What is Generational Trauma, Exactly?

If you’ve ever said, “When I have kids, I’ll never say that,” only to hear your mother’s voice come flying out of your mouth, you are not alone.

Parenting has a funny way of stirring up ghosts from our childhoods, especially the ones we thought we’d buried under self-help books.

But there’s a deeper undercurrent to these moments. Many of us are waking up to something our parents and grandparents rarely talked about: generational trauma—the emotional inheritance no one asked for but many of us carry.

And now, a growing body of research and brave voices are helping us understand how to break those cycles and build something better for the next generation.

At its core, generational trauma refers to the emotional wounds passed down from one generation to the next—often unintentionally.

It can stem from big events like war, racism, poverty, abuse, or neglect, or from smaller, chronic patterns like emotional unavailability, perfectionism, or unresolved grief.

Dr. Maria Yellow Horse Brave Heart, a social worker and researcher who pioneered the concept, first studied the intergenerational trauma experienced by Native American communities. Since then, the concept has expanded, backed by studies in epigenetics showing that trauma doesn’t just change our behavior—it can actually alter gene expression passed on to our children.

That’s right. Your great-grandmother’s heartbreak might still echo in your nervous system. (No pressure.)

Trauma doesn’t always look like chaos.

Sometimes it shows up as a parent who shuts down during conflict. A tendency to over-apologize. An inability to rest without guilt. Even hyper-independence can be a trauma response dressed in hustle culture’s clothing.

Dr. Thema Bryant, psychologist and past president of the American Psychological Association, explains it this way:

“We often internalize what we experienced growing up—especially if we never saw another way. But healing is possible. And we don’t heal in isolation; we heal in relationship.”

Here’s the good news: trauma may be passed down, but so is healing and reconciliation.

A 2023 study published in Development and Psychopathology found that when parents actively process their own trauma—through therapy, journaling, support groups, or even reflective conversations—they’re more likely to parent with sensitivity, patience, and emotional attunement.

The key isn’t perfection. It’s awareness.

Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and author of Parenting from the Inside Out, emphasizes the importance of what he calls the “coherent narrative.” When parents understand and make sense of their own stories, even painful ones, they’re better equipped to nurture secure attachment in their children.

In other words, you don’t have to have had a perfect childhood to give your kids a healthy one.

Let’s be honest: healing generational trauma while simultaneously keeping small humans alive, fed, and in semi-matching socks is a tall order.

You will have days when you lose your cool.

You will say things you swore you’d never say. And still—you can be the one who breaks the cycle.

Because every time you apologize to your child instead of shutting down…
Every time you choose connection over control…
Every time you sit with your feelings instead of stuffing them down with peanut butter pretzels…

You are doing the work. And that matters more than any curated parenting philosophy.

A Few Tools for the Journey

Therapy.

Especially trauma-informed care like EMDR or somatic therapy.

Books.

Try It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn or The Deepest Well by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris.

Reflection.

Journaling, support groups, or simply asking yourself: Is this reaction about now—or about then?

You are not responsible for what happened to you, but you are responsible for what you do with it. And your kids don’t need you to be perfect—they just need you to keep showing up.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].