4 Ways You Can Model Responsibility and Accountability
Brock Allen Turner is the Stanford University student who was found guilty of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman who had been at an on-campus party in January 2015.
The story initially made the news when two graduate students riding their bikes across campus witnessed the scene unfolding and came to the woman’s aid. The two called police and held Turner at the scene until they arrived.
While the jury found Turner guilty on all counts, the judge only sentenced him to six months in jail.
The judge stated, “A prison sentence would have a severe impact on him. I think he will not be a danger to others.”
At Turner’s sentencing, the victim read him a letter describing the assault’s impact on her life. If you have not read this letter, it is worth your time to do so. It can be found here.
Adding to the troubling aspect of the crime, Turner has confessed that he was drunk. He has stated that he wants to visit college campuses to talk about the dangers of alcohol and sexual promiscuity, but what he does not want to talk about is sexual assault. In fact, in some instances, Turner is being portrayed as the victim.
How can that be? When did it become acceptable behavior to take advantage of someone who is drunk?
Parents can teach their kids to be responsible and accountable for their actions.
Turner’s father wrote a letter to the judge, requesting leniency for his son, explaining that “his son’s life has been deeply altered forever by the events of January 17th and 18th…now he barely consumes any food and eats only to exist. These verdicts have broken and shattered him and our family in so many ways. His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20-plus years of life.”
When their children become teenagers, parents frequently tell them, “You only live once; enjoy it because it won’t ever be this way again.” What parents sometimes neglect to say is “What you do or do not do in middle school, high school and beyond can impact you for the rest of your life.”
Turner was not the victim in this situation. Two lives and two families are forever changed because of his behavior.
What happened is awful on all counts. In so many situations today, many people believe their actions have no consequences.
How can you help your child make good choices?
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Teach teens what it means to be respectful of others my modeling responsibility and accountability.
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Make sure they understand the definition of sexual assault. Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the recipient’s explicit consent.
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Hold your child accountable for their behavior, even at an early age. They will be held accountable in the real world.
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Your teen needs to know that “Everybody else is doing it” does not justify wrong behavior.
It’s painful to watch young people struggle to find their way. While they’re in your home, diligently teach them how to live responsibly away from your care. Young people have a mind of their own and they will make mistakes. As a parent, you can walk with them, and model responsibility and accountability without shielding them from the consequences.
When summer approaches many youngsters get excited and look forward to attending camps. And many middle-school kids are pleading their case for staying home alone.
But exactly how old is old enough?
Surprisingly, only three states have laws regarding a minimum age for leaving a child home alone. Basically, the parent decides if their child is mature enough to be unsupervised at home.
Many parenting experts agree that it’s not a good idea to leave a child under the age of 9 home alone.
But how do you know if your child is ready for the responsibility of staying home alone?
For starters, assess whether your child:
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Is physically and mentally capable of caring for him/herself.
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Obeys the rules and makes good decisions.
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Responds well to unfamiliar or stressful situations.
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Feels comfortable or fearful about being home alone.
When it comes to safety:
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Is there an emergency plan and does your child know how to follow the plan?
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Does your child know his/her full name, address and phone number?
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Make sure your child knows where you are and how to contact you at all times.
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Does your child know the full names and contact information of other trusted adults in case of an emergency?
If you feel confident that your child is ready, these tips can help him/her feel comfortable and confident about staying home alone:
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Have a trial period. Leave your child home alone for short periods of time to see how they manage by themselves.
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Role-play potential scenarios. Act out possible situations, such as how to manage unexpected visitors or deliveries and how to talk on the phone without revealing that a parent is not home.
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Establish rules. Make sure your child understands what is permissible and what is not. Be clear about expectations concerning technology, having friends over, going other places, how late they are allowed to sleep, chores that need to be done and exactly what is allowed while you are away. For example, should they bake cookies in the oven when you are away?
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Discuss emergencies. What constitutes an emergency in your eyes and in your child’s eyes? Would they know that an overflowing toilet is definitely an emergency? Have you established a code word to use for emergencies?
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Check in. Have established check-in times in addition to random times that you call to make sure all is going well.
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Talk about it. Talk with your child about staying home alone and encourage him/her to share their feelings.
Staying home alone is a big deal.
Even if you stayed home alone as a child, it is a new day and age. Your child may not be mature or confident enough to handle this type of responsibility right now. If not, look for inexpensive alternatives such as volunteering, community center programs or faith-based organization opportunities. Or perhaps a neighbor or fellow parent would be willing to help out.
Remember, although your child may seem smart, 9 is just 9, and 12 is not considered a young adult. The executive function of the brain, which is responsible for decision-making and self-control, doesn’t completely develop until the mid-20s.
While leaving your child home alone may seem like the logical and most cost-effective thing to do, preparing your child for this kind of responsibility takes time. It isn’t too soon to begin the preparation process.
