When to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

There’s a TV commercial showing a father and his very inquisitive daughter sharing a meal. Rapid-fire, she asks why the sky is blue, why zebras have stripes, if turtles like cheese, why she has fingerprints, etc. For each question, the dad gets a little help from an insurance agent who is seated right behind him. However, when the girl asks her dad where babies come from, the agent asks for his check and quickly disappears. 

Where do babies come from?

That question can make adults squirm and respond with some creative answers. One answer even involves eating a watermelon seed that grows in mom’s belly. When one mom returned the question, her daughter replied, “When two people love each other, the dad buys a pumpkin seed and gives it to the mom. Then her stomach gets big like a pumpkin!”

It’s great that children are actually asking their parents for this information. While the topic might cause tremendous angst for some, there is no better person to answer than their parent. Instead of sidestepping the question or giving a crazy answer, use the opportunity to provide enough age-appropriate answers and muster enough boldness to encourage more questions in the future.

Many parents say they want to be the ones to teach their children about sex. Yet teen and young adult surveys show that’s not the case. TV and the internet are their top sources for information and ideas about sex. School, parents and peers are next on the list.

It’s great to start talking with your children about sex when they are young, even though some parents want to wait until their child brings it up.

If you cringe and have a deer-in-the headlights look at the thought of discussing sex, your child may believe the topic is off-limits. Experts say parents should start having age-appropriate conversations with their children around age 6.

At this stage, children are often curious about their bodies and why their body is different from their sibling’s. They may even be hearing things from other kids. It is important that children have accurate information from the person they should be able to trust: their parent. So take a deep breath and wade in the water.

Young children often ask where they came from. For starters, a parent can ask their child where they think they came from. The child might actually be asking where they were born. With a serious sigh of relief, that is easily answered. Another option for 5- and 6-year-olds is to read a book. Baby on the Way or Where Did I Come From? are good examples.

For elementary-age children, focus conversations on correctly naming sexual organs and private parts, personal boundaries, pregnancy and building healthy relationships. If they are old enough to ask questions, they are old enough to receive correct answers. Clarify the question and keep your answers age-appropriate, brief and simple. If they want to know more, they’ll usually ask. Don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers. You can always say, ”Let me get back to you about that,” then make sure that you do.

The thought of talking with your child about sex may cause your heart to race and your stomach to flutter. But remember, they are only asking because they are curious. Parents are their first and best teachers.