Kids are Losing Sleep
Have you ever checked email or text messages in the middle of the night? If so, chances are good that your kids have been losing sleep to those things, too.
The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 2014 Poll revealed interesting findings when it comes to families and their sleep patterns.
Of those surveyed:
- 89% of adults and 75% of children have at least one electronic device in their bedrooms. While a television was the most common device, 45% of parents and 30% of children had a tablet or smartphone with them when they go to bed at night.
- 26% of parents and 16% of children sent or read emails and text messages after initially dozing off. Technology has become commonplace in the bedroom. However, the duration and quality of sleep appear to suffer when children and adults leave devices on past bedtime.
- Sleep quality was significantly worse for children who sometimes left the television, tablet/smartphone or music player on at night.
- Children who leave their devices on get less rest on school nights than other children. Parents estimate it’s a difference of nearly one hour, on average, per night.
- Parents also view the quality of their child’s sleep negatively if the child leaves electronics on during the night. This holds true even with older children, who are more likely to leave things on. Teens with left-on devices are estimated to get, on average, half an hour less sleep on school nights.
“For children, a good night’s sleep is essential to health, development and performance in school,” says Kristen L. Knutson, a biomedical anthropologist who researches sleep at the University of Chicago. “We found that, when parents take action to protect their children’s sleep, their children sleep better.”
The NSF shares these tips to improve your child’s sack time:
- Make sleep a healthy priority in your family’s busy schedule. Children ages 6-10 need 10-11 hours of shuteye. Older children need 8.5-9.5 hours.
- Set appropriate and consistent bedtimes for your entire family.
- Know how your child is using electronics in the bedroom. Create a plan for appropriate use at night and set boundaries about use before and after bedtime.
- Educate your family on how light from electronic device screens can interfere with winding down.
- Talk to your child about the importance of sleep for health and well-being.
- Create a snooze-supportive bedroom and home environment, dimming the lights prior to bedtime and controlling the temperature; in most cases, temperatures above 75 degrees and below 54 degrees will disrupt your rest.
- Encourage activities such as reading or listening to music before bedtime. These are more relaxing than watching TV, playing video games or surfing the Web.
- Make sure children’s activities, including homework, can be completed without interfering with bedtimes.
When it comes to technology, kids are following their parent’s lead.
“Parents need to be good role models in their responsible use of electronics and their children will follow suit,” says Monique K. LeBourgeois, a psychologist who researches sleep at University of Colorado Boulder.
It may be hard to resist, but setting the tone for a good night’s rest can lead to a happier, healthier home.
Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV!
The Value of Family Meals
For more than 40 years, Lynn and Pat Panter have been hosting family dinner on Sundays.
“It’s funny, this is just something we have always done,” says Lynn Panter. “When our children were little, we had Sunday dinner. As they got older, we kept on doing it. Here we are 40 years later with grown children, spouses, boyfriends and grandchildren seated around the table.”
Unlike some, the Panters don’t require or expect anyone to come for family dinners.
“There is no pressure to come,” Lynn says. “If they have something else to do, they know they are free to go do it with no repercussions for not being present. We usually have between eight and 16 people seated around the table on any given Sunday.”
Between the laughter, the stories and discussions about their day, it is always a lively experience and a great way for the family to connect.
“Even though my husband was on the road a lot when our daughters were young, the expectation was that we all ate dinner together,” Lynn says. “This was our time to catch up with each other and the events of the day. It kept us connected even when schedules were hectic.”
Research shows that regular and meaningful family meals offer a variety of benefits both to children and adults. Studies suggest that having dinner together as a family at least four times a week positively affects child development and is linked to lower obesity risk, decreased likelihood of substance abuse and eating disorders, and an increased chance of graduating from high school.
Additionally, meals provide a sense of family unity and identity as well as teaching traditions. Discussions around the dinner table not only give children an opportunity to express themselves, they also teach them to wait their turn to speak and hear many different perspectives. In some instances, they learn how to agree or disagree.
Family meals help parents transmit their values from one generation to the next and teach good table manners and etiquette. These times together as a family create a bond and shared memories that children carry with them long into adulthood.
The key to the success of these gatherings is making them technology-free zones – no televisions, tablets, or cellphones allowed.
“Some people probably wonder why we still have the Sunday dinners.” Lynn says. “I think the biggest reason we still do it is because we really enjoy being together. We look forward to catching up with each other. It’s not formal and everybody pitches in — which is a good thing. In order to do something like this, you need to enjoy doing it, otherwise, it becomes a burden.”
If you realize the value of family meals and it has been on your “to-do” list, this is the time to make it happen. Set a date, keep it simple and watch what happens. Younger family members may balk at first, but once they get in the routine, they will look forward to time together. Who knows what may be happening at your house 40 years from now?
Teaching Family History
Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Where your parents went to school? How your parents met and fell in love? Do you remember sitting around the dinner table or hearing extended family sharing stories about the past, perhaps over the holidays? Stories like, “When I was your age, we walked five miles uphill in the snow to get to school.” Although this information might have seemed frivolous and useless at the time, you might want to rethink the role those stories at extended family gatherings play in teaching family history.
What Makes Families Strong?
New York Times journalist and author Bruce Feiler spent years studying what makes families strong. He found that developing a strong family narrative where children have a good grasp of their family history helps them establish a strong sense of self. This, in turn, helps them do better in life.
Feiler looked at the work of Drs. Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush at Emory University. Duke and Fivush developed a measure called the Do You Know? (DYK) scale. Using this scale, they asked children 20 questions about family history, like: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know about something really terrible that happened to your family?
In 2001, they asked 50 families to tape their dinner conversations. Then they compared the results to psychological tests given to the children. The results? The more children knew about their family history, the higher their self-esteem and sense of control over their lives.
Interestingly, Duke and Fivush had an unusual opportunity in that the events of 9-11 occurred months after their data collection. They reassessed those children and again found that those who knew more about their families were more resilient, meaning they dealt better with the traumatic stress.
Also, the higher scores on the DYK scale were associated with:
- An internal locus of control (a belief in one’s own capacity to control what happens to him or her),
- Better family functioning,
- Lower levels of anxiety,
- Fewer behavioral problems, and
- Better chances for good outcomes if a child faces educational or emotional/behavioral difficulties.
What can parents do to help teach family history?
Duke warns that it’s not just about children knowing the answers to questions on the scale. He recommends pursuing activities with your children that convey this sense of history. Some great times for this are during holidays, birthday celebrations, family trips in the car, vacations and big family gatherings.
Even simple events like riding to the mall, looking through photo albums or teaching about a cheesy family tradition can have a positive impact. The stories are the foundation on which children can grow stronger and healthier. You should tell them over and over again through the years.
So, the next time your children roll their eyes during a story from the past, just remember that you are building what Duke and Fivush call “the child’s intergenerational self.” But that’s not all. You’re also increasing their personal strength and giving them moral guidance.
Do your children know your family stories?
5 Basics for Childhood Learning
The Science of Childhood: Inside the Minds of Our Younger Selves is a Time magazine special edition. It examines everything from understanding child development and dealing with temper tantrums to the science of play and birth-order secrets. It’s part of an effort to help parents and other caregivers better understand how children learn – and what everyone can do to help children thrive.
Since 2015, the Early Childhood Coalition has been working to ensure that everyone in the greater Chattanooga area can access high-quality resources that support child development from birth to age 5. The plan is to engage and mobilize the community through advocacy, communication and education. The goal is for all children to achieve their potential and live their best lives.
For example, Chattanooga Basics is one of the Coalition’s initiatives. It’s built upon the reality that parents play the most critical role in providing a solid and healthy start for babies and young kids. Chattanooga Basics is closely aligned with Harvard’s Boston Basics.
The goals for the Basics are to help ensure that:
- 80 percent of children show up to school ready to learn.
- Every parent has access to information about how to help their child thrive.
- Every parent knows about the Chattanooga Basics and creative ways to engage their child.
- Parents have the necessary support to be what their child needs.
The Five Basics can help all children to thrive.
While parents are their child’s first teachers, the entire community can rally around them and support them as they parent.
The Five Basics are:
- Maximize Love, Manage Stress – Babies thrive when the world feels loving, safe and predictable. Affectionate and responsive caregiving develops a sense of security and self-control.
- Talk, Sing Point – Babies learn language from the moment they are born through loving interactions with their caregivers, not televisions or phones. Eye contact, pointing, and real words teach the most about communication.
- Count, Group, and Compare – Children are wired to learn numbers, patterns, sizes, shapes and comparisons. What they learn about math in the first few years makes a difference when they get to school.
- Explore Through Movement and Play – Children are born curious about the world. They’re like scientists. Pay attention to your infant’s or toddler’s interests. Help them learn through play and exploration.
- Read and Discuss Stories – The more we read with young children, the more we prepare them to enjoy reading and do well in school. Even infants enjoy the shapes and colors in books! Let them hold the book and turn the pages. Point to the pictures and talk about what you see.
You can help prepare the children in our community for kindergarten.
You may be part of a faith-based community, a child-care provider, a human resources executive or a company CEO. Or perhaps you are the neighbor next door or a relative or friend. It doesn’t matter who you are!
Everyone plays a role in intentionally engaging parents, assisting them in building strong, healthy families and helping children thrive and show up to school ready to learn.
To learn more about Chattanooga Basics, the Early Childhood Coalition partners and what you can do to help, visit chattanoogabasics.org.
Other blogs:
How to Make Sure Your Child Knows You Love Them
Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV on this topic!
How to Help Kids Handle Rejection
When Sara left home on the first day of sixth grade, she was super-excited about starting middle school. She was anything but excited when she got in the car at the end of the day.
Sara told her mom that her friends since kindergarten had decided to end their friendship. The leader of the group had told them, “We don’t like her anymore,” a statement that launched Sara and her family into a year of chaos.
Every impulse in Sara’s mom wanted to hunt down those girls, but she knew better than to do that. In conversations with other moms, she asked, “Why all the meanness?” Many of the women had not only experienced this with their children, they had gone through it themselves. In fact, they could still recall the interactions in painstaking detail.
“Peer pressure and rejection hurt so much because it hits a youngster’s self-esteem, which is still wobbly at best during the preteen and early teen years,” says psychologist Dr. Susan Hickman from the Mental Fitness Institute in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
“To make it worse, children at this age have not yet developed good filters to distinguish that this type of experience may be more about the other person than about them. They immediately translate the bad behavior of others into seeing themselves as unworthy. In reality, these two are not connected at all.”
Whether young or old, everyone has the need to belong. So the feeling of rejection hits a person right in the gut.
“If children can’t get a good sense of belonging from a peer group at school, parents have to help them work a little harder to develop a sense of belonging elsewhere, such as through team sports, extracurricular hobbies, neighborhood peers or community groups,” Hickman says. “Once they establish a group with which they can identify, it’s much easier to teach them how to dismiss their peers’ bad behavior and grasp the fact that it is really not about them.”
Hickman believes teaching children mental fitness skills is the key to navigating these tough situations and evaluating their own feelings. Learning how to challenge and confront false ideas can keep them steady for the rest of their lives.
Fortunately, you can help your child with these steps:
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Develop healthy self-esteem that is not affected by hurtful people’s negative opinions. Help them solidify an appropriate sense of self-approval – regardless of others’ bad behavior.
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Learn healthy coping skills in the midst of negative circumstances. Self-talk is a key component to this. It’s important for them to cope positively with emotional upheaval instead of harming themselves or flocking to unsavory peers. Walk them through identifying healthy ways they can cope.
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Keep perspective. Teach them to assess how much the situation has to do with themselves versus the bully. Get them to ask: Why might this person act this way? This teaches them to identify with the other person and separate themselves from the event. It also helps them look at their own behavior and make necessary changes.
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Find alternative strategies and resources for fitting in. Trying a new hobby, joining a sports team or even finding another friend group may help. A busy mind is far less likely to think negative thoughts.
So, how exactly do you teach them these crucial skills?
“Think of it as you would any other skill, such as tying your shoes,” Hickman says. “Know what you want to teach them and show them the steps to reach their goal. Gently correct any missteps and model the next step for them. Then, have them practice the behavior until it comes naturally.”
This will take some time and probably patience. But in the end, you will have taught them how to handle life situations and their own emotions with dignity.
3 Things Each Person in Your Family Needs to Know
Parents of young children often discuss among themselves whether they are doing all the right things to help their kids become healthy, happy adults.
How many activities should they be involved in? How much sleep do they really need? Is it bad to fix something different for each child for dinner? Am I a bad parent if I don’t (you fill in the blank)?
While these are all valid questions, every person has two basic needs – the need to know who you are and where you belong in the family.
The parent should help each member of the family be who they are as individuals and understand how to connect and fit in with the rest of the family. This is a great case for not treating every child exactly the same. Personalities, temperaments and needs are different for each family member.
So, how do you know if you’re in charge or if your child is running the show?
You may need to reevaluate what’s taking place if any of the following scenarios apply in your home:
- You think it is OK for your child to tell you what to do;
- Your child’s behavior intimidates you;
- You change your response because your child throws a tantrum, pouts or withdraws;
- Fear of your child’s response changes the way you handle something;
- You allow emotions – such as guilt and fear that your child won’t love you or won’t be happy with you – to dictate your decisions instead of answering the question, “What is in the best interest of my child?”
It’s not healthy for kids to rule the roost if you want to help them grow up and become independent. Even when they push the edge of the envelope, they’re still counting on you to lead.
Research consistently shows that healthy families have similar patterns – adults lead the family, each person is able to be close and separate from other family members, and the family expects and adapts to change as needed.
According to the authors of Survival Skills for Healthy Families, each person in the family needs to know three things:
- How to speak up and say what they need. The ability to say what you want helps others to know what you’re thinking and feeling. As an added bonus, it opens the door for understanding.
- How to listen – As a listener, you can choose to seek connection, be respectful and look for understanding. Or, you can react, fight and argue instead.
- How to cooperate – Teach your children how to find a balance between their needs and the needs of other members of the family.
Children in your home need to know they can count on their parents to be in charge. But, they also need to know they belong and how to use their voice. Mastering these skills earlier in life can be a real gift to your entire family – and for future generations.
4 Ways to Keep Your Kids Safe
People across America paid close attention to news about missing teen Elizabeth Thomas and her alleged kidnapper, Tad Cummins. After a nationwide manhunt, authorities continued to uncover evidence of an inappropriate romantic relationship between the girl and her 50-year-old teacher. Experts now believe Cummins had been grooming the student for a while.
This is a parent’s worst nightmare. And unfortunately, headlines like these have become far too frequent.
Every day, hundreds of thousands of parents entrust their children to teachers, coaches and youth ministers.
The vast majority of these people truly have the heart to help children. There are some bad apples in the mix, however, which can complicate things.
No parent wants to believe this could happen to their child. Your greatest desire is to keep your kids safe. But, how do you help your child guard against something like this without scaring them?
According to Kidpower International, an organization dedicated to providing empowering and effective child protection, positive communication and personal safety skills for all ages and abilities, these four strategies can help prevent these types of situations and help to keep your kids safe.
Put safety first.
The safety and self-esteem of a child are more important than anyone’s embarrassment, inconvenience or offense. If you suspect there is a safety problem involving children of any age, take personal responsibility and address it. Speak up persistently and widely until someone effectively takes action. Young people in abusive situations need help and protection.
Keep your kids safe by making sure you know what others are doing with them.
Some predators actually create opportunities to be alone with children by doing wonderful things with and for them. They may even seem like really nice people with excellent reputations. But don’t just trust people because they are part of a reputable organization or because they are family. Part of keeping your kids safe is trusting your intuition. If something feels uncomfortable, speak up. When in doubt, check it out.
LISTEN to your children and teach them not to keep unsafe secrets.
Most abusers build strong relationships with children before anything sexual takes place. Encourage your child to talk to you often by asking supportive questions, being a good listener and not lecturing. Pay attention to what they say. Be very clear that secrets about problems, touch, favors, gifts someone gives them, photos or videos, privileges, time alone with anyone and games are NOT safe. It’s crucial for them to tell you and other trusted adults instead of keeping secrets, even if it will upset or embarrass someone they care about. (Here’s how to be an emotionally safe parent.)
Make sure you tell your children, “Even if you made a mistake or did something wrong, I will love you and help you. Please tell me about anyone whose behavior makes you uncomfortable, even if we really like this person, so we can figure out what to do to keep everyone safe.”
Prepare young people to take charge of their safety by practicing skills.
One quick action can stop most abuse – pushing someone’s hand away, ordering them to stop, leaving as soon as possible, resisting emotional coercion and telling. If children understand these safety rules and have had the chance to practice them in an age-appropriate way, they are more likely to use them if necessary.
An Instagram post from Elizabeth Thomas said, “Every Beauty needs her Beast to protect her from everything but him,” credited to poet N.R. Hart.
Don’t just assume your child knows the signs of an inappropriate relationship. And, don’t assume that they would for sure tell you about something that happened. Be proactive and teach them. Empowering them in such a way can help alleviate any fear they encounter.
The Effects of Childhood Trauma
Of the 76 million children living in the United States, a staggering 60 percent (46 million) of them will experience the effects of childhood trauma: violence, abuse, crime and psychological trauma before they turn 18. That’s according to the U.S. Department of Justice.
Believe it or not, home life plays a huge part in these statistics.
Specifically, children from single-parent homes seem to be at higher risk for adverse childhood experiences than those who live with both parents.
The National Survey of Children’s Health asked parents of 95,677 children under 18 if their kids had ever seen or heard “any parents, guardians or any other adults in the home slap, hit, kick, punch or beat each other up.” Nineteen of every 1,000 children living with their two married biological parents experienced that type of behavior. Sadly, the exposure rate was seven times higher (144 children per 1,000) in homes with a divorced or separated mother. These comparisons are adjusted for differences across age, sex, race, family income, poverty status and parent’s education level.
In an Institute for Family Studies article, Nicholas Zill, a psychologist and child and family well-being researcher with more than 40 years of experience, writes:
“Experiencing family violence is stressful for children, undercuts their respect and admiration for parents who engage in abusive behavior, and is associated with increased rates of emotional and behavioral problems at home and in school. For children of never-married mothers who witnessed family violence, 58 percent had conduct or academic problems. Among children of divorced or separated mothers, nearly half of those exposed to family violence, 48 percent, had had conduct or academic problems at school.”
So, how do adverse childhood experiences affect children long-term? Do they set the stage for greater difficulty later in life? Are children resilient?
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE), conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, studied more than 17,000 adults to find out. It examined the links between traumatic childhood experiences (abuse, neglect and family dysfunction including divorce, incarceration, substance abuse and mental health issues) and current adult health and well-being.
According to that study, exposure to adverse childhood experiences hinders the ability to form stable and healthy adult relationships. Plus, those experiences increase the risk for:
- Experiencing substance abuse;
- Depression;
- Cardiovascular disease;
- Diabetes;
- Cancer; and
- Premature death.
In contrast, healthy relationships at home, school and in the community can nurture a child’s physical and emotional growth. Children need these types of relationships from birth forward in order to thrive and grow into productive adults.
What can you do?
- Create a safe and stable home for your kids.
- Actively engage in your child’s life.
- Learn skills to help you manage and resolve conflict.
- Take parenting classes for various ages and stages.
- Make sure your neighborhood is a safe place.
Safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments are among the most powerful and protective forces in a child’s life. So in order to promote healthy child development, we must be diligent in creating those safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments. As a community, we all share responsibility for the well-being of our children.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
