What We Now Know About Babies, Toddlers, and Screen Time

As a mom with a one-year-old, I know firsthand how tempting it can be to reach for a screen when trying to get through your to-do list—or just catch a breath. But as much as we love a little peace and quiet, studies reveal a growing concern about screen exposure for children under two, prompting many experts to urge caution.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under 18 months avoid all screen media, except for video calls with family members. For children 18–24 months, they suggest watching all screen time together, allowing parents to explain and interact with what’s on the screen. The worry is that without these interactions, children may miss out on crucial social and cognitive development that occurs through human connection and hands-on play.

Emerging research suggests that early and frequent exposure to screens can impact babies in several key ways:

  1. Delayed Language Development: Studies show that when young children spend time with screens, they miss out on the social interaction that fosters language development. Dr. Jenny Radesky, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician and clinical researcher at the University of Michigan, highlights that young children learn language best through “serve and return” interactions—like when a parent responds to a baby’s babbling. This feedback loop is essential for language development, something screens simply can’t replicate.
  2. Sleep Disruption: The blue light from screens can interfere with sleep cycles. One study from the University of Colorado Boulder found that even 60 minutes of screen exposure in the evening can delay melatonin release, making it harder for babies to wind down at bedtime.
  3. Attention and Focus Issues: Research suggests that high levels of screen exposure may reduce attention spans. The University of Washington found that increased screen time, especially when it replaces other interactive activities, can make it harder for children to engage in independent play and to focus on single tasks over time.

Knowing all this, what are parents supposed to do?

Balancing work, home, and kids is no small feat. But there are ways to keep little ones entertained and engaged without screens. Here are a few tried-and-true ideas:

  1. Create Sensory Bins: Set up bins filled with rice, pasta, or sand (if you can handle the mess!). Add a few small toys or spoons, and watch as your child discovers textures, learns to scoop, and lets their curiosity run wild.
  2. Bring Out the Bubbles: Bubbles are a mesmerizing activity that requires minimal setup. Try letting your child chase and pop them outside or in a contained area for easy cleanup. This is a win for both exercise and sensory engagement.
  3. DIY Water Play: With just a bit of water and a few cups, bowls, and measuring spoons, you can create a mini water station. Let them “pour,” “scoop,” and “stir” to their heart’s content. This type of play encourages motor skills and gives you time to take a break.
  4. Busy Bags and Rotating Toys: Have a stash of simple “busy bags” filled with non-screen toys like stacking cups, crayons, or small books. Rotating the toys keeps things fresh, and they’ll be more likely to stay engaged for longer periods.
  5. Independent “Reading” Corner: Set up a cozy reading nook with board books or fabric books that little hands can handle independently. They may not be reading yet, but flipping through pages and looking at pictures builds early literacy skills and imagination.

While the goal is minimal screen time, it’s important to be flexible.

Sometimes, a video chat with Grandma or a short, educational show can be a helpful tool. Parenting expert Dr. Dimitri Christakis from Seattle Children’s Research Institute suggests that if you do use screen time, keep it intentional—choose high-quality, slow-paced programming, and make time to watch alongside your child if possible.

Parenting today comes with so much advice, some of it conflicting. But at the end of the day, our kids benefit most from our love, presence, and care. By limiting screens, offering engaging alternatives, and being gentle with ourselves on the hard days, we’re giving our babies what they truly need: a safe, enriching, and loving environment to grow and thrive.

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How Parents’ Everyday Interactions Shape Their Kids Friendships

My kindergartener has a large number of friends. Of course, the majority of them are “girlfriends,” but that’s a topic for a different column on another day. The most consistent comments I’ve received about his personality is that he is very affectionate and social… sometimes a little too social. He even gained the nickname “The Fonz” at a Mother’s Day Out Program he attended from ages two to five years old.

While I’m confident my son knows how to be sociable, and he loves making new friends, I’ve also heard him have a really hard time letting others be in the lead during games or imaginative play. He also struggles with knowing and maintaining his physical boundaries and the boundaries of others. He loves to give hugs and kisses, as well as wrestle you to the ground through his infamous “stepover toe hold” – a move generously taught to him by my dad.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to influence some of these things, especially since I’m not typically there to intervene or guide him on the playground.

This year, the University of Georgia published a study that digs into this idea: how parents engage with their children on a daily basis could actually influence how they play with their peers.

According to the study, kids learn critical social skills through their primary relationships—which means their parents or caregivers are the number one influencers on the list. Whether it’s navigating who goes first on the slide or sharing that favorite toy, children draw from their daily, often tiny, interactions at home to build their “friendship toolkit.”

The researchers found that kids whose parents engage them in warm, responsive, and attuned ways tend to approach their peer relationships more positively. This isn’t about creating conflict-free zones; it’s about how we respond to those inevitable moments when things get a little rocky. It turns out that kids who’ve seen us handle a toddler tantrum calmly or negotiate an early bedtime with grace are more likely to bring these negotiation skills to the playground.

This study also aligns with what other experts in family and childhood development emphasize.

Dr. John Gottman, a prominent relationship researcher, has found that how we validate our children’s emotions—whether that’s joy, frustration, or sadness—affects their emotional intelligence and resilience. When we listen actively, we’re teaching our kids that feelings are okay, manageable, and worth talking about. This emotional literacy translates to empathy on the playground, where they start to notice and respond to the feelings of their friends.

Of course, it’s not all about warmth. Boundaries, consistency, and accountability play a big role, too. Most relationship and parent experts rally for an authoritative parenting style: a balance of warmth and firmness. This approach tends to produce kids who are self-assured yet respectful, qualities that naturally draw in friends.

Interestingly, the study also touches on how parental stress can trickle down into children’s social lives.

When we’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to slip into a short-tempered, less patient version of ourselves. While that’s normal (who hasn’t felt that way?), our efforts to regulate our own emotions help our children learn to do the same. Psychologist Dr. Laura Markham suggests that taking time to check in with ourselves and, when possible, practice self-care can have ripple effects on our children’s emotional health and friendships.

In our fast-paced, over-scheduled world, the takeaway from this research is refreshingly simple: our kids benefit most from the everyday moments where we’re fully present. Whether it’s an impromptu game of hide-and-seek or listening to the (many) detailed descriptions of today’s kindergarten art project, these connections matter. In helping our children learn kindness, patience, and resilience at home, we’re giving them the skills to become good friends with others.

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What Families Fight About (And Why It Matters More Than We Think)

As a mom of two little ones, I’m no stranger to a toddler meltdown over the wrong color of water cup or the clashing of the wills at bedtime. I’ve seen firsthand how even the smallest of disagreements can feel monumental. But what happens when these small disagreements turn into chronic family disputes?

A recent study completed by The University of Illinois called Topics of Conflict Across Family Subsystems shines some light on the most common arguments within families—and the consequences these arguments can have on family relationships.

It’s easy to think family arguments are all about the big stuff—money, house rules, and screen time. While those certainly make the list, the study highlights that the everyday squabbles—over things like chores, daily schedules, and even the dinner menu—top the charts.

Bedtime routines and sibling rivalry are major sources of contention in families with younger children. As kids get older, disagreements shift toward more autonomy-related issues like curfews and social media use.

In a nutshell, families fight over everything from the trivial to the significant, with no age group being immune.

Interestingly, the study also found that the intensity of these fights often correlates with the type of relationship involved. For instance, spousal arguments typically center on finances or parenting styles, while parent-teen conflicts are more likely to revolve around issues of independence and control.

It’s tempting to shrug off family arguments as just part of the territory, but the truth is, these conflicts have a lasting impact. Studies have shown that children who grow up in households with frequent, unresolved arguments are more likely to experience mental health challenges like anxiety and depression later in life. Constant exposure to negative communication patterns can also influence how children manage their own conflicts as adults, potentially leading to strained relationships in the future.

In my work with families, I often see that it’s not the topics themselves that cause the damage, but the way arguments unfold. Experts like Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, emphasize that how we argue is more important than what we argue about.

Gottman’s research suggests that criticism, defensiveness, and contempt are the real culprits that erode relationships, creating a cycle of negative interactions.

So, how can families fight better—or maybe even fight less?

The key is shifting from what Dr. Gottman calls “destructive conflict” to “constructive conflict.” This means replacing blaming or accusatory statements with softer language that fosters understanding. For example, instead of saying, “You never help around the house,” try framing it as “I feel overwhelmed when I have to handle all the chores alone.” This small change in tone can de-escalate tension and promote cooperation.

Additionally, setting clear expectations and boundaries can help reduce conflict, especially with children. Research suggests that families who communicate openly about expectations—whether it’s chores, schoolwork, or screen time—experience fewer arguments overall. Consistency is key. If everyone knows the rules ahead of time, there’s less room for resentment or confusion when issues arise.

Family arguments are inevitable.

After all, living in close quarters with people we love (but who can also get on our nerves) is bound to lead to friction. But that doesn’t mean we have to let these conflicts control the health and well-being of our relationships.

If we take anything away from the Topics of Conflict study, it’s this: being aware of what we fight about can give us clues on how to handle those fights better. From setting clear boundaries to fighting with kindness and humor, we have more tools than we realize to make our homes more peaceful, connected places. 

And let’s be honest, who couldn’t use a little less conflict in their lives? Especially when you’re trying to convince a one-year-old that dirt is not for eating.

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Why Dads Matter Everyday

Last weekend was Father’s Day. I helped my young children celebrate their dad by purchasing a small gift we knew he would love and creating personal cards for him to enjoy.

He was delightfully surprised by both, and quickly commented, “Ah, you don’t have to celebrate me. I’m not half as important as your Mom anyway. She’s the real one to celebrate.”

While I appreciated the compliment, my brow furrowed a little at this statement… and I think it still is. 

A Pew Research study completed in 2017 found that 68% of dads felt they did not spend enough time with their kids. Similarly, a whopping 85% said they felt their role as a parent mattered, but not as much as mom. While the logic behind these surveys is easy to understand, the reality is dads play a different role in a child’s life than moms, but that role is just as important.

One unique way a father contributes is to a child’s emotional and social development.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that fathers often engage in roughhousing, wrestling, and play that is physically stimulating and unpredictable. This teaches children about managing emotions and taking risks within safe boundaries. It also helps children develop resilience and confidence.

Moreover, fathers are role models for both sons and daughters. For boys, a father’s behavior can shape their understanding of masculinity and respectful relationships. For daughters, the father’s treatment of their mother and other women sets a precedent for what they might expect in their own future relationships.

A wide array of studies show that children with actively involved fathers tend to fare better on numerous fronts.

They exhibit higher levels of academic achievement, better social skills, and improved self-esteem. According to a report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, these children are also less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drug use and delinquency. The positive presence of a father can be a protective factor against many of the challenges young people face today.

Despite the significant role fathers play, they often face numerous societal pressures and challenges that can hinder their involvement. Traditional gender roles, workplace demands, and the lingering stereotype of fathers as secondary parents can create barriers. It’s crucial that we, as a society, recognize these obstacles and provide support to fathers.

Workplaces can be more father-friendly by offering paternity leave and flexible working arrangements.

This not only allows fathers to be more present in the early, formative weeks of their child’s life but also supports a more balanced sharing of parental responsibilities. Schools and community programs can actively involve fathers by hosting events and workshops that welcome their participation and acknowledge their role.

Relationship experts, like Dr. Michael Lamb, advocate for counseling and resources tailored specifically to fathers. Parenting classes that address the unique challenges fathers face, coupled with support groups, can provide the necessary tools and confidence for men to engage fully with their children.

So dads, please believe that your role is irreplaceable. Your presence, love, and involvement are crucial in shaping the next generation. For those in the community supporting fathers, continue to encourage and create spaces where fathers can thrive and feel valued. By doing so, we not only uplift individual families but strengthen the very fabric of our society.

While last week was Father’s Day, but we can celebrate dads every day, recognizing the irreplaceable contributions they provide and renewing our commitment to supporting them in their parenting journey. Whether through policy changes, community support, or simply recognizing the invaluable role they play, every effort counts in helping fathers build stronger bonds with their children.

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Why Traveling With Young Children Is Worth Every Meltdown

My son was four months old the first time he flew on a plane. 

I was invited to a tech conference at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was exclusively nursing, living on a special diet of no dairy, soy, or egg, and getting four solid hours of sleep a night.

It wasn’t easy, but seeing my little boy fall asleep on the plane, ga-ga at strangers on the city sidewalks, and marvel at the curves and shapes of Pittsburgh architecture made me grateful for seizing the opportunity.

When he was two years old, we went on a family trip to Boston for a week.

My husband and I love the city, and there are so many fun activities for young ones to enjoy.

At three, my son went on his first beach vacation to Key Largo, an island off the southern coast of Florida.

It was a work trip for my husband, but it became one of our most memorable experiences.

And last week, we visited the Grand Canyon and the deserts of Arizona.

My now four-year-old continually asks if we just came back from outer space. He’s convinced we went to Mars because of Red Rock State Park in Sedona.

Why am I sharing my son’s travel history with you? Because we did it, and you can, too. 

Before moving forward, let me make one thing clear: There were plenty of blowouts, meltdowns, and tired tantrums on each of these trips.

I’m no Mary Poppins, try as I might. But the memories made, experiences had, and the personal growth my husband and I experienced was far worth the chaos.

A study released in 2022 by the Student and Youth Travel Association found that children who travel benefit in a myriad of ways, including better performance in school.

Some of the most noteworthy findings include:

  • 74% of the educators polled believe travel helps students’ personal development.
  • 56% believe travel positively impacts students’ lifetime education and career.
  • 80% of the teachers in the study said travel is an “extremely effective” teaching method.
  • Students who travel often reported having an increased desire to graduate and attend college.

Travel is a luxury not everyone can afford.

However, it’s not the distance that makes the experience beneficial to parents and children; it’s the out-of-the-box experience.

If finances are tight and resources aren’t easily accessible, consider visiting a local monument, park, or museum.

Find a nearby grocery store with culturally diverse foods, people, and languages. Spend some time reading books about places you might want to visit someday and make a tentative plan for how to get there.

If having young children is holding you back from travel, think again.

Seeing the world (no matter how close or far away from home) through the eyes of a small child may be the perspective shift you need to boost positivity and increase creativity. Plus, it can help your child develop a healthy curiosity and openness to critical thinking that will carry them through life.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First and can be contacted at [email protected].

Photo by James Wheeler on Unsplash

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Embracing 50/50 Custody is the Best for Children

Embracing 50/50 Custody is the Best for Children

I am not an advocate for divorce on many occasions, but I do know there are some situations in which the ending of a relationship is better for everyone involved–and that’s okay. When one of my closest friends called me to tell me she was officially filing for a divorce, there was a sense of relief in her voice and an optimistic outlook for the future. Inevitably, her biggest concern was what to do for her children. 

Deciding on custody arrangements can be one of the most challenging aspects of the divorce process, as well as for unmarried couples who have children. Traditionally, custody arrangements often lean towards favoring one parent over the other, but a growing body of research and evidence-based practices are pointing towards a more balanced approach: 50/50 custody. Experts across the nation are beginning to agree this arrangement can offer numerous benefits for children and families alike.

First and foremost, 50/50 custody promotes the invaluable principle of equality. Children thrive when they have consistent and meaningful relationships with both parents. Dr. Edward Kruk, a professor of social work at the University of British Columbia, highlights in his research that children benefit from having access to both parents post-divorce, leading to better psychological and emotional outcomes. He emphasizes that “shared parenting tends to be associated with better outcomes for children.”

In a recent article written by journalist Emma Johnson and published by the Institute for Family Studies, Johnson shares that a 2023 analysis of existing research found that on many measures, children in shared parenting arrangements “do equally well compared to children in nuclear families.” 

“The studies measured the kids’ academic, cognitive, emotional, and psychological outcomes, behavioral problems, overall physical health or stress-related physical problems, and the parent-child relationship quality,” writes Johnson. “This emerging culture shift to 50/50 parenting norms has also been a challenge for me, a lifelong feminist and journalist, who has devoted the heart of my career to celebrating single-mother families.”

Ultimately, 50/50 custody encourages co-parenting and shared responsibilities. When both parents are actively involved in raising their children, it fosters a sense of cooperation and mutual support, even after the marriage has ended. This shared responsibility can alleviate the burden on a single parent and provide a more stable environment for the children. According to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, children in shared custody arrangements report higher levels of satisfaction with their relationships with both parents compared to those in sole custody arrangements.

Critics of 50/50 custody often raise concerns about logistical challenges and disruptions to children’s routines. However, experts argue that with effective communication and cooperation between parents, these challenges can be overcome. Dr. Linda Nielsen, a professor of adolescent and educational psychology at Wake Forest University, suggests that parents can work together to create consistent routines and rules across households, providing stability for the children.

Furthermore, 50/50 custody can mitigate the negative effects of parental conflict on children.

Research consistently shows that ongoing conflict between parents can have detrimental effects on children’s well-being. By sharing custody equally, parents may be motivated to minimize conflicts and prioritize the needs of their children, creating a healthier environment for them to thrive.

Of course, every family situation is unique, and 50/50 custody may not be feasible or suitable in every case. Factors such as distance between parents’ homes, work schedules, and the child’s best interests should all be carefully considered when determining custody arrangements. The growing body of research and expert opinions support the benefits of shared parenting overall.

Embracing 50/50 custody as a standard practice can promote equality, cooperation, and stability for children and families. By prioritizing the well-being of the children and fostering healthy relationships with both parents, families can navigate the complexities of shared parenting with compassion and empathy, ultimately providing a brighter future for the next generation.

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Women Change After Childbirth. So Should Their Support

Picture this: you’re a mom. You’ve just had a baby, and while you’re over the moon with love for your little one, you’re also feeling a bit… well, different. That was me not too long ago. And let me tell you, becoming a mom changes things – big time.

When my first child came into the world five years ago, I was scared. Scared of losing myself in this new role of being a mom. I’m all about being true to who I am, and suddenly, I was worried I’d only be known as “so and so’s mom.” But guess what? Turns out, you can love your kiddo to bits and still miss the days when you had more freedom to do your own thing.

The same experience happened when my second child was born last year. Adjusting to all of the changes that happened within me and around me after growing and birthing two little beings is still a challenge. My priorities have shifted, my attention and focus are divided, and my time is not my own. Not to mention, my house is a little messier and my clothes don’t fit quite the same way.

And from what I’ve seen on social media and heard from my other mom friends, I’m not alone in feeling this way. Turns out, science backs it up too.  Research shows childbirth permanently changes women physically, mentally, and emotionally.

So, let’s talk about how having a baby changes moms – and how we can support them better.

First up, the emotional rollercoaster. From the moment a woman finds out she’s pregnant to when that baby takes their first breath, it’s a wild ride of emotions. Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a reproductive psychiatrist, says there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to how moms feel during pregnancy and after. It’s like a big mix of joy, fear, excitement, and sometimes sadness all rolled into one. Hormones play a part, of course, but it’s also about adjusting to this whole new life while your body is still recovering.

Childbirth can also take a major toll on a woman’s physical well-being. Dr. Sarah Buckley, a family physician and author, calls it a “powerful, transformative experience.” Translation: it’s a big deal. From the pain of contractions to the exhaustion of pushing, childbirth can bring on a range of physical challenges. Recovery from childbirth can be a slow and difficult process, needing plenty of rest, self-care, and support from loved ones. It’s crucial to prioritize health and well-being in postpartum, allowing moms the time and space they need to heal both physically and emotionally.

Let’s honor the incredible strength, resilience, and sacrifice of women who take on the journey of childbirth and motherhood. Let us recognize the mental, emotional, and physical challenges they face with courage and grace. And let us offer them the support, compassion, and understanding they need to navigate the challenges of motherhood.

But let’s not stop there. Here are three ways we can support moms after they’ve had their babies and beyond:

  1. Help out with practical stuff: Moms have a lot on their plate, so lending a hand with everyday tasks can make a big difference. Think of cooking meals, doing laundry, or running errands. By taking some of the pressure off, we give moms more time to focus on themselves and their little ones.
  2. Be there emotionally: Sometimes moms just need someone to listen. No judgment, no advice – just a shoulder to lean on. Letting them know that it’s okay to feel everything they’re experiencing can make a world of difference.
  3. Encourage connections: Being a mom can be lonely sometimes, so help moms connect with others in the same boat. Whether it’s organizing playdates or just hanging out, having a support network can make the tough days a little easier to bear.

So, to all the moms out there: You’re doing great. We’ve got your back, today and every day.

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One Thing You Can Do to Make Your Children Happy

Happiness is in no way the main goal of parenting or all that a child needs. Study after study shows a bit of struggle and frustration will allow a child to build character. But having a positive outlook and a foundation of optimism can protect children from mental health issues throughout life.

Knowing this, there is one thing that will allow children to feel happiness more than anything else: your love.

A 2023 Pew Research survey showed that 94% of parents feel it is extremely important that their children have strong moral and ethical beliefs. 76% of parents said that their greatest worry for their children was their mental health. This includes the effects of depression and anxiety on the next generation. 

It’s clear parents want their children to be good, happy people. So, what can we do to help your children be happy? According to the Journal of Child and Family Studies, a parent’s warmth and love play a big role in a child viewing their world in a positive light. It specifically pointed to the influence a father or a father figure can have on a child’s lifelong happiness.

When it comes to teaching happiness to our children, actions speak louder than words. You’ve probably heard the dangers of telling your child to, “do as I say, not as I do.” Research backs this up as well. Several studies in the past twenty years have shown that things like religious practices, drinking alcohol, or exercising regularly, are more likely to be passed down through generations by action more than word. For example, if a parent tells their child not to drink alcohol, yet they themselves drink alcohol regularly, their child is more than likely to start a drinking habit as an adult.

The same thing can be used for how parents show love and affection to their children. It’s one thing to say “I love you” and to provide food, a home, and clothes. It’s another thing to establish consistent fun, warmth, and honesty in your relationship. These are some of the key things you need to make positive memories together.

What’s the key takeaway from all of this?

When you’re stuck in a parenting rut or when you’re feeling overwhelmed and lost on what to do for your child, turn to warmth and affection. Show them love.

This is easier said than done, and it may sound over-optimistic, but kids need to know they’re loved and accepted unconditionally more than anything else in the world.

And here’s some good news: showing love to your kids doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, and your kids don’t have to be perfect either. Just by being there for them, by giving them hugs, and by showing them that you care, you’re doing something really important.

So, keep on loving your kids, even on the tough days. Because in the end, your love is one of the best things you can give them. And that’s something they’ll carry with them their whole lives.

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