Tag Archive for: Parents

As a 34-year-old mom of two (a Lego-obsessed 6-year-old and a toddler who thinks sleep is optional), wife of 12 years, and CEO of a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening families, I often find myself juggling more than just the usual daily tasks. It’s the mental load—the invisible, relentless stream of responsibilities—that truly weighs me down.

The “mental load” has been a hot topic of conversation, research and investigation since the COVID-19 pandemic, especially in regards to how it affects mothers. To better define the phrase, the mental load refers to the cognitive labor involved in managing a household and family life. It’s the constant planning, organizing, and remembering that keeps everything running smoothly.

Research published by the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that mothers shoulder up to 71% of the mental load in family life. 

This disproportionate burden has tangible effects.

A study found in the Psychology of Women Quarterly reveals working mothers, whether full-time or part-time, specifically carry a combination of cognitive, physical, and emotional labor that leads to significant stress and burnout. Moreover, the mental load has been linked to postpartum depression, with an increase in the past decade from 9.4% to nearly 19% of new mothers affected, according to the National Health Institute.

Beyond personal well-being, the mental load impacts family dynamics.

When mothers are overwhelmed, it can affect their relationships with their significant others and their children. Understanding the weight of the mental load is not just about valuing fairness; it’s about the health and harmony of the entire family unit.

What can we do to lessen the mental load for Moms?

  1. Open Communication: Discuss the mental load openly. Make an effort to truly understand the weight each mom carries and be intentional about providing support. Setup a regular check in time to share what feels heavy or overwhelming.
  2. Delegate Tasks: Make a list of all the tasks mom has to accomplish, then delegate the tasks throughout the family. You can also give children age-appropriate chores. This not only lightens Mom’s load, it teaches them responsibility .
  3. Setting Realistic Expectations and Boundaries: This comes more easily for some Moms than others, but it’s important to say no or not right now from time to time. And, it’s important for others to be okay with a Mom’s decision in setting boundaries or saying no.
  4. Taking Time for Herself: Give Mom space to regularly engage in activities that rejuvenate her, whether it’s reading a book, listening to her favorite podcast or going on walks alone. If you notice a mom in your life who doesn’t have the capacity to take time for herself, offer to watch the kids or run to the store for her so she can. Even short breaks can make a difference in a Mom’s mental capacity.

Acknowledging and addressing the mental load is crucial for the well-being of mothers and their families. By supporting each mom’s mental capacity, we can work towards a more balanced and healthy family life.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

If you have children or grandchildren under the age of 8 years old, you’ve more than likely heard of the rise of gentle parenting. Met with mixed reviews, feelings and feedback, this parenting trend has generated a large buzz. 

But is this nurturing approach the parenting gold standard—or a recipe for raising emotionally fragile, mini-dictators?

Let’s unpack the rise of gentle parenting with a level head and a warm heart (and maybe a little caffeine, if you’ve been gentle parenting all week).

Many influencers and parenting experts share the concepts, skills and effects of gentle parenting, but the term was thought to be originally coined and popularized by author Sarah Ockwell-Smith.

Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy, respect, connection, and boundaries without punishment.

The idea isn’t to let kids rule the roost, but to guide them with calm consistency and emotional support.

Think less, “Because I said so,” and more, “Let’s talk about why bedtime matters.” (Cue the collective sigh of every parent just trying to get their kid in pajamas before 9 p.m.)

This philosophy has gained traction with millennial and Gen Z parents who grew up with more authoritarian or dismissive approaches. It’s fueled by a growing body of research showing that children’s brains thrive when parents respond with empathy and connection.

According to Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, children raised with empathy and emotional attunement are more likely to develop strong emotional regulation skills. “When kids feel safe and understood, their brains develop better impulse control and problem-solving abilities,” she writes.

Neuroscience backs her up. A 2021 study published in the journal Child Development found that children with responsive, emotionally attuned caregivers showed healthier stress responses and stronger executive functioning skills.

Gentle parenting also aligns closely with attachment theory, which suggests that secure, trusting bonds with caregivers are foundational to lifelong mental health and relationship success.

But is there such a thing as too gentle?

Critics argue that gentle parenting—especially when misapplied—can go off the rails.

A Wall Street Journal op-ed titled “We’re Raising a Generation of Delicate Snowflakes”, cautions that in some cases, gentle parenting devolves into permissiveness. “Children need structure, limits, and—yes—consequences to thrive. Constant negotiation teaches kids that rules are up for debate.”

Similarly, Dr. Leonard Sax, author of The Collapse of Parenting, warns that placing a child’s feelings above all else can shift the balance of power in the home. “Some parents are so worried about being gentle, they forget they’re in charge,” he notes.

And let’s be honest—some days, reasoning with a two-year-old about the merits of vegetables feels like negotiating with a tiny, irrational hostage-taker. I know from experience.

Gentle parenting, when practiced with clarity and consistency, can be a game-changer.

It fosters emotional resilience, strengthens parent-child bonds, and steers us away from fear-based discipline. But like any parenting philosophy, it requires balance.

Being a mom of a six-year old and almost two-year old, I aim for consistent boundaries, emotional regulation and natural consequences. I respect the gentle parenting theory. However, focusing on the word “gentle” can easily push me into a permissive state. When I’m needing some parenting mojo, I replace the word with “positive” or “active.” This helps me to remember I’m responsible for the safety and well-being of my child, and I’m also responsible for modeling how to be a “kind human” through deep connection and empathy.

Boundaries still matter. Consequences still matter. And parents? We matter too.

Exhausted, imperfect, deeply loving humans trying to do their best—sometimes with a raised voice, sometimes with a hug, and sometimes with a “because I said so” at 9:47 p.m.

Maybe the gentlest thing parents can do is give ourselves a little grace.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

If you’ve ever found yourself eating leftover chicken nuggets off your toddler’s plate while frantically answering an email and mentally calculating how many minutes you have before soccer practice, congratulations—you may be experiencing family burnout.

As a working parent of two young kids, I know the hustle all too well.

Mornings are a frantic dash of mismatched socks, spilled coffee, and forgotten lunchboxes. Evenings are a blur of homework, dinner, baths, and negotiations over bedtime (which my five-year-old treats as an Olympic sport). Add in extracurricular activities, work stress, and the ever-present guilt of not “doing enough,” and suddenly, burnout isn’t just a workplace phenomenon—it’s a family-wide epidemic.

What does family burnout look like?

In clinical terms, burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. While it’s often discussed in professional settings, families are just as susceptible. The signs?

For parents:

Chronic fatigue, irritability, feeling disconnected from your kids, or snapping at your spouse over who forgot to buy milk.

For kids:

Increased tantrums, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, or disengagement from activities they once enjoyed.

For the family as a whole:

More frequent conflicts, less laughter, and the dreaded feeling of merely “getting through the day” instead of enjoying it.

Research backs this up. A study published by the American Psychological Foundation found that parental burnout can be linked to higher levels of neglect and even aggression toward children. Meanwhile, The Journal of Family Psychology notes that overscheduled kids experience heightened stress and anxiety, often mirroring their parents’ emotional states.

The next question to ask: Is it possible to prevent burnout?

The answer is yes, but it does require consistency, boundaries and more intentionality on a daily basis. Here are some steps to get you started:

1. Audit your schedule.

Just because an activity is “good” doesn’t mean it’s good for your family right now. Pediatric psychologist Dr. Jenny Radesky suggests using the “one activity per kid” rule to prevent overcommitment.

2. Reclaim unstructured time.

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics highlights the importance of free play in child development. More importantly, it gives parents a breather! A weekend with no scheduled plans isn’t wasted time—it’s recovery time.

3. Define family priorities.

At First Things First, we often advise families to identify their “core values” to guide decisions. If quality time together ranks higher than a jam-packed schedule, just say no to extra commitments.

4. Protect sleep at all costs.

Chronic sleep deprivation is a major contributor to burnout. A Harvard Medical School study found that lack of sleep increases stress hormones, making both kids and parents more emotionally reactive. Set (and enforce) realistic bedtimes for everyone—including yourself.

5. Establish a “pause” button.

Sometimes, you need to step back before things spiral. Set a weekly family check-in—over pancakes, in the car, or wherever you can get a moment—to ask, “How’s everyone feeling? What’s working, what’s not?”

If you’re already deep in the burnout trenches, don’t panic.

You can rebuild, re-energize and bounce back with these steps:

1. Scale back.

If you feel overwhelmed, so do your kids. Cut one commitment and reassess.

2. Reconnect.

Remember, 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time each day can help repair emotional distance.

3. Get support.

A study from The Journal of Marriage and Family found that strong social networks buffer against stress. Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or even a therapist.

4. Prioritize self-care.

It’s not indulgent; it’s essential. Your kids don’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.

Burnout isn’t inevitable, but with the hustle and bustle of everyday family life, it can creep in fast.

Slowing down may feel counterintuitive in a world that glorifies busyness, but the best gift we can give our families isn’t another achievement—it’s a life filled with presence, peace, and a little room to breathe.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to enjoy a rare, unscheduled evening that involves nothing but making spaghetti, playing outside and bedtime stories.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually get my own plate of dinner tonight.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

As a CEO, I participate in a lot of meetings.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a meeting with several other leaders who all shared common concerns about our community. It was immediately apparent to me that everyone at the table was well-versed and passionate about their area of expertise and service. It was also obvious that everyone at the table had been experiencing significant barriers, and they were tired. 

One person would share a potential solution or positive outcome and someone else would shoot it down with a stat or potential concern for failure. I couldn’t help but think, are we getting in our own way of providing solutions? Have we become so tired and afraid of risk we’ve lost our ability to problem-solve?

Likewise, the other day, my five-year-old son stood in the kitchen, arms crossed, face scrunched in frustration. “I can’t open this!” he huffed, holding a granola bar.

Now, I could have swooped in, handled it for him, and moved on. I really wanted to. But instead, I asked, “What’s another way you could get it open?” After some initial grumbling, he said, “I’ve tried everything, Mom! I’m just HUNGRY!” I encouraged him to take a deep breath and try again. So, he used his teeth (classic), then his hands again (progress!), and finally, with a little encouragement, he found the corner and peeled it back. Victory.

That moment—small as it was—mattered. Because in life, we all face granola-bar moments: problems that feel insurmountable until we train ourselves to see solutions instead of barriers. And as parents, partners, and professionals, one of the greatest gifts we can give and contribute is a problem-solving mindset.

Our brains have a built-in negativity bias, meaning we naturally focus on obstacles more than possibilities.

It’s an evolutionary feature designed to keep us safe, but it’s not always helpful when trying to solve everyday problems. Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist famous for her work on mindset theory, explains that people with a “fixed mindset” see difficulties as stop signs, whereas those with an “open mindset” see them as detours.

Similarly, research on cognitive reframing—a technique used in therapy—shows that when we actively shift our perspective to see challenges as opportunities, we not only feel more capable but actually find better solutions.

In relationships, this shift is crucial.

Imagine a couple constantly stuck on the problem of one partner leaving dishes in the sink. A fixed mindset says, “You’re messy, and I’m tired of asking.” A solution-focused approach asks, “What system could we put in place to make this easier for both of us?” Small shift, huge difference.

The good news? This skill can be taught and it can grow over time.

Research shows that kids as young as preschool age can develop solution-oriented thinking when adults model and encourage it, and adults can grow their problem-solving skills like a muscle.

Here’s how:

  1. Ask, “What could we try?” Instead of solving problems immediately, move towards brainstorming. My son’s granola-bar saga? That’s step one for both me and him.
  2. Reframe failure as learning. When you face a struggle, it’s easy to assume, “I can’t do it.” Shift that language: “You can’t do it yet.” Studies show that adding yet makes a difference in persistence.
  3. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes. If the goal is only success, it’s our human nature to avoid challenges if we think we’re going to fail. Praise the trying for yourself, your kids, your team, everyone. Research from Stanford University shows this builds resilience.
  4. Model it in your own life. If you hit traffic and immediately complain, everyone around you absorbs that. If instead you say, “Looks like we’ll get to hear more of our audiobook,” you teach yourself to reframe and encourage everyone in the car to do it, too.

Families, teams and individuals thrive when they approach life with a solution-first mentality. Whether it’s handling a toddler’s meltdowns, a co-workers work struggles, or an unexpected financial setback, our ability to shift from “this is hard” to “what can we do?” changes everything.

So next time your child (or your partner, or your coworker, or you) hits a roadblock, take a breath. Step back. Look for the solution. Because more often than not, it’s right there—waiting to be unwrapped.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

If there’s one thing parenting will do, it’s expose the mindset you bring into it.

Whether you’re a mom or dad, the way you approach obstacles—tantrums, sleepless nights, sibling fights, the existential crisis that is getting a toddler into a car seat—can shape not only your experience as a parent but also your child’s development.

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset versus fixed mindset applies to parenting just as much as it does to kids in the classroom. A growth mindset, the belief that challenges are opportunities for learning rather than proof of failure, helps parents stay resilient, adaptable, and emotionally attuned to their children. In contrast, a fixed mindset—believing that either you “have it” or you don’t—can lead to frustration, guilt, and burnout.

While every child is different, and every parent/child dynamic is complex, there are common mindset traps where parents can find themselves stuck. Here are the most common and how to overcome them:

  1. “I should instinctively know how to do this.”
    Many parents, especially new ones, feel like good parenting should come naturally. But research shows that parenting skills are learned, not innate. When we accept that it’s okay to learn as we go, we model for our kids that growth is a lifelong process.
  2. “If my child is struggling, I must be failing.”
    This belief puts immense pressure on parents. The truth is, all children face difficulties—behavioral, emotional, academic. The key isn’t eliminating struggle but helping children build resilience. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child emphasizes that responsive parenting—meeting challenges with patience and problem-solving rather than panic—fosters emotional security.
  3. “Good parents don’t lose their temper.”
    Let’s be real: raising humans is messy. Even the best parents lose their patience. The difference is in how they repair. Psychologist Daniel Siegel, in The Power of Showing Up, highlights that kids benefit more from parents who repair after missteps—acknowledging frustration and modeling emotional regulation—than from parents who never struggle at all.

If a growth mindset doesn’t come easy for you, it’s never too late to learn and shift your thinking to a more positive outlook.

A great first step is to reframe mistakes as positive learning opportunities. Instead of thinking, I handled that meltdown terribly, shift to, What can I do differently next time? This approach not only reduces guilt but also helps children learn that mistakes are part of growth.

You can also adopt the power of “yet.” If your child struggles with independence, instead of thinking, He’ll never do this on his own, try, He’s not there yet, but he’s learning. This tiny shift fosters patience and perseverance. And, taking a breath before reacting is another great way to implement a growth mindset in your parenting practice. Stress is inevitable, but response is a choice. Studies on parental self-regulation show that pausing before reacting—taking a breath, stepping away if needed—helps parents respond with more calm and clarity.

Parenting is a journey of becoming, not just for children but for us, too. When we embrace a growth mindset, we not only ease the pressure on ourselves—we raise kids who believe in resilience, learning, and the power of trying again.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

There’s something about spring that invites us to shed what’s stale and breathe fresh air into our homes.

And believe it or not… spring will be here this month!

It’s the season to dust off forgotten corners, donate what no longer serves us, and stand back to admire the crispness of a clean slate. But what if we treated our relationships the same way? What if we took this season of renewal as a cue to clear out the resentment, guilt, and unspoken expectations that can quietly clutter our marriages and parenting?

Just as a home full of junk can feel stifling, relationships burdened with emotional debris can limit our joy and connection.

And research agrees. A 2015 study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that unresolved conflicts and unmet expectations are significant predictors of marital dissatisfaction. Similarly, parenting experts warn that lingering guilt and unspoken assumptions can create friction with our kids.

Dusting Out Resentment in Marriage

Resentment often starts as a small speck—an eye roll when your partner forgets, yet again, to take out the trash. But left unaddressed, it can accumulate into a layer of grime that blurs your view of each other. According to Dr. John Gottman, renowned marriage researcher, the antidote to resentment is open communication. “Small things often,” he says, emphasizing that regular, honest conversations can prevent small irritations from growing into deep divides.

To begin, set aside time to talk without distractions. Start sentences with “I feel” rather than “You always,” which keeps the conversation focused on your experience instead of sounding accusatory. And, yes, it’s uncomfortable at first—kind of like pulling the couch away from the wall and finding a collection of dusty mysteries. But the relief of a clean, honest space is worth it.

Sweeping Away Parenting Guilt

If I had a dollar for every time I felt guilty as a parent, I’d have enough for a luxurious kid-free weekend getaway—and probably still feel guilty about going. Parenting guilt is a universal experience, but carrying it unchecked is like dragging a mop through muddy water: it only spreads the mess.

Parenting expert Dr. Tina Payne Bryson advises acknowledging guilt as a sign of care but not letting it dictate our actions.

Guilt can be a helpful signal, but it becomes unhealthy when it turns into shame or when it keeps us from being present with our children,” she explains. Instead of dwelling on where you think you’re falling short, focus on small, intentional moments of connection with your kids—whether it’s reading one more story at bedtime or sharing a silly dance in the kitchen.

Scrubbing Out Unspoken Expectations

Expectations are tricky. We all have them, but when left unspoken, they can become invisible tripping hazards. Whether it’s expecting your spouse to know you need a break or hoping your child will behave perfectly at the grocery store, unspoken expectations often lead to disappointment and friction.

Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, emphasizes the importance of “clear is kind.” She encourages us to be explicit about what we need and to ask our loved ones to do the same. When my five-year-old started kindergarten, I realized I had an unspoken expectation that he’d adjust easily. When he didn’t, I felt frustrated—not at him, but at the gap between my expectation and reality. Voicing this allowed me to shift my approach, offering him more support and patience as he navigated the transition.

Embracing the Fresh Air

The beauty of spring cleaning—whether in your home or your heart—isn’t in achieving perfection but in creating space for what matters most. When we clear out resentment, guilt, and unspoken expectations, we make room for grace, laughter, and love. We let in the fresh air of connection and breathe a little easier in our most important relationships.

So, as you sweep out the dust bunnies and fold fresh linens, take a moment to dust off your relationships too. It may take time, but the reward is a home—and a heart—where love can flourish.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

I felt stuck in the grind, like I had spent too many days on wash, rinse, dry and repeat.

My children had also been sick an unbelievable amount of times in just a few short weeks. Life felt like a flood of to do’s and routine rather than a beautiful journey to behold. 

That’s when I realized our day-to-day was focused on a cycle rather than an intentional pattern or building rituals for connection.

As parents, it’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind

wake up, feed the kids, shuttle them to school, tackle a never-ending to-do list, and repeat. Routines are necessary; they provide structure and stability for children. But what if we shifted our focus from simply checking off tasks to creating moments that truly matter?

Enter rituals—the secret ingredient to building joy, connection, and lasting memories in parenthood.

Unlike routines, which are about efficiency and getting things done, rituals are about meaning. They transform ordinary moments into experiences that children cherish for a lifetime.

Routines serve a functional purpose: brushing teeth before bed, packing lunches, or doing homework at a set time. They keep life organized but are often forgettable. Rituals, on the other hand, carry emotional weight. They turn the mundane into something special and create a sense of belonging.

For example, reading a bedtime story every night is a routine. But adding a special phrase before turning off the light—“I love you to the moon and back”—turns it into a ritual. It becomes a moment of comfort, love, and connection.

Research shows that family rituals contribute to a child’s emotional well-being, identity, and sense of security.

Rituals provide children with something to look forward to, a sense of continuity, and a deeper understanding of their family’s values and traditions.

Dr. Barbara Fiese, a psychologist specializing in family routines and rituals, notes that rituals create emotional imprints that last a lifetime. Kids might not remember every meal they ate growing up, but they will remember Friday night pizza and movie nights, the silly song their dad sang every morning, or the secret handshake they shared with their mom.

You don’t need elaborate plans or grand gestures to make an impact.

Here are a few simple ways to infuse rituals into everyday parenting:

1: Make Mealtime Sacred

Instead of just eating dinner together, add a ritual like sharing “highs and lows” of the day or lighting a candle to mark the start of family time.

2: Celebrate Small Wins

Whether it’s finishing a tough school assignment or making it through a long workweek, establish a tradition of celebrating achievements with ice cream, a dance party, or a simple “cheers” with milk and cookies.

3: Bedtime Connection

Create a special goodnight ritual with a song, a funny joke, or a shared gratitude moment before turning out the lights.

4: Seasonal Traditions

Welcome each season with a unique family activity, like a fall nature walk, a summer lemonade stand, or a winter hot cocoa night.

5: Playful Daily Rituals

Turn school drop-offs into a game by racing to the door, or create a goofy handshake for before and after school.

Parenting isn’t just about getting through the day—it’s about shaping childhoods and strengthening family bonds.

By transforming everyday routines into meaningful rituals, we give our children something truly special: a sense of love, security, and a deep connection to their family.

Years from now, our kids won’t remember the schedules we kept, but they will remember how we made them feel. And that’s the power of rituals over routines.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

My son was four months old the first time he flew on a plane. 

I was invited to a tech conference at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was exclusively nursing, living on a special diet of no dairy, soy, or egg, and getting four solid hours of sleep a night.

It wasn’t easy, but seeing my little boy fall asleep on the plane, ga-ga at strangers on the city sidewalks, and marvel at the curves and shapes of Pittsburgh architecture made me grateful for seizing the opportunity.

When he was two years old, we went on a family trip to Boston for a week.

My husband and I love the city, and there are so many fun activities for young ones to enjoy.

At three, my son went on his first beach vacation to Key Largo, an island off the southern coast of Florida.

It was a work trip for my husband, but it became one of our most memorable experiences.

And last week, we visited the Grand Canyon and the deserts of Arizona.

My now four-year-old continually asks if we just came back from outer space. He’s convinced we went to Mars because of Red Rock State Park in Sedona.

Why am I sharing my son’s travel history with you? Because we did it, and you can, too. 

Before moving forward, let me make one thing clear: There were plenty of blowouts, meltdowns, and tired tantrums on each of these trips.

I’m no Mary Poppins, try as I might. But the memories made, experiences had, and the personal growth my husband and I experienced was far worth the chaos.

A study released in 2022 by the Student and Youth Travel Association found that children who travel benefit in a myriad of ways, including better performance in school.

Some of the most noteworthy findings include:

  • 74% of the educators polled believe travel helps students’ personal development.
  • 56% believe travel positively impacts students’ lifetime education and career.
  • 80% of the teachers in the study said travel is an “extremely effective” teaching method.
  • Students who travel often reported having an increased desire to graduate and attend college.

Travel is a luxury not everyone can afford.

However, it’s not the distance that makes the experience beneficial to parents and children; it’s the out-of-the-box experience.

If finances are tight and resources aren’t easily accessible, consider visiting a local monument, park, or museum.

Find a nearby grocery store with culturally diverse foods, people, and languages. Spend some time reading books about places you might want to visit someday and make a tentative plan for how to get there.

If having young children is holding you back from travel, think again.

Seeing the world (no matter how close or far away from home) through the eyes of a small child may be the perspective shift you need to boost positivity and increase creativity. Plus, it can help your child develop a healthy curiosity and openness to critical thinking that will carry them through life.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First and can be contacted at [email protected].

Photo by James Wheeler on Unsplash