Tag Archive for: Behavior

Struggles Can Lead to Success

A college freshman working as a summer camp counselor called her parents. She vented about how bad things were with her supervisor. Halfway through the program, six other counselors had quit because they were unhappy and not having fun. As the conversation continued, the parents realized their child wanted their permission to quit as well. Although the situation was difficult, her parents told her to finish her commitment.

Have you ever watched your child struggle with something so much that it made you sick, and you wanted to rescue them?

At that moment, what should you do?

  • Swoop in and save them from experiencing further pain?
  • Watch from a distance, knowing this is part of growing up?
  • Move closer and offer to assist them as they work to figure it out?

In many instances, parents are actually “swooping in” instead of letting their children struggle. It could be anything from a tough game, a difficult teacher, a complicated paper, an honest mistake or a friendship gone awry. But are parents really “saving the day?”

Most parenting experts would say these parents are actually hurting their children in the long run. They mean well when they seek to protect their children from experiencing pain, disappointment and/or failure. In fact, the parents’ goal is to set their children up for success. But unfortunately, young people who are never allowed to fail, experience consequences or problem-solve become adults who are ill-equipped to deal with adversity, setbacks and failure.

An ancient Chinese proverb says. “Failure is the mother of success.”

Think about it.

How many times has difficulty motivated you to keep on trying until you figured it out?

Whether it was memorizing a recital piece, learning a football play, writing a paper or tying shoes, how did you feel when you finally accomplished the task? More than likely, you felt a sense of pride, newfound confidence and perhaps a little more independent. All of these are important ingredients for success in life. Consider how you would have felt had your parent swooped in to do these things for you.

Beginning with the end in mind, besides academics, what do you want your child to learn this year? If helping your child to be confident, independent and unafraid of failure is your goal, it may require some restraint on your part.

Here are some tips for when your children fail:

  • Unless they are in harm’s way, avoid fixing it for them.
  • Allow them to experience the natural consequences of their actions, even when it’s painful to watch.
  • When they do fail, address what happened. Ask what they would do differently next time.
  • Instead of taking matters into your own hands, go with your child and stand with them as they learn how to discuss an issue with their teacher.

Failure can be a powerful motivator. Instead of viewing your child’s failures as a direct reflection of your parenting skills, see them as steps toward future success.

Related blogs:

Preparing Your Child for the Real World

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10 Tips for Parents: Teen Pregnancy Prevention

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy has reviewed research about parental influences on children’s sexual behavior and talked to many experts in the field, as well as to teens and parents. From these sources, it’s clear that there’s a lot parents and adults can do to reduce the risk of children becoming pregnant before they’ve grown up.

Presented here as “10 tips,” many of these lessons will seem familiar. They articulate what parents already know from experience – the importance of maintaining strong, close relationships with children and teens, setting clear expectations and communicating honestly and often about important matters.

Finally, although these tips are for parents, they can be used by other adults, too.

So, what can you do?

1.  Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes.

Communicating with your children about sex, love and relationships is often more successful when you’re sure in your own mind about these issues. To help clarify your attitudes and values, think about questions like these:

  • What do you really think about school-aged teenagers being sexually active – perhaps even becoming parents?
  • Who is responsible for setting sexual limits in a relationship and how is that done realistically?
  • Were you sexually active as a teenager and how do you feel about that now?
  • Were you sexually active before you were married?
  • What do such reflections lead you to say to your own children about these issues?
  • What do you think about encouraging teenagers to abstain from sex?
  • How do you feel about teenagers using contraceptives?

2.  Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific.

Children have lots of questions about sex, and they often say that the source they’d most like to go to for answers is their parents. Start the conversation, and make sure that it is honest, open and respectful. If you can’t think of how to start the discussion, consider using situations shown on television or in the movies as conversation starters. Tell them candidly and confidently what you think and why you take these positions; if you’re not sure about some issues, tell them that, too. Be sure to have a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture. Ask them what they think and what they know so you can correct misconceptions. Ask what, if anything, worries them.

Age-appropriate conversations about relationships and intimacy should begin early in a child’s life and continue through adolescence. Resist the idea that there should be just one conversation about all this – you know – “the talk.” The truth is that parents and children should be talking about sex and love all along. This applies to sons and daughters and to mothers and fathers, incidentally. All children need a lot of communication, guidance and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don’t appear to be interested in what you have to say. And if you have regular conversations, you won’t worry so much about making a mistake or saying something not quite right, because you’ll always be able to talk again.

Many inexpensive books and videos are available to help with any detailed information you might need, but don’t let your lack of technical information make you shy. Children need as much help in understanding the meaning of sex as they do in understanding how all the body parts work. Tell them about love and sex, and what the difference is. And remember to talk about the reasons that children find sex interesting and enticing; discussing only the “downside” of unplanned pregnancy and disease misses many of the issues on teenagers’ minds.

Here are the kinds of questions children say they want to discuss:

  • How do I know if I’m in love?
  • Will sex bring me closer to my girlfriend/boyfriend?How will I know when I’m ready to have sex?
  • Should I wait until marriage?
  • Will having sex make me popular?
  • Will it make me more grown-up and open up more adult activities for me?
  • Can I tell my boyfriend/girlfriend that I don’t want to have sex without losing him/her or hurting his feelings?
  • How do I manage pressure from my boyfriend/girlfriend to have sex?
  • How does contraception work?
  • Are some methods better than others? Are they safe?
  • Can you get pregnant the first time?

3.  In addition to being an askable parent, be a parent with a point of view. Tell your children what you think. Don’t be reluctant to say, for example:

  • I think kids in high school are too young to have sex, especially given today’s risk.
  • Our family religion says that sex should be an expression of love within marriage.
  • Finding yourself in a sexually-charged situation is not unusual; you need to think about how you’ll handle it in advance. Have a plan. Will you say “no?” Will you use contraception? How will you negotiate all this?
  • It’s okay to think about sex and to feel sexual desire. Everybody does! But it’s not okay to get pregnant /get somebody pregnant as a teenagers.
  • One of the many reasons I’m concerned about teens drinking is that it often leads to sex.
  • (For boys) Having a baby doesn’t make you a man. Being able to wait and acting responsibly does.
  • (For girls) You don’t have to have sex to keep a boyfriend. If sex is the price of a close relationship, find someone else.

By the way, research clearly shows that talking with your children about sex does not encourage them to become sexually active. And remember that your own behavior should match your words. The “do as I say, not as I do” approach is bound to lose with children and teenagers, who are careful and constant observers of the adults in their lives.

Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents. Establish rules, curfews, and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication. If your children get out of school at 3 p.m. and you don’t get home from work until 6 p.m., who is responsible for making certain that your children are not only safe during those hours, but also are engaged in useful activities? Where are they when they go out with friends? Are there adults around who are in charge? Supervising and monitoring your child’s whereabouts doesn’t make you a nag; it makes you a parent.

4.  Know your children’s friends and their families.

Friends have a strong influence on each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with people whose families share your values. Some parents of teens even arrange to meet with the parents of their children’s friends to establish common rules and expectations. It is easier to enforce a curfew that all your child’s friends share rather than one that makes him or her different – even if your views don’t match those of other parents. Hold fast to your convictions. Welcome your children’s friends into your home and talk to them openly.

5.  Discourage early, frequent and steady dating.

Group activities among young people are fine and often fun, but allowing teens to begin steady, one-on-one dating before age 16 can lead to trouble. Let your child know about strong feelings about this throughout childhood – don’t wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area; otherwise, he or she will think you just don’t like the particular person or invitation.

6.  Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy significantly older than she is.

And don’t allow your son to develop an intense relationship with girls much younger than he is. Older guys can seem glamorous to a young girl; sometimes they even have money and a car to boot! But the risk of matters getting out of hand increases when the guy is much older than the girl is. Try setting a limit of no more than a two- (or at the most, three-) year age difference. The power differences between younger girls and older boys or men can lead girls into risky situations, including unwanted sex with no protection.

7.  Help your teenagers to have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood.

The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy and parenthood are significantly increased if their futures appear bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future, talking to them about what it takes to make future plans come true, and helping them reach their goals. Tell them for example, that if they want to be a teacher, they will need to stay in school in order to earn various degrees and pass certain exams. It also means teaching them to use free time in a constructive way, such as setting aside certain times to complete homework assignments. Explain how becoming pregnant – or causing pregnancy – can derail the best of plans; for example, childcare expenses can make it almost impossible to afford college. Community service, in particular, not only teaches job skills, but can also put teens in touch with a wide variety of committed and caring adults.

8.  Let children know that you value education highly.

Encourage your children to take school seriously and set high expectations about their school performance. School failure is often the first sign of trouble that can end in teenage parenthood. Be very attentive to your children’s progress in school and intervene early if things aren’t going well. Keep track of your children’s grades and discuss them together. Meet with teachers and principals, guidance counselors and coaches. Limit the number of hours your teenager gives to part-time jobs (20 hours per week should be the maximum) so that there is enough time and energy left to focus on school. Know about homework assignments and support your child in getting them done. Volunteer at the school, if possible. Schools want more parental involvement and will often try to accommodate your work schedule, if asked.

9.  Know what your children are watching, reading and listening to.

The media (television, radio, movies, music videos, magazines, and the Internet) are chock full of material sending the wrong messages. Sex rarely has meaning, unplanned pregnancy seldom happens, and few people having sex ever seem to be married or even especially committed to anyone. Is this consistent with your expectations and values? If not, it is important to talk with your children about what the media portray and what you think about it. If certain programs or movies offend you say so, and explain why. Be “media literate” – think about what you and your family are watching and reading. Encourage your children to think critically: ask them what they think about the programs they watch and the music they listen to.

You can always turn the TV off, cancel subscriptions and place certain movies off limits. You will probably not be able to fully control what children see and hear, but you can certainly make your views known and control your own home environment.

10. These first nine tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of strong, close relationships with your children that are built from early age.

Strive for a relationship that is warm in tone, firm in discipline and rich in communication, and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect. There is no single way to create such relationships, but the following habits of the heart can help:

  • Express love and affection clearly and often. Hug your children, and tell them how much they mean to you. Praise specific accomplishments, but remember that expressions of affection should be offered freely, not just for a particular achievement.
  • Listen carefully to what your children say and pay thoughtful attention to what they do.
  • Spend time with your children engaged in activities that suit their ages and interests, not just yours. Shared experiences build a “bank account” of affection and trust that forms the basis for future communication with them about specific topics, including sexual behavior.
  • Be supportive and be interested in what interests them. Attend their sports events; learn about their hobbies; be enthusiastic about their achievements, even the little ones; ask them questions that show you care and want to know what is going on in their lives.
  • Be courteous and respectful to your children and avoid hurtful teasing or ridicule. For example, don’t compare your teenager with other family members (i.e., why can’t you be like your older sister?). Show that you expect courtesy and respect in return.
  • Help them build self-esteem by mastering skills; remember, self-esteem is earned, not given, and one of the best ways to earn it is by doing something well.
  • Try to have meals together as a family as often as possible, and use the time for conversation, not confrontation.

It’s never too late to improve a relationship with your child or teenager.

Don’t underestimate the great need that children feel at all ages for a close relationship with their parents and for their parents’ guidance, approval and support.

Taken from theNational Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

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How to Prevent Bullying

Everyone can make a difference when they speak out against bullying.

Paul Coughlin’s passion to prevent bullying comes from his own bullying experience while in elementary school. He understands how a campaign of cruelty can damage a person’s emotional and psychological well-being, not just in childhood, but often for life.

This knowledge, along with his passion, led him to start an anti-bullying effort called The Protectors, whose primary focus is on the potential strength, heroic desire and rescuing capacity of bystanders. Studies show that bystanders possess the most potential to transform an environment of bullying into one of character, freedom and justice. One study revealed that if only one bystander, whether popular or not, uses his or her assertive but nonviolent words in defense of a target, the incident of bullying can end 58 percent of the time within six to eight seconds.

How prevalent is bullying in schools?

  • One out of every four students report being victims of bullying during the school year. (National Center for Educational Statistics, 2015)

  • Of children who are bullied, 64 percent did not report it. (Petrosino, Guckenburg, DeVoe, and Hanson, 2010)

  • School-based bullying prevention programs decrease bullying by up to 25 percent. (McCallion and Feder, 2013)

  • The reasons for being bullied reported most often by students were looks (55 percent), body shape (37 percent) and race (16 percent). (Davis and Nixon, 2010)

According to Coughlin, an expert witness regarding bullying and the law, bullying is not about conflict and miscommunication. It is about standing in contempt of another human being.

“It is a myth that the bully has anger management problems,” says Coughlin. “Bullies are highly predatory people. Bullies tend to come from homes with coercive parenting styles where parents express disdain and contempt of people who are different from them. Young people learn through modeling, this is how you treat people.”

What can you do to prevent bullying?

  • Speak Up. If someone is bullying you, tell them to stop.

  • Bystanders are the best front line of defense. Stand up for the victim when you see bullying happen. Phrases such as, “Stop it, that’s wrong,” “Let’s do something else,” “I am going to report you” are powerful and can stop the bullying.

  • Schools can adopt anonymous reporting. One of the top five apps changing the world for good, as reported by CNN, is an anonymous reporting app called STOPit.

  • Take the incident seriously. Act sooner rather than later.

  • Don’t look the other way. When you know something is happening, report it.

“What’s really going to change bullying is when we change parenting,” Coughlin says. “As parents, we need to expect our kids to help someone in need. It needs to be part of your family mission and purpose. I have actually had this conversation with all three of my kids. I expect you to do something life-affirming. We don’t stand by and watch someone’s psychological flesh get seared from their body and do nothing.

“Research actually shows that when we see someone being targeted and you have the power to act yet you do nothing, our capacity for courage, sympathy and empathy decrease. We become small-souled. If we want strong kids, this is a pivotal moment. This is a tremendous opportunity for character development.”

Although it is not possible to prevent bullying altogether, there is no excuse for allowing it to continue if you know it is going on. Speaking up for yourself or another victim can make a huge difference both now and in the future.

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How to Avoid Raising an Entitled Child

These 5 things can help in the long run.

In Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Veruca Salt is the bratty little entitled child who tells her daddy she wants a goose that lays the golden eggs. Her father immediately turns to Willy Wonka and asks, “How much for the goose?”

Wonka tells him they are not for sale. Veruca says she wants one immediately, makes more demands of her father and basically throws a temper tantrum. Although her father seems embarrassed by his daughter’s behavior, he allows it to continue.

“Parents who did not grow up with a lot themselves often desire to give their children what they did not have with the intention of helping them to have a better life,” says psychologist Susan Hickman.

Perhaps that was the case with Veruca. Most people cringe at her behavior. Unfortunately, giving children a lot without earning it can lead to ingratitude and a sense of entitlement.

“Entitlement is about excess,” Hickman says. “It is like a cancer on your personality. In the formative years, if children don’t learn the correlation between effort, earning and then receiving, the effect of this multiplies as they get into their teen years and then into young adulthood. It is hard to wash out the sense of entitlement.”

Hickman believes it is a mistake for parents to lead their child to believe he/she is the center of the universe.

This mistake is often unintentional and is based on sacrificial love for their children.

“It is true that parents need to make sure their child’s basic needs are met for food, clothing and shelter,” Hickman says. But there must be a give-and-take between parents and the children. In other words, it isn’t all about the kids.

Giving your children everything they want, allowing them to do all they want to do and/or telling them they excel at all they attempt is not necessarily helpful in the long run.

There are, however, some strategies to help you avoid raising an entitled child.

  • Avoid excess. Excess leads to unrealistic expectations.

  • Stick with the basics. A phone that works is adequate. If they want something nicer, let them earn it. People tend to appreciate what they earn.

  • Hardship builds character. Instead of rescuing your children from difficulty or shielding them from natural consequences, hold them accountable. Learning lessons during hard times is unparalleled compared to easy times.

  • Encourage good citizenship at home and in the community. Doing chores and helping others without pay is part of being a good family member. Teach your children that, as a member of society, the rules apply to them.

  • Don’t reward bad behavior. If your child learns that you will ultimately give in to their persistence, this will always be their default behavior. Avoid the power struggle that often leads you to give in by giving your answer and walking away.

Utilizing these strategies when your children are young will prevent a lot of drama later in life. If you haven’t used these strategies with your teens, there is still time. Change is possible, but it won’t be pretty.

The most loving thing parents can do is to make changes that will adequately prepare them for adulthood, even if they don’t like them.

Acknowledge that change will probably be difficult, but that you love them too much to continue harmful behavior. And be sure to surround yourself with people who will support and encourage you through this process.

Other blogs:

How to Make Sure Your Child Knows You Love Them

5 Mistakes Parents Make With Their Teens

7 Things Every Child Needs to Thrive

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4 Ways You Can Model Responsibility and Accountability

You can help your child make good choices.

Brock Allen Turner is the Stanford University student who was found guilty of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman who had been at an on-campus party in January 2015.

The story initially made the news when two graduate students riding their bikes across campus witnessed the scene unfolding and came to the woman’s aid. The two called police and held Turner at the scene until they arrived.

While the jury found Turner guilty on all counts, the judge only sentenced him to six months in jail.

The judge stated, “A prison sentence would have a severe impact on him. I think he will not be a danger to others.”

At Turner’s sentencing, the victim read him a letter describing the assault’s impact on her life. If you have not read this letter, it is worth your time to do so. It can be found here.

Adding to the troubling aspect of the crime, Turner has confessed that he was drunk. He has stated that he wants to visit college campuses to talk about the dangers of alcohol and sexual promiscuity, but what he does not want to talk about is sexual assault. In fact, in some instances, Turner is being portrayed as the victim.

How can that be? When did it become acceptable behavior to take advantage of someone who is drunk?

Parents can teach their kids to be responsible and accountable for their actions.

Turner’s father wrote a letter to the judge, requesting leniency for his son, explaining that “his son’s life has been deeply altered forever by the events of January 17th and 18th…now he barely consumes any food and eats only to exist. These verdicts have broken and shattered him and our family in so many ways. His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20-plus years of life.”

When their children become teenagers, parents frequently tell them, “You only live once; enjoy it because it won’t ever be this way again.” What parents sometimes neglect to say is “What you do or do not do in middle school, high school and beyond can impact you for the rest of your life.”

Turner was not the victim in this situation. Two lives and two families are forever changed because of his behavior.

What happened is awful on all counts. In so many situations today, many people believe their actions have no consequences.

How can you help your child make good choices?

  • Teach teens what it means to be respectful of others my modeling responsibility and accountability.

  • Make sure they understand the definition of sexual assault. Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the recipient’s explicit consent.

  • Hold your child accountable for their behavior, even at an early age. They will be held accountable in the real world.

  • Your teen needs to know that “Everybody else is doing it” does not justify wrong behavior.

It’s painful to watch young people struggle to find their way. While they’re in your home, diligently teach them how to live responsibly away from your care. Young people have a mind of their own and they will make mistakes. As a parent, you can walk with them, and model responsibility and accountability without shielding them from the consequences.

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What You Should Know About Teens and Opioids

The opioid epidemic impacts almost everyone.

Dr. Nita Shumaker is on a mission. When she’s not seeing pediatric patients, she’s spreading the word about the danger of opioid use and its impact on people everywhere.

“There were 64,000 deaths in the U.S. last year due to opioid use, and that number is probably underreported,” says Shumaker. “People do not realize how addictive opioids are and that it takes very little to become addicted. We have a very serious problem. It’s like a bathtub overflowing and my goal is to stop the spigot.”

According to a Live Science magazine article, a new study found that most American teenagers who abuse opioid drugs first received the drugs from a doctor. Looking at trends in prescription opioid use among U.S. adolescents from 1976 to 2015, a strong correlation exists between teens taking the drugs for medical reasons and then taking them later for “nonmedical” reasons. In the Pediatrics journal, study author and research professor at the University of Michigan, Sean McCabe, observed findings over the past two decades. He also found that most nonmedical users of prescription opioids also used them for medical reasons in the past.

“According to studies, 1 in 4 prescriptions for opioids is misused. They are not taken, given to somebody else or taken in a manner different than prescribed,” Shumaker says. “Furthermore, 1 in 10 opioid users are at very high risk since the drug hits a sweet spot because of how their brain is wired. Probably one of the most shocking statistics is that it’s not the dose of opioids, but the length of time you take them. If you take them for more than three to five days, the risk of addiction doubles. These medications have their place, but they are horribly dangerous. You may be that one person that it trips that sweet spot and it can destroy your life.”

Shumaker encourages parents to be vigilant with their teens about the opioid epidemic.

“Changes in behavior, in the friends they choose to hang around, or their grades, pay attention,” Shumaker says. “When teens are abusing drugs, their behavior may become erratic and they may become secretive. As parents and those who care about young people, we must place the highest priority on their health and wellbeing and stop being so concerned about invading their privacy.”

Shumaker strongly encourages parents to get rid of old medications – it can keep them out of the wrong hands. The FDA says you can flush opioids. You can also crush them and mix them with cat litter or coffee grounds, then throw them away. Or, you can take them to special drop-off locations in the community. Additionally, if your teen has an injury, seek out methods other than opioids to manage pain. Taking opioids is like playing Russian roulette with your child’s life.

“I don’t think people in general, much less teens, understand the magnitude of danger opioids pose to their life,” Shumaker shares. “The new Fentanyl on the streets, which is often being illegally made, is so powerful. If you touch it, you can stop breathing. Police officers are now having to wear Hazmat suits when making drug arrests.

“This is an enormous problem. Almost no one is untouched by this epidemic. It is in the best interest of our community and future generations for all of us to pay close attention to what is happening with our teens. It is vital to remember that teens’ executive function, which helps us make wise choices, is not fully formed until age 25. We need to be checking in on our teens and helping them make good decisions.”

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Kids are Losing Sleep

Sleep hygiene impacts all areas of your child's life.

Have you ever checked email or text messages in the middle of the night? If so, chances are good that your kids have been losing sleep to those things, too.

The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 2014 Poll revealed interesting findings when it comes to families and their sleep patterns.

Of those surveyed:

  • 89% of adults and 75% of children have at least one electronic device in their bedrooms. While a television was the most common device, 45% of parents and 30% of children had a tablet or smartphone with them when they go to bed at night.
  • 26% of parents and 16% of children sent or read emails and text messages after initially dozing off. Technology has become commonplace in the bedroom. However, the duration and quality of sleep appear to suffer when children and adults leave devices on past bedtime.
  • Sleep quality was significantly worse for children who sometimes left the television, tablet/smartphone or music player on at night.
  • Children who leave their devices on get less rest on school nights than other children. Parents estimate it’s a difference of nearly one hour, on average, per night.
  • Parents also view the quality of their child’s sleep negatively if the child leaves electronics on during the night. This holds true even with older children, who are more likely to leave things on. Teens with left-on devices are estimated to get, on average, half an hour less sleep on school nights.

“For children, a good night’s sleep is essential to health, development and performance in school,” says Kristen L. Knutson, a biomedical anthropologist who researches sleep at the University of Chicago. “We found that, when parents take action to protect their children’s sleep, their children sleep better.”

The NSF shares these tips to improve your child’s sack time:

  • Make sleep a healthy priority in your family’s busy schedule. Children ages 6-10 need 10-11 hours of shuteye. Older children need 8.5-9.5 hours.
  • Set appropriate and consistent bedtimes for your entire family.
  • Know how your child is using electronics in the bedroom. Create a plan for appropriate use at night and set boundaries about use before and after bedtime.
  • Educate your family on how light from electronic device screens can interfere with winding down.
  • Talk to your child about the importance of sleep for health and well-being.
  • Create a snooze-supportive bedroom and home environment, dimming the lights prior to bedtime and controlling the temperature; in most cases, temperatures above 75 degrees and below 54 degrees will disrupt your rest.
  • Encourage activities such as reading or listening to music before bedtime. These are more relaxing than watching TV, playing video games or surfing the Web.
  • Make sure children’s activities, including homework, can be completed without interfering with bedtimes.

When it comes to technology, kids are following their parent’s lead.

“Parents need to be good role models in their responsible use of electronics and their children will follow suit,” says Monique K. LeBourgeois, a psychologist who researches sleep at University of Colorado Boulder.

It may be hard to resist, but setting the tone for a good night’s rest can lead to a happier, healthier home.

Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV!

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The Value of Family Meals

Mealtimes are opportunities to connect and learn from each other.

For more than 40 years, Lynn and Pat Panter have been hosting family dinner on Sundays.

“It’s funny, this is just something we have always done,” says Lynn Panter. “When our children were little, we had Sunday dinner. As they got older, we kept on doing it. Here we are 40 years later with grown children, spouses, boyfriends and grandchildren seated around the table.”

Unlike some, the Panters don’t require or expect anyone to come for family dinners.

“There is no pressure to come,” Lynn says. “If they have something else to do, they know they are free to go do it with no repercussions for not being present. We usually have between eight and 16 people seated around the table on any given Sunday.”

Between the laughter, the stories and discussions about their day, it is always a lively experience and a great way for the family to connect.

“Even though my husband was on the road a lot when our daughters were young, the expectation was that we all ate dinner together,” Lynn says. “This was our time to catch up with each other and the events of the day. It kept us connected even when schedules were hectic.”

Research shows that regular and meaningful family meals offer a variety of benefits both to children and adults. Studies suggest that having dinner together as a family at least four times a week positively affects child development and is linked to lower obesity risk, decreased likelihood of substance abuse and eating disorders, and an increased chance of graduating from high school.

Additionally, meals provide a sense of family unity and identity as well as teaching traditions. Discussions around the dinner table not only give children an opportunity to express themselves, they also teach them to wait their turn to speak and hear many different perspectives. In some instances, they learn how to agree or disagree.

Family meals help parents transmit their values from one generation to the next and teach good table manners and etiquette. These times together as a family create a bond and shared memories that children carry with them long into adulthood.

The key to the success of these gatherings is making them technology-free zones – no televisions, tablets, or cellphones allowed.

“Some people probably wonder why we still have the Sunday dinners.” Lynn says. “I think the biggest reason we still do it is because we really enjoy being together. We look forward to catching up with each other. It’s not formal and everybody pitches in — which is a good thing. In order to do something like this, you need to enjoy doing it, otherwise, it becomes a burden.”

If you realize the value of family meals and it has been on your “to-do” list, this is the time to make it happen. Set a date, keep it simple and watch what happens. Younger family members may balk at first, but once they get in the routine, they will look forward to time together. Who knows what may be happening at your house 40 years from now?

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