Tag Archive for: Technology

Technology and Relationships

Have you ever thought about how today’s amazing technological advances affect relationships?

There are very few places where you can’t technologically connect in some way. You can place calls whenever and wherever. It’s fairly inexpensive and there are no additional fees. In real-time, you can show or tell anyone what you are eating, post your latest fashion escapade or something that just happened. Who would have guessed you can actually conduct business halfway across the planet with someone you may never meet in person?

Why would anybody need to read books anymore or memorize anything when with a few keystrokes the information can be on a screen in front of you? The world has never been so flat when it comes to communicating.

How does all of this technology impact relationships?

What if you get an email from a friend who lives out of town who is really struggling? Inventions like Skype or FaceTime make it feel like you are practically there live and in person, which is good. But does it replace being able to hug someone when things are tough?

Do you remember calling home from college once a week to talk to your parents? It required remembering all that happened during the week before and that also meant there were many things you had to figure out on your own because mom and dad weren’t available at the drop of a hat to give you their best problem-solving maneuver. So—how are young people impacted by constantly being able to be in touch with their parents when life gets challenging versus taking a stab at trying to figure it out for themselves?

Have you ever experienced miscommunication in a text message? For example, take the word “fine.” You text your spouse saying you want to go out to eat tonight. Your spouse replies, “Fine.” There are tons of ways to interpret that word and the person’s intent behind it.

How about boundaries? At first, constant connectivity was super-exciting for everyone. Now people realize that being reachable anywhere and anytime may not be so great. Constant pings at the dinner table can make it challenging to have meaningful conversation with family and friends.

There is a fair amount of chatter these days about how digital devices and other technology have changed thinking and behavior. Is technology overload a thing? Does constantly switching back and forth between incoming text messages, email and the task at hand affect attention span? Has creativity diminished?

And, have we replaced meaningful conversation with friends and family with photos and the snippets of life we see on Facebook?

Ask yourself. How can you enhance your most meaningful relationships if you change or limit the way you currently use technology?

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Teens, Technology and Romance

Teen dating in the age of technology isn't always simple.

It’s totally logical for technology to play a role in teen relationships, especially in romance. But how much of a part does it play?

The Pew Research Center examined American teens’ (ages 13-17) digital romantic practices to find out.

Though 57% of teens have digital friendships, teens are less likely to start a romantic relationship online. Most teen daters (76%) say they’ve only dated people they met in person. Only 8% of teens have dated or hooked up with someone they first met on social media. (And most of those introductions are on Facebook.)

Still, teens use technology to flirt and express interest in a potential partner. They also use social media to like, comment, friend or joke around with a crush. 

  • 55% have flirted or talked in person to express interest.
  • 50% have let someone know they were romantically interested by “friending” them on social media.
  • 47% have expressed their attraction by liking, commenting, or otherwise interacting on social media.
  • 46% have shared something funny or interesting with their romantic interest online.
  • 31% flirted through messages.
  • 10% have sent flirty or sexy pictures/videos of themselves.

Overall, 85% of teen daters expect to hear from their significant other once a day. Some teens expect even more.

  • 11% expect to hear from their partner hourly.
  • 35% expect to hear something every few hours.
  • 38% expect to hear from their significant other once a day.

Teens say texting is the top way to “spend time together.”

Additionally, phone calls, in-person time, and other digital means for staying in touch were in the mix. As for spending time with their current/former boyfriend or girlfriend, teen daters preferred:

  • Text messaging: 92%
  • Talking on the phone: 87% 
  • Being together in person: 86%
  • Social media: 70% 
  • Instant or online messaging: 69%
  • Video chatting: 55%
  • Messaging apps: 49%

31% of daters reported that a current or former partner has checked up on them multiple times per day. They use the internet or cellphone to ask where they are, who they are with or what they are doing.

Teens were also asked about potentially controlling and harmful behaviors involving technology in relationships.

  • 15% (or 5% of all teens) say a partner used the internet or text messaging to pressure them into unwanted sexual activity.
  • 16% have had a partner require removing people from their friends list on social media.
  • 13% said their partner demanded they share their email and internet passwords with them.
  • 19% report that a partner used the internet, social media or a cellphone to threaten them.
  • 8% report that a partner used online information against them to harass or embarrass them.
  • After a relationship ends, 22% of teens said a former partner used the internet or a cellphone to bully them. 15% report that a partner used mobile phones or the internet to spread rumors about them.

Technology connects us in many ways, and it can be a handy tool. But many teens need more info to navigate technology and romantic relationships successfully.

Dating is an opportunity to get to know someone, identify common interests, see if your personalities get along and whether you enjoy each other’s company. However, it is different from marriage.

Teens in relationships still need your help when it comes to romance.

They must understand what dating is and how to identify appropriate and inappropriate behavior. You can help them understand that:

  • Posting mean things is unkind.
  • Demanding passwords is not ok.
  • Constantly checking up on a partner is unhealthy.
  • Demanding to know who, what, where, why, and how is controlling, dishonoring, and disrespectful behavior.
  • Texting back and forth is not the same as spending time with someone.

Many teens struggle with all the ups and downs of technology in romance and relationships. The good news is, teaching them how to respect and honor others can make a lasting impact on their love life and their future.

Other blogs:

How to Be An Emotionally Safe Parent

When (and How) Should I Give My Child Cell Phone?

Five Reasons Teen Girls Stop Talking to Their Dads

Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV for an in-depth look on this topic!

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Summer: Screen Time or Memories

Think back to summers when you were a kid. You might recall getting up, doing a few chores and then heading outside to play, only taking a break for lunch. Your mom or dad’s call for dinner was probably met with complaints about coming inside.

In an informal survey of adults about their childhood summer memories, people recalled catching fireflies, climbing trees, fishing and playing outside with friends. They also mentioned riding bikes, running through the sprinkler and lots of other activities. As they thought about their response, they usually smiled and laughed as the memories replayed in their mind.

Times have changed.

Instead of spending time playing outside, various studies indicate many children will get up and Schead straight to some type of screen. In fact, 8 to 10-year-olds spend on average between five and seven hours playing games, watching movies or television. For teens, this number increases. This is a stark contrast to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendation that children 10 and older spend no more than two hours a day watching a screen.

Too much screen time can increase a child’s risk of having trouble sleeping at night, experiencing attention issues and developing symptoms of anxiety and depression. Additionally, numerous studies have shown that children eat more unhealthy food while watching screens, which can lead to weight gain.

While many parents grow weary, the battle between choosing screen time or memories is definitely one worth fighting.

When children move away from screens and interact with others, it helps them develop communication skills. They also learn how to get along with others and problem-solve when there is disagreement over a kickball game score. Play helps build a child’s imagination and enhances their ability to entertain themselves.

So, here’s a challenge: Unplug from the screens and encourage your kids to spend their time in other ways.

Initially, you will undoubtedly get the usual push-back, but stand your ground. Know that you are setting the stage for your children to create some great memories. If they say they are bored, offer them some ways to work around the house. They’ll probably find something to do in order to avoid chores – and it teaches your child to entertain themselves.

The AAP actually says that doing nothing at all is better than staring at a screen.

For example, car rides without DVDs allow a child to look at their surroundings and let their imagination run wild.

While unplugging might not be the most convenient thing to do, see it as intentional preparation for launching your child. Moving away from screens gives them the chance to learn the necessary skills to help them navigate through life. Who’s up for the challenge?

Other blogs:

Does My Teen Need Screen Time Limits?

Why You Need Screen Time Limits, Too (Not Just Your Kids!)

3 Reasons to Let Your Child Have More Screen Time

Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV!

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Kids are Losing Sleep

Sleep hygiene impacts all areas of your child's life.

Have you ever checked email or text messages in the middle of the night? If so, chances are good that your kids have been losing sleep to those things, too.

The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 2014 Poll revealed interesting findings when it comes to families and their sleep patterns.

Of those surveyed:

  • 89% of adults and 75% of children have at least one electronic device in their bedrooms. While a television was the most common device, 45% of parents and 30% of children had a tablet or smartphone with them when they go to bed at night.
  • 26% of parents and 16% of children sent or read emails and text messages after initially dozing off. Technology has become commonplace in the bedroom. However, the duration and quality of sleep appear to suffer when children and adults leave devices on past bedtime.
  • Sleep quality was significantly worse for children who sometimes left the television, tablet/smartphone or music player on at night.
  • Children who leave their devices on get less rest on school nights than other children. Parents estimate it’s a difference of nearly one hour, on average, per night.
  • Parents also view the quality of their child’s sleep negatively if the child leaves electronics on during the night. This holds true even with older children, who are more likely to leave things on. Teens with left-on devices are estimated to get, on average, half an hour less sleep on school nights.

“For children, a good night’s sleep is essential to health, development and performance in school,” says Kristen L. Knutson, a biomedical anthropologist who researches sleep at the University of Chicago. “We found that, when parents take action to protect their children’s sleep, their children sleep better.”

The NSF shares these tips to improve your child’s sack time:

  • Make sleep a healthy priority in your family’s busy schedule. Children ages 6-10 need 10-11 hours of shuteye. Older children need 8.5-9.5 hours.
  • Set appropriate and consistent bedtimes for your entire family.
  • Know how your child is using electronics in the bedroom. Create a plan for appropriate use at night and set boundaries about use before and after bedtime.
  • Educate your family on how light from electronic device screens can interfere with winding down.
  • Talk to your child about the importance of sleep for health and well-being.
  • Create a snooze-supportive bedroom and home environment, dimming the lights prior to bedtime and controlling the temperature; in most cases, temperatures above 75 degrees and below 54 degrees will disrupt your rest.
  • Encourage activities such as reading or listening to music before bedtime. These are more relaxing than watching TV, playing video games or surfing the Web.
  • Make sure children’s activities, including homework, can be completed without interfering with bedtimes.

When it comes to technology, kids are following their parent’s lead.

“Parents need to be good role models in their responsible use of electronics and their children will follow suit,” says Monique K. LeBourgeois, a psychologist who researches sleep at University of Colorado Boulder.

It may be hard to resist, but setting the tone for a good night’s rest can lead to a happier, healthier home.

Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV!

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How Technology Affects Families

Connecting with each other doesn't require a device.

Do you remember when the only TV at home was in the family room? Or when your family looked for license plates from all 50 states when you were traveling? Now, just about everybody has their own personal device. Each person listens to different music in the car. Homes have several screens and family members rarely watch the same shows together. Technology is everywhere. Technology affects families, without a doubt.

In the last 50 years, technology has exploded. It’s no longer in one place with limits and parental supervision. It’s portable and unlimited. And it’s very hard to control.

So, we’ve got a lot to think about when it comes to how technology affects families. Consider these two questions from author and clinical counselor, John Van Epp:

  • To what extent will families allow technology to be fused with their relationships?
  • Are families unplugging devices to really plug into each other?

Studies suggest that families aren’t doing a great job of connecting.

Consider these examples of technology’s impact on families.

One group from Boston Medical Center watched family interactions in fast-food restaurants. Out of 55 families, 40 parents were doing something with their phones while they were with their children. The researchers call this “absorption with the mobile device.” When a child tried to get a parent’s attention, they got in trouble for interrupting the parent.

UCLA anthropologist Elinor Ochs also conducted an intensive in-home study on this issue. Ochs found a primary theme in these homes: multi-tasking among family members. She cites a common conversation between parent and child: “My parents always tell me that I can’t do homework while listening to music. But they don’t understand that it helps me to concentrate.”

According to David Myers, the director of the University of Michigan’s Brain Cognition Lab, the brain DOES NOT multi-task and students are NOT great multi-taskers. “The bottom line is you CANNOT simultaneously be thinking about your tax return and reading an essay,” he says. The brain may act in parallel functions (touch, sound, vision). But when engaging in different tasks, the brain operates like a toggle switch—jumping from one thing to another.

“This constant multi-tasking that people are doing results in dopamine ‘squirts.’ These lead to an addiction to constant techno-activity,” Van Epp says. “Yet, studies show that downtime for the brain is essential to the development of identity, morals, empathy and creativity.”

Here’s a challenge from Van Epp: Lay your smartphone down. See if you can go for an hour without picking it up.

“Research shows that technology is actually producing higher rates of anxiety among children and adults,” Van Epp says. “Apps are influencing child development and short-circuiting identity formation. They’re also discouraging face-to-face interactions and creating superficial intimacy.”

If you still aren’t convinced this is an issue, check out Outdoors and Out of Reach, Studying the Brain. Then watch Gary Turk’s Look Up video on YouTube. 

“We must begin balancing technology and real time with loved ones,” Van Epp says. “We can’t let technology define us. Advances in technology can never replace gains in family interactions.”

So, what about you? Will your family unplug devices so you can really connect with each other?

For more resources, see our Parenting and Families page here.

Image from Unsplash.com

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