If a lower-drive person feels tired or stressed out, they’re usually not going to have that “loving feeling.” A higher-drive person may find that hard to understand.
Here’s a lightbulb moment that has helped me understand this in my own marriage:
- You probably like having sex to de-stress.
- Your spouse probably has to de-stress before feeling like having sex.
Understand this, too: Some seasons of marriage are simply prone to more stress, more fatigue, and less sex.
Have really young kids? That can do it.
Major busyness or financial stress? Bam: low libido.
Job got you running ragged? The bed is for sleepin’, and that’s it…
And if your spouse is getting into that… ahem… middle-age bracket, you need to know something: Physiological changes in both men and women can strongly affect sex drive. This is a good time to encourage a doctor visit just to be sure everything is ok.
Be patient with your spouse. Understand that seasons in marriage change. Do what you can to alleviate stress and encourage your spouse to care for themselves mentally. Concentrate on the other areas where you can meet your spouse’s needs.