Tag Archive for: Parenting Tips

Family Burnout: How to Spot It, Stop It, and Bounce Back

If you’ve ever found yourself eating leftover chicken nuggets off your toddler’s plate while frantically answering an email and mentally calculating how many minutes you have before soccer practice, congratulations—you may be experiencing family burnout.

As a working parent of two young kids, I know the hustle all too well.

Mornings are a frantic dash of mismatched socks, spilled coffee, and forgotten lunchboxes. Evenings are a blur of homework, dinner, baths, and negotiations over bedtime (which my five-year-old treats as an Olympic sport). Add in extracurricular activities, work stress, and the ever-present guilt of not “doing enough,” and suddenly, burnout isn’t just a workplace phenomenon—it’s a family-wide epidemic.

What does family burnout look like?

In clinical terms, burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. While it’s often discussed in professional settings, families are just as susceptible. The signs?

For parents:

Chronic fatigue, irritability, feeling disconnected from your kids, or snapping at your spouse over who forgot to buy milk.

For kids:

Increased tantrums, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, or disengagement from activities they once enjoyed.

For the family as a whole:

More frequent conflicts, less laughter, and the dreaded feeling of merely “getting through the day” instead of enjoying it.

Research backs this up. A study published by the American Psychological Foundation found that parental burnout can be linked to higher levels of neglect and even aggression toward children. Meanwhile, The Journal of Family Psychology notes that overscheduled kids experience heightened stress and anxiety, often mirroring their parents’ emotional states.

The next question to ask: Is it possible to prevent burnout?

The answer is yes, but it does require consistency, boundaries and more intentionality on a daily basis. Here are some steps to get you started:

1. Audit your schedule.

Just because an activity is “good” doesn’t mean it’s good for your family right now. Pediatric psychologist Dr. Jenny Radesky suggests using the “one activity per kid” rule to prevent overcommitment.

2. Reclaim unstructured time.

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics highlights the importance of free play in child development. More importantly, it gives parents a breather! A weekend with no scheduled plans isn’t wasted time—it’s recovery time.

3. Define family priorities.

At First Things First, we often advise families to identify their “core values” to guide decisions. If quality time together ranks higher than a jam-packed schedule, just say no to extra commitments.

4. Protect sleep at all costs.

Chronic sleep deprivation is a major contributor to burnout. A Harvard Medical School study found that lack of sleep increases stress hormones, making both kids and parents more emotionally reactive. Set (and enforce) realistic bedtimes for everyone—including yourself.

5. Establish a “pause” button.

Sometimes, you need to step back before things spiral. Set a weekly family check-in—over pancakes, in the car, or wherever you can get a moment—to ask, “How’s everyone feeling? What’s working, what’s not?”

If you’re already deep in the burnout trenches, don’t panic.

You can rebuild, re-energize and bounce back with these steps:

1. Scale back.

If you feel overwhelmed, so do your kids. Cut one commitment and reassess.

2. Reconnect.

Remember, 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time each day can help repair emotional distance.

3. Get support.

A study from The Journal of Marriage and Family found that strong social networks buffer against stress. Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or even a therapist.

4. Prioritize self-care.

It’s not indulgent; it’s essential. Your kids don’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.

Burnout isn’t inevitable, but with the hustle and bustle of everyday family life, it can creep in fast.

Slowing down may feel counterintuitive in a world that glorifies busyness, but the best gift we can give our families isn’t another achievement—it’s a life filled with presence, peace, and a little room to breathe.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to enjoy a rare, unscheduled evening that involves nothing but making spaghetti, playing outside and bedtime stories.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually get my own plate of dinner tonight.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

/0 Comments/by

When a Parent Goes to Prison: The Unseen Sentence on Children

Last week, I had lunch with my five-year-old son and his kindergarten class.

I try to eat lunch with him at least once a month, so all of his classmates know me fairly well.

One extra talkative student planted themselves next to me and proceeded to tell me all about how one of their parents was recently taken to prison, but they didn’t do anything wrong, they really want them to come home, and they love them with all their heart.

I’ve carried this conversation with me ever since.

Through our work at First Things First, we often deal with parents being incarcerated or losing custody of their children, but we very rarely interact with the children and hear their side of the story.

What happens when a child’s foundation is suddenly fractured? What happens when a child’s parent disappears behind bars?

The United States has the highest incarceration rate in the world, with over 1.2 million people behind bars.

More than five million children—about 1 in 14—have had a parent incarcerated at some point in their lives, according to research from Child Trends. And the effects on these children? Well, they’re staggering.

Losing a parent to prison isn’t just an absence—it’s an upheaval.

Studies from the last decade show that children with an incarcerated parent are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Unlike other forms of parental separation, incarceration carries stigma and shame, making it harder for children to express their grief.

Dr. Kristin Turney, a sociologist at the University of California, Irvine, has studied the developmental effects of parental incarceration extensively. She found that children in this situation experience greater emotional distress than those who lose a parent to divorce or even death. Why? Because incarceration is unpredictable. The child doesn’t just lose a parent—they gain a confusing tangle of uncertainty, social stigma, and economic hardship.

Data from the National Survey of Children’s Health shows that children of incarcerated parents are more likely to struggle in school, have behavioral problems, and even face increased risks of chronic health issues. The toxic stress caused by parental incarceration—when prolonged and unbuffered by strong, stable relationships—literally alters brain development, making it harder for children to regulate emotions and concentrate.

And then there’s the financial toll.

Many incarcerated parents were primary providers, and when they’re gone, families often spiral into deeper poverty. Fewer resources mean higher stress at home, less parental supervision, and a higher likelihood that the cycle of incarceration will repeat.

So, what can we do?

Experts emphasize that children need stability, connection, and open conversations to mitigate the damage.

1. Regular Contact Matters

    Research by the Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families through the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services suggests that maintaining strong parent-child bonds—even through prison visitation—can reduce the emotional harm of separation. Children who maintain contact with their incarcerated parent often fare better emotionally and behaviorally.

    2. Honest, Age-Appropriate Conversations

    Psychologists recommend avoiding secrecy. Instead of saying, “Daddy is away on a trip,” it’s better to explain in simple, truthful terms that he made a mistake, is facing consequences, but still loves them.

    3. Community Support Is Key

    Programs like Sesame Street’s “Little Children, Big Challenges” provide books, videos, and tools to help kids process their feelings. Mentorship programs, like those from one of our partner organizations, Big Brothers Big Sisters, also offer children a steady adult presence when a parent is absent.

    Parental incarceration is not just a criminal justice issue—it’s a childhood development issue, a public health issue, and a societal issue. While we can’t rewrite the past, we can build better support systems for these children so they don’t have to serve a silent sentence alongside their parents.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

    /0 Comments/by

    How to Build Problem Solving Skills in Yourself and Your Children

    As a CEO, I participate in a lot of meetings.

    A couple of weeks ago, I attended a meeting with several other leaders who all shared common concerns about our community. It was immediately apparent to me that everyone at the table was well-versed and passionate about their area of expertise and service. It was also obvious that everyone at the table had been experiencing significant barriers, and they were tired. 

    One person would share a potential solution or positive outcome and someone else would shoot it down with a stat or potential concern for failure. I couldn’t help but think, are we getting in our own way of providing solutions? Have we become so tired and afraid of risk we’ve lost our ability to problem-solve?

    Likewise, the other day, my five-year-old son stood in the kitchen, arms crossed, face scrunched in frustration. “I can’t open this!” he huffed, holding a granola bar.

    Now, I could have swooped in, handled it for him, and moved on. I really wanted to. But instead, I asked, “What’s another way you could get it open?” After some initial grumbling, he said, “I’ve tried everything, Mom! I’m just HUNGRY!” I encouraged him to take a deep breath and try again. So, he used his teeth (classic), then his hands again (progress!), and finally, with a little encouragement, he found the corner and peeled it back. Victory.

    That moment—small as it was—mattered. Because in life, we all face granola-bar moments: problems that feel insurmountable until we train ourselves to see solutions instead of barriers. And as parents, partners, and professionals, one of the greatest gifts we can give and contribute is a problem-solving mindset.

    Our brains have a built-in negativity bias, meaning we naturally focus on obstacles more than possibilities.

    It’s an evolutionary feature designed to keep us safe, but it’s not always helpful when trying to solve everyday problems. Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist famous for her work on mindset theory, explains that people with a “fixed mindset” see difficulties as stop signs, whereas those with an “open mindset” see them as detours.

    Similarly, research on cognitive reframing—a technique used in therapy—shows that when we actively shift our perspective to see challenges as opportunities, we not only feel more capable but actually find better solutions.

    In relationships, this shift is crucial.

    Imagine a couple constantly stuck on the problem of one partner leaving dishes in the sink. A fixed mindset says, “You’re messy, and I’m tired of asking.” A solution-focused approach asks, “What system could we put in place to make this easier for both of us?” Small shift, huge difference.

    The good news? This skill can be taught and it can grow over time.

    Research shows that kids as young as preschool age can develop solution-oriented thinking when adults model and encourage it, and adults can grow their problem-solving skills like a muscle.

    Here’s how:

    1. Ask, “What could we try?” Instead of solving problems immediately, move towards brainstorming. My son’s granola-bar saga? That’s step one for both me and him.
    2. Reframe failure as learning. When you face a struggle, it’s easy to assume, “I can’t do it.” Shift that language: “You can’t do it yet.” Studies show that adding yet makes a difference in persistence.
    3. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes. If the goal is only success, it’s our human nature to avoid challenges if we think we’re going to fail. Praise the trying for yourself, your kids, your team, everyone. Research from Stanford University shows this builds resilience.
    4. Model it in your own life. If you hit traffic and immediately complain, everyone around you absorbs that. If instead you say, “Looks like we’ll get to hear more of our audiobook,” you teach yourself to reframe and encourage everyone in the car to do it, too.

    Families, teams and individuals thrive when they approach life with a solution-first mentality. Whether it’s handling a toddler’s meltdowns, a co-workers work struggles, or an unexpected financial setback, our ability to shift from “this is hard” to “what can we do?” changes everything.

    So next time your child (or your partner, or your coworker, or you) hits a roadblock, take a breath. Step back. Look for the solution. Because more often than not, it’s right there—waiting to be unwrapped.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

    /0 Comments/by

    The Power of Your Mindset in Parenting

    If there’s one thing parenting will do, it’s expose the mindset you bring into it.

    Whether you’re a mom or dad, the way you approach obstacles—tantrums, sleepless nights, sibling fights, the existential crisis that is getting a toddler into a car seat—can shape not only your experience as a parent but also your child’s development.

    Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset versus fixed mindset applies to parenting just as much as it does to kids in the classroom. A growth mindset, the belief that challenges are opportunities for learning rather than proof of failure, helps parents stay resilient, adaptable, and emotionally attuned to their children. In contrast, a fixed mindset—believing that either you “have it” or you don’t—can lead to frustration, guilt, and burnout.

    While every child is different, and every parent/child dynamic is complex, there are common mindset traps where parents can find themselves stuck. Here are the most common and how to overcome them:

    1. “I should instinctively know how to do this.”
      Many parents, especially new ones, feel like good parenting should come naturally. But research shows that parenting skills are learned, not innate. When we accept that it’s okay to learn as we go, we model for our kids that growth is a lifelong process.
    2. “If my child is struggling, I must be failing.”
      This belief puts immense pressure on parents. The truth is, all children face difficulties—behavioral, emotional, academic. The key isn’t eliminating struggle but helping children build resilience. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child emphasizes that responsive parenting—meeting challenges with patience and problem-solving rather than panic—fosters emotional security.
    3. “Good parents don’t lose their temper.”
      Let’s be real: raising humans is messy. Even the best parents lose their patience. The difference is in how they repair. Psychologist Daniel Siegel, in The Power of Showing Up, highlights that kids benefit more from parents who repair after missteps—acknowledging frustration and modeling emotional regulation—than from parents who never struggle at all.

    If a growth mindset doesn’t come easy for you, it’s never too late to learn and shift your thinking to a more positive outlook.

    A great first step is to reframe mistakes as positive learning opportunities. Instead of thinking, I handled that meltdown terribly, shift to, What can I do differently next time? This approach not only reduces guilt but also helps children learn that mistakes are part of growth.

    You can also adopt the power of “yet.” If your child struggles with independence, instead of thinking, He’ll never do this on his own, try, He’s not there yet, but he’s learning. This tiny shift fosters patience and perseverance. And, taking a breath before reacting is another great way to implement a growth mindset in your parenting practice. Stress is inevitable, but response is a choice. Studies on parental self-regulation show that pausing before reacting—taking a breath, stepping away if needed—helps parents respond with more calm and clarity.

    Parenting is a journey of becoming, not just for children but for us, too. When we embrace a growth mindset, we not only ease the pressure on ourselves—we raise kids who believe in resilience, learning, and the power of trying again.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

    /0 Comments/by
    ,

    Spring Cleaning Your Relationships: Clearing Out Resentment, Guilt and Unspoken Expectations

    There’s something about spring that invites us to shed what’s stale and breathe fresh air into our homes.

    And believe it or not… spring will be here this month!

    It’s the season to dust off forgotten corners, donate what no longer serves us, and stand back to admire the crispness of a clean slate. But what if we treated our relationships the same way? What if we took this season of renewal as a cue to clear out the resentment, guilt, and unspoken expectations that can quietly clutter our marriages and parenting?

    Just as a home full of junk can feel stifling, relationships burdened with emotional debris can limit our joy and connection.

    And research agrees. A 2015 study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that unresolved conflicts and unmet expectations are significant predictors of marital dissatisfaction. Similarly, parenting experts warn that lingering guilt and unspoken assumptions can create friction with our kids.

    Dusting Out Resentment in Marriage

    Resentment often starts as a small speck—an eye roll when your partner forgets, yet again, to take out the trash. But left unaddressed, it can accumulate into a layer of grime that blurs your view of each other. According to Dr. John Gottman, renowned marriage researcher, the antidote to resentment is open communication. “Small things often,” he says, emphasizing that regular, honest conversations can prevent small irritations from growing into deep divides.

    To begin, set aside time to talk without distractions. Start sentences with “I feel” rather than “You always,” which keeps the conversation focused on your experience instead of sounding accusatory. And, yes, it’s uncomfortable at first—kind of like pulling the couch away from the wall and finding a collection of dusty mysteries. But the relief of a clean, honest space is worth it.

    Sweeping Away Parenting Guilt

    If I had a dollar for every time I felt guilty as a parent, I’d have enough for a luxurious kid-free weekend getaway—and probably still feel guilty about going. Parenting guilt is a universal experience, but carrying it unchecked is like dragging a mop through muddy water: it only spreads the mess.

    Parenting expert Dr. Tina Payne Bryson advises acknowledging guilt as a sign of care but not letting it dictate our actions.

    “Guilt can be a helpful signal, but it becomes unhealthy when it turns into shame or when it keeps us from being present with our children,” she explains. Instead of dwelling on where you think you’re falling short, focus on small, intentional moments of connection with your kids—whether it’s reading one more story at bedtime or sharing a silly dance in the kitchen.

    Scrubbing Out Unspoken Expectations

    Expectations are tricky. We all have them, but when left unspoken, they can become invisible tripping hazards. Whether it’s expecting your spouse to know you need a break or hoping your child will behave perfectly at the grocery store, unspoken expectations often lead to disappointment and friction.

    Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, emphasizes the importance of “clear is kind.” She encourages us to be explicit about what we need and to ask our loved ones to do the same. When my five-year-old started kindergarten, I realized I had an unspoken expectation that he’d adjust easily. When he didn’t, I felt frustrated—not at him, but at the gap between my expectation and reality. Voicing this allowed me to shift my approach, offering him more support and patience as he navigated the transition.

    Embracing the Fresh Air

    The beauty of spring cleaning—whether in your home or your heart—isn’t in achieving perfection but in creating space for what matters most. When we clear out resentment, guilt, and unspoken expectations, we make room for grace, laughter, and love. We let in the fresh air of connection and breathe a little easier in our most important relationships.

    So, as you sweep out the dust bunnies and fold fresh linens, take a moment to dust off your relationships too. It may take time, but the reward is a home—and a heart—where love can flourish.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at lauren@firstthings.org.

    /0 Comments/by

    Why Traveling With Young Children Is Worth Every Meltdown

    My son was four months old the first time he flew on a plane. 

    I was invited to a tech conference at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was exclusively nursing, living on a special diet of no dairy, soy, or egg, and getting four solid hours of sleep a night.

    It wasn’t easy, but seeing my little boy fall asleep on the plane, ga-ga at strangers on the city sidewalks, and marvel at the curves and shapes of Pittsburgh architecture made me grateful for seizing the opportunity.

    When he was two years old, we went on a family trip to Boston for a week.

    My husband and I love the city, and there are so many fun activities for young ones to enjoy.

    At three, my son went on his first beach vacation to Key Largo, an island off the southern coast of Florida.

    It was a work trip for my husband, but it became one of our most memorable experiences.

    And last week, we visited the Grand Canyon and the deserts of Arizona.

    My now four-year-old continually asks if we just came back from outer space. He’s convinced we went to Mars because of Red Rock State Park in Sedona.

    Why am I sharing my son’s travel history with you? Because we did it, and you can, too. 

    Before moving forward, let me make one thing clear: There were plenty of blowouts, meltdowns, and tired tantrums on each of these trips.

    I’m no Mary Poppins, try as I might. But the memories made, experiences had, and the personal growth my husband and I experienced was far worth the chaos.

    A study released in 2022 by the Student and Youth Travel Association found that children who travel benefit in a myriad of ways, including better performance in school.

    Some of the most noteworthy findings include:

    • 74% of the educators polled believe travel helps students’ personal development.
    • 56% believe travel positively impacts students’ lifetime education and career.
    • 80% of the teachers in the study said travel is an “extremely effective” teaching method.
    • Students who travel often reported having an increased desire to graduate and attend college.

    Travel is a luxury not everyone can afford.

    However, it’s not the distance that makes the experience beneficial to parents and children; it’s the out-of-the-box experience.

    If finances are tight and resources aren’t easily accessible, consider visiting a local monument, park, or museum.

    Find a nearby grocery store with culturally diverse foods, people, and languages. Spend some time reading books about places you might want to visit someday and make a tentative plan for how to get there.

    If having young children is holding you back from travel, think again.

    Seeing the world (no matter how close or far away from home) through the eyes of a small child may be the perspective shift you need to boost positivity and increase creativity. Plus, it can help your child develop a healthy curiosity and openness to critical thinking that will carry them through life.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First and can be contacted at lauren@firstthings.org.

    Photo by James Wheeler on Unsplash

    /0 Comments/by

    Parents Should Have Hard Conversations With Young Children

    “Momma, when you die and I don’t have a Momma anymore, can I go live with Nana and Poppy?” my four-year-old asked nonchalantly last Saturday.

    “Well, if anything happens to me and your dad, you can certainly live with Nana and Poppy. What made you ask that question, bug?” I said blindsided.

    “People die. And, I know you’re gonna die and live with Jesus. So. I just want to have someone to live with, too,” he responded. Then, he ran outside and started digging in the dirt with his dump trucks.

    I was in shock from the conversation. What was going on in his little mind? Where did that question come from?

    My husband reminded me that our son has attended four funerals in his short four years of life– three great grandmothers and a great aunt. That’s a lot of death to unpack. I also learned he overheard a conversation about the tragic shootings and deaths of 3 adults and 3 children at the Covenant School in Nashville a few weeks ago.

    As a parent, I want to protect my son at all costs.

    I want to keep him from having to deal with the hard, unfair and cruel injustices of this world. But, the truth is, avoiding difficult conversations and shielding him in an effort to preserve his innocence does more harm than good in the long run.

    The American Psychological Association (APA) released a statement earlier this year encouraging parents to have hard conversations with young children: 

    “Taking a proactive stance and discussing difficult events and topics in age-appropriate language can help a child feel safer and more secure. If adults don’t talk to them about it, a child may overestimate what is wrong or misunderstand adults’ silence. So, be the first to bring up the difficult topic. When parents tackle difficult conversations, they let their children know that they are available and supportive.”

    While this statement is empowering, sitting down and having these conversations can be stressful. How do you define age appropriate language? What if you don’t have all the answers to the questions they ask?

    Here are a few things to remember when these hard conversations happen:

    1: If you can, practice ahead of time.

    When a tragic event occurs, try to be the person your child hears it from first. Decide what you’re going to share, how you’re going to share it, and most importantly, when the best time is to have the conversation.

    2: Timing is everything.

    Choose a quiet place to sit with your child one-on-one and look them in the eyes. Avoid having hard conversations when you’re busy making dinner or when your child is playing. The conversation at hand should be the center of both your attention.

    3: Ask them what they already know.

    “There was a shooting at a school. What do you know about this?” And then listen, listen, and listen more.

    4: Tell them how you feel.

    Sharing your emotions with your child allows them to create a deeper connection with you. It’s also a great opportunity to model behavior and emotional regulation for them.

    5: Stick to the facts and avoid details.

    Tell them the outline of what happened. There’s no need to share gory details or show gruesome graphics. 

    As a parent, the greatest thing you can do for your child is build a deep connection with them. No matter how hard we try, we can’t control them or the world around them. Having hard conversations when they’re young allows them to see you as a safe, wise and trusted source for a lifetime.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First and can be contacted at lauren@firstthings.org.

    Photo by Jonas Kakaroto on Unsplash

    /0 Comments/by

    The How and What of “The Most Generous Interpretation” Method

    It’s no secret that poor communication habits are the silent killers of many relationships.

    Spouses, parents, children, and siblings often fail to connect, express, and respond to expectations and effectively work through conflict. In all relationships, it’s easy for individuals to misunderstand each other, not actively listen before responding, and miss verbal cues for connection.

    As much as clear communication plays an important role in relationships, one method suggests the Most Generous Interpretation (MGI) of people and their behavior plays an even bigger role in family health.

    Dr. Becky Kennedy, author of the New York Times bestselling parenting book Good Inside, suggests that you can separate a person from their behavior. “Finding the MGI teaches [us] to attend to what is going on inside… (feelings, worries, urges, sensations) rather than what is going on outside (words or actions).”

    Here’s a parenting example:

    We had a few families over for dinner last week. My 4-year-old son enjoyed playing with all of his friends. When the night ended and everyone went home, I told my son it was time to take a bath. “No! I won’t take a bath. I’m not going to do it right now, and you can’t make me,” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

    At that moment, I had a few response options:

    1) Yell back with something like, “Don’t talk to me like that or you’ll be punished!”

    2) Lay the guilt trip on with a statement like, “I just gave you a fun night with friends. You’re ungrateful.”

    3) Make it about my emotions, saying, “It makes me really sad when you talk to me like that. I don’t deserve that.”

    4) Use my Most Generous Interpretation by separating his behavior from who he is and following up with curiosity. “Wow, I hear how upset you are. Tell me more.”

    I chose option four.

    My son then told me he didn’t think it was fair for everyone to go home. He missed them and felt sad that they were gone. He started crying and told me he was extremely tired and didn’t think he had the energy to take a bath. So, I responded, “I get it. I’m tired, too. If we don’t take a bath before bed right now, then we have to wake up a little early in the morning to take one before school. It’s your choice. Bath tonight or in the morning?” He chose the morning option and was asleep in about 5 minutes. He woke up the next morning refreshed and ready to take a bath before school.

    Some may interpret this method as “being too easy” on kids, but Dr. Kennedy suggests it’s actually framing their behavior in a way that will help them build critical emotion regulation skills for their future, and parents are preserving their connection and close relationship along the way.

    “I often remind myself that kids respond to the version of themselves that parents reflect back to them and act accordingly,” Dr. Kennedy shares. “When we tell our kids they are selfish, they act in their own interest… but the opposite is true as well. When we tell our kids, ‘You’re a good kid having a hard time… I’m right here with you,’ they are more likely to have empathy for their own struggles, which helps them regulate and make better decisions.”

    So, how does this method work in a marriage?

    The next time your spouse snaps at you, ignores you, or does something to make you feel unseen or unheard, use the MGI rather than yelling, sulking, or blaming. Let them know you see them and want to know what’s going on inside, beyond their behavior outside.

    Say something like, “You seem upset. Would you like to talk about it?” or “You seem distracted. Can we talk about what’s on your mind? I’m here with you.”

    Choosing the Most Generous Interpretation isn’t easy. At the end of the day, it forces you to respond instead of react and to be curious rather than make assumptions. The connection and depth the MGI can bring to your family is worth the challenge.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First and can be contacted at lauren@firstthings.org.

    Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

    /0 Comments/by