time. (Honestly, that’s the secret sauce.)

If your family is in a hard spot today, please know help is available. For everyday support, reach out to your primary care clinician, your child’s pediatrician, or a trusted counselor. First Things First would love to help you through coaching and family support. You are not alone in this.

Here’s the heart of it: mental health issues such as anxiety and depression can echo through families, but echoes fade when we change the dynamics of the room. Awareness first. Skills help. Routines soothe. Relationships heal. Start small. Keep it kind. And celebrate every tiny win. Those are the bricks that create a stronger foundation in you and build a healthier next generation.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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7 Stress‑Saving Steps for a Smooth Back‑to‑School Launch

If you listen closely, you can already hear it—the zip of fresh backpacks, the crinkle of notebook wrappers, and the collective gasp of parents realizing the days of “popsicles for lunch” are numbered. Whether your child is brand‑new to kindergarten or a seasoned locker‑door slammer, a little prep now will save everyone tears.

Here are seven research‑backed ways to welcome the 2025‑26 school year:

1. Shift the Sleep Schedule…Tonight

Summer bedtimes have a way of sliding faster than a Slip ’N Slide. But sleep isn’t just beauty rest—it’s brain rest. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 9–12 hours for 6‑ to 12‑year‑olds and 8–10 hours for teens. Start rolling bedtime back by 15 minutes each night until you hit the target. Consistent bedtimes aren’t just good for grades; studies show they boost emotion regulation and behavior.

2. Reboot the Morning Routine

Practice makes peaceful. Do a “dry run” of the school‑day routine this week: set alarms, pack lunches, even drive the route. Younger kids love a timer challenge (“Can we get teeth brushed before the countdown ends?”). 

3. Meet the Teacher  Early

If your child’s campus offers an open‑house night or “popsicle on the playground,” go. Nervous systems calm dramatically when hallways morph from the unknown to the familiar. Snap classroom photos so younger kids can study them at home and build excitement.

4. Muscle‑Memory Academics: 20 Minutes a Day

Dust off library cards and math‑fact card decks. Twenty minutes of reading or a quick “grocery‑store math” game in the cereal aisle reactivates neural pathways dulled by the summer months. Think of it as stretching before the marathon—you’re preventing first‑week brain cramps.

5. Build a Homework Landing Zone

Pick one spot for backpacks, chargers, and permission slips—preferably near an outlet and far from the refrigerator. A simple cubby or wall‑mounted hook system turns “Mom, where’s my tablet?” into a non‑issue. Pro tip: post the year’s school calendar right above it so field‑trip forms never disappear.

6. Talk Feelings, Not Just Supplies

Back‑to‑school butterflies are real. Over dinner, try the three‑word check‑in: “Name one thing you’re excited about, one thing you’re nervous about, and one thing you’re curious about.” Normalize mixed emotions and brainstorm coping plans—deep breaths, doodle breaks, or a worry stone tucked in a pocket. When children feel heard, their cortisol falls and their confidence rises.

7. Celebrate the First Week—Whatever Happens

Plan a “High‑Low‑Buffalo” pizza night that first Friday. Everyone shares a high (best moment), a low (toughest moment), and a buffalo (random surprise). Rituals like this turn school into a family team sport and remind kids that mistakes are just detours on the learning road. 

Parents, your calm is contagious. If the crayons aren’t color‑coordinated or the monogrammed lunchbox never arrived, your kids will still learn, laugh, and grow this year. Model flexibility, keep humor handy, and remember: every August is a fresh invitation to shape not just scholars, but resilient human beings.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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When and How to Discuss Tragedies With Your Children

The other night, my 6-year-old son looked up from his peanut butter sandwich and asked, “Mom, what’s going on in that place called Gaza? Everybody is talking about it.” I paused, mid-bite, suddenly aware that his little ears had caught news from the TV at his grandparents’ house.

It’s a question many of us face:

When is the right time to talk to our kids about the hard stuff—the floods, wars, tornadoes, or tragedies that fill the headlines?

And just as important, how do we respond when they find out before we’ve had a chance to prepare them?

As a mom of two, and a professional focused on helping families thrive, I’ve learned that the answer isn’t always clear.

But experts agree on one thing: the best conversations start not with the what, but with the who. Who is your child? What’s their age, their temperament, their understanding of the world?

For little ones like my daughter, under age 3, less is more. They don’t need to know details; they need to know they’re safe and loved. If they catch a glimpse of something scary—an image on TV, a worried tone in our voice—we can say something simple like, “Yes, something happened far away, but we’re okay. And helpers are taking care of it.”

As kids get older, they start to absorb more than we realize—especially from school, siblings, or even YouTube ads you didn’t know autoplayed. With children between the ages of 4 and 8, it helps to start by asking what they’ve heard. “What do you know about what happened?” is a good place to begin. That way, you can gently correct any misunderstandings and address fears without offering more than they need.

And when we do explain, we should be honest—but gentle. We can say, “There was a big storm in another part of the country, and some people got hurt. It’s really sad. But there are lots of people helping.” Sharing basic facts without overwhelming them is key. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, reassurance and emotional support go much further than detailed explanations. They also recommend turning off the TV and avoiding graphic images whenever possible. Kids don’t need a front-row seat to trauma.

Another thing I’ve learned—both from research and from bedtime conversations with my own kids—is that children take their emotional cues from us. If we seem frantic, they’ll feel scared. But if we stay calm and tell the truth with love, they learn it’s okay to feel sad or confused. It’s okay not to have all the answers. In fact, “I don’t know, but I’m here,” might be one of the most comforting things we can say.

When children seem especially affected—clingy, anxious, having nightmares—it might help to create small rituals of safety. Extra snuggles at bedtime. A favorite blanket. Drawing pictures. Or, for older kids, taking action: donating toys, writing a thank-you card to first responders, or simply saying a prayer for those affected. According to Ann Masten, a resilience research professor at the University of Minnesota‘s Institute of Child Development, even young kids can grow stronger through hardship when they have stable relationships, chances to help, and ways to process their feelings.

Of course, we can’t prepare for every question, and we can’t shield our kids from every headline.

But we can be their safe place—the calm in the chaos.

We can turn off the TV and turn toward them. We can hold their hands and help them make sense of a world that, yes, is sometimes scary—but also full of helpers, hope, and healing.

So next time your child asks about the storm, the war, or the thing they overheard in the school hallway, take a breath. Sit with them. Let their questions lead. And remind them—out loud and often—that no matter what happens in the world, they are not alone.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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How to Help Young Kids Grow More Independent 

My almost two-year-old daughter insists on putting her shoes on “by MY-self.” It takes five full minutes, a mild meltdown, and one backward sandal, but she makes it happen. Meanwhile, her six-year-old brother loves to “make his own breakfast”—which, in his world, means putting jelly on bread and pouring his own oatmilk.

Was it messy? Yes.
Did they feel proud? Absolutely.
Was I tempted to take over? Definitely.

But here’s the thing: learning how to do things on their own—even simple stuff—is how kids build confidence, responsibility, and problem-solving skills.

And that’s what healthy independence is all about.

What exactly is “healthy independence” for children? It’s not about turning kids loose or expecting them to do grown-up things. It’s about giving them room to try, make mistakes, and learn.

A child with healthy independence:

  • Tries new things (even if they’re hard)
  • Makes small choices on their own
  • Feels proud of what they can do
  • Knows they can always come back to you for help

Erik Erikson, an ego psychologist who developed one of the most popular and influential theories of human development, explained that kids go through different stages as they grow. For toddlers, the goal is to learn autonomy (doing things for themselves). For preschoolers, it’s about taking initiative (making decisions, solving problems). If we constantly jump in or say “no”  or take over to limit the mess and speed up the process, kids might start to doubt themselves instead of growing into capable little humans.

Here are a few ways parents can foster healthy independence in their child:

1. Let them try (even if it’s slower). It takes longer to let your child zip their jacket or stir pancake batter, but it teaches them important life skills. Experts call this “scaffolding”—you help a little at first, then step back when they’re ready.

2. Let them mess up (kindly). Kids need chances to fail in safe ways. When your child spills water while pouring it, instead of scolding, say, “Oops! Let’s grab a towel together.” This helps them learn without feeling ashamed. According to the Child Mind Institute, this kind of encouragement builds resilience and confidence.

3. Give simple choices. Instead of saying, “Get dressed,” try “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one?” Giving small options helps kids feel in control without overwhelming them. The National Association for the Education of Young Children recommends giving kids choices in order to support independence.

4. Let them play freely. Kids learn so much through unstructured play. It teaches creativity, social skills, and self-control. Give them time to play outside, build forts, or make up games—without always jumping in to direct.

5. Be warm, but set boundaries. Researchers have found that the best parenting style is one that’s loving and firm. Let your child make choices, but also have clear rules. For example: “You can play outside after you clean up your toys.” This helps them understand that freedom and responsibility go hand in hand.

If you’re worried your young child isn’t on track to build a healthy independence, here are some questions to think about:

  • Do I give my child chances to try things for themselves?
  • Do I let them make safe mistakes?
  • Do I offer choices, not just commands?
  • Do I let them play freely?
  • Am I loving, but still clear about the rules?

If you answered “yes” to most of these, you’re probably doing great. And even if you didn’t—good news: it’s never too late to start.

Helping your child become more independent doesn’t mean they need less of you.

In fact, kids are more likely to take healthy risks when they feel safe and connected to a parent. That’s why strong, loving relationships matter so much.

So when your toddler insists on doing it “all by MY-self,” or your bigger kid wants to pour their own milk—pause before jumping in. Let them try. Cheer them on. Help if they ask. These small moments are how they learn to believe in themselves.

And one day, when they’re facing something really hard—like a school project, a tricky friendship, or even learning to drive—they’ll remember what it feels like to try, fail, succeed, and keep going. Because you gave them that gift.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a sticky kitchen and a toddler with her shoes on the wrong feet. And honestly? I’ve never been more proud.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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The Surprising Subject That’s Missing from Our Kids’ Lives

The other night, my six-year-old son asked, “Can something be true for one person but not for another?” And just like that, between spaghetti and bedtime, we stumbled into philosophy.

I know—it sounds like something best left to college kids with thick glasses and lots of coffee. But recent research says otherwise. In fact, teaching philosophy to kids might be one of the best ways to help them think more clearly, speak more confidently, and understand the world around them. Even better? It doesn’t require fancy lessons or textbooks. Just a little curiosity and a lot of listening.

Philosophy is all about asking big questions and thinking deeply about them. Questions like: What’s right and wrong?, What makes something real?, Why do we do what we do?

It’s not about having the right answers. It’s about learning to ask smart questions, listen to others, and explain your thinking.

And yes, even young kids can do this. They already do—every time they ask “Why?” five times in a row.

According to a recent article from OK Diario, philosophy is one of the best subjects for sharpening kids’ minds. In places where it’s taught, students do better in reading, writing, and math. But here in the U.S., it’s hardly ever part of the school day.

Why? A few reasons. Schools focus so much on testing that there’s little time for open-ended thinking. And some adults assume kids aren’t ready for deep ideas—but the research suggests that’s just not true. Research shows children who study philosophy become better thinkers, kinder classmates, and more confident speakers.

So if it’s so helpful, how can we bring it back?

You don’t need a degree in ancient thinkers to get started. Philosophy can happen anywhere—on the way to school, at dinner, or during storytime. The key is to welcome questions and let your child do the thinking.

When your child asks a big question—like “What happens when we die?” or “Why do some people lie?”—try this:

  • Ask what they think. Instead of giving an answer, say, “That’s a great question. What do you think?”
  • Listen. Let them talk without jumping in right away. Sometimes just saying things out loud helps kids understand their own thoughts.
  • Wonder with them. You can say, “Hmm, I’m not sure either. Let’s think about it together.”

Even toddlers can join in. My daughter, who’s almost two, recently said, “Moon sad.” I didn’t correct her—I asked, “Why do you think the moon is sad?” Her answer? “It’s alone.” Philosophical gold. 

In a world full of quick opinions and loud arguments, kids who can think deeply and speak kindly have a big advantage. Philosophy helps them pause, reflect, and connect with others. It doesn’t just build brains—it builds better people.

So next time your child asks a big question—or even a weird one—lean in. You might just find yourself in the middle of a thoughtful, funny, meaningful conversation. And that’s something no app or worksheet can teach.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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The Unsung Superpower of Fathers: What Dads Really Bring to the Table

It’s no secret Dads play a special role in the lives of their children. Whether they’re fully present, somewhat present or not present at all, the impact fathers and even father figures have on children’s lives is profound. Yet a report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services notes, “Too many fathers become convinced that they are simply an extra set of hands to help around the house, rather than irreplaceable to their children.” 

Here are a few lesser-known ways fathers can influence their children’s development, mental health and overall outlook on life.

1. Fathers Shape Emotional Intelligence and Relationship Skills

Recent research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies reveals that men who experienced affection from their fathers during childhood were 48% less likely to commit or be engaged in intimate partner violence as adults. This underscores the importance of emotionally available and engaged father figures in teaching boys and girls about love, respect, and conflict resolution. 

2. Dad’s Involvement Boosts Academic and Behavioral Outcomes

Children with actively involved fathers are 43% more likely to earn A’s and 33% less likely to repeat a grade. Moreover, these children exhibit higher levels of sociability, confidence, and self-control, giving them an extra boost in positive behavioral patterns.

3. Unique Play Styles Foster Development

Fathers often engage in more physical and unpredictable play, which encourages risk-taking and problem-solving skills in children. An article released by The Fathering Project reveals that this type of interaction is crucial for developing resilience and adaptability. 

4. Fathers Influence Long-Term Mental and Relational Health

High-quality father involvement during childhood is linked to better mental health outcomes in adulthood, including lower rates of depression and anxiety throughout the child’s life. A study published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychological Science also suggests the depth of connection developed between a child and father can greatly influence the child’s romantic relationships later in life. This held especially true for males.

5. Dads Teach Practical Life Skills

Beyond emotional support, fathers often impart essential life skills. A survey through the New York Post found children believe their dads are instrumental in teaching day-to-day necessities such as how to drive, fix things, and build overall confidence. 

6. The Absence of Fathers Has Tangible Effects

Further information revealed through The Fatherhood Project shows children growing up without a father figure are more likely to experience poverty, drop out of school, and engage in behaviors that put their physical health at risk, such as unprotected sex, binge drinking and drug abuse. This highlights the critical role fathers play in providing stability and guidance.

7. Fathers as Attachment Figures

While mothers are often primary attachment figures, fathers can also serve this role, providing a wider net of support and care for children. Secure attachments with fathers contribute to better social abilities and fewer behavioral problems in children.

Fathers and father figures bring a unique set of skills and attributes that are indispensable to a child’s development.

From shaping emotional intelligence to teaching practical life skills, their influence is profound and far-reaching. 

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads and father figures out there! You are irreplaceable.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

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