Surprised that he was even awake enough to voice a question, I responded, “Yes…?”
“I really need to use the bathroom. Are you almost done?”
*Note: I’m an early riser. Always have been, always will be. My husband, on the other hand… not so much. Being a few months into our marriage now, I’ve learned to let him sleep until I’ve had my coffee, had my shower, and have start working on breakfast. And for about a month, it’s actually worked!
That is, until one morning, I had gotten my coffee and was in the shower when I heard that knock….*
Me, knowing that I probably didn’t want to be in the bathroom once he came in, but also in the middle of shampooing my hair, responded to his question and said, “Not really, but hold on… I can step out in just a second.” In slight frustration, I quickly rinsed the shampoo, turned off the water, and grabbed my towel.
You see, my husband and I are trying our best to save for a house as soon as we can, which meant signing a lease on a tiny apartment for the time being. One bedroom. Barely enough space for a couch in the living room. And, as I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, one bathroom.
Moving in, neither of us thought it would be a problem! I’d just get up early, get things done, then he would be able to do the same after me. But, as with everything in life, things don’t always go according to plan.
That morning threw off the rest of my day, and it took me quite a while to understand why.
But by that evening, I realized something: I was frustrated with him, despite neither of us being to blame for the situation. I was upset, not because he had to use the bathroom, but because it wasn’t a part of our original plan. I wanted to be in control.
I know, I know, it seems a little exaggerated to get to that conclusion from a disrupted morning routine, but let me tell you. It opened my eyes to a whole different perspective of myself that I was not at all aware of.
So many people warned us that marriage is a great magnifying glass on all your flaws, but I didn’t realize how true it was until the honeymoon phase had left, and our true, imperfect selves showed again. Since that day, I have been very conscious of what I can and cannot control and my reactions to those things.
So, bottom line: Never assume that just because you have a plan in your relationship or marriage, everything will go according to that plan. Also, a spouse is not there to point out your flaws, but to walk with you, support you, and grow with you through each and every interruption.
Lastly, and most importantly: if possible… have more than one bathroom for your first year if you can.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear your computer or device is being monitored, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***