Tag Archive for: parents of teens

I Think My Teen Hates Me

Do you mind if I pretend we are sitting at a coffee shop, and you just said, I think my teen hates me, and we just have a chat? Cool. Oh, who am I? I’m the father of four kids who were teens and one who still is. (I’m looking forward to being a retired teen parent.) I’ve also spent 25 years in classrooms working with teens. So you’re having coffee with as close to a teen expert as you’re probably going to get in this imaginary coffee shop. It will help if you pretend we are really close friends, too, so I can be pretty blunt with you.

I have so many questions for you, my imaginary coffee partner: What was your relationship with your teen like before now? Have you considered how this unique time may have changed your teen? Have you considered how this unique time may have changed you? Is it possible that something has magnified some pre-existing issues in your relationship? Have you considered that teenagers may be here on earth to trouble their parents?

Bottom Line: Your teen probably doesn’t hate you. But they might.

Let me share the wise words of American author Ralph Waldo Emerson. (By the way, I taught English. Please pass the cream.) Anyway, he says in his essay Self-Reliance that “Every great man must learn how to estimate a sour face.” Paraphrased for our purposes, “Every great parent must learn how to estimate an I hate you from their teen.”

I’m trying to lovingly raise a future independent adult. I’m operating from principles, for a purpose — not for popularity. Some of the wisest things I did as a parent were met with fierce anger from my kids and some of the dumbest things I did as a parent were met with great joy from my kids. I’m not into this parenting thing for an approval rating from someone whose brain literally will not fully develop for a few years. I’m trying to work myself out of a job by preparing my teen for the real world.

So, I’ve had to ask myself if my child was mad at me because I’m doing what’s right as a parent or if my child was mad at me because I blew it and was way out of line and I needed to make it right.

Do I need to stick to my guns or be honest, humble myself, and apologize? That’s kinda why I said: Your teen probably doesn’t hate you. But they might.

Don’t Rush to Judgment.

I wouldn’t rush to any judgments or hard conclusions. You may be really stressing out about the future and your finances. Maybe some things have affected you more than you realize. Maybe you are treating your teen like you don’t like them. Are you taking care of yourself? (Mmm… This is a great latte!)

And don’t forget how things might be affecting your teen. They might be worrying about the future and your finances, too. Or, they might not understand how to process the stress and anxiety that they feel. They might be bored. You become the prime target for them to take out their frustrations.

Finally, there’s the possibility that something else has revealed and even magnified some issues in your relationship with your teen. That’s okay. Face them head-on and capitalize on it to connect or maybe reconnect with your teen. This blog, pretty much written by a teenager, might give you some pointers for connecting with your teen. It was really helpful for me.

One parenting adage remains true: Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. Give that equation some real thought. Hang in there. Thanks for having coffee with me.

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How Do I Get My Teen To Talk To Me?

How do I get my teen to talk to me? My first thought was to think back on all my experience parenting and working with teens. My first thoughts are frequently wrong. I realized that my 14-year-old son, Jude, was sitting right next to me. Ding, Ding, Ding! He has the best credentials to answer this question. Why not ask him? He’s the expert! 

What followed was me talking with my teen about talking with my teen.

(He even grabbed my laptop at times and started typing, “You gotta tell parents this!”)

Me: Is it helpful for parents to find out what you are into and learn all about it so they can build some common ground? Like, “Is your teen into skateboarding? Learn all about skateboarding so you can talk to them! Now you can ask if they ‘push mongo’ and if they can ‘aciddrop into a melongrab.’”

Jude: (Laughing Hysterically) You don’t even know what those words mean, do you?

Me: Um, no… I Googled them.

Jude: That stuff might help. It might come off as forced and lame.

Me: Bottom line, I can’t make you talk to me, can I?

Jude: (Kinda Smugly Triumphant) Nope!

Me: (Sigh) Let me type that…

Bottom Line: You can’t make them talk. Sorry. You can’t point the remote at them and press “Unmute.” The good news, however, is that you can adopt a parental posture and create an environment where a real conversation has a much higher chance of happening. 

Jude: I like the “unmute” thing!

Me: Hey, thanks; I just think…

Jude: (Interrupting) Just tell them to spend time with their kids. That’s it.

Me: You just told them.

Jude: What? Wait! Are you just typing out what I say? 

Me: Yup. Keep talking… I might make it sound more adult-y and mix in some of my thoughts.

According to a real-life teenager, there is no magic formula, but here are five things for parents to think about…


1. Some teens are just quiet or go through quiet phases. 

You remember being a teenager, right? Well, it’s way harder now, according to Jude. It’s more cutthroat, more emotionally charged, and more adultish—social media amplifies all that exponentially. Jude says teens genuinely feel like you just won’t get it. It’s not an insult. They often process issues internally or with their peers. Resident Teen Expert encourages you to be patient. 

Big Idea: Make a standing offer to be available to talk about anything whenever they want to.

2. Spend time with them not obviously trying to force a “big” talk.

You might be dying to hear about what is going on deep inside their world and incredibly anxious to speak into it. But just offer to watch them play video games, play some Uno, (Jude: Dude. We’ve never played Uno.), or go grab a bite to eat with no agenda other than to enjoy their company. Make small talk. Don’t sweat silences. 

Big Idea: Don’t force it. Spend time with them and see what happens organically. Small talk often leads to BIG TALK.

3. Don’t freak out when you hear something that rattles you.

Jude says this is “super important.” If they do open up to you, you will hear some stuff. Maybe some shocking stuff. If you freak out, it might be a loooong time before they open up to you again. Keep a good poker face. Jude: And don’t bombard them with a million questions. Don’t lecture. Me: Got it! Empathize. Probe gently. Listen, then listen some more. (Check out this article on active listening skills—especially the Six Levels of Listening.) 

Big Idea: So many teens say that their parents don’t listen and just talk at them, not with them.

Me: So, how do I do with all this?

Jude: Um…

Me: Okayokayokay! I’ll work on it!

4. You might not be the person they feel comfortable talking with right now. 

Jude: Some stuff I just feel better talking to Davin about. (His older brother.) As a parent, I’ve had to settle for… are they talking to someone? Someone I trust? For some topics and even some phases of teenage life, I realized my teen was more comfortable talking to Mom. I had to work to get to a place where I was just happy they had someone to talk to that I knew would basically give them the same input that I would. It might be an older sibling, their aunt, a teacher, or a coach. I know I can trust my sister, their favorite aunt, to give me a heads-up if she hears something I need to know about. 

Big Idea: Encourage them to cultivate relationships with people they are comfortable talking to.

5. Talk to them. But be real. Be transparent. Be vulnerable.

This speaks for itself. Sometimes we expect our teens to give us things we aren’t willing to give them. Me: Am I real with you, Jude? Jude: Yeah. Maybe too real… Me: So that’s a compliment?

Big Idea: Make sure you are giving conversationally what you hope to get from your teen.

Me: You get the final word.

Jude: Spend time with them, listen, don’t lecture. Just tell parents to spend time with their kids.

Me: You just did again. What do you think of this blog?

Jude: This blog goes hard.

And then, on the way to school the next morning, out of nowhere…

Jude: We told them not to lecture, right?

What’s The Big Idea?

  • Offer to be available to talk about anything whenever they want to. Be patient.
  • Don’t force it. Spend time with them and let conversations grow organically. Small talk often leads to deeper conversations.
  • Practice good listening skills. Don’t talk at them; talk with them.
  • Encourage them to cultivate relationships with people they are comfortable talking to and that you can trust.
  • Model the openness, vulnerability, and transparency that you are hoping to get in return.

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Why You Need To Get Your Kids To Help Around The House

Here's what worked for me.

You’re probably less interested in the “why” of getting help around the house, and more interested in the “how” of it. I get it, but you need to understand the “why” first and believe it. 

Taking care of yourself—physically and mentally—is incredibly important, especially right now. Stress, anxiety, fear, and plain old fatigue will all take their toll on you. That toll will impact you and the people that you care about. I see it in myself and in my own home. I feel fragile, a lot.

You know the deal. I’m at home, trying to put in a full day’s work and finish my projects, making sure school work gets done, keeping an eye on my at-risk mother-in-law, and generally holding down the fort—including keeping it clean and organized. Oh, and when my wife gets home, I try to have dinner ready and we try to do Family Movie Night or Game Night and keep all the sequestered happy. It is a daunting task, and I’ve never felt so exhausted. You feeling it too? It often feels like a lose-lose situation.

If I focus time on my kids and mother-in-law, I feel like a bad employee.

If I focus time on my work, I feel like a bad dad and son-in-law.

I can’t possibly do it all. I just feel stressed out and guilty.

When in the world am I supposed to take care of myself?

Start with the basics.

The house needs to be kept up and your kids need stuff to do.

Those dots connect themselves, but how do you do this without having another thing to do?

I got the ball rolling by laying out expectations in a family meeting.

I also sent out this text message in our family group text after days of exhaustion:

Hey Family! I know everyone is taking care of their own living areas but we need to work together on shared spaces like the kitchen, dining area, and living room. We are trying to stay afloat – Mom is working full time, I’m working full time from home, and Grandmom isn’t our maid. (Thanks for all you do, Grandmom!)“

Some Stuff That Needs Doing:

  • Kitchen needs to be swept and mopped.
  • Dining room & front door area swept and mopped.
  • Living room vacuumed.
  • Lawn mowed when it dries.
  • General sanitizing wipe down.
  • Help with cooking dinners.
  • General cleaning up after yourself, especially in the kitchen.

There’s enough for everyone to do a little. Thanks in advance. Hope this isn’t received as snarky. Totally sending with a heart full of love for all of you. Just need help. You guys are my favorite! ❤

That was the text. I didn’t have high hopes. I figured a couple of kids (maybe) in drips and drabs would hopefully mark a few things off the list in the upcoming week. Maybe there would be a little less work for Grandmom and me.

Then something incredible happened.

My son, who is without a doubt the “lone wolf” of the whole crew, immediately came down and started sweeping the kitchen. What? Soon, everyone started popping out of their rooms and joined in. They cranked out a very thorough cleaning of everything. We even game-ified the cleaning by adding some rounds of Nintendo Wii in-between cleaning jobs. In a couple of hours, the house was spic & span – and get this – we all had time freed up to do our stuff. Even me!

I can’t call it a Christmas Miracle. It was like something out of some wholesome unrealistic sitcom or Disney Channel show. It worked. But let me be clear, I was fortunate this time. It usually doesn’t play out like that. But I learned some valuable info that day…

There is no way I can keep up with housework, school work, and work work AND have time and energy left for self-care plus some gas left in the tank to have a little quality time with my wife when she gets home from work. You can’t give what you don’t have. 

And my kids can and will and need to help.

Let’s Break It Down

So how do I keep this ball rolling? If you break down my text, you might find some reasons why it was effective that might help you get your kids helping more around the house, have some structure in their day, and burn off some energy. Hopefully, this will lower your stress levels by freeing you up for working on work and remember, working on yourself.

Here’s what I did in my text to get my kids to help around the house:

  1. Started positively.
  2. Acknowledged what they were already doing.
  3. Was realistic and honest about our new situation.
  4. Listed very specific things that needed to get done.
  5. Gave them a choice of what they wanted to do.
  6. Thanked them in advance.
  7. Tried to preclude any misinterpretations.
  8. Affirmed my love for them and that family is the most important thing.
  9. And here is the kicker – I TOLD THEM I NEEDED HELP.  (I didn’t suggest it. I didn’t imply it. And I didn’t say, “It would be nice.”)

I probably should have added a timeframe for the work to be done by. Missed that one. 

We made it a challenge and made it fun. We worked together and multiplied our efforts.

Apply these principles in a way that works for your kids at their ages. 

Just don’t try to do it all yourself. And don’t sweat it if it all doesn’t get done. It isn’t going anywhere. Take care of yourself.

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How Not To Get Stir-Crazy At Home With Kids

I couldn’t figure out what it was at first. My first three days of work at home due to COVID-19 were really strong. I was sharing the house workload: cleaning, cooking, laundry, and the like. I was spending some quality time with the kids. 

And then suddenly, it all changed. I was unmotivated to work. I was restless. The kids were no longer cute. They were obnoxious. Their questions were irritating and I couldn’t understand why they were so dependent on their parents, even the 4-year-old. Go figure. I went to Google and searched “stir-crazy defined” and found, “Stir-crazy: restless or frantic because of confinement, routine, etc.,” and “upset or angry because you have been prevented from going somewhere or doing something for a long time.” Yep. I was definitely stir-crazy. Looking back, I’m proud that I made it to Day Three of this work from home experiment.

I vowed to not let it get to that point again. Through a little research, common sense, and talking to colleagues I developed a strategy.

10 Ways to NOT Get Stir-Crazy:

  1. Recognize that everyone in the house has a limit. None of us are superhuman, though sometimes I think my wife is. Staying cooped up in the house without a real break in the midst of the current circumstances with the same people is a recipe for “stir- crazy.”
  2. Regularly get outside. My wife gardens. I bike alone and with my kids. Sometimes we simply sit on the porch. Others take a walk. Some of my kids throw a baseball.
  3. Permission to be spontaneous. Everyone in the house is granted permission to call together a spontaneous activity. Card game. Pillow fight. Dancefest. Wii 3-Point Shooting Contest (Limits may be necessary on how often and how long.)
  4. Build family playtime into regular schedule. If everyone knows when to look forward to scheduled playtime, then it can help everyone stay focused during the other times.
  5. Do something good for someone else. Check on the neighbors. Call your elderly friends and include the kids on the call. Write a family letter to someone you know that’d appreciate it.
  6. Schedule daily quiet, alone time. Sometimes all the noise can drive you crazy.
  7. Video call loved ones. Part of what makes us stir crazy with the kids is a lack of relaxed connection with the outside world. Virtual coffee dates during your mid-morning break might be in order.
  8. Have some empathy. If you’re trying to avoid going stir crazy, know that your children are susceptible as well. Even the most introverted of us can go stir-crazy when we feel like we are confined to one space.
  9. Refocus on why we are quarantined. The bigger picture is that we are trying to protect ourselves, our loved ones and our community. 
  10. Exercise. Release those endorphins, the chemicals in your brain that can trigger positive feelings. It can help your mood. 

Proactively prevent going stir-crazy by recognizing that if you don’t do anything to prevent it, then you’re inviting it. A stir-crazy parent is not a fun person to be around. When this is all said and done, I want my children to be excited to get out of the house because it’s fun and it’s natural. If I’m not proactive, my kids will scatter because Dad has gone crazy and they can’t wait to not be stuck inside with him anymore.

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Journaling/Writing Prompts for Kids

These journal topic suggestions can get you to thinking!

Journaling isn’t just for school. It can help your kids in a variety of personal ways that can also help you as a parent tune into your kids. Sometimes your kids will be willing to share their thoughts with you, but they will often put something into writing that they might not say to you. 

Let’s be honest — even with school and everything else that’s going on, your kids probably need some constructive things to do. Journaling can fire their imagination, improve their writing skills, and cultivate self-awareness. Plus it can be fun and give you something to start a conversation! Make it part of their daily routine — maybe the first thing they do after breakfast or the last thing they do before bed.

So, take a look around the house — is there an empty composition book or notebook you can put together? Kids love their electronic devices, but I would only use them as an absolute last resort. You can make up the topics, but try to make them as open-ended as possible or add a “Why?” at the end. Of course, keep topics appropriate for your child’s age and interests. Below are a bunch of journal topic suggestions to get you thinking! But to review just a few of the benefits of journaling for your child…

Journaling can:

  • Clarify their thoughts and feelings
  • Help them know themselves better
  • Reduce their stress
  • Give you insight into how they are dealing with our current situation.

BONUS: Here’s a great resource of journaling prompts for both you and your child to practice mindfulness. If that word sounds scary or unfamiliar, mindfulness just means that you’re practicing narrowing your focus and sharpening your attention, which is obviously so helpful for children!

Elementary School

List of things that make me happy.

I wish I knew more about __________ because….

What is something that is important to my family?

When it comes to schoolwork, what has been your favorite thing you learned?

My favorite part of last week was…

Three things I’d like to talk about.

If I could rename the colors of crayons…

What is my favorite dessert and why?

Use your creativity to describe and draw a new creature or animal.

If my dog or cat could talk, it would say things like…

I was proud when I __________

Five things I’m good at are…

If a genie granted me three wishes…

What would you choose if you were in charge of the weather?

My favorite holiday is…

Middle School 

What would happen if you found gold in your backyard?

If animals could talk, what questions would you like to ask them?

Who would you be if you could have been someone in history? Why?

I taught someone how to…

You can only take 3 people with you on a trip around the world, who would you take?

If you could give any gift in the world, what would you give and to whom?

The house was so quiet, but then I heard…

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Let’s say you received any sum of money as a gift. What would you do with it?

Did you ever catch fireflies?  Crickets?  Frogs?  Snakes? Why/why not?

What was your most difficult or most joyous life experience?

List one of your pet peeves and write about why it annoys you.

What is something that you appreciate about your parents? Why?

Write about a window you broke or something valuable you lost.

What would happen if it suddenly started raining spaghetti and meatballs?

High School

Describe the perfect date.

What is courage? What is the most courageous thing you have done?

Describe a hero. It can be either someone you know or simply qualities of a hero.

What is your favorite activity? Who do you do it with? Why do you think you enjoy it?

Write about a good book you’ve read recently.

What will you do differently when you’re a parent? Why?

Do you spend too much time with electronic devices? Why/why not?

What do you think should have or should NOT have been invented and why? 

List one major world problem and how you think we should solve it.

Do you think that there is or ever was life on another planet?

What is the most important issue facing teens your age today? 

Were you ever given a responsibility that you couldn’t handle? 

Describe the best concert you ever attended.

Write about a time you tried to help and ended up making things worse.

Did you ever break an important promise?

Write about moving to another city or neighborhood or house.

Did you ever meet a famous person? Interact with them on social media?

Describe a car or bicycle accident you were in.

If you could spend a day spent in another country, which would you choose? Why?

Describe a time that you outsmarted someone.

Write about going shopping for new clothes.

Did you ever turn someone in or tell on someone and feel bad about it later?

Was there a time your parents embarrassed you?

Can you remember a time you gave someone good advice? What was it?

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Things Your Teen Won’t Tell You

Ellen Pober Rittberg is the mother of three. She had three children in three years and she spent 13 years representing young people as an attorney. Both of these experiences have given her insight into the lives of young people which led to writing 35 Things Your Teen Won’t Tell You, So I Will.

“I wrote this book as a message to parents that you can do this,” says Rittberg. “I think that it is probably the hardest time to be raising a teen. There are threats to their safety, head-spinning technological advances, they are encouraged to dress provocatively by celebrities who they see dressing provocatively, and peers are more important to them than family. The book is really a form of cheerleading in an informed, honest and positive way.”

Rittberg believes the biggest mistake parents can make is to trust their teen all the time.

She cautions parents that in spite of the fact that their young person seems really smart, their judgment is defective. Shes says they will make poor decisions because they are adults in the making.

“35 Things Your Teen Won’t Tell You, So I Will is the manual I wish I had had when I was raising my teens,” Rittberg says. “I didn’t want to be preached to and I didn’t want to read clinical pieces written by educators, psychologists or medical doctors. I wanted to know the practical do’s and don’ts, the big mistakes to avoid, what to do when you are at the end of your rope and ways to enjoy the challenge of raising teens.”

Rittberg encourages parents to be open to the fact that they can learn to be a better parent.

“When I was pregnant with my first child, I read a ton of books because I didn’t know how to parent,” Rittberg recalls. “We need to continue exposing ourselves to information that will help us be better parents. Parents also need to consider the values they want to impart to their children and how they will be intentional about doing it.”

Here are a few of the 35 things Rittberg wants you to know about when your kids won’t tell you things:

  • You shouldn’t be your child’s best friend. We have a role as parents to be responsible and reliable. If you act like a teenager, your teen won’t respect you.
  • Your child needs meaningful work. Anything that encourages a healthy work ethic and sense of family duty is a good thing.
  • To know your teen’s friends is to know your teen. If you want to know what your teen is up to, get to know their friends. Make your house a welcoming place. You have to be there when they are there.
  • A parent should not buy a child a car. There are large consequences to buying your child a car. The largest is that the child who doesn’t earn a significant portion of the car will likely total it soon after getting it. When they have worked for it they will take better care of it.
  • Know your child’s school. School officials should know your face, what you do and that you want to help.
  • Curfews are good. As the old saying goes, nothing good happens after midnight!

“Parenting teens is challenging, but you can do it and be good at it,” Rittberg says.

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Parenting Through Fortnite

I can always tell when my kids are in a Fortnite Battle Royale match by the cheering or jeering I hear blaring from their rooms. I might be hearing the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat, but it is loud and enthusiastic. If you have a child who plays video games, they are probably playing Fortnite, too, (or soon will be) as the Fortnite craze shows no signs of slowing down.

When it comes to video games I typically have two concerns.

Is this particular game and its content something I want my child playing, and then more generally, how much time (and money) should my child spend playing video games? It’s worth noting that good, caring, involved parents can come to different conclusions – and that’s okay.

As far as content goes, Fortnite, put out by Epic Games, has been rated for 11 year olds and up. The most popular game mode is Battle Royale, which involves up to 100 online players fighting to the death to be the last player standing on an island with various structures and topography. Eliminating the other 99 players involves weapons and violence, but I would describe it as cartoon violence as opposed to bloody, realistic violence.

One thing I really like about Fortnite is that it requires creativity to be successful, not just a trigger finger. Quickly building and manipulating the environment to gain an advantage is an essential part of gameplay. Fortnite is a combination of Minecraft and shooter games with several clever twists thrown in that are genuinely fun.

(If you are concerned about the content of any video game, head to YouTube and watch a few gameplay videos that players have uploaded.)

This brings us back to the general question of how much time we want our kids spending with video games – especially since games like Fortnite can quickly become obsessions.

Parents approach this in a variety of ways. During the school year, some parents allow a set amount of time each week and/or only allow gaming on weekends. Hopefully your family has some tech-free times set aside for reading and playing outside, not to mention structured time set aside for homework and chores. Gaming time might vary during holiday and summer breaks.

Make whatever the latest video game craze is work for you! Parents can leverage video games in many creative ways. For example, I try to get a ton of extra work done around my house so the kids can earn money for in-game purchases. My child’s behavior and attitude may earn them more or less playing time. And here’s one of my personal favorites as a former English teacher: “I’ll match your reading time with Fortnite time minute for minute!”

Perhaps the absolute best leveraging of your child’s Fortnite obsession is to use it to spend time together, either joining in or watching them play. Game on!

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9 Ways You Can Be Your Teen’s Best Friend

Lots of celebrity moms go out on the town and party with their famous kids and be their teen’s best friend. But while some teens might think it sounds really cool that a mom would party with them, most young people say they don’t want their parents acting like they do.

According to Dr. Kevin Leman, author of Adolescence Isn’t Terminal, It Just Feels Like It,some parents believe they need to become their teen’s best friend in order to navigate the teen years.

Many parents believe that teenagers know enough to make good decisions with little or no guidance from their parents. However, brain research has shown strong evidence that when it comes to maturity, control and organization, that’s just not the case. In reality, all key parts of the brain related to emotions, judgment and thinking ahead don’t finish forming until the mid-20s. This means teens definitely need their parents actively involved in their lives.

“Sometimes as the parent you have to make decisions that will not be popular with your teen, but are in their best interest,” says Leman.

Teens do not want their parents to act like them, talk like them or dress like them, either. Despite grunts, attitude and carrying on, young people do want you to act like their parent.

“Kids who have parents who try to act, look and talk like teenagers tell me that they feel very self-conscious and embarrassed when their moms or dads attempt to be teenagers,” Leman says.

If you really want to be your teen’s best friend, here’s what Leman suggests:

  • Make your home the center of activity. Instead of your child always being somewhere else, make your home the place they want to be with their friends.
  • Listen to your teen when he or she is ready to talk. Being approachable is the key, even if it is 1 a.m. and you go to bed at 10 p.m. This gives you a chance to continue to build a close relationship in the midst of your child’s growing independence.
  • Be an imperfect parent. It isn’t about you being perfect. Admit your mistakes and don’t be afraid to say, “I am sorry.” Share stories about when you were a teen. Be real.
  • Spend time with your teen. Make it a point to notice what they do well. Be approachable. Guard against becoming a critical parent who only notices mistakes and weaknesses. Be REAL with your teens: Real, Encouraging, Affirming, and Loving.
  • Expect the best from them. Keep your standards realistic. Expect them to make good choices. Research shows that daughters with affirming fathers are most likely to marry a guy with those qualities.
  • Don’t snowplow the roads of life for your teen. When they fail, let them experience the consequences. There is no better time for them to fail than when they are at home around people who love them. You can actually help them get back on their feet.
  • Love and respect your mate. Young people learn how to treat their future spouse by watching you. Model the behavior you want your children to practice when they are married and have children of their own.
  • Never beat or bully your child into submission. Take time to think about what you will say or do and the outcomes you are looking for. Shepherds use their rod to guide their sheep, not to beat them into submission. As parents, our role is to guide our children and teach them how to live as productive citizens.
  • Pray for them daily. The teenage years can be very challenging. Make sure your child knows you are on their team and you love them unconditionally.

“Your goal as a parent is to help your children become all that they can be,” Leman says. “The best way to steer our kids through the stage of adolescence is to know ahead of time what type of children we want to raise.”

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