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5 ways to stop yelling at your kid

By Reggie Madison

At some point, I decided I can’t keep losing it. I can’t keep yelling at my kids when they fail to meet my expectations or they simply don’t do what I’ve told them to do. I can’t continue to scream at them to get them to listen to me, and I can’t frighten them into respecting my role as their parent.

✦ Research shows that yelling at your kids out of anger or frustration can damage them emotionally. Researchers also found that adolescents who had experienced harsh verbal discipline suffered from increased levels of depressive symptoms, and were more likely to demonstrate behavioral problems such as vandalism or antisocial and aggressive behavior. I don’t want to yell at my kids, but sometimes there seems to be no other way to get their attention.

So, how do you actually stop yelling at your kids?

1. Allow the consequences to do your screaming for you.

One of the best parenting tips I received early in my parenting journey was that you train your kids when you’re serious.

2. Know Your Triggers.

What causes you to go off the deep end? We all have triggers. Name those things that set you off so you can prepare to respond rationally when they push your buttons.

3. Apologize.

If you’ve yelled and violated your no-screaming clause, then be proactive and apologize to your children.

4. Take a Timeout.

Yes, it is hard to take a timeout in the heat of the moment. But the alternative is apologizing again or giving up.

5. Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask.

When you’re sleep-deprived, lacking energy, and stressed, you’re more likely to get irritated and it becomes more difficult to respond to your kids in a loving way.

Remember kids will be kids! Let’s save the yelling for the real, physical danger that calls for drastic, immediate action.

5 ways to be more present when talking to someone

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who was supposed to be listening to you and even though they’re looking you straight in the eyes, you 100% knew they were not really present with you? Not a very good feeling is it? There is really an art to being present and engaged with someone. We all want it from others, but sometimes we aren’t great at doing it for them.

Here are some ways to be more present in conversation:

1. Listening.

I used to think of listening as just hearing. Then I thought of listening as a skill. Now, I realize listening is a skill and a choice. Listening is choosing to block out distractions, choosing to empty my mind of clutter, choosing to focus on the speaker, and choosing to let them know they are heard.

2. Body Language.

Do you look like you are present? Do you look like you’re listening? Your body is sending signals about how engaged you are and even how much you care about what is being said.

3. WAIT (Why Am I Talking?)

Our own self-talk or mental dialogue is the biggest enemy of being present and listening. “What am I going to say next?” “Do I have a thought or story as good as that one?” “That can’t be right because…” In the meantime, we have mentally disengaged from the conversation.

4. Multitasking.

Multitasking causes us to miss so many moments. The truth is we cannot do multiple things effectively—so pick one thing and do it with gusto. Being present with the people in our lives—what is more important than that?

5. Mindfulness.

This isn’t anything fancy. It’s just self-awareness. Minding your mind. Minding your body. Being aware of what you’re thinking and doing. Being aware of your breathing. This is really the foundation of being present with people and in the moment with them.

Practice a few of these tips to be more present with your kids, friends, family, etc., and see the difference it makes. You can do it!