Tag Archive for: Parenting

I’ve worked in the non-profit space long enough to know poverty wears more faces than just financial strain. And while my current reality is keeping my toddler from climbing everything in sight and trying to stop my six-year-old from sneakily waking up in the middle of the night to play legos for hours, I can’t help but reflect on another kind of scary reality—one we don’t often see but we feel: social poverty.

Social poverty isn’t about empty wallets. It’s about empty calendars, empty tables, and empty inboxes.

It’s the absence of dependable relationships and meaningful community—what some researchers from Northwestern University call a “lack of perceived or actual support from social networks.” It cuts across economic lines, affecting everyone from CEOs in high-rise condos to single parents in subsidized housing. But it hits harder and sticks longer in low-income communities, often compounding the already heavy weight of generational poverty.

Simply put, social poverty is a lack of social capital. That’s a wonky term, but think of it as your “people portfolio”—the relationships that give you help, guidance, accountability, encouragement, even opportunity. When that portfolio is empty, you’re socially poor. And the consequences? They’re not just sad; they’re significant.

Social poverty can impact everything from mental health to job prospects, parenting to physical well-being.

According to a 2023 study in Social Science & Medicine, those with weak social networks and disconnected family structures are at increased risk of depression, substance abuse, and chronic illness—regardless of income.

Yet for families living in low-income neighborhoods, where institutions are often strained and trust is fragile, this scarcity of connection becomes generational. Kids raised without a strong web of relationships and supportive families are more likely to grow up without the very safety nets that help them thrive.

Now let’s talk family. Because the breakdown of the family unit plays a huge role here.

Strong families are the original social safety net.

They’re the first responders in crisis, the late-night babysitters, the ride to the doctor, the wisdom at the dinner table– the built-in support system. But as marriage rates fall and single-parent households rise—particularly in economically vulnerable communities—many families find themselves going it alone.

Melissa Kearney, a University of Maryland economist and author of The Two-Parent Privilege, makes this point clearly: “We have a growing class divide in family structure, and that divide exacerbates inequality.” Two-parent families, she notes, are more likely to provide the kind of consistent emotional and logistical support that buffers kids against adversity. Without that, children are more vulnerable to instability, and parents are more likely to feel isolated.

And when isolation becomes the norm, social poverty isn’t far behind.

Let’s be clear: solving financial poverty matters. But if we address only the bank account and ignore the relational account, we’re missing half the story.

While I mentioned before that relational poverty exists across the socioeconomic divide, Dr. Robert Putnam, author of Our Kids: The American Dream in Crisis, highlights how affluent families not only have more money, but also have more access to “mentors, tutors, more stable family structures, social networks, and community stability.” This web of relationships supports upward mobility. Meanwhile, lower-income families often lack access to the very connections that could help them climb out of poverty.

As a mom of two, I think about this all the time. Not just What do my kids need? but Who do my kids need? Who’s going to show up when life gets hard? Who’s in our corner?

If we want to support families and children in poverty effectively, we need to build community and relationships as fiercely as we build resumes.

That means:

  • Rebuilding the family: Supporting healthy marriages and involved parenting is not just good policy—it’s good economics and social strategy. Programs that teach relationship skills, co-parenting strategies, and conflict resolution actually increase family stability, according to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
  • Investing in community: Whether through churches, schools, neighborhood groups, or nonprofits, communities thrive when people know and are known. Communities thrive when residents are empowered to make a difference from within.
  • Reducing stigma: Admitting loneliness or a lack of support should be met with compassion, not shame. Let’s normalize reaching out, showing up, and making room at our metaphorical tables.

Financial poverty may be easier to measure, but social poverty is just as real—and arguably more insidious. As a society, we can’t afford to keep treating relationships like luxuries when they’re basic necessities.

So when it comes to considering how to support families in poverty, let’s do more than ask, “How much do they make?” or “What type of education do they have?” but “Who do they have?” Because sometimes, the kindest thing we can offer isn’t a handout—it’s a hand to hold.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

If your household is anything like mine, summertime can feel like you’ve traded one color-coded calendar (school) for another (everything else).

The good news?

With a pinch of planning and a dash of research-backed creativity, families can turn the season into a relationship-building sandbox—no matter how full the calendar looks.

Here’s the game plan.

1. Name the season before it starts.

Researchers at the National Summer Learning Association call the vacation months “high-impact yet high-need” for kids’ academic and social development—especially when opportunity gaps mean some children have rich programs while others have none. In fact, a recent Gallup-backed summary shows 68% of higher-income students can afford extra summer learning, versus 37% of their lower-income peers.

Defining your family’s priorities—whether it’s catching up on reading or catching lightning bugs—helps guard against the comparison trap while keeping your goals front-and-center.

Pro tip: Hold a five-minute “summer summit” at dinner this week. Ask each child (and grown-up) to name one “must-do,” one “nice-to-do,” and one “let-it-go” item. Post the list on the fridge and let it steer decisions before something else does.

2. Busier schedules don’t mean less time together.

Parents often assume that a packed itinerary leaves no room for connection, but social-psychology research disagrees. Even micro-moments—brief laughs with the barista or a 30-second gratitude text—boost well-being and belonging. Think of your day as Swiss cheese: the holes are tiny, but they’re perfect for intentional touchpoints.

  • Commute-unity: Turn car rides into a “two-question ride.” Let kids pick the questions (e.g., “What superpower would you give the dog today?”).
  • Pocket postcards: Pre-stamp postcards and keep them in your work bag. Scribble a silly note between meetings; kids love snail mail—even when it arrives at their own mailbox.
  • The “Sunset 15”: Choose three evenings a week for a device-free, 15-minute family check-in on the porch. Short, predictable, powerful.

3. Keep flexible routines—your future self will thank you.

A 2023 Journal of Child and Family Studies survey of 1,500 elementary families found that predictable routines were linked to fewer internalizing and externalizing behavior problems and more prosocial skills in kids.

Structure doesn’t kill spontaneity; it liberates it by reducing decision fatigue.

Morning anchors (same wake-up, breakfast playlist, quick chore) and evening rituals (story, stretch, song) give children—and busy parents—cognitive rest stops. Sprinkle in spontaneity inside the framework: Taco Tuesday can become “Torch-lit Taco Tuesday” with flashlights in the backyard.

4. Move, Eat, Sleep—the summer edition.

The CDC reminds us that kids still need at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily, plus fruits, veggies, and plenty of Zzz’s. Make these guidelines work for real life:

  • “Commercial-break calisthenics” for rainy-day screen time. One jumping-jack per year of age during commercial breaks keeps things giggly and on-brand for the 6-year-old audience.
  • Sleep signals: Keep bedtime within 30 minutes of the school-year schedule to avoid September jet lag.

5. Use the SUN strategy: Sleep, Unplug, Nature.

Psychologist Lisa Damour’s summer mantra is delightfully on-the-nose: S for Sleep, U for Unplug, N for Nature. Her research-informed podcast episode argues that these three levers offer the biggest parental bang for the time-pressured buck.

Try a weekly “digital sabbath” hike, or let kids camp in the backyard (toddler makeshift-tent included).

6. Tame the screens before they roar.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends clear “screen-free zones” (think dinner table) and “screen-free times” (pre-bed).

Draft a family media plan together; ownership breeds compliance. For working parents, automatic downtime settings on tablets mean you’re not the summer fun police—the tablet or device just needs a break.

7. Give yourself a grown-up recess.

Seventy percent of parents report feeling exhausted by late August. Block one evening a month for adult recharge—whether that’s a spouse date, solo bookstore wander, or literal nap.

Kids benefit from parents who model healthy boundaries and joy.

8. Leverage community assets.

Remember: camps, church VBS weeks, city splash-pad evenings, and grandparent swaps are not childcare “cop-outs.” They’re relationship multipliers that widen your child’s circle of safe adults while giving you oxygen to lead at work and at home.

Bonus: they often come with built-in social-emotional curricula (check those brochures).

9. Celebrate the last-day-of-summer feeling—now!

Mark the calendar for a simple end-of-summer ritual: backyard movie night, ice-cream-for-dinner day, or “kindergarten graduation keynote” delivered by your rising first-grader. Rituals stitch experiences into memory, signaling to kids,

We did something special together, and it mattered.

Intentional summers aren’t about squeezing more stuff in; they’re about weaving relationships through the stuff that’s already there.

With research as your compass and creativity as your sunscreen, you can step into June confident that every camp pickup, bedtime giggle, and microwaved s’more is building the family you want—one micro-moment at a time.

Happy firefly chasing!

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

My (almost) two-year-old daughter loves to listen to Elmo songs. Thanks to AI, she can say “Hey Google, play Elmo” in any room in the house and her favorite jams will fill the speakers, so long as Google can “speak toddler” that day.

While this is cute and convenient for her, it’s also created a bit of unrealistic expectations. Now she yells “Hey Google, play Elmo!” at the grocery store, friends’ houses, in the middle of church, and even in outside spaces like the park. When Google doesn’t respond, she’s heartbroken.

My six-year-old son loves to ask AI questions throughout the day. “What sound does a howler monkey make?”, “Is it okay for dogs to eat strawberries?”, “How long would it take to dig to the other side of the Earth?” He gets instant answers to feed his curiosity. 

While I enjoy the convenience of AI, I can’t help but wonder how it’s shaping the realities of my family and families across the globe.

How will my children’s lives continue to evolve with the growth of AI and how are other families experiencing this phenomenon?

A recent Pew Research survey found that 19% of U.S. teenagers have used AI to assist with their homework, with 39% deeming it acceptable for solving math problems.

While AI can be a valuable educational tool, it’s essential to ensure it complements learning rather than take over critical thinking.

Dr. Ying Xu, an assistant professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, emphasizes that AI designed with learning principles in mind can benefit children’s growth. However, she cautions that AI should be used to build children’s learning, not replace it.

AI isn’t just influencing children; it’s also reshaping parenting.

Some parents are proactively teaching their children to use AI tools responsibly, aiming to prepare them for a future where AI is expected to be even more present. However, the reliance on AI for tasks such as health advice has raised eyebrows. A study from the University of Kansas Life Span Institute revealed that some parents trust AI tools like ChatGPT more than healthcare professionals for health information. These parents also rated AI-generated text as credible, moral, and trustworthy, highlighting the need for discernment in AI usage.

Moreover, experts such as MIT’s Sherry Turkle, warn about the erosion of empathy due to AI. In her book Alone Together, Turkle suggests that over-reliance on technology in general can hinder our ability to empathize with others. She argues that the digital world often strips away nonverbal cues and subtle nuances in communication, making it harder to understand and connect with others on a deeper level. 

As AI continues to integrate into our daily lives, it’s important for families to approach it with a balanced perspective.

Embracing the conveniences and educational benefits of AI can be helpful, but not at the expense of human interaction and critical thinking.

In this evolving landscape, perhaps the best approach is to treat AI as a helpful tool rather than an additional family member. After all, while AI can set reminders, play our favorite songs and answer questions, it can’t replace the connection formed through time spent having conversations and playing together. 

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

As a 34-year-old mom of two (a Lego-obsessed 6-year-old and a toddler who thinks sleep is optional), wife of 12 years, and CEO of a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening families, I often find myself juggling more than just the usual daily tasks. It’s the mental load—the invisible, relentless stream of responsibilities—that truly weighs me down.

The “mental load” has been a hot topic of conversation, research and investigation since the COVID-19 pandemic, especially in regards to how it affects mothers. To better define the phrase, the mental load refers to the cognitive labor involved in managing a household and family life. It’s the constant planning, organizing, and remembering that keeps everything running smoothly.

Research published by the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that mothers shoulder up to 71% of the mental load in family life. 

This disproportionate burden has tangible effects.

A study found in the Psychology of Women Quarterly reveals working mothers, whether full-time or part-time, specifically carry a combination of cognitive, physical, and emotional labor that leads to significant stress and burnout. Moreover, the mental load has been linked to postpartum depression, with an increase in the past decade from 9.4% to nearly 19% of new mothers affected, according to the National Health Institute.

Beyond personal well-being, the mental load impacts family dynamics.

When mothers are overwhelmed, it can affect their relationships with their significant others and their children. Understanding the weight of the mental load is not just about valuing fairness; it’s about the health and harmony of the entire family unit.

What can we do to lessen the mental load for Moms?

  1. Open Communication: Discuss the mental load openly. Make an effort to truly understand the weight each mom carries and be intentional about providing support. Setup a regular check in time to share what feels heavy or overwhelming.
  2. Delegate Tasks: Make a list of all the tasks mom has to accomplish, then delegate the tasks throughout the family. You can also give children age-appropriate chores. This not only lightens Mom’s load, it teaches them responsibility .
  3. Setting Realistic Expectations and Boundaries: This comes more easily for some Moms than others, but it’s important to say no or not right now from time to time. And, it’s important for others to be okay with a Mom’s decision in setting boundaries or saying no.
  4. Taking Time for Herself: Give Mom space to regularly engage in activities that rejuvenate her, whether it’s reading a book, listening to her favorite podcast or going on walks alone. If you notice a mom in your life who doesn’t have the capacity to take time for herself, offer to watch the kids or run to the store for her so she can. Even short breaks can make a difference in a Mom’s mental capacity.

Acknowledging and addressing the mental load is crucial for the well-being of mothers and their families. By supporting each mom’s mental capacity, we can work towards a more balanced and healthy family life.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

If you have children or grandchildren under the age of 8 years old, you’ve more than likely heard of the rise of gentle parenting. Met with mixed reviews, feelings and feedback, this parenting trend has generated a large buzz. 

But is this nurturing approach the parenting gold standard—or a recipe for raising emotionally fragile, mini-dictators?

Let’s unpack the rise of gentle parenting with a level head and a warm heart (and maybe a little caffeine, if you’ve been gentle parenting all week).

Many influencers and parenting experts share the concepts, skills and effects of gentle parenting, but the term was thought to be originally coined and popularized by author Sarah Ockwell-Smith.

Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy, respect, connection, and boundaries without punishment.

The idea isn’t to let kids rule the roost, but to guide them with calm consistency and emotional support.

Think less, “Because I said so,” and more, “Let’s talk about why bedtime matters.” (Cue the collective sigh of every parent just trying to get their kid in pajamas before 9 p.m.)

This philosophy has gained traction with millennial and Gen Z parents who grew up with more authoritarian or dismissive approaches. It’s fueled by a growing body of research showing that children’s brains thrive when parents respond with empathy and connection.

According to Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, children raised with empathy and emotional attunement are more likely to develop strong emotional regulation skills. “When kids feel safe and understood, their brains develop better impulse control and problem-solving abilities,” she writes.

Neuroscience backs her up. A 2021 study published in the journal Child Development found that children with responsive, emotionally attuned caregivers showed healthier stress responses and stronger executive functioning skills.

Gentle parenting also aligns closely with attachment theory, which suggests that secure, trusting bonds with caregivers are foundational to lifelong mental health and relationship success.

But is there such a thing as too gentle?

Critics argue that gentle parenting—especially when misapplied—can go off the rails.

A Wall Street Journal op-ed titled “We’re Raising a Generation of Delicate Snowflakes”, cautions that in some cases, gentle parenting devolves into permissiveness. “Children need structure, limits, and—yes—consequences to thrive. Constant negotiation teaches kids that rules are up for debate.”

Similarly, Dr. Leonard Sax, author of The Collapse of Parenting, warns that placing a child’s feelings above all else can shift the balance of power in the home. “Some parents are so worried about being gentle, they forget they’re in charge,” he notes.

And let’s be honest—some days, reasoning with a two-year-old about the merits of vegetables feels like negotiating with a tiny, irrational hostage-taker. I know from experience.

Gentle parenting, when practiced with clarity and consistency, can be a game-changer.

It fosters emotional resilience, strengthens parent-child bonds, and steers us away from fear-based discipline. But like any parenting philosophy, it requires balance.

Being a mom of a six-year old and almost two-year old, I aim for consistent boundaries, emotional regulation and natural consequences. I respect the gentle parenting theory. However, focusing on the word “gentle” can easily push me into a permissive state. When I’m needing some parenting mojo, I replace the word with “positive” or “active.” This helps me to remember I’m responsible for the safety and well-being of my child, and I’m also responsible for modeling how to be a “kind human” through deep connection and empathy.

Boundaries still matter. Consequences still matter. And parents? We matter too.

Exhausted, imperfect, deeply loving humans trying to do their best—sometimes with a raised voice, sometimes with a hug, and sometimes with a “because I said so” at 9:47 p.m.

Maybe the gentlest thing parents can do is give ourselves a little grace.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

If you’ve ever found yourself eating leftover chicken nuggets off your toddler’s plate while frantically answering an email and mentally calculating how many minutes you have before soccer practice, congratulations—you may be experiencing family burnout.

As a working parent of two young kids, I know the hustle all too well.

Mornings are a frantic dash of mismatched socks, spilled coffee, and forgotten lunchboxes. Evenings are a blur of homework, dinner, baths, and negotiations over bedtime (which my five-year-old treats as an Olympic sport). Add in extracurricular activities, work stress, and the ever-present guilt of not “doing enough,” and suddenly, burnout isn’t just a workplace phenomenon—it’s a family-wide epidemic.

What does family burnout look like?

In clinical terms, burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. While it’s often discussed in professional settings, families are just as susceptible. The signs?

For parents:

Chronic fatigue, irritability, feeling disconnected from your kids, or snapping at your spouse over who forgot to buy milk.

For kids:

Increased tantrums, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, or disengagement from activities they once enjoyed.

For the family as a whole:

More frequent conflicts, less laughter, and the dreaded feeling of merely “getting through the day” instead of enjoying it.

Research backs this up. A study published by the American Psychological Foundation found that parental burnout can be linked to higher levels of neglect and even aggression toward children. Meanwhile, The Journal of Family Psychology notes that overscheduled kids experience heightened stress and anxiety, often mirroring their parents’ emotional states.

The next question to ask: Is it possible to prevent burnout?

The answer is yes, but it does require consistency, boundaries and more intentionality on a daily basis. Here are some steps to get you started:

1. Audit your schedule.

Just because an activity is “good” doesn’t mean it’s good for your family right now. Pediatric psychologist Dr. Jenny Radesky suggests using the “one activity per kid” rule to prevent overcommitment.

2. Reclaim unstructured time.

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics highlights the importance of free play in child development. More importantly, it gives parents a breather! A weekend with no scheduled plans isn’t wasted time—it’s recovery time.

3. Define family priorities.

At First Things First, we often advise families to identify their “core values” to guide decisions. If quality time together ranks higher than a jam-packed schedule, just say no to extra commitments.

4. Protect sleep at all costs.

Chronic sleep deprivation is a major contributor to burnout. A Harvard Medical School study found that lack of sleep increases stress hormones, making both kids and parents more emotionally reactive. Set (and enforce) realistic bedtimes for everyone—including yourself.

5. Establish a “pause” button.

Sometimes, you need to step back before things spiral. Set a weekly family check-in—over pancakes, in the car, or wherever you can get a moment—to ask, “How’s everyone feeling? What’s working, what’s not?”

If you’re already deep in the burnout trenches, don’t panic.

You can rebuild, re-energize and bounce back with these steps:

1. Scale back.

If you feel overwhelmed, so do your kids. Cut one commitment and reassess.

2. Reconnect.

Remember, 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time each day can help repair emotional distance.

3. Get support.

A study from The Journal of Marriage and Family found that strong social networks buffer against stress. Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or even a therapist.

4. Prioritize self-care.

It’s not indulgent; it’s essential. Your kids don’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.

Burnout isn’t inevitable, but with the hustle and bustle of everyday family life, it can creep in fast.

Slowing down may feel counterintuitive in a world that glorifies busyness, but the best gift we can give our families isn’t another achievement—it’s a life filled with presence, peace, and a little room to breathe.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to enjoy a rare, unscheduled evening that involves nothing but making spaghetti, playing outside and bedtime stories.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually get my own plate of dinner tonight.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

Last week, I had lunch with my five-year-old son and his kindergarten class.

I try to eat lunch with him at least once a month, so all of his classmates know me fairly well.

One extra talkative student planted themselves next to me and proceeded to tell me all about how one of their parents was recently taken to prison, but they didn’t do anything wrong, they really want them to come home, and they love them with all their heart.

I’ve carried this conversation with me ever since.

Through our work at First Things First, we often deal with parents being incarcerated or losing custody of their children, but we very rarely interact with the children and hear their side of the story.

What happens when a child’s foundation is suddenly fractured? What happens when a child’s parent disappears behind bars?

The United States has the highest incarceration rate in the world, with over 1.2 million people behind bars.

More than five million children—about 1 in 14—have had a parent incarcerated at some point in their lives, according to research from Child Trends. And the effects on these children? Well, they’re staggering.

Losing a parent to prison isn’t just an absence—it’s an upheaval.

Studies from the last decade show that children with an incarcerated parent are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Unlike other forms of parental separation, incarceration carries stigma and shame, making it harder for children to express their grief.

Dr. Kristin Turney, a sociologist at the University of California, Irvine, has studied the developmental effects of parental incarceration extensively. She found that children in this situation experience greater emotional distress than those who lose a parent to divorce or even death. Why? Because incarceration is unpredictable. The child doesn’t just lose a parent—they gain a confusing tangle of uncertainty, social stigma, and economic hardship.

Data from the National Survey of Children’s Health shows that children of incarcerated parents are more likely to struggle in school, have behavioral problems, and even face increased risks of chronic health issues. The toxic stress caused by parental incarceration—when prolonged and unbuffered by strong, stable relationships—literally alters brain development, making it harder for children to regulate emotions and concentrate.

And then there’s the financial toll.

Many incarcerated parents were primary providers, and when they’re gone, families often spiral into deeper poverty. Fewer resources mean higher stress at home, less parental supervision, and a higher likelihood that the cycle of incarceration will repeat.

So, what can we do?

Experts emphasize that children need stability, connection, and open conversations to mitigate the damage.

1. Regular Contact Matters

    Research by the Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families through the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services suggests that maintaining strong parent-child bonds—even through prison visitation—can reduce the emotional harm of separation. Children who maintain contact with their incarcerated parent often fare better emotionally and behaviorally.

    2. Honest, Age-Appropriate Conversations

    Psychologists recommend avoiding secrecy. Instead of saying, “Daddy is away on a trip,” it’s better to explain in simple, truthful terms that he made a mistake, is facing consequences, but still loves them.

    3. Community Support Is Key

    Programs like Sesame Street’s “Little Children, Big Challenges” provide books, videos, and tools to help kids process their feelings. Mentorship programs, like those from one of our partner organizations, Big Brothers Big Sisters, also offer children a steady adult presence when a parent is absent.

    Parental incarceration is not just a criminal justice issue—it’s a childhood development issue, a public health issue, and a societal issue. While we can’t rewrite the past, we can build better support systems for these children so they don’t have to serve a silent sentence alongside their parents.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

    As a CEO, I participate in a lot of meetings.

    A couple of weeks ago, I attended a meeting with several other leaders who all shared common concerns about our community. It was immediately apparent to me that everyone at the table was well-versed and passionate about their area of expertise and service. It was also obvious that everyone at the table had been experiencing significant barriers, and they were tired. 

    One person would share a potential solution or positive outcome and someone else would shoot it down with a stat or potential concern for failure. I couldn’t help but think, are we getting in our own way of providing solutions? Have we become so tired and afraid of risk we’ve lost our ability to problem-solve?

    Likewise, the other day, my five-year-old son stood in the kitchen, arms crossed, face scrunched in frustration. “I can’t open this!” he huffed, holding a granola bar.

    Now, I could have swooped in, handled it for him, and moved on. I really wanted to. But instead, I asked, “What’s another way you could get it open?” After some initial grumbling, he said, “I’ve tried everything, Mom! I’m just HUNGRY!” I encouraged him to take a deep breath and try again. So, he used his teeth (classic), then his hands again (progress!), and finally, with a little encouragement, he found the corner and peeled it back. Victory.

    That moment—small as it was—mattered. Because in life, we all face granola-bar moments: problems that feel insurmountable until we train ourselves to see solutions instead of barriers. And as parents, partners, and professionals, one of the greatest gifts we can give and contribute is a problem-solving mindset.

    Our brains have a built-in negativity bias, meaning we naturally focus on obstacles more than possibilities.

    It’s an evolutionary feature designed to keep us safe, but it’s not always helpful when trying to solve everyday problems. Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist famous for her work on mindset theory, explains that people with a “fixed mindset” see difficulties as stop signs, whereas those with an “open mindset” see them as detours.

    Similarly, research on cognitive reframing—a technique used in therapy—shows that when we actively shift our perspective to see challenges as opportunities, we not only feel more capable but actually find better solutions.

    In relationships, this shift is crucial.

    Imagine a couple constantly stuck on the problem of one partner leaving dishes in the sink. A fixed mindset says, “You’re messy, and I’m tired of asking.” A solution-focused approach asks, “What system could we put in place to make this easier for both of us?” Small shift, huge difference.

    The good news? This skill can be taught and it can grow over time.

    Research shows that kids as young as preschool age can develop solution-oriented thinking when adults model and encourage it, and adults can grow their problem-solving skills like a muscle.

    Here’s how:

    1. Ask, “What could we try?” Instead of solving problems immediately, move towards brainstorming. My son’s granola-bar saga? That’s step one for both me and him.
    2. Reframe failure as learning. When you face a struggle, it’s easy to assume, “I can’t do it.” Shift that language: “You can’t do it yet.” Studies show that adding yet makes a difference in persistence.
    3. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes. If the goal is only success, it’s our human nature to avoid challenges if we think we’re going to fail. Praise the trying for yourself, your kids, your team, everyone. Research from Stanford University shows this builds resilience.
    4. Model it in your own life. If you hit traffic and immediately complain, everyone around you absorbs that. If instead you say, “Looks like we’ll get to hear more of our audiobook,” you teach yourself to reframe and encourage everyone in the car to do it, too.

    Families, teams and individuals thrive when they approach life with a solution-first mentality. Whether it’s handling a toddler’s meltdowns, a co-workers work struggles, or an unexpected financial setback, our ability to shift from “this is hard” to “what can we do?” changes everything.

    So next time your child (or your partner, or your coworker, or you) hits a roadblock, take a breath. Step back. Look for the solution. Because more often than not, it’s right there—waiting to be unwrapped.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].