How the Center of Your Family Determines Every Decision You Make

By Lauren Hall
July 14, 2024

Life is busy. When the pressures of work, school, and extracurricular activities pull us in different directions, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher, speaker, and author, offers a powerful framework to help families stay connected and thrive: the family-centered system. This approach emphasizes the importance of identifying what your family is centered around and making intentional choices to strengthen those bonds.

At its core, Brené Brown’s family-centered system theory revolves around the idea that every family has a central value or set of values that define it.

This core can be anything from love, trust, and respect to adventure, learning, or community service. Recognizing and embracing these central values can help families create a strong, cohesive identity and navigate challenges with greater resilience.

In contrast, Brown suggests there are two other systems families can fall into: “parent-centered” and “child-centered.” These two systems focus on one relationship dynamic instead of the entire family. The danger of these systems lies in the inherent neglect of one relationship and the dissonance that can build over time.

So, how do you know what type of family-centered system you’re currently participating in or leading? Think about the how and why behind your decision-making. A family-centered approach requires conversations with the entire family regularly. The value of shared time together, boundaries, and respect for one another’s likes, dislikes, and needs should be shared openly. Everyone’s voice is heard at the table without judgment or fear. Decisions should be made based on the consensus of the entire family’s needs, wants, and desires.

Here are a few steps to help you implement the family-centered system in your home:

1. Reflect together. Start by having an open conversation with your family about what matters most to each member. This can be a casual chat during dinner or a more structured family meeting. Ask questions like, “What makes our family special?” or “What do we want to be known for?”

2. Look for patterns. Pay attention to recurring themes in your family’s activities and traditions. Do you prioritize spending time outdoors, supporting each other’s hobbies, or volunteering in the community? These patterns can provide clues about your family’s core values.

3. Create a family mission statement: Based on your discussions, draft a mission statement that encapsulates your family’s central values. This statement can serve as a guiding principle for making decisions and setting priorities.

4. Set goals aligned with your values. Once you’ve identified your family’s core values, set specific goals that reflect these principles. If adventure is a central value, plan regular family outings or vacations to explore new places. If learning is a priority, create a family book club or dedicate time each week to learning something new together.

5. Make time for connection. It’s crucial to carve out regular time for family connection. This could be a weekly game night, a daily walk, or a monthly family meeting to check in on everyone’s well-being and discuss upcoming plans.

6. Celebrate your values. Find ways to celebrate your family’s core values regularly. This could involve acknowledging acts of kindness, sharing successes, or commemorating special occasions that reflect your family’s mission statement.

7. Adapt and evolve. Families grow and change over time, so it’s important to revisit and revise your family’s mission statement and goals periodically. This ensures that your family-centered system remains relevant and meaningful.

By intentionally centering your family and the decisions you make around shared values, you can build a stronger, more connected family unit. Brené Brown’s family-centered system theory provides a roadmap for fostering deeper connections, greater resilience, and lasting happiness. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, let’s remember to keep what truly matters at the heart of our families.

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