Journal Prompts For Teens
Another opportunity for teens to do some journaling! Bottom Line: Journaling is good for you. Here’s some scientific research related to journaling. Prepare to have your mind blown!
The simple act of journaling:
- Strengthens your immune system.
- Helps injuries heal faster. (I didn’t believe it either.)
- Raises your IQ.
- Boosts your memory.
- Reduces stress, anxiety and depression.
- Makes you more optimistic about life.
- But wait! There’s more! Journaling can keep you focused & organized, help you set & reach goals, improve your writing, inspire creativity, and help you get to know yourself.
If you could get all that in a vitamin, you’d take it – no questions asked.
Ideally, you should journal 2-3 times a week, but there are no rules. It doesn’t matter if you use paper, a computer, a journaling notebook or even a note on your phone.
There are different types of journaling and approaches. But let’s get right to those burning questions on your mind:
What do I write about? Exactly. You can write about that.
What if I want to figure out everything I write before I write it? Interesting. Write about that.
What if I don’t have a journal? Grab a napkin and write about whether or not it matters.
Journaling is a lot like so many things in life: You get out of it what you put into it.
These journal prompts for teens may be just what you need to get started.
- Describe an important item from your childhood. Why was it important? Where is it now?
- You get to talk to a dead person. Who would you choose, and why? What do you want to talk about?
- Describe your happiest childhood memory in detail.
- Explain something that happened to you that’s so strange, nobody believes you.
- In an abandoned cabin, you find a shiny box with a single red “DANGER” button. Do you push it? Why or why not?
- What’s something you want to learn how to do? Why?
- Where would you like to visit right now? What would you do there?
- What’s your favorite memory involving food?
- What accomplishment makes you feel the most pride? Why?
- The best advice you’ve ever received is…
- What’s something you could teach someone to do? How did you learn it?
- What are you most grateful for today?
- Name one thing you know is true.
- What’s a positive character trait or quality that you’re known for? What developed this trait in you?
- What character trait or quality can you grow in? How could you achieve that growth?
- You’re now in charge of the entire world. What would you change, and why?
- You can be any fictional character from a book or movie. Who do you want to be? Why?
- You can wake up tomorrow having gained one ability or talent. What do you choose? Are you willing to work at it? Why/Why not?
- Who are five people you admire, and why?
- What’s your favorite holiday, and why?
Finish these sentences:
- Life is mostly just…
- I used to think… but now I realize…
- I wonder if…
- I totally believe…
- It gets on my nerves when people…
- I hope I never forget…
- One thing I want to accomplish this month is…
- Success in life basically depends on…
- Cake or pie? Explain why the correct answer is definitely ______.
- When I’m happy…
Time for some fun!
- You find an envelope at the park with your name on it and $5,000. What do you do?
- Aliens abduct you and ask you to describe the human race.
- You can have one candy for free for life. What do you pick? Why?
- You wake up and the world is experiencing a zombie apocalypse. Realistically, how long do you survive and why? (Assume slow zombies, not fast, rage ones.)
- You run into someone who in all ways is your exact twin. How do you both make the most of this situation?
- If you could live in any part of the world, where would you choose? Why does it appeal to you?
- You can enter any video game as an NPC. (Non-Playable Character.) What game would be the most fun to wander around in? Why?
- You are now the world’s foremost collector of ______. What do you collect and why?
- If you could change one traffic law, what would it be? Why?
- You have the most vivid, realistic dream of eating a giant marshmallow. You wake up and your pillow is gone. What’s your first thought?
Other blogs:
Conversation Starters for Kids and Parents – First Things First
100 Conversation Starters To Increase Your Family’s Connectedness
7 Ways to Deepen Your Connection With Your Teen – First Things First
How to Stop the Cycle of Parental Burnout
I have a confession to make: I’ve been stressed and exhausted many times. I’ve felt burned out and ready to quit, but not from work obligations – from being a parent.
Parenting is tough. It’s demanding. Before our son was born 10 years ago, I recall people telling me everything would change. I don’t remember anyone telling me I’d be taking 2AM walks to stay sane. No one told me there would be days I’d question whether I could continue. The list of things I wish I’d known then is long.
Parental burnout is a real thing, but don’t get me wrong – I wouldn’t trade being a dad for anything. Researchers Hubert and Aujoulat found that “parental burnout results from situations where exhaustion occurs as a result of being physically and emotionally overwhelmed by one’s parental role.”
If you’ve been a parent for at least a couple of hours, you know that parenting stress is real. But when it consumes you, burnout sets in. There’s hope, though. You can stop the cycle of parental burnout.
The stress isn’t going anywhere, but there are some healthy ways to lessen the pressure.
Surround yourself with a community.
“It takes a village to raise a child.”
I never quite understood that until we had our first child. But it’s true. Raising a child isn’t easy. Mine didn’t come with a how-to guide.
Surround yourself with people who want what’s best for you. Think about grandparents, other parents, or friends who care about your well-being. You need people in your life to help care for your child when you need it and to help you care for yourself. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak or less than. Any person who has raised a child knows the stress involved.
Today’s action:
Text one person and invite them over. Ask them to hold you accountable for taking time for yourself.
Take care of yourself.
When you’re responsible for a little one, it’s easy to put all your energy into making sure you meet their needs. When they get all your energy, there’s nothing left for you.
Have you ever been on a plane and heard the safety speech? If the airbags are deployed, put yours on before you try to put on someone else’s. That sounds counterintuitive to parenting, but it’s so true. If you don’t care for yourself, you won’t have anything to give. Being a parent is the best reason I’ve ever had to take good care of myself.
Exercise, eat healthy foods, get rest (when you can), or meditate. Will it be easy? No. Is it important? Extremely!
Today’s action:
Put down your phone. Go get a glass of water, and take deep breaths as you drink. Make it your goal to do that three times today.
Give yourself grace.
You won’t be a perfect parent, and that’s ok! We all mess up. I don’t think I could list all the mistakes I’ve made. As my kids have gotten a little older, I ask them for lots of grace, too. I apologize when I make a mistake.
Don’t fall into the social media comparison game, either. You may see someone who looks like the perfect parent – but remember, social media usually shows the best moments. You may not see all the tears it took to get that perfect photo.
Today’s action:
Allow yourself to make mistakes. Tell yourself, “My child doesn’t need a perfect parent – they need a present parent.”
Take a break when you need it.
If your child is in childcare or school, take a day off every once in a while to be alone. Enjoy doing what you like to do. Maybe that’s getting outdoors, taking a long bath or chilling with a movie. And don’t feel guilty about it. You have permission to take time for yourself.
Today’s action:
Schedule an hour this week to take a break. Right now, ask your support system to help you make this happen.
Set boundaries.
Boundaries help to protect your time and your relationships. You may have to say no to some good things. As my children have become more independent, I’ve found that I can say yes to more things I want to do.
Prioritize your well-being and relationships when opportunities come your way.
Today’s action:
Ask, “What have I said yes to that I don’t have margin for?” Then do your best to take that off your list.
Parenting isn’t easy, but you can do it. If you already feel burned out and have nothing left to give, reach out to a professional, coach or counselor. You don’t have to walk this road alone.
Other blogs:
How to Be an Emotionally Safe Parent – First Things First
Can Self-Care Become Selfish? – First Things First
5 Signs You Need Some Alone Time
Sources:
Parental Burnout: When Exhausted Mothers Open Up. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1021.
Beating burnout. Harvard Business Review, 98-101.
Does My Teen Need Screen Time Limits?
Short Answer: Yes, your teen needs screen time limits, but it’s not quite that simple. What screen time limits look like depends on your teen and your relationship with them. The limits you set have much less to do with the screens and much more with the teens.
★ Eyes On The Prize: You’re raising a future adult. You’re working yourself out of a job.
Long Answer: I was waiting for the “On-Air” light on the set of a local talk show. My segment was about technology and families, particularly teens, smartphones, and social media. I was excited because:
I’m passionate about how technology affects families and relationships, so I’ve been following the research for some time.
And I’m parenting a teen, and I talk to other parents about these issues. I’m in this with you. I know it’s hard.
My mind was on my messaging as I waited for that light to come on. What do I tell parents about screens and teens? Easy.
Emphasize parenting principles.
1. There’s no substitute (app, program, setting, filter) for a strong, healthy relationship between a parent and their teen.
2. Talking to teens about screen time and technology is an ongoing thing. It requires talking about many other unrelated things. Things THEY want to talk about when THEY are open to talk. ★ If parents don’t put in genuine relationship work, teens won’t hear their parents talk about screen time (or just about anything else).
3. Stay informed about the technology your teen uses, but, more importantly, stay informed about your teen. Notice their moods, changes in their behavior, and how they spend their time. Is your teen generally responsible and trustworthy? Developing appropriate life skills? Well-rounded and balanced? Have things like pornography, sexting, and cyberbullying already been a part of their screen use?
4. Leading by example is essential when it comes to screen time and technology.
What is your relationship with technology? Are you modeling the behaviors you’d like to see from your teen?
On-Air!
And to my frustration, the host only wanted to talk about kids being abducted because of what they posted online. Wow.Oh.Okay.Um.Yeah. We can talk about all that, I guess. This is the kind of stuff parents are up against when talking to their teens about screens.
What makes it HARDER to talk about screens with teens?
- The media feeds parents a steady stream of sensationalized, scary stories.
- The research in this area, frankly, is all over the place. (To be fair, we’re talking about relatively new and constantly-evolving technology.) This can confuse and frustrate well-intentioned parents. Examples?
I could link to studies to “prove” all of the following:
- Screens keep teens from socializing. No, they help teens socialize.
- Screens hinder cognitive development. No, they help cognitive development.
- Screens hurt teens’ mental health. No, hurting teens gravitate to screens. Or, screens can help heal teens’ mental health. (I think all three can be true.)
- Screens make it harder to keep teens safe. No, they make it easier to keep teens safe.
- Screens interrupt teens’ sleep patterns. No, they can help repair those patterns.
Teens quickly point out any hypocrisy between their parent’s message and their parent’s example. And teens are often more tech-savvy than their parents.
These screens on smartphones, tablets, and laptops are already ingrained in your average teen’s life. In positive, practical ways:
- Online learning.
- Homework and projects.
- Virtual college visits.
- Work and sports scheduling.
- Connecting with family & extended family.
- Shopping for stuff they need.
- Outlets for creativity & developing new skills & hobbies.
- Not getting lost driving.
- Calling for help if they need it.
- Simply texting that practice has been canceled is a huge help.
A screen is a tool. How is your teen using it? True, it’s a powerful tool, but screens aren’t good or bad. And they are here to stay.
So, let’s get practical.
Here are some adaptable ideas about screen time limits that may (or may not) help your teen.
⇨ I don’t usually make a point about this, but the links in this blog take you to the info you want and need. Click ’em for some deeper practical information for screens and your unique teen!
- Screens can isolate. Screen use only in “common areas” of the house. No screens in their bedroom. Or no screens in their bedroom at night.
- Screens can distract. (Part 1) Screens get put to “bed” in the kitchen or the parent’s bedroom to charge overnight, so teens can read, think, and even be “bored” before they fall asleep. Teens can use old-fashioned alarm clocks. ☆ Are You Up For It?
Set the example. Everybody’s phone charges overnight outside the bedroom. You might unwind and fall asleep better, too!
- Screens can distract. (Part 2) “Notifications” are a phone’s way of saying, “Notice me now!” But notifications can be turned off completely, muted, put in “Do Not Disturb” mode or “Driving Mode.” Help your teen learn to check their phone when they need to, not when their phone wants them to. Here’s notification help.
- Screens can demand. Most smartphones come with Screen Use Monitoring weekly reports. These reports show time spent on social media, entertainment, productivity, etc. ☆ Are You Up For It? Offer to compare your report with your teen’s. Make a game out of it. You can both set goals for next week!
Talking To Your Teen About Screens… And Other Things.
- It can be challenging to get your teen to talk about anything. Here’s help. And here.
- In general, you’re working toward a conversation with your teen, not a confrontation.
- Try to have a genuine dialogue. Listen to your teen’s ideas and input. It’s not a weakness to collaborate, negotiate, and have some give and take. Agree to boundaries that leave room for your teen to prove they’re responsible and trustworthy. Being clear about consequences for choices outside those boundaries is essential.
- Screens can tempt even the BEST teen into making BAD decisions – it happens. Try responding instead of reacting. Pornography. Sexting. Cyberbullying. Posting things that come back to haunt them when they apply for a job or college.
- Try to interact with your teen and their screens. The fancy term is “joint media engagement.” Watch ’em play some video games. Ask them to show you the funny Tik Toks. Ask about posts that confused/frustrated/angered them today? This can start great conversations.
- Ask your teen how social media makes them feel about themselves and their life. Then listen and listen. When it comes to social media, encourage your teen to create, not just consume.
★ Eyes On The Prize: You’re raising a future adult, and screens are gonna be part of their life.
One day, you won’t be there to limit their screen time, but you can prepare them now.
Today, more than anything, your teen needs you.
FYI: I shared an interview experience that disappointed me. Check out this “On-Air” experience that went well!
Other blogs:
How to Create Social Media Rules in Your Marriage – First Things First
When (and How) Should I Give My Child A Cell Phone? – First Things First
How to Be an Emotionally Safe Parent – First Things First
How To Make Sure Your Child Knows You Love Them – First Things First
Your Ultimate Guide to Screen Time
Have you paused lately to look around at our technological world? From smart home devices to self-driving cars, it’s a lot to take in. And then, we have to guide our children on how to engage with all this – and talk about screen time. It’s overwhelming to hear all the different voices, from professionals to friends, telling us how our kids should use technology. Our kids are growing up in a world where digital identities are just as real as physical ones. And it’s not like there’s a well-laid out manual for helping your child navigate an ever-changing technological world.
You may be wondering, “What in the world do I do here?”
We can ask a different question, though. It’s this: “How can my family use technology without allowing technology to use us?”
As you make your plan, consider your personal situation. Based on American Academy of Pediatrics research, these general guidelines can help you navigate technology use in your home.
Screen time: the good and the bad.
Screen time isn’t wrong in and of itself. It’s all about how you use it. There are many benefits to co-viewing with younger children and using technology to promote learning and conversation.
Too much screen time can be linked to:
- Obesity
- Irregular sleep
- Behavioral problems
- Lower academic performance
- Violence
Benefits of screen time:
- Exposure to new ideas and information
- Connection to family and friends who are geographically distant
- Co-viewing and co-playing with your child can promote healthy development
- Digital tools can promote school readiness or enhance learning
Recommended screen time limits per the American Academy of Pediatrics.
- Birth to 18 months: No screens, except for video chats with family and friends.
- 18 months to 2 years: Limit screen time and view with your child. Introduce high-quality educational programming.
- 2-5 years: Limit screen time to an hour a day (outside of academics) and watch together, if possible.
- 6-12 years: Place consistent limits on screen time as determined by the family. Ensure that screen time doesn’t impact your child’s sleep, exercise, or behavior.
Tips for setting screen time guidelines.
Be conscious of your screen usage.
The first tip is to look in the mirror. Kids learn from what they see. You may need screen time limits as much as they do.
Create a Family Media Use Plan.
Creating a plan as a family is powerful. Of course, you, as the parent, have to determine how much screen time your child has. But there is power in allowing them to craft how that looks and what other activities they can be involved in to ensure they exercise their physical and creative skills.
Utilize screen time limits on devices.
Most devices have parental controls for screen time usage. Use all the tools at your disposal.
Balance screen time with quality personal time.
Children need parental or caretaker engagement to develop emotionally and socially. Ensure that you’re balancing their screen time with your presence.
Avoid screens at mealtime.
Meals are a fantastic way to connect as a family. Focus the time on discussing what everyone’s day was like or asking questions to spur conversation.
Avoid screens in the bedroom.
A child’s bedroom is a great place to play and rest. At a young age, avoid allowing them to take screens into their room as much as possible.
Turn off all screens during family outings.
Screens can be distracting when the family is engaging in activities together. Turn off screens for all family members (parents included).
Unplug from screens at least 30 minutes before bedtime.
Our brains need time to decompress and rest. Spend this time reading together to prepare everyone for a restful night.
What this means for you.
Your child is going to use screens. It’s how they connect with the world. Do your best to help guide how they use screen time in a healthy way. Sure, you may bend or break the rules at times. You may need to give in to more screen time ‘cause you need a break or have to get something done. That’s ok. Your child will continue to develop and grow. What they need more than strict tech rules is an involved parent. Make sure they are getting outdoors and playing and creating. If you haven’t navigated screens well up to this point, that’s ok. There’s no better time to start than the present.
Other blogs:
Seven Things Every Child Needs to Thrive
5 Ways to Build Teamwork in Your Family – First Things First
How to Talk to Your Teen About Sexting – First Things First
How To Make Sure Your Child Knows You Love Them – First Things First
Sources:
Children and too much screen time – Mayo Clinic Health System
Physical Activity Counters Impact of Kids’ Screen Time
5 ways screen time can benefit children and families – Child Trends
Physical Activity Counters Impact of Kids’ Screen Time
Guidelines on physical activity, sedentary behaviour and sleep
Media and Young Minds | Pediatrics
Media Use in School-Aged Children and Adolescents | Pediatrics
Why You Need Screen Time Limits, Too (Not Just Your Kids!)
Hey, Mom or Dad! If you’re like me, managing screen time for your kids can be a struggle. How much should they have? What impact is that tiny screen having on their development? What about when they’re on screens at school? I get it. The questions about screen time limits can be overwhelming.
There are countless articles addressing screen time for kids.
In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics has several age-specific recommendations in Media and Young Minds. To name a few, they recommend no media for children 2 and younger and only one hour per day for children ages 2 to 5. Well, I’ll be the first parent to raise my hand and admit I dropped the ball there.
Maybe you’re right there with me. If so, don’t feel bad. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about parenting over the past nine years, it’s that we need to give ourselves (and our kids) a lot of grace. We didn’t get a parenting handbook the day they were born, and they didn’t get a child handbook, either. We’re all learning as we go.
Now back to those pesky screens. They’re everywhere, and they’re part of everyday life. So, we need a plan to use them (and not let them use us).
Limiting screen time is very important for your child’s development, but limiting your own is just as important.
Oh no, he didn’t just say that!
Yes. Yes, I did!
You want to be a good parent. You know that the best way your child learns is through example. Your kids learned to walk and eat by watching you do it. Whatever trait they’ve learned, they learned from someone. Technology usage is no different.
And this isn’t just about teaching your kid how to use technology effectively. It’s about you using it effectively and managing your screen time.
Setting downtime from screens has many benefits.
Here are just a few:
- It improves your physical health.
- Frees up time to play.
- Allows you to make better social connections.
- Boosts your mood.
Those benefits are for you, not just your kids.
I know I’m asking a lot. Don’t worry, I’m looking in the mirror challenging myself here, too. I need to set better screen boundaries for myself.
So, where do we start?
Here are a few ways you can help set limits for the entire family.
1. Create tech-free zones in the house.
Talk to your family and create some tech-free areas or times at home. The dinner table is an excellent place to start. Make a rule that while you eat dinner, no phones or TV. But what are you going to do? I’m so glad you asked. Take this time to ask questions. Check in on each other’s days. Grab a list of random questions and work through those.
2. Establish tech-free times.
Maybe you can have a weekly game or movie night. A movie involves a screen, but you can put all other devices on airplane mode or away while the movie is on. Implement those movie theater rules. Set aside times for you and your partner to be tech-free after the kids go to bed. Be intentional about your time together.
3. Turn off notifications.
Turning off my notifications was one of the best things I ever did with my phone. The only notifications I get are messages and the weather. When your notifications are off, you choose when you use the technology. You don’t let the little ding dictate your usage. Researchers have even proven the little notification ding gives us a shot of dopamine.
4. Track screen time.
This one is for everyone. Most phones or devices have screen time or screen health settings. Track the usage for the family. Set sleep times for all devices and limit screen exposure before bed so it doesn’t interfere with sleep quality. Monitor what you use your device for and when.
Modeling healthy technology use for your kids will help them in so many ways. Remember, not all screen time is bad, and there are plenty of creative ways to use technology as a family. Just being intentional about your usage and setting some limits can create positive change now and in the future.
Other helpful blogs:
5 Ways to Build Teamwork in Your Family – First Things First
When (and How) Should I Give My Child A Cell Phone? – First Things First
How to Create Social Media Rules in Your Marriage – First Things First
Sources:
https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-our-addiction-to-pleasure-destroying-us
https://www.verywellfamily.com/cut-kids-screen-time-for-health-621154
https://www.verywellfamily.com/kids-and-technology-when-to-limit-it-and-how-621145
https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/138/5/e20162591/60503/Media-and-Young-Minds
Must-Have New Year’s Resolutions for Your Family
As the year rapidly comes to an end, many people think about making the next year better. The idea of New Year’s resolutions has been around for thousands of years. The practice of looking back at the past, then forward to what’s to come is the hallmark of creating New Year’s resolutions for yourself and for your family.
Here are some must-have resolution suggestions for the different facets of your life.
Personal Resolutions:
1. Practice gratitude.
Believe it or not, an attitude of gratitude and appreciation affects your perspective of the world and what’s happening around you. Gratitude helps you recognize that it could be worse – no matter how difficult something is.
2. Care for yourself.
Self-care is a trending term these days. You may actually be resistant to self-care because it can be seen as selfishness. However, at a minimum, it’s essential to make sure that you are eating and sleeping well, and moving. Intentionally taking care of yourself can make you a better person, spouse, and parent.
Couple Resolutions:
1. Practice “couple” time.
Spending quality time together can enhance your closest relationships. This may look different depending on your stage of life and interests. Be intentional about making time for each other in the new year.
2. Show appreciation.
Show appreciation for your partner affirms that you see them. It doesn’t matter how small the task is. Appreciation keeps you from taking your spouse for granted. Make a habit of trying to find the good in your spouse and watch what happens.
3. Work on deeper connections.
It’s easy to get so overwhelmed with the busyness of life that we forget to connect. In the new year, be aware of how you can connect with your spouse during these four times in the day:
1) When you wake up in the morning
2) When you depart for the day
3) When you reconnect after work
4) When you say good night
These little moments can totally impact how you build intimacy in your relationship.
Family Resolutions:
1. Eat meals together.
For years, dozens of studies have shown that family meals decrease substance use, eating disorders, and depressive symptoms. Family mealtimes also increase academic success and self-esteem. Additionally, eating together strengthens the parent-child connection. Schedule at least four meals to eat together. It can include Saturday breakfast or Sunday dinner. (Now you have two more to put on the calendar.)
2. Volunteer together.
Children can often believe that their wants, needs, and desires are the most crucial thing in the world. Volunteering allows them to get out of their world and help others. You might start small by helping a neighbor or planning to volunteer monthly at a local animal shelter.
3. Take an annual family trip.
The purpose of a yearly family trip is to take time away from the day-to-day and have focused time together. It’s easy to get disheartened about financing a family trip to, say, a famous amusement park. Instead, focus on adventure and making memories that last a lifetime.
4. Unplug from technology.
Technology has become an integral part of our lives, but it can be a distraction sometimes. In the new year, make a conscious effort at specific times to step away from the phones, tablets, etc. Have a bowl near the dining room table where everyone can place their phone before you sit down to eat together. For a more significant challenge, take one day a month where everyone unplugs.
5. Schedule weekly family fun nights.
Playing board games or watching a movie together once a week is great for bonding! You can share the games and movies that you enjoyed growing up with your children or discover new ones as a family.
As the new year gets closer, choose an activity from each category. Remember, your goal is to increase the connections in your family by spending time together. Start slow. You don’t have to do it all! Keep your focus on bonding with your spouse and your children. And remember to have a GREAT and prosperous new year!
Sources:
Systematic review of the effects of family meal frequency on psychosocial outcomes in youth
5 Steps I Took to Be a Better Dad
Have you ever wanted to just do better as a dad? I mean mentally, physically, and emotionally? I don’t know your situation, but wanting to do better helped me start to become better.
Some people think that a father is behind on child support because he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to pay. That may be the case for some people, but it was different for me.
In my case, I cared very much. I wanted to pay. But I had a tough time.
I wasn’t balanced, and sometimes I had to choose between paying a bill or paying my child support. I wanted my kids to have nice clothes or shoes when they spent time with me, so I chose to put the payment off.
Now I see that wasn’t a great idea. But I thought money and buying things was the way to their heart, because one thing I could say about my dad is that he always made sure I had decent clothes and shoes. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I thought education and having the right credentials, and finding jobs to make money would make me more successful in the eyes of my kids and family.
But I realized my kids needed more than that. They needed me.
Here are some steps I took to be a better dad:
1. I had to own some things.
To become a better dad, I had to understand and start with apologizing for what I needed to apologize for. I had to earn trust again, but getting trust back wasn’t easy. My kids needed to know that I would be there and that I was truly sorry for not supporting them or answering phone calls. Or not having the money to give them when they needed just a little extra to have certain things. But most of all, I wanted them to know I was just sorry for not spending time with them.
2. I had to start listening to the people in my life.
I listened to my kids and found out that they didn’t just want me for my money; they wanted me to spend more time with them. Also, I had to learn to control my feelings because others in my life have feelings, and they need to be heard. Fathers, listen: Sometimes your kids just want to be around you or be in the same household with you. Most men I know don’t like being told what to do or how to do it. But if you listen, you’ll learn A LOT. I know I did.
3. I had to accept that everything might not go the way I wanted it to go.
Being in and out of your kid’s life won’t make the kids call you “Dad.” So you have to accept it, and you can’t give up; you have to be willing to fight to become what they need. Show them that you will never give up. I’ll always try to become a better dad, no matter what.
4. I had to stay committed to my goals.
I focused on staying out of jail by keeping a steady job and paying my child support. It was not easy. Still, I was determined to focus and buckle down because my kids needed the better version of me. I was and still am willing to become a strong, loving father.
5. I had to realize that dads make a difference.
For me, First Things First’s Dads Making a Difference class was very important. It taught me so much about life. I thought I was alone (as many men believe they’re alone in certain situations surrounding fatherhood). I had no idea that help was available to help me navigate the roadblocks and teach me to be a better man/father.
Everyone has their own idea for what it takes to become a better dad. It has been a journey that I am willing to take despite criticism and harsh words. I’m determined to become a better father, and these steps are just the beginning.
Other blogs:
How Kids Benefit from Involved Fathers
Conversation Starters for Kids and Parents
DOWNLOAD: 10 Things All Dads Need To Do To Help Their Child Be Successful
Ways to Teach Your Child Kindness
As a proud mom of three sons, I’ve made my home more like a locker room than a designer showcase. I made sure there were couches and carpeting to decrease the likelihood of injuries. Despite all of the rough-housing and teasing, I just expected that they would be kind to each other. I never even thought they would need to “learn” to be kind. Instead, I felt they would catch it by watching me and automatically learn to be kind people. That’s not the case. Kindness is a skill that we must teach our kids, but it will last a lifetime.
Here are seven ways to teach your child kindness:
1. Model kind behavior.
I can’t overstate the fact that YOUR KIDS ARE WATCHING YOU. They are watching and listening to how you talk about your boss after a long day of work. Are you kind even when you are frustrated? It’s hard to tell your child to be friendly and thoughtful while your behavior toward others isn’t nice and kind.
2. Give them opportunities to be kind.
Kindness begets kindness. Say something like this to your child: Hey, you know it’s trash day. I see that Mr. Smith’s can is still at the curb. Wouldn’t it be kind if we rolled it up for him?
This may be a small gesture for an elderly neighbor, but you are sowing seeds of kindness in your child’s heart.
3. Develop your child’s emotional vocabulary.
Just like we teach our children words for body parts, animals, and colors, they need words for emotions so they can express themselves kindly. Include a variety of emotions: sad, happy, angry, hurt, or embarrassed, etc. We also have to teach our children to watch body language and facial expressions. Play Emotions Charades with your child so they can learn different emotions and kind ways to respond or show how they feel.
4. Make kindness a habit.
Research has shown that it takes 21 days to form a habit. Create a list with your child of small things that you can do to be kind. Start the conversation with: I know this month we are trying to be kind to others. What is something that you can do daily? Examples include:
- Smiling when you see someone.
- Complimenting someone.
- Saying please and thank you.
- Creating a Family Kindness month. where your family performs acts of kindness.
- Organizing a Kindness Club in your neighborhood.
5. Remember that kindness begins at home.
Home is the first place for our kids to learn about kindness. Your children must learn how to interact with parents, siblings, extended family, and family pets. Having specific expectations like not hitting and not yelling at others are ways to start the process.
6. Recognize when your child is being kind.
Try to “catch” your child in the act of being kind. Maybe they fed the pet when it wasn’t their turn. Perhaps they picked up something they didn’t drop. Acknowledge their kindness by saying, Thank you so much. I appreciate that you ______________.
7. Encourage kindness – even when it’s hard.
It’s easy to be kind to someone you know and like. But how do you encourage your child to be kind if they don’t like someone? Or if that someone has been unkind to them? That’s tough. But you get to set the standard for kindness in any situation.
You may have to have a conversation with your child to acknowledge that it may not seem fair or right. It might also be helpful to explore what that unkind child may be feeling or experiencing in their lives which may cause them to act unkindly. Lastly, praise your child for trying.
One of my proudest moments as a parent came when my youngest son was in the 4th grade. His teacher texted me to say that he chose to sit with a new student at lunch instead of his regular friends. She said this student was having some trouble fitting in and the class knew and recognized it. However, the new student immediately became a part of the group through that one act of kindness.
When we teach our children to be kind, we teach them to see the best in others. It also brings out the best in them.
