What Does Trust Look Like in a Healthy Marriage?

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships,” according to Stephen Covey. This is especially true when it comes to trust in marriage. 

Trust is essential; without it, maintaining a healthy marriage relationship is difficult. 

It’s a word that is thrown around, but few take the time to actually define it. Trust is the confidence or belief that you have in someone. From that belief, you create a picture in your mind of that person. Based on their behavior, they either confirm your initial, positive view or create a negative one. Your ability to trust in marriage is established in your relationship prior to entering your marriage and should continue to grow after you say, “I do.”

Here are key trust areas in a healthy marriage: 

1. Trust that we are a team, first and foremost.

In many marriage ceremonies, the statement, “Forsaking all others” is included.  When you think about that vow, it means that you and your spouse became a family on the day you married and are TEAM #1. You went from ME to WE! That means making your marriage the priority. Yes, over self, over friendships and family, and over children.  

 2. Trust that you will be faithful.

Trusting your spouse to only share their physical self with you is a hallmark of marital faithfulness. Being faithful is not just limited to your physical relationship. 

It also includes being trustworthy and honest about how and with whom: 

• You’re sharing your emotions, dreams, struggles, and goals. 
• You spend your time. 
• You spend your money (and how much debt you have).

3. Trust that you will not purposefully try to control or harm me.

It’s important that an environment of safety and security be present in a healthy marriage. Even in the midst of normal conflict, be intentional to care for, love, and respect each other.

Choose words that inform, not inflict harm on your spouse. 

4. Trust that you love me for me, not for what you can get from me.

Your spouse needs to feel loved for who they are on the inside not how they look on the outside. Being assured that your spouse would choose you again despite any physical or financial changes only forms a stronger bond between you. 

5. Trust that we will turn to each other, not on each other.

In marriage, you will experience ups and downs, sadness, and hurts. As you go through the down times, leaning on each other helps lighten the load. 

Knowing your spouse has your back provides a sense of security in a healthy, trusting marriage. 

There is no better feeling than reaching out your hand to your spouse, and they reach back out to you.

★ Now that we have talked about ways to trust in a marriage, it’s key to examine yourselves and the experiences that shaped the way you trust individually. Your trust picture becomes shaped by the experiences you have with friends, family, and co-workers.

Unfortunately, you may have experienced betrayals and disappointments in past relationships, even with friends and family. 

In order to move past hurts and create a positive trust atmosphere in your marriage, you may want to ponder these questions:

How have friends/family/past relationships broken my trust?

Have I taken betrayals from my past out on my spouse?

Has my spouse given me a reason not to trust?

Now, you can begin to move past those hurts across a bridge to a brighter and more trusting marital relationship.

Past hurts don’t have to be passed hurts. Build trust.

Check out more marriage resources here!

***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***

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