Tag Archive for: college

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Life After Graduation

After Kerri Crawford’s graduation with a college degree in Child and Family Studies, she planned to earn a minimum salary of $30,000 working with adolescent girls.

“I had some pretty grand ideas about how things would go after graduation,” said Crawford. “It was much harder finding a job than I thought it would be, and the salary was not close to what I expected. My friends and I have joked that you should add a few zeros after your age and that is more likely to be your salary right after you graduate.”

Just like going from home to college was a transition, so is moving from college to the working world. Working eight hours a day, possibly moving to a new city, living alone, no more fall, winter, spring and summer breaks, and no more cafeteria food (not necessarily a bad thing) are pretty dramatic changes when you are used to going to a few classes a day, hanging out with friends, having your food prepared for you and maybe working a part-time job.

“I wish someone had told me how different it was going to be,” Crawford said. “I was so proud of my accomplishments, but I had unrealistic expectations. So I definitely have some advice for people who have just graduated from college.”

Some things would have been really good to know for after graduation, according to Kerri. She said, “I wish someone had told me…:

  • Not to sell back all of my textbooks and to keep some of the notes I took in class. There seems countless times when I wished I could refer back to something I read or heard in a class.
  • How important it is to build relationships with classmates. The world is a lot smaller than you think. I have run into so many people I never thought I would see again. These people become your co-workers and are great contacts in the community.
  • Have an open mind when you are looking for a job. I wanted a job working with adolescent girls. I work mostly with adolescent boys in a job that I believe will be a stepping stone.
  • Have good relationships with your professors. They know people in the community and can give good job leads and recommendations.
  • Practice your interview skills ahead of time. I thought interviewing for jobs would be a breeze. After the third or fourth rejection, I had to rethink what I was doing. You have to learn how to sell yourself and what you are capable of to the person interviewing you.
  • Experience in your field is an asset when you graduate. Every interviewer asked me if I had any experience. Looking back, I wish I had volunteered more so when they asked me if I had experience I could have responded with a confident yes.
  • The real world is a full-time job. Not only do you have to adjust to a new work situation, you must also adjust to life outside of work. Instead of pulling all-nighters and taking naps in the afternoon, try to get a decent night’s rest. Be ready for financial changes. It is a whole new ballgame when you are responsible for rent, groceries, utilities, insurance, gas, etc. You may have to say no to the “wants” until you get on your feet.”

Making it to this point is what many young people strive for from high school on. Even though the working world is challenging, it’s time to put all of your learning into practice and experience life in the world’s classroom.

Image from Unsplash.com

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Preparing for Launch

Following a recent college graduation, a group of young adults lamented the fact that things were probably going to be different. They are no longer on their parents’ payroll. They are expected to find work and pay their bills. No more summers or semester breaks The big question is, are they prepared to launch into life in the real world?

Charles J. Sykes, author of Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good about Themselves, but Can’t Read, Write, or Add, wrote an op-ed entitled, Some Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School for the San Diego Union Tribune.

Though Sykes wrote the piece more than a decade ago, many would argue that the rules still apply.

  • Life is not fair.
  • The real world won’t care as much about your self-esteem as your school does. It’ll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.
  • You won’t make $40,000 a year right out of school.
  • If you think your teacher is tough, wait ’til you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he’s not going to ask you how you feel about it.
  • Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity.
  • It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of “It’s my life,” and “You’re not the boss of me,” and other eloquent proclamations of your generation.
  • Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. Before you save the rainforest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.
  • Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t. In some schools, they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life.
  • Life is not divided into semesters, and you don’t get summers off. They expect you to show up every day for eight hours. Very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself.
  • Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs.
  • Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them.
  • Smoking does not make you look cool.
  • You are not immortal.
  • Enjoy this while you can. Sure, parents are a pain, school’s a bother and life is depressing. But someday you’ll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now.

Enough said!

Looking for more resources? Watch this episode of JulieB TV for an in-depth look on this topic!

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Making the Empty-Nest Transition

It’s coming and you know it’s coming, and you’re doing everything in your power NOT to think about it. But when your youngest child leaves and you’re alone with a deafeningly silent house, you’ll want to be ready for the transition.

Thousands of young people head off to college each year, leaving their parents with a lot of time on their hands. Although they understand their role has changed, they are not quite sure what that means. Everything is different. No more school sports. No need to buy so many groceries. The mess throughout the house? Gone. It’s officially an empty-nest.

Some parents are excited about this newfound freedom while others find this time rather depressing.

“Making this transition can be tough,” says Pam Johnson, licensed clinical social worker and mother of two adults who have flown the nest. “You have to stay focused on the idea that your child is becoming his own person and pursuing dreams, which was the goal all along. Instead of lamenting the fact they don’t need you anymore, think about what they do need and the opportunity you have before you. As parents, we often put off our own interests to focus our attention on the needs of our children. This is a new season filled with opportunities.”

Johnson recalls that when her daughter went off to college, she and her husband dealt with the transition differently. Her world was turned upside down, but her husband seemed to take everything in stride. When she asked him about it, he explained that their daughter was happy. And he felt confident they had given her a great foundation to stand on her own two feet.

Johnson offers these strategies for making the transition to the empty-nest:

  • Plan ahead. Don’t wait until your child leaves to think about how you will deal with your extra time. Plan some projects to occupy your time. Be intentional about scheduling weekend activities you can do as a couple.
  • Set limits for yourself. As your child settles into a new routine, there will be lots of demands on their time. Let your child make the first phone call and try to limit yourself to checking in once a week. E-mailing or texting are great ways to check in and be supportive without being intrusive.
  • Be there when your child needs you. The first few months may be hard for your child. Encourage perseverance. Send care packages and cards. Make your home a refuge to which they will want to return.
  • Consider the next thing. You have been given the gift of being a parent for a season of life. As that role changes into the empty-nest, you will want to consider what’s next. Keep your eyes and heart open to where you need to go in life and what you want your life to be about.

“Letting go is hard,” Johnson says. “You want to let go of them gracefully.

“Here’s a little secret. When they come home, you will be happy to see them come home AND you will be happy to see them go because you will have transitioned into new routines and rituals that aren’t all about them.”

Image from Unsplash.com

Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV on this topic!

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Preparing a Teen to Leave the Nest

My son started high school this year and it made me reflect on his life and my own. Sometimes I find it hard to imagine not having my son with me 24/7. The truth is, we parent our teens to leave the nest from our home to another one – their own.

It’s hard for me to imagine my day-to-day life without him being in it. Raising a son has been the hardest, most rewarding and most fulfilling thing I have done in my life so far. He’s a teenager with his own mind, purpose, thoughts and feelings, and he’s very independent (which in hindsight, is a very good thing!).

As a mother, I recall when he came into my life and the challenges we faced together. He had two surgeries before his first birthday. His father chose not to be in our lives around the same time. Growing up without a father at home has very much impacted my son.

I remember his accomplishments and reaching milestones from infancy through middle school, and now he’s a freshman in high school. He is discovering what he likes to do, finding the people he wants to hang around, and discovering the world around him.

As a parent, I am beginning to understand that our lives together are blessings. I also realize that we have to remain individuals, and that our separate interests are necessary.

As he will graduate from high school soon enough, I should begin preparing my mind, my life and my heart for the day he will leave my nest to explore, grow and live his own life in his own way. I will always be his biggest fan, his cheerleader and his supporter.

I am now charged with giving him more room to figure things out for himself and to talk to him as much as possible about his choices for the future. Since I only have a few more years before he launches, I have to make sure that every second counts.

Image from Unsplash.com

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Tips for the First Trip Home From College

“I remember going home from college for Christmas my freshman year,” says Akeyla Madison. “I had been on my own for five months and felt good about how I was doing. When I arrived home, I was surprised to found out I would be sharing a room with my sister who is six years younger than me because my room had been turned into a storage room. I’m pretty sure my mom didn’t think that would be a big deal.

“My mom also wanted to know where I was, who I was with and what I was doing. I felt smothered and honestly couldn’t wait to get back to college and my freedom.”

While parents and family members are excited to see their college kids come home for the holidays, the transition can be complicated for everybody, especially if expectations are not clear on the front end.

“I didn’t know ahead of time I would be sharing a room with my little sister,” Madison remembers. “Because there was such an age difference, it made me uncomfortable. My mom didn’t want me staying out late because she was afraid I would wake up my sister when I came home. We survived each other, but it wasn’t pretty.”

Her sophomore year, Madison decided to try something different. She called her grandmother who lived close by and asked to stay with her over the winter break. 

“That worked out a lot better on so many levels,” Madison says. “My mom and I got along better. There was no tension between my sister and me, and I think we all enjoyed the holidays more.”

Madison is now preparing to graduate. When asked how she would advise parents and students preparing for their first trip home from college, she shared the following:

Communication is critical.

Everybody needs to talk about expectations for being together before the break begins. Talk about the family plans and ask your young adult about their plans for the holidays. If you expect them to be at certain events, be clear about that. Discuss expectations for helping out around the house, their friends coming over to visit, food in the refrigerator, coming and going, meals, etc. These things can create unnecessary drama due to unspoken expectations on both sides.

Flexibility is a good thing.

Being away at school has allowed your young adult to use many of the skills you taught them at home, but coming back home is an adjustment for everybody. If the parents and college student are willing to adjust, things will probably go a lot better. It’s important to remember that the family has created their own new normal without the college student and the student has probably grown in their independence – which is the ultimate goal, right? Just because they return home does not mean things will or even should revert back to the way they were before they left. Some students choose to earn extra spending money for the next semester. This can throw a monkey wrench into holiday plans as well. 

Mutual respect goes a long way.

When learning to dance a new dance, it’s easy for everyone involved to get frustrated or say and do things they will ultimately regret. Respecting each other while trying to work things out goes a long way. For the college student, it means realizing you aren’t company. Expecting people to wait on you hand and foot and make adjustments based on everything you want to do isn’t realistic or respectful. For everybody, you still have to respect what you don’t understand.  

“Looking back, I realize I felt more like an adult, but my mom saw me as just 18 and had the life experience to know all that could potentially go wrong,” Madison recalls. “That created tension between the two of us. At this point I think I have a better understanding of why my mom was concerned and I can clearly see that she wanted the best for me. I think if we had actually done the things listed above, the transition would have been smoother for both of us.

“Believe it or not, most of the time we really are paying attention to the things you say and are teaching us. We may do some stupid things along the way, but for the most part we want you to see that we are capable.” 

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How to Prepare for College Break and the Holidays

Many families will experience a new normal when college students arrive home for their first extended college break for the holidays. The thought of sleeping in their own beds, eating good food and resting for about a month sounds amazing. But parents and college students alike will wonder about a few things For example:

  • Should I spend time with family or catch up with old friends?
  • What rules do we play by now?
  • And, are curfew and other details really necessary?

While parents and students both look forward to this time, “It’s complicated” could definitely describe how things will go without conversations ahead of time. If you want to lay the foundation for a great visit, don’t wait until the last minute to prepare. Here are some helpful suggestions for both parents and students during the holiday college break.

Tips for Parents:

  • Re-think the rules. It is hard to be treated like an adult at school and like a kid at home.
  • Be interested in their new friends and their happenings at school.
  • Remember that it is an adjustment for everybody, not just you.
  • Recognize that college students feel a lot of pressure when they come home. They want to spend time with their family and their friends.
  • Be creative. Instead of complaining about the time they spend visiting friends, throw a party and invite everybody to your house. That way you can catch up on the latest, too!
  • Anticipate that your student will need some rest. They have just completed exams. Try to be understanding if they are a little grouchy the first couple of days.
  • Warn younger siblings that things will probably be different and be aware of their feelings, as they too are dealing with change.

For Students:

  • Even though you have had your freedom, be respectful to your parents. If they ask you where you are going and when you will be back, tell them because it is the right thing to do. If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one.
  • Ask your parents if they are open to rethinking some of the house rules. If they are, offer constructive suggestions and don’t push the edge of the envelope.
  • Remember, your parents have been away from you. Be open to spending time with them. Answer their questions about school and your new friends.
  • Make the most of your visit with your parents. Don’t take them for granted. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
  • Many parents will still have to get up early and go to work. Consider how your actions could impact their ability to get good rest and do their job.
  • Try to balance your time at home and with your friends. (Sleeping in your own bed doesn’t count as time spent with your family).

Be encouraged. Although it can happen, heading home from college during the holidays doesn’t have to cause tension. A few conversations, along with some compromise on both sides, could set the stage for some great memories this holiday season.

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A Checklist for Sending Your Child to College

Working on an action plan together can ease the transition.

In addition to sending her own two sons to college, Rose-Marie Hippler helps hundreds of families get ready for the college sendoff.

“Having been through this personally as well as professionally, I bring experience and expertise to parents and their young adults as they leap into the next phase of life,” says Hippler, who has a master’s of social work and is an independent educational consultant at Winter Park College Consultants.

“There are usually a lot of emotions stirring around as the anticipation of going off to college draws closer,” she says. “I remember when we were on the countdown. There were days when I thought the first day of college couldn’t get here fast enough. I decided that was a way of preparing you to say goodbye.”

Hippler believes one way parents and their teens can keep nerves and anxiety at bay is to create a plan.  There’s a lot to accomplish before the college sendoff, and it can be overwhelming. Working on a plan of action TOGETHER can be super helpful.

These things may not be on your radar, but Hippler says they need to be on your checklist if you’re sending your child to college:

  • Make sure your teen has had a physical and all the shots they will need. If your teen is on regular medication, you’ll want to transfer their prescription to a local pharmacy and make sure they know how to refill it on their own. And, unless you have signed the HIPAA form, healthcare professionals cannot legally give you information about your injured or hospitalized adult child.
  • Make a copy of everything in their wallet in case they lose it, which will probably happen at least once.
  • Mark all the upcoming events on your calendar. Don’t forget parent’s weekend, sports events you plan to attend, Christmas and spring breaks and even the mid-term and finals schedule. Make hotel and/or travel reservations early for events such as parent’s weekend and airline reservations for your student’s Thanksgiving and winter breaks.
  • If your teen hasn’t already opened a checking account, now is the time. Instead of making all the financial arrangements, let them do it. It gives them a good indication of your investment in their education. Plus, it lets them get the hang of balancing a checkbook and keeping up with their own money. (FYI: If you EVER need to talk to someone at the school about billing, financial aid, or school records, your student must give you permission by signing a FERPA waiver. Otherwise, you’ll get absolutely nowhere.)
  • Alcohol, drugs, sex and consent, campus safety and mental health issues are factors on every college campus. Your teen probably thinks they have a really good handle on things. However, it’s still a good idea to have some serious conversations about campus conduct or what to do in a mental health crisis. There are too many examples of how things that happen in the college years impact people’s lives. [Read How to Teach Your Daughters the Importance of Consent; How to Teach Your Son About the Importance of Consent]
  • If they don’t know how to do their laundry, teach them then let them do their thing. The first time Hippler visited one of her sons, she noticed a stack of sheets in his laundry basket. He explained that he put all three sets of sheets on his bed at once so he could pull off the top fitted and flat sheets and be ready to go. Then he waited until they were all dirty to wash them. It’s not the way she would have done it, but it worked for him.
  • Tell them you believe in them and they have been preparing for this their entire life. From the time they went to kindergarten, to middle school, and then to high school, those firsts have been preparing them for this next step in their journey.

Sending your child to college is a big deal for both of you. If you’re struggling with letting go, find experienced friends to walk you through this time of transition. And keep reminding yourself that this is normal.

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