5 Ways You Can Prepare for a Great School Year
Every fall, children head back to school. While some will be going for the first time, others will be making the transition to a new grade or perhaps even a new school. Transitioning into a new school year can be exciting, but some children are fearful. Thoughts about new teachers, concerns over moving to a new school or anxiety about a new grade are all things your child may be thinking, but not talking about. No matter how old your child is, this is an important time. Parents can help their kids prepare for a great school year by establishing rituals and consistency around the school day.
As human beings, we like to know what to expect, but this is especially true for children. When structure and consistency are missing in their lives, they tend to feel out of control. That out-of-control feeling can lead to acting out. The acting out behavior could range from temper tantrums to refusing to do homework or being disrespectful.
When preparing for a new school year, it is the perfect time to establish a game plan to help your child launch into the school year on a positive note.
Here are a few suggestions to help your child have a positive experience:
- Talk with your children before school starts about the weeks ahead. For younger children, a trip to school is very important. What doesn’t seem scary to adults may be very scary to a young child. Take their feelings seriously. Decide how many extracurricular activities will be allowed.
- Discuss emergency plans. What happens if your child gets sick? Who will pick up your children in the event of a crisis? Also, talk with your child about how you want them to deal with strangers.
- Establish a morning and evening routine. These times can be hurried and stressful, creating anxiety for parents as well as children. Determine ahead of time what you expect. Will you eat breakfast together? What time do you expect your children to be out of bed and getting ready? Who packs lunches? What time should everybody be ready to leave the house? You might want to do a couple of practice runs prior to the start of school. Evening routines might include: setting out the clothes for the next day, putting all of the school gear in one place, and touching base as a family before going to bed. This can really help the morning be a more pleasant experience.
- Make sure your child gets adequate rest. Whether you have young children or teens, research shows that they need around 10 hours of sleep.
- Know your child. Be in touch with your child’s needs. When making decisions about homework, chores, television, etc., consider these questions: Is your child an early riser or a night owl? Do little things tend to stress them out? Consider different options for accomplishing tasks.
When children see you taking their concerns about school seriously, they are more likely to be more excited and less anxious about the experience. Investing your time and effort will give your children the best chance for success.
Other blogs:
4 Ways Having a Routine Contributes to a Happy, Healthy Family
Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV on this topic!
10 Tips to Help Blended Families
Remarrying with children often creates a complex dynamic. Expectations may not be clear and people aren’t sure how to behave. An ex-spouse and the person they marry impact what happens in your home. Is it any surprise that all of this creates stress and conflict in relationships? Do blended families have to be complicated?
“Most couples enter into remarriage with a tremendous amount of expectation and hope,” says Ron Deal, author of The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family. “They are filled with hope, expecting positive things and are well-intentioned, yet in most instances, they are naïve about the trip they are about to take.”
Believe it or not, transitioning into a stepfamily requires some prep work. If you’re on this journey, Deal’s recommendations for blended families can help you out.
- Nurture your marriage and learn to communicate well. According to a study of more than 50,000 stepfamily couples, maintaining fun in marriage is the number five predictor of a high-quality stepcouple relationship. Good communication and conflict resolution skills were the number two and three predictors of successful remarriages.
- Keep perspective. This is new for everyone, so expect to feel lost. Seek understanding and don’t force people to blend, because it takes time. It may even take years for your family to really unite, but it’s better than causing a lot of frustration by moving too quickly. Be patient with the process and have a “slow-cooker” mentality.
- Talk with others. Before you begin, you might want to educate yourself about stepfamily living. Also, ask other stepfamilies about their experiences and the things that caught them by surprise. Find out how they handled the early days.
- Help the kids. When appropriate, encourage biological parents to spend regular one-on-one time with each child. Since this is also foreign territory for children, prepare them to expect all kinds of feelings and encourage them to talk about it. Discuss what to call each other (e.g., stepdad or “George”) and decide how to introduce one another in public. Understand that kids may have different names/terms for stepfamily members depending on who’s in the room. For example, they may call a stepfather “Daddy” unless their biological dad is physically present until relationships stabilize. Don’t pressure kids to use labels that make you comfortable; try to follow their lead.
- Traditions matter. For sure, keep some old ones (for the kids), but also create a new one in your first year. If you want to help form the missing family identity in your home, put some thought and effort into creating that new family tradition. Traditions tell us who we are and where we belong.
- Be a team. It’s helpful if parents and stepparents can try to agree on household rules and how to cooperate. Have lots of parenting meetings. In the first year, it’s a great idea for stepparents to focus on building relationships with the children. Be sure to move at their pace, not yours.
- Anticipate bumps in the road. Stepfamily life can be challenging, so don’t expect perfection. Try not to overreact.
- Keep your visitation schedule predictable. Give children continued access to the other home. Forcing kids to lose time with the other household will invite kids to resent your relationship, even if you mean well. Stepparents need to communicate a “no threat” message to the other biological parent. They need to know that you understand your role as a new person in their life who will never try to replace them. This message helps the other parent not to feel intimidated by your involvement with their children. Hopefully, it will also increase their openness to your role as stepparent.
- Stay connected. Try to maintain old friendships and social connections. If necessary, connect to a family of faith. Find a mentor to help you through your first year or join a group where you can find tools and encouragement.
- Take the Couple Checkup. The checkup provides an accurate view of your relationship and gives suggestions for strengthening your marriage. It not only tells you where you are and helps you decide where you want to go, but it gives you a road map to get there. You can access the Couple Checkup and other resources at Smart Stepfamilies.
Retirement and Marriage
Neal and Pat Smith had a pretty consistent routine for 38 of their 50-plus years of marriage. Mr. Smith went to work and Mrs. Smith took care of the household chores and the children. Twelve years ago, Mr. Smith asked his wife what she thought about him retiring. She told him that was his decision and then promptly sought advice from a friend whose husband had been retired for a number of years.
“She gave me some wise advice,” says Mrs. Smith. “She said that since I was an only child and my husband was an only as well that we needed to give each other plenty of space to do our own thing. I think that has made a huge difference. We are together almost every evening, but during the day we can be in the house together, but not see each other for several hours as we pursue our own interests.”
Even though people say they look forward to the retirement years, experts know that the changes that accompany retirement can wreak havoc on a marriage.
If one person is used to giving orders at work, he/she might inadvertently start giving out orders at home, or if a spouse sees his/her identity as what they do for a living, when that is no longer the case it can be a very challenging time.
“Neal retired the first of January,” Mrs. Smith says. “I think those first two weeks were really hard. I remember one morning when I was headed to the mall, and I asked him if he wanted to go along. He grumbled and got in the car. When we arrived at the mall, we had to wait on some stores to open. There were all these people walking the mall. Neal was still grumpy. I looked at him and said, ‘You are such a grump – look at all these people that are happy.’ To which he replied, ‘I did not retire to walk these d–n malls.’ I realized that while he thought he was ready to retire, maybe he was having some doubts.”
In spite of a bit of a rocky start, the Smiths will tell you that the last 19 years have been a lot of fun.
“If I had the opportunity to talk with couples before they retire, I would definitely tell them that having a plan, not just a financial plan, but a plan for your marriage is very important,” says Mr. Smith. “If you retire and sit at home with no idea what to do or you think that you have to do everything together, odds are nobody is going to be happy. We have taken trips with friends, we both have our separate interests and the things we enjoy doing as a couple.”
Mr. Smith meets every week with a group of retired men. They call themselves ROMEO (Retired Old Men Eating Out). They meet at 8:30 for breakfast, discuss the problems of the world and in their words, solve none of them. Then they finish around 9:30 and go on about their day.
“It took us a little while to get acclimated to retirement,” Mrs. Smith says. “The first week of retirement was traumatic. Sometimes it was the little things that created a bit of tension. Neal had always pulled his car in right behind mine because he was the first one to leave. I told him he would have to find another place to park his car because three mornings a week I left before him. I also said that the last person out of bed had to make the bed. One of the most fun changes is that Neal does most of the cooking now!”
If you are considering retirement, make sure your plan includes how you will deal with this transition in order to keep your marriage on track.
The Smiths made the following suggestions to help couples prepare for this time of transition:
- Make a plan for how you will live within your means. The Smiths talked ahead of time about how retirement would impact their lifestyle. When the time came, they were ready to make the necessary changes.
- Talk about how things will be different. Keeping the lines of communication open is critical during this time of uncertainty.
- Connect with other retired folks. Spending time with people who have already been through the transition can help make your passage to retirement easier.
- Find some hobbies or expand the ones you already have. Mr. Smith is an avid fisherman and loves woodworking and gardening. No matter what time of year it is, he has a project going – whether it is preparing for the next fishing trip or planning his garden.
- Have a sense of humor. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself because crazy things will happen!
“Even though it took us a while to adjust, retirement has been great,” the Smiths say. “It has allowed us time for leisurely visits with our grandchildren without having to worry about rushing back for work. We have made some great friendships and have taken some fun trips. Best of all, we still enjoy each other’s company.”
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
