The Truth About Cyberbullying
What’s True and False about Cyberbullying?
- Cyberbullying victims are at increased risk for traditional bullying victimization, substance use and school problems.
- Victims of cyberbullying suffer from anger, frustration and sadness.
- Most victims of cyberbullying tell an adult about their experience.
- Victims report that they are primarily cyberbullied by strangers.
If you answered “true” for the first two statements and “false” for the last two, you are correct.
News stories abound about young people and bullying. One of the most widely-known incidents is about Megan Meier, a then 13-year-old from Missouri. She became online friends with a person she thought was a new boy in town. The “friend” was actually a group of young people and adults who plotted to humiliate Megan because of a broken friendship with another girl. When Megan discovered the truth, she became distraught and later committed suicide.*
Cyberbullying is defined as using the computer or other electronic devices to intimidate, threaten or humiliate another. It most commonly takes place on the Internet among students from a given school or neighborhood.
Researchers and co-directors of the Cyberbullying Research Center, Justin Patchin and Sameer Hinduja, collected data from more than 15,000 youth regarding their personal cyberbullying experiences.
They found that:
- Five percent of the youth they interviewed claimed to be scared for their own safety.
- On average, 25 percent of youth have been a victim of cyberbullying.
- Among this percentage, mean or hurtful comments, and spreading rumors were the most common forms of cyberbullying.
- More than half of study participants feel that cyberbullying is as bad as, or worse than bullying in real life.
- 41 percent of victims do not tell anyone in their off-screen lives about their abuse, but 38 percent told an online friend.
- 16 percent admitted to bullying another individual online.
- Most of the bullying offenders said they consider bullying to be fun or instructive; such as a way to strengthen their victims.
Your child uses cell phones, emails, instant messaging, websites, blogs, text messages and other methods to communicate electronically. All of them present a potential cyberbullying risk to your child.
What Do Parents Need to Know?
The impact of cyberbullying can be devastating. Cyber victimization can cause poor grades, emotional spirals, poor self-esteem, repeated school absences, depression and in some cases, suicide. These outcomes are similar to those of real-life bullying, except with cyberbullying there is often no escape.
Young people used to be able to avoid the “bully” once school was out. Today’s technology now makes it almost impossible to escape. Since few parents closely monitor their child’s digital use, it is far easier for bullies to get away with bullying online than in person. And as the quiz pointed out, kids rarely tell their parents about the bullying.
What Can Parents Do?
- Establish that all rules for interacting appropriately with people in real life apply online.
- Explain what cyberbullying is and why it is unacceptable to bully or to allow bullying to continue.
- Talk with your teen about the nature of REAL friendships.
- Encourage your child to talk with you any time they believe they or someone they know is dealing with a bully.
- Model appropriate technology use.
- Write a technology contract that includes any form of technology used in your home.
Cyberbullying can be a serious threat to the well-being of your child, but the best plan of attack is to be proactive. Being ignorant about technology in this day and age won’t cut it, so you’ll want to educate yourself as well as your children. As the saying goes, information is power.
*If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, there are a number of websites and organizations with excellent resources for you. HelpGuide is a great place to start, along with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV for more on this topic!
According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), someone experiences sexual assault in the United States every 98 seconds. Of those victims, 44 percent will be younger than 18, and approximately 80 percent of those same victims will be under 30. Research indicates that a college with a population of 10,000 can have up to 350 sexual assaults annually. And, in 7 out of 10 sexual assaults, the perpetrator knows the victim personally.
On a positive note, the rate of sexual assault and rape has fallen 63 percent since 1993, from a rate of 4.3 assaults per 1,000 people in 1993, to 1.6 per 1000 in 2015. However, only 6 out of every 1,000 rapists will end up in prison.
Many are asking, how do we teach people to protect themselves from sexual assault? And, how do we teach them what respect looks like? These are important questions for sure.
Based on responses from 3,000 young adults and high school students in Harvard’s Making Caring Common study, the lead researcher found it troubling that at least one-third of respondents said the following:
- It is rare to see a woman treated in an inappropriately sexualized manner on television;
- Society has reached a point that there is no more double-standard against women; and
- Too much attention is being given to the issue of sexual assault.
What is sexual assault, exactly?
According to the Department of Justice, sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape all fall under the definition of sexual assault.
Here’s what consent DOESN’T look like:
- Refusing to take no for an answer
- Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting or kissing is an invitation for anything more
- Someone being under the legal age of consent, as defined by the state
- Someone being incapacitated because of drugs or alcohol
- Pressuring someone into sexual activity by using fear or intimidation
- Assuming you have permission to engage in a sexual act because you’ve done it in the past
According to RAINN, consent is about communication. Giving consent for one activity, one time, does not mean giving consent for increased or recurring sexual contact. For example, agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t give that person permission to remove your clothes. Having sex with someone in the past doesn’t give that person permission to have sex with you again in the future.
Although there is no guarantee of personal safety for anyone, each of us has a role to play in preventing sexual assault.
Here are some things you can do to protect yourself or someone else from becoming a victim.
- Don’t trust everyone, but let people earn your trust over time.
- Be careful about putting yourself in a sticky situation. If you are going out with friends you trust, keeping an eye on each other and planning to leave together can be helpful.
- Never leave your drink (alcohol or not) unattended or take a drink from someone else.
- Be alert and aware of your surroundings. Ask for an escort to your car if you feel unsafe. Lock your doors and secure the windows when you are asleep or leaving your home.
- Be wise about posting your location on social media. Consider privately sharing your location with someone you really trust in case something goes awry.
- Have a backup plan for emergencies, and anticipate how you would react in various scenarios. Memorize important phone numbers, keep some cash on hand and hide an extra set of keys in case yours turn up missing.
- Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, leave or get a friend to help you out.
- If you see a potentially dangerous situation, step in and say something, either by yourself or with backup.
Sexual assault is evidence that without respect for one another, people and our society suffer greatly.
It is not ok under any circumstance, and silence about it can allow it to happen over and over again.
It’s crucial that we promote healthy, respectful relationships in all areas of life if we want to make a difference. Everyone could benefit from recognizing that respect involves valuing the opinions and decisions of others without attempting to control them. A respectful person does not take advantage of another person and honors boundaries that are set. Showing respect also involves concern for others’ well-being and safety.
You can play a role in changing the culture when it comes to issues surrounding sexual assault. Educate your children. Model respect in all relationships. Talk about this issue at home, in the workplace, at school, at your place of worship and in the community. If you see something, say something.
Coming together around this issue can help everyone have healthier relationships, which is a good thing for people and a very good thing for our community and country.
As the news started spreading about what was happening in Charlottesville on Saturday, it made me sick to my stomach. It weighed heavily on my mind throughout the day, and it was the topic of conversation at the dinner table and beyond.
After watching the news and reading the Sunday paper, I posted the following on Facebook: “I am angry, dumbfounded, disturbed, sad, appalled and so much more over what happened in Charlottesville. Unacceptable. Absolutely unacceptable. We cannot sit back and allow such sick behavior.”
The post received many comments mostly agreeing they did not want to sit back and allow the behavior. Some asked about actions steps we can take.
That’s what I have been mulling over the past couple of days.
I’m a big believer that everybody can do something. In having conversations at my office and out in the community, several action steps for being part of the racism solution have come to mind.
- First and foremost, I think it starts with each of us committing to call out racism and inappropriate behavior when we see it. Too often, it is easy just to look the other way and pretend we don’t see what is right in front of us. I remember learning the rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We all know that is a lie. Words can cut like a sword.
- Second, relationship coach, Dr. David Banks, makes this statement in many of our classes: “What you don’t understand, you still have to respect.” Though you may not understand or experience what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes, disrespect is not justifiable. Everybody has a story. It would probably help all of us to spend more time learning people’s story instead of making assumptions about them.
- Third, see individuals as valuable regardless of their skin color, where they grew up, how much education they have, where they work, how they speak or where they live. What would happen if we spent more time trying to help people understand their significance?
- Finally, get to know people outside your own sphere of influence. This is probably the most powerful thing we all can do. While it may be uncomfortable initially, people usually find out they aren’t that different. We have more things in common than we realize.
Franklin and Tresa McCallie took this to heart a number of years ago.
They began inviting people into their home for coffee, dessert and conversation. They intentionally invited a diverse group for a time of conversation around difficult topics. To date, more than 400 people have participated. Their goal was to have people participate and then replicate the experience in their sphere of influence – the workplace, school, home and community. You can actually download a toolkit from their website to help you start on the same journey.
This all boils down to relationships. When we take the time to get to know each other, we are more likely to focus on walking life’s road together in a healthy way. Hate is a learned behavior. We have to do better for the sake of the next generation.
