Tag Archive for: Parenting Tips

Why Traveling With Young Children Is Worth Every Meltdown

My son was four months old the first time he flew on a plane. 

I was invited to a tech conference at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was exclusively nursing, living on a special diet of no dairy, soy, or egg, and getting four solid hours of sleep a night.

It wasn’t easy, but seeing my little boy fall asleep on the plane, ga-ga at strangers on the city sidewalks, and marvel at the curves and shapes of Pittsburgh architecture made me grateful for seizing the opportunity.

When he was two years old, we went on a family trip to Boston for a week.

My husband and I love the city, and there are so many fun activities for young ones to enjoy.

At three, my son went on his first beach vacation to Key Largo, an island off the southern coast of Florida.

It was a work trip for my husband, but it became one of our most memorable experiences.

And last week, we visited the Grand Canyon and the deserts of Arizona.

My now four-year-old continually asks if we just came back from outer space. He’s convinced we went to Mars because of Red Rock State Park in Sedona.

Why am I sharing my son’s travel history with you? Because we did it, and you can, too. 

Before moving forward, let me make one thing clear: There were plenty of blowouts, meltdowns, and tired tantrums on each of these trips.

I’m no Mary Poppins, try as I might. But the memories made, experiences had, and the personal growth my husband and I experienced was far worth the chaos.

A study released in 2022 by the Student and Youth Travel Association found that children who travel benefit in a myriad of ways, including better performance in school.

Some of the most noteworthy findings include:

  • 74% of the educators polled believe travel helps students’ personal development.
  • 56% believe travel positively impacts students’ lifetime education and career.
  • 80% of the teachers in the study said travel is an “extremely effective” teaching method.
  • Students who travel often reported having an increased desire to graduate and attend college.

Travel is a luxury not everyone can afford.

However, it’s not the distance that makes the experience beneficial to parents and children; it’s the out-of-the-box experience.

If finances are tight and resources aren’t easily accessible, consider visiting a local monument, park, or museum.

Find a nearby grocery store with culturally diverse foods, people, and languages. Spend some time reading books about places you might want to visit someday and make a tentative plan for how to get there.

If having young children is holding you back from travel, think again.

Seeing the world (no matter how close or far away from home) through the eyes of a small child may be the perspective shift you need to boost positivity and increase creativity. Plus, it can help your child develop a healthy curiosity and openness to critical thinking that will carry them through life.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First and can be contacted at [email protected].

Photo by James Wheeler on Unsplash

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Parents Should Have Hard Conversations With Young Children

“Momma, when you die and I don’t have a Momma anymore, can I go live with Nana and Poppy?” my four-year-old asked nonchalantly last Saturday.

“Well, if anything happens to me and your dad, you can certainly live with Nana and Poppy. What made you ask that question, bug?” I said blindsided.

“People die. And, I know you’re gonna die and live with Jesus. So. I just want to have someone to live with, too,” he responded. Then, he ran outside and started digging in the dirt with his dump trucks.

I was in shock from the conversation. What was going on in his little mind? Where did that question come from?

My husband reminded me that our son has attended four funerals in his short four years of life– three great grandmothers and a great aunt. That’s a lot of death to unpack. I also learned he overheard a conversation about the tragic shootings and deaths of 3 adults and 3 children at the Covenant School in Nashville a few weeks ago.

As a parent, I want to protect my son at all costs.

I want to keep him from having to deal with the hard, unfair and cruel injustices of this world. But, the truth is, avoiding difficult conversations and shielding him in an effort to preserve his innocence does more harm than good in the long run.

The American Psychological Association (APA) released a statement earlier this year encouraging parents to have hard conversations with young children: 

“Taking a proactive stance and discussing difficult events and topics in age-appropriate language can help a child feel safer and more secure. If adults don’t talk to them about it, a child may overestimate what is wrong or misunderstand adults’ silence. So, be the first to bring up the difficult topic. When parents tackle difficult conversations, they let their children know that they are available and supportive.”

While this statement is empowering, sitting down and having these conversations can be stressful. How do you define age appropriate language? What if you don’t have all the answers to the questions they ask?

Here are a few things to remember when these hard conversations happen:

1: If you can, practice ahead of time.

When a tragic event occurs, try to be the person your child hears it from first. Decide what you’re going to share, how you’re going to share it, and most importantly, when the best time is to have the conversation.

2: Timing is everything.

Choose a quiet place to sit with your child one-on-one and look them in the eyes. Avoid having hard conversations when you’re busy making dinner or when your child is playing. The conversation at hand should be the center of both your attention.

3: Ask them what they already know.

“There was a shooting at a school. What do you know about this?” And then listen, listen, and listen more.

4: Tell them how you feel.

Sharing your emotions with your child allows them to create a deeper connection with you. It’s also a great opportunity to model behavior and emotional regulation for them.

5: Stick to the facts and avoid details.

Tell them the outline of what happened. There’s no need to share gory details or show gruesome graphics. 

As a parent, the greatest thing you can do for your child is build a deep connection with them. No matter how hard we try, we can’t control them or the world around them. Having hard conversations when they’re young allows them to see you as a safe, wise and trusted source for a lifetime.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First and can be contacted at [email protected].

Photo by Jonas Kakaroto on Unsplash

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The How and What of “The Most Generous Interpretation” Method

It’s no secret that poor communication habits are the silent killers of many relationships.

Spouses, parents, children, and siblings often fail to connect, express, and respond to expectations and effectively work through conflict. In all relationships, it’s easy for individuals to misunderstand each other, not actively listen before responding, and miss verbal cues for connection.

As much as clear communication plays an important role in relationships, one method suggests the Most Generous Interpretation (MGI) of people and their behavior plays an even bigger role in family health.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, author of the New York Times bestselling parenting book Good Inside, suggests that you can separate a person from their behavior. “Finding the MGI teaches [us] to attend to what is going on inside… (feelings, worries, urges, sensations) rather than what is going on outside (words or actions).”

Here’s a parenting example:

We had a few families over for dinner last week. My 4-year-old son enjoyed playing with all of his friends. When the night ended and everyone went home, I told my son it was time to take a bath. “No! I won’t take a bath. I’m not going to do it right now, and you can’t make me,” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

At that moment, I had a few response options:

1) Yell back with something like, “Don’t talk to me like that or you’ll be punished!”

2) Lay the guilt trip on with a statement like, “I just gave you a fun night with friends. You’re ungrateful.”

3) Make it about my emotions, saying, “It makes me really sad when you talk to me like that. I don’t deserve that.”

4) Use my Most Generous Interpretation by separating his behavior from who he is and following up with curiosity. “Wow, I hear how upset you are. Tell me more.”

I chose option four.

My son then told me he didn’t think it was fair for everyone to go home. He missed them and felt sad that they were gone. He started crying and told me he was extremely tired and didn’t think he had the energy to take a bath. So, I responded, “I get it. I’m tired, too. If we don’t take a bath before bed right now, then we have to wake up a little early in the morning to take one before school. It’s your choice. Bath tonight or in the morning?” He chose the morning option and was asleep in about 5 minutes. He woke up the next morning refreshed and ready to take a bath before school.

Some may interpret this method as “being too easy” on kids, but Dr. Kennedy suggests it’s actually framing their behavior in a way that will help them build critical emotion regulation skills for their future, and parents are preserving their connection and close relationship along the way.

“I often remind myself that kids respond to the version of themselves that parents reflect back to them and act accordingly,” Dr. Kennedy shares. “When we tell our kids they are selfish, they act in their own interest… but the opposite is true as well. When we tell our kids, ‘You’re a good kid having a hard time… I’m right here with you,’ they are more likely to have empathy for their own struggles, which helps them regulate and make better decisions.”

So, how does this method work in a marriage?

The next time your spouse snaps at you, ignores you, or does something to make you feel unseen or unheard, use the MGI rather than yelling, sulking, or blaming. Let them know you see them and want to know what’s going on inside, beyond their behavior outside.

Say something like, “You seem upset. Would you like to talk about it?” or “You seem distracted. Can we talk about what’s on your mind? I’m here with you.”

Choosing the Most Generous Interpretation isn’t easy. At the end of the day, it forces you to respond instead of react and to be curious rather than make assumptions. The connection and depth the MGI can bring to your family is worth the challenge.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First and can be contacted at [email protected].

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

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When it Comes to Parenting, Quality Matters More than Quantity

My son was born four years ago. I took a three month maternity leave and eased my way back into work, a luxury many parents do not have. I remember calling my sister-in-law one night (who is also a working mom) and sobbing to her about my life. I’m a horrible mom. My son is being cared for by someone else. Will he even know me? What if he thinks someone else is his mom?

My sister-in-law told me the best advice I’ve ever been given as a working parent, “Lauren. It’s the quality of time spent with him that matters, not the quantity.”

Her words calmed my nerves and made me view each moment I spent with my son that much more precious. But the best part is: her words are backed by research.

Dr. Melissa Milkie, Professor of Sociology at the University of Toronto, completed research in 2015 that focused on the effects of parental involvement with children. The study revealed that quantity of time mattered far less than the quality of interaction, especially for children under the age of 12. 

As parents, we often find ourselves doing a lot of things for our children. Making dinner, cleaning up, doing laundry, taking them from here to there. What if we seized the opportunity to not only “do” but to “be” for our children? What if we were to “be” intentional through connecting with them in conversation, playing with them and letting them lead activities?

Dr. Dan Siegal, a New York Times Bestselling Author and professor of psychiatry at UCLA, says just 10 minutes of intentional uninterrupted time of play, conversation and sharing of experiences with your child can do wonders for your relationship with them, as well as their confidence, brain development and behavior. That’s right, just 10 minutes.

If you’re a working parent, you may be thinking, “I don’t have 10 minutes!” Here are few ideas to find those 10 minutes in your day:

  • Before work/school: Talk about the schedule of the day, how each other is feeling, what you’re excited or nervous about.
  • After work/school: Play with your child, but let them LEAD. No phones, no screens, just unhindered time for connection and fun.
  • Involve your child in cooking or doing chores: This may sound scary, but even just asking them to be present in the kitchen while you make dinner or sweep the floor can make them feel like they’re important to you and an integral part of your world. You can always ask questions, sing songs or play “I Spy” while you fold clothes or peel potatoes.
  • Before bed: Read with your child. Talk about what you enjoy in the story and anything new you may have learned. Or follow up on your day. Take turns sharing the best thing that happened to you that day, one thing new you may have tried, or one way you helped someone else. 

Here’s a little inside secret: I started using the 10 minute theory with my son three years ago. While it has relieved some pressure, it has ultimately helped me to see our relationship through a different lens. And it’s helped me to realize just how much time I DO have with him and how much each second matters.

Being a parent is about more than just being around your child. It’s about being connected with your child.

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10 Tips for Managing Screen Time During The School Year

It takes patience and consistency to find what works best.

We live in a digital world, so screens are a huge part of our everyday lives. And with school back in session, kids use screens more frequently during the day. Managing screen time during the school year is a big deal for all of us. And since we all spend a lot of time with technology, it’s up to us to help our children have a healthy relationship with their screens. 

Managing screen time during the school year is essential for our kids’ development. 

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, too much screen time can have side effects, including:1

  • Sleeping problems.
  • Poor self-image.
  • Less time spent outdoors.
  • Lower grades.
  • Attention disorders.

Define how much screen time is enough.

The American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t have a set recommendation for kids 6 and older. They do recommend that parents set consistent limits and ensure that screens don’t replace sleep and physical activity.2

Explain to your kids that too much time sitting watching screens is not healthy.3,4 Establish consequences if they break the rules you set for them.

Practice what you preach. 

The hardest part of managing your child’s screen time may be managing your own. Kids learn by watching. They will establish their relationship with technology based on your relationship with technology. If you always have the TV on or scroll through your phone whenever you have free time, they will probably do the same. 

If you want your child to learn responsible technology use, model it for them.

Adjust the limits based on the day.

Different days may call for different screen limits. For some families, school days may mean no screens. For others, screen usage may be significantly reduced during school nights. Weekends may get extended screen time. You know your family and should do what’s best for your household. The most essential aspect of screen time is balance. Kids need physical activity and creativity. Make sure they are spending time being active, whether structured or unstructured.

Make bedrooms screen-free.

Keep TVs, video games, and computers in common areas. This keeps kids from disappearing with a screen for hours. It also helps you know what they are using screens for and how much time they spend on them. Screen-free bedrooms are a little more challenging with phones and tablets. Charging devices (even your own) overnight in a common area can be helpful.

Studies show that using screens before bedtime makes it harder for kids to fall asleep. It also reduces sleep quality. And when kids are tired, it’s harder for them to learn.5 

Give your kids other options to keep them active instead of screen time.

They can take walks, ride bikes or scooters, or play outside. Offer other indoor activities, like board games or crafts. Set aside time to play with them. Kids need to be active daily. Even if you can’t be active with them, you can encourage and support them in their activities.

Have them earn screen time during the school year (and beyond).

It’s okay to make your kids complete homework and specific tasks or chores before you allow them to have screen time. There are different ways parents can put this into practice. One option is that homework and chores come first. Then they can have a set amount of screen time depending on how long it is until bedtime. Another is to allow them to earn screen time by completing chores. You can create a system where a task earns X amount of screen time.

Encourage your children’s creativity.

If your child loves watching videos or playing video games, encourage them to create their own. My daughter loves to make videos when we travel. She wants to show others the places she visits and tell them about her experiences. We don’t share these, but she is learning how to vlog. When she gets a little older, she can learn how to create these and make them shareable. 

Engage with your child’s technology. 

Watch videos with your kids and learn to play their games. Both of my kids enjoy watching YouTube creators. We watch with them so we can understand what they are watching, but also learn with them. My son loves to watch a former NASA engineer, and my daughter enjoys cooking videos. We’ve learned a lot as a family through their videos. It’s also common in our house to have family video game nights. Let’s just say MarioKart tournaments get intense!

Look for ways to engage screens as a family through games, videos, or apps.

Use mistakes as teachable moments. 

As your child learns more about technology and screens, they will make mistakes. They may accidentally visit an inappropriate site, watch content you would not approve of, or go over their screen time. Mistakes are great learning opportunities. 

Questions to consider moving forward:

  • What’s one way you can improve your own screen-time habits?
  • What are routines you can start to encourage physical activity and creativity?
  • What area in your house can you designate as a tech-charging zone?
  • What are activities your child can engage in that don’t involve screens?
  • What task can your child complete to earn screen time?
  • What’s one show that your family can watch and use to grow together?

Managing screen time requires patience. Pick one or two of these that you can implement, and choose the easiest for your family. The key is consistency. And don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right all the time. Remember, their mistakes (and ours) make for great teachable moments.

Other articles:

Your Ultimate Guide to Screen Time

How Much Should You Limit Kids’ Screen Time and Electronics Use?

Screen Time for Kids: Guidelines, Boundary Setting, and Educational Recommendations

Sources:

1American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Screen Time and Children.

2American Academy of Pediatrics. Children and media tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

3U.S. National Library of Medicine. Health risks of an inactive lifestyle.

4Barnett, T.A., et al. (2018). Sedentary behaviors in today’s youth—approaches to the prevention and management of childhood obesity: A scientific statement from the American Heart Association. https://doi.org/10.1161/CIR.0000000000000591.

5Chang, A.M., et al. (2015). Evening use of light-emitting eReaders negatively affects sleep, circadian timing, and next-morning alertness. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1418490112.

Moreno, M.A., et al. (2016). Media use in school-aged children and adolescents. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-2592.

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What Is Love-Bombing? (And How To Tell If It’s Happening To Your Teen)

These do's and don'ts can help you along the way.

There’s been a lot of social media buzz lately about a practice that is impacting teens and young adults. It’s called “love-bombing.” This term may be new to you, but the concept will sound familiar. 

A 2017 University of Arkansas study described love-bombing as “excessive communication during the early stages of a relationship to gain control and power.”1 In 1992, a study described this type of behavior as the “Charm Tactic,” or being heavy on the charm to initiate a relationship or keep it going.2 These two studies, done 25 years apart, paint the same picture of someone who overwhelms another with charm, gifts, and adoration to win them over and control them. Does the concept sound familiar now?

As parents, we are responsible for ensuring the safety of our children. This goes beyond physical safety to include emotional and sexual safety as well. Being love-bombed can be damaging to your teen. But there are signs that you can be on the lookout for.

If you see these signs, ask questions to learn more and help them know what’s happening. I don’t have to remind you, but your teen probably thinks they know better and doesn’t want you involved in their relationships.

Signs of Love-Bombing

*This list isn’t all-inclusive3,4, nor does someone have to exhibit all of these signs to be a love-bomber. Love-bombing tactics can vary.

1. Excessive compliments

Who doesn’t love compliments? There’s nothing wrong with compliments, but constant praise can be a red flag. Suppose your teen is embarking on a new relationship, and their significant other is already expressing intense love for them. In that case, it’s time to ask some questions. If you hear them say things like, “I’ve never met anyone as perfect as you,” or “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone,” ask your teen how that makes them feel.

2. Expensive gifts

Love-bombing often includes trying to buy someone’s love with expensive gifts. The purpose is to make the love-bombed one feel like they owe their gift-giver something. A healthy relationship can’t be bought. So if your teen frequently receives gifts like new AirPods or Beats headphones, shoes, or clothes, those are red flags. 

3. Consistent texts and messages

Love-bombers want all your attention. In this digital age, it’s normal to communicate, especially early in a relationship, but calling, texting and messaging 24/7 is excessive. And if your teen doesn’t answer or respond quickly, their significant other may get accusatory. 

4. They want all your teen’s attention.

If your teen isn’t with them, they become angry. They may try to invite themselves anywhere the family goes. You may also see your teen withdraw from other friends or social activities to appease this new relationship. In a healthy relationship, each person respects the other’s interests.

5. They try to convince your teen they’re soulmates.

While you can meet your soulmate as a teen, someone shouldn’t be trying to convince your teen they’re soulmates. If they are trying to convince your teen that their relationship is like that in a romantic movie, raise a red flag. They may be trying to pressure your teen into a relationship they aren’t ready for.

6. They get upset with boundaries.

Love-bombers don’t usually like boundaries. They want all of a person’s time, attention, and affection. When your teen establishes boundaries regarding their time or access to technology, the love-bomber may get upset.

If your teen tries to slow down the relationship, they may also turn up the manipulation. 

7. They are needy.

Whatever time your teen gives them is never enough. They want all of it. You may notice your teen getting less and less excited about talking or spending time with their boyfriend or girlfriend.

If you notice any of these signs in your teen’s relationships, your teen may be the victim of love-bombing. They are young and may not see any of this as an issue. But, what do you do?

Don’t attack their partner.

This may isolate your teen and prevent them from confiding in you.

Don’t say, “You’re not allowed to date them.”

Did that work for your parents? It didn’t work for me. That may just make your teen want to stay in the relationship.

Show curiosity.

Ask questions from time to time and respect their responses. Ask them how they feel about their relationship. Find out what they gain from it as well as what they give.

Establish dating rules.

If you feel that the relationship may be unhealthy, establish a rule that their partner must come to your house to spend time together.

Give them plenty of time and positive attention.

Sometimes our teens will enter into unhealthy relationships because they crave attention.

Talk about what a healthy relationship looks like.

Make teaching your teen about healthy relationships a regular part of your conversations. Look for examples of healthy and unhealthy behaviors and talk about those.

If you think your teen is being love-bombed, help them see the signs of manipulation before it becomes abusive. Help them see their self-worth and to love themselves for who they are. If your teen needs it, don’t be afraid to seek help from a counselor.

Other blogs:

How to Be a Supportive Parent – First Things First

9 Ways You Can Be Your Teen’s Best Friend

How to Help Your Teen Deal With a Breakup – First Things First

Sources:

1Strutzenberg, C. C., et al. (2017). Love-bombing: A Narcissistic Approach to Relationship Formation. https://scholarworks.uark.edu/discoverymag/vol18/iss1/14

2Buss. (1992). Manipulation in Close Relationships: Five Personality Factors in Interactional Context.  https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1992.tb00981.x

3Lamont, C. (2019, December 16). Love bombing: 10 Signs of Over-the-Top Love. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/love-bombing

4Laderer, A. (2022, February 9). 9 sinister signs that you’re getting love bombed, according to relationship therapists. Insider. https://www.insider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/love-bomb 

Other helpful articles to read:

What is Love Bombing?

Is it Love, or Love Bombing?

How to Handle Narcissism in a Relationship

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What To Do When Your Spouse Is A Bad Parent

You can come together and move forward as a family.

Parenting has evolved since I was a kid. But not necessarily because of cultural shifts as much as access to information. Research, blogs, and social media have made it easy to access information about how our parenting impacts kids. This information can help us to better understand the long-term impact of our parenting. It also reshapes what this generation sees as good or bad parenting. Parents often search for information to help them when they view their spouse as a bad parent.

Before we look deeper into this, let’s clarify what a “bad” parent looks like. 

★If your spouse is emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive to your child (or you), this article isn’t for you. I strongly urge you to stop reading and seek help. Contact the National Children’s Advocacy Center. The following information is not intended for your situation or to condone that type of parent.★

For our purposes, let’s take a look at the parenting styles to define what a bad parent looks like. There are four main parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. An uninvolved parenting style is typically characterized as being distant with little communication. They may ensure their child’s basic needs are met but are involved little beyond that. An uninvolved parenting style is considered bad parenting.

If you think your spouse is a bad parent, you may feel like they:

  • Show little or no affection to their children.
  • Don’t provide emotional support for their children.
  • Don’t set rules, boundaries, or expectations.
  • Don’t know their child’s friends.
  • Have no involvement with their child’s education.

We have to acknowledge that parenting, like life, has seasons. You may look at this list and say, “Yep, my spouse isn’t involved with our child. They’re a bad parent.” I would ask you two questions first. 

  • Is this a busy season?
  • Do they have a desire to be more involved?

Your spouse may be in a busy season due to work or life demands. I don’t want to justify their actions, but there is a difference between a bad parent and a busy parent. 

If you think your spouse is a bad parent and you’re reading this, you know something needs to change.

How do you help them become a more involved or better parent?

→Open the lines of communication.

You recognize there’s an issue. You may have to take the first step toward your spouse. A good rule is not to bring up these issues when frustrated. An argument isn’t going to bring resolution. 

Schedule a coffee date with your spouse. Let them know how you feel without being accusatory. It may be challenging, but using “I” statements to express your feelings is an excellent way to discuss frustrations in a relationship. 

Perhaps you could start the conversation like this: “Lately, I’ve noticed some distance between you and our son. I want to ensure that you’re getting the time with him he needs. Is there something I can do to help us get on the same page?”

→Seek to understand.

Our parenting style is often a result of how we were parented, good or bad. Your spouse parents the way they do for a reason. Discuss these questions to dive deeper:

  • What were the parenting styles in each of our homes?
  • Which patterns do we want to change about how our parents raised us?
  • What healthy habits do we want to maintain?

This conversation is as much about your parenting as their parenting. You may gain insight into why your spouse parents the way they do. You may learn something about yourself. This may open up some emotional wounds. If so, don’t be afraid to seek help from a coach or counselor.

→Find common ground.

Look for good parenting resources that you can discuss together. Identify the common parenting values in your family. Do you both value responsibility, hard work, or helping others? Establish goals for your parenting. What do you want your parenting to result in? Write down the positive parenting contributions from your spouse. Build on these positives.

→Avoid good cop, bad cop.

There will be disagreements over how you both parent, but those are conversations for the two of you. As you and your spouse become better parents together, try to avoid fighting in front of your kids. Present a united front. Remember, you’re a team. Your child needs to see that the two of you care for each other and them.

Just because you think your spouse is a bad parent doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. You can come together and move forward as a family. It’s gonna take work, some compromise, and lots of conversations. The process is worth it for your kids, your marriage, and future generations of your family.

Sources:

Baumrind. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior. https://doi.org/10.2307/1126611.

Kuppens, S., & Ceulemans, E. (2019). Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1242-x.

Other blogs:

My Spouse and I Disagree About Parenting – First Things First

How To Make Sure Your Child Knows You Love Them – First Things First

How to Be an Emotionally Safe Parent – First Things First

**Please note that this article is NOT about an abusive or neglectful parent. The physical and emotional safety of a child is not a difference in parenting styles. Anyone who knows of child abuse happening should call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).**

Image from Pexels.com

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10 Tips for Surviving Summer Break

You can thrive this summer when you all know what to expect.

The end of the school year is right around the corner. This time of year is filled with field trips, field days, school programs, and parties. Then, it all comes to a close, and another school year is behind us. Bring on the summer!

It’s time for camps, vacations, and activities. Kids love summer. On the other hand, parents may not always be the biggest fan. Schedules change, and routines shift. Summertime often involves a lot of calendar juggling and planning.

Summertime doesn’t have to stress you out, though.

Here are some tips for summer survival:

Put a calendar in your kitchen or living room that everyone can see and keep up with.

If your summer looks like ours, there are lots of camps and activities to keep track of. The best way to make sure you’re all on the same page is to post a highly visible calendar. Get creative with colors for each family member. Just remember to make it simple enough that it doesn’t get overwhelming.

Schedule a weekly family meeting.

Summer schedules can change from week to week. A great practice is to schedule a weekly family meeting to discuss what’s coming up. Sunday evening could be an ideal time. Include the whole family and get input from the kids.

Adjust your school year routines, but don’t throw them out.

Kids need structure. Just because it’s summer doesn’t mean you should throw all the routines out the window. If you’re like us, you still have a work schedule for the summer. Bedtimes may look different, and morning routines may shift, but structure brings security for your kids. We push bedtime back during the summer, and the kids usually wake up a little later. Just remember that you’ll have to adjust back to school year routines in a couple of months.

Schedule downtime for you as a family.

It’s tempting to stuff the calendar with camps and activities to keep the kids preoccupied. Make sure to schedule downtime and game nights for the family. Leave some time for the kids to be kids and entertain themselves.

Give your kids space.

Some kids need time to recharge (some parents, too). Set aside time for individual play or rest. 

Be flexible.

Schedules are great, but also be flexible and spontaneous. Life happens, and plans change. That’s ok. 

Make a chore list.

Kids are home more over the summer and have more free time. Make a list of all the chores around the house and assign everyone tasks. Get creative and post the list on the fridge or near the family calendar. You can even schedule out when chores need to be done. No matter your child’s age, there are age-appropriate chores for them.

Clarify expectations regarding technology.

Set ground rules in your house for screen use during the summer. We put timers on our kids’ tablets and gaming systems. There is a daily cutoff for technology. Also, consider requiring chores to be done before they can use the tech.

Schedule a date night with your significant other.

While working on that calendar, schedule a date night for you and your love. Intentionally make time for the two of you.

Ditch the pressure.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to make this the best summer ever. Your kids don’t need lots of activities and trips. They need you! It amazes me what my kids classify as the best days. It’s often just time spent together.

Make this summer a summer they’ll never forget – not because of trips or adventures, but because you enjoyed it as a family. Summers get more hectic as your kids get older. Take advantage of time with them when they’re young and make the most of it with these summer survival tips. Have a great summer!

Sources:

Arlinghaus KR, Johnston CA. The Importance of Creating Habits and Routine. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine. 2019;13(2):142-144. https://doi.org/10.1177%2F1559827618818044

Malatras, J et al. First things first: Family activities and routines, time management and attention. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology. 2016; 47: 23-29. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2016.09.006.

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