I’ve always been quite nostalgic about my traditions. For example, I’ve kept school work that I made good grades on from kindergarten through college. I’ve also left my Christmas decorations up just a little too long each year and turned birthday cards into decorations. While dating my husband, I kept every love letter he gave me (and still do).
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve continued some of the traditions I grew up with. And As COVID-19 and quarantine have taken us all by surprise, I’ve found my husband, Tyler, and I challenged to create some new traditions.
Since we heard time and time again from couples married for a few months to 30+ years to never stop dating your spouse, we try to have a date night every week—if not every other week. My husband and I loved this advice because I’m a sentimental sap and he is definitely a charming romantic (the kind of guy who sets out a hundred candles, bakes brownies and pours a glass of wine because he knows you’re having a bad day).
I’ll be honest, COVID-19 put a wrench in our date night traditions at first. We were busy navigating a new normal and because we were spending non-stop time together, setting aside date night time didn’t cross our minds. It took us about two weeks to figure out something felt a little off. We realized we had pushed aside something we always looked forward to—dating! Since going out to dinner and some activities were off the table, we had to get creative with our date night traditions.
We didn’t want to sacrifice something that kept the spark in our relationship glowing. No matter the circumstances, for better or for worse, we needed to show each other how much we love each other. We signed up for that when we committed our lives to each other.
Just because we are spending 24/7 together, doesn’t mean we are spending it intentionally. Especially if we weren’t differentiating quality time together (date night) from the every-day-in-house hustle.
We have been way more creative with our date night traditions out of necessity to keep the spark in our relationship. We’ve felt closer because of that. A big change that’s happened is going from, “What kind of food are you craving?” to “What does our relationship need this week?”
Is it some carefreeness because it’s been a stressful week? Okay, turn the living room into a dance floor, move the coffee table, pull up YouTube, and learn some new moves.
Maybe we haven’t had a meaningful heart-to-heart and date night looks like turning off all electronics, lighting some candles, and having intentional conversations. Here are some conversation starters:
- What has been on your mind?
- When did you make each other laugh this week?
- What have you been thinking about beyond work?
- Have I done anything this week to make you feel loved and is there something I can do more of?
- What are your dreams right now?
- What can make our sex life better? How can we make each other feel confident and vulnerable?
It could be simple as we miss dressing up and getting a nice meal at our favorite place so we get takeout, use the nice plates and glasses, light some candles, and change into a nice outfit. Our new favorite spot is our patio with a speaker, candles and card-playing games.
We have also done some really sweet virtual date nights you can do, too!
I think it’s easy to get wrapped up in expectations. “We normally do this and it works so we should do it like this again.” In these “should” moments, we don’t leave room for something new and creative to happen. Look what happened when we stepped outside of just going through the motions!
We have had a blast being challenged to change up how we pursue each other. It’s even been good for our relationship. I hope you and yours take the time to find what works best for you. If you do, I hope you have lots of fun along the way!
Keep dating—even while in quarantine!
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear your computer or device is being monitored, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***