Tag Archive for: Family Structure

Creating a healthy stepfamily can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. In fact, since the number of stepfamilies has tripled since the 1960s, many men and women have done just that. If you have children from a previous relationship and you’re considering a relationship with another special someone with kids, there are a few things you may want to consider to help ease the transition.

First, what do you expect moving forward? 

Sit down and discuss your expectations as it relates to topics like buying a house together, purchasing a car, date night, soccer practices and many other things. It’s better to have an idea of what you think it should look like, but adaptability is key.

How you will handle discipline is another thing to think about.

For instance, is it okay for the stepparent to discipline their spouse’s child? It is often more assuring to kids (and their other parent) if their own biological parent disciplines them.

What about bonding with the kids?

The bond stepparents have with their stepchild is immensely important for healthy and stable stepfamilies. You both should be able to talk about each child and feel that you are heard, but when it comes to children, consider the fact that marrying their parent is a BIG deal. Remember that you aren’t there to replace their father or mother, so focus on encouraging and building your own relationships with the children.

What about holidays – how will you handle those?

Taking into account that the kids will spend time with both biological parents during the holidays, work to create new traditions and ask for the kids’ input for making the transitions a little easier. When the biological parents talk directly and make arrangements ahead of time, it can lessen confusion. Encourage family meetings so the children feel heard and valued during the process.

Although blending families is no easy task, discussing things like these ahead of time can help everyone prepare well for the journey ahead.

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Marriage Benefits Children

Stability in the home impacts a child's wellbeing.

Marriage is declining, and some believe it really doesn’t matter anymore. However, some compelling findings indicate it might matter more than you think, especially for a child’s well-being.

Wendy Manning, director of the Center for Family and Demographic Research at Bowling Green State University, says family instability is a consistent and negative implication for child health in both cohabiting and married-parent families.

Moreover, a 2010 CDC study on child well-being and family structure shows that children from homes with married parents did better in every category.

Children ages 12-17 living with cohabiting parents instead of married parents are:

  • Six times more likely to exhibit emotional and behavioral problems;
  • 122 percent more likely to be expelled from school; and
  • 90 percent more likely to have a lower GPA.

Additional studies indicate that children born to couples that live together are more likely to see their parents break up.

In fact, two-thirds will split up before their child is 12. Most split up before their child is 5. Compare that to only one-quarter of married parents who split up. Cohabiting relationships seem to be more fragile than marital relationships.

Economic indicators show that 21 percent of children with cohabiting parents live below the poverty line. Only one in 10 children with married parents lives in poverty.

As of early 2016, half of all children born to women under 30 were born out of wedlock.

Pew Research and other studies find that most Americans would like to marry someday.

So why are so many young people choosing cohabitation over marriage? What explains the increase in women under 30 choosing to have children outside of marriage? Well, it’s complicated.

For starters, many young people don’t want the kind of marriage their parents had, nor are they confident that they can actually do marriage well. Others say there are no marriageable men or women. Some see no benefit in a “formal” arrangement for themselves and their children.

Plenty of research indicates that healthy marriage positively impacts children and society. And despite growing up with examples of unhealthy marriages, divorce or other adverse childhood experiences, it’s possible to heal from the past and have healthy relationships and even healthy marriages.

But the research is clear. The social, economic, health, and emotional benefits of marriage extend to everyone but are especially crucial for children.

***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***