If you have children or grandchildren under the age of 8 years old, you’ve more than likely heard of the rise of gentle parenting. Met with mixed reviews, feelings and feedback, this parenting trend has generated a large buzz. 

But is this nurturing approach the parenting gold standard—or a recipe for raising emotionally fragile, mini-dictators?

Let’s unpack the rise of gentle parenting with a level head and a warm heart (and maybe a little caffeine, if you’ve been gentle parenting all week).

Many influencers and parenting experts share the concepts, skills and effects of gentle parenting, but the term was thought to be originally coined and popularized by author Sarah Ockwell-Smith.

Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy, respect, connection, and boundaries without punishment.

The idea isn’t to let kids rule the roost, but to guide them with calm consistency and emotional support.

Think less, “Because I said so,” and more, “Let’s talk about why bedtime matters.” (Cue the collective sigh of every parent just trying to get their kid in pajamas before 9 p.m.)

This philosophy has gained traction with millennial and Gen Z parents who grew up with more authoritarian or dismissive approaches. It’s fueled by a growing body of research showing that children’s brains thrive when parents respond with empathy and connection.

According to Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, children raised with empathy and emotional attunement are more likely to develop strong emotional regulation skills. “When kids feel safe and understood, their brains develop better impulse control and problem-solving abilities,” she writes.

Neuroscience backs her up. A 2021 study published in the journal Child Development found that children with responsive, emotionally attuned caregivers showed healthier stress responses and stronger executive functioning skills.

Gentle parenting also aligns closely with attachment theory, which suggests that secure, trusting bonds with caregivers are foundational to lifelong mental health and relationship success.

But is there such a thing as too gentle?

Critics argue that gentle parenting—especially when misapplied—can go off the rails.

A Wall Street Journal op-ed titled “We’re Raising a Generation of Delicate Snowflakes”, cautions that in some cases, gentle parenting devolves into permissiveness. “Children need structure, limits, and—yes—consequences to thrive. Constant negotiation teaches kids that rules are up for debate.”

Similarly, Dr. Leonard Sax, author of The Collapse of Parenting, warns that placing a child’s feelings above all else can shift the balance of power in the home. “Some parents are so worried about being gentle, they forget they’re in charge,” he notes.

And let’s be honest—some days, reasoning with a two-year-old about the merits of vegetables feels like negotiating with a tiny, irrational hostage-taker. I know from experience.

Gentle parenting, when practiced with clarity and consistency, can be a game-changer.

It fosters emotional resilience, strengthens parent-child bonds, and steers us away from fear-based discipline. But like any parenting philosophy, it requires balance.

Being a mom of a six-year old and almost two-year old, I aim for consistent boundaries, emotional regulation and natural consequences. I respect the gentle parenting theory. However, focusing on the word “gentle” can easily push me into a permissive state. When I’m needing some parenting mojo, I replace the word with “positive” or “active.” This helps me to remember I’m responsible for the safety and well-being of my child, and I’m also responsible for modeling how to be a “kind human” through deep connection and empathy.

Boundaries still matter. Consequences still matter. And parents? We matter too.

Exhausted, imperfect, deeply loving humans trying to do their best—sometimes with a raised voice, sometimes with a hug, and sometimes with a “because I said so” at 9:47 p.m.

Maybe the gentlest thing parents can do is give ourselves a little grace.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].