October 28, 2022
top trending topics
🙈 For those who need to create a little distance from their in-laws.
😕 For those who have the hard-to-please type of in-laws.
🏠 For those who are living with your in-laws & it’s causing tension.
🤗 Your spouse’s siblings; you either love ’em or… Here are some tips to coexist.
😘👻 Now to lighten the mood & give you something to do this Halloweekend: Free Date Night- Spooky Season
tips & tricks for growth
handling those smaller conflicts in marriage
It’s important to manage the minor issues so that they don’t become major areas of conflict in your marriage!
Sooo, how do you actually do that in the moment?
Parents teach their kids to stop, look and listen before crossing the street. But believe it or not, this is a really useful skill for managing conflict.
🛑 Stop. Ask yourself if what you are about to say or do will be helpful to your relationship.
👀 Look. First, look at your spouse and remember you are on the same team, not rivals. Then, examine the situation at hand and ask yourself if this is truly a big deal or really a matter of different preferences.
👂Listen. eek to understand their perspective before telling them why your way makes the most sense. It could help you avoid a lot of unnecessary drama.
Most couples say their relationship is what matters most to them. What tends to trip them up is mistakenly making the minor things the major ones. In many instances, it’s better for your marriage if you agree to disagree and get on with enjoying life together.
having the dreaded boundaries convo with the in-laws
Perhaps it’s time to have that talk with your in-laws (you know the one), and you’re wondering how to begin the conversation about boundaries. Well, it probably won’t be easy, but it can be oh-so good if you handle it well!
Your relationship with your in-laws will change and grow in many ways as you go through different life stages. Hopefully for the better.
Do a Self Check-Up
Before you have the “boundary” talk with the in-laws, it’ll be helpful to do a self-inventory to pinpoint what exactly is going on and what needs to happen.
Here are some questions to think about.
- Why is their behavior bothering me❓
- Is their behavior dangerous❓
- Can I deal with it because we see each other often (or not so often)❓
- Am I relating to my in-laws based on how my family operated❓
- Have I ever shared with my spouse that this bothers me❓
Now, Do a Check-In With Your Spouse
Once you’ve thought about these questions, it’s time to share with your spouse. Remember that you are talking about their family, and they may be less than excited to have this conversation. Speaking about behavior, not Mom or Dad, can keep your spouse from feeling the need to defend their parents, and vice versa. Also, use I-statements such as, “I feel (emotion) when your parent does (behavior),” instead of, “YOUR mother always (behavior).”
Once you’ve discovered the boundary you need to address and share with your spouse what you feel would benefit your marriage…
let’s get REALatable
It’s time to take things a step further & get a little intimate with a Q&A. What do you say?😉 Learn a little bit about the faces behind all of this relationship gold. This week we’re chatting with Chris Ownby, husband of 18 years to wife Kristen, #Girldad to two teenagers, outdoor enthusiast, and the Research Strategist here at First Things First. Let’s get REALatable💛 & learn a little bit about him:
Q: Favorite city you’ve lived in?
A: 💛 You know, I’ve lived in several parts of the country at different times of my life. Went to school in Nebraska – can’t say enough about those corn fields. Lived in Las Vegas for a stretch – other than the scorpions in the house and coyotes roaming the neighborhood, not a bad experience. But my all time favorite place I’ve lived is where I grew up and where I now call home: the thriving metropolis of Chattanooga, TN. Great food, lots to do outdoors, mellow coffeeshops, fun nightlife, and a wonderful place to raise a family. Haven’t been? Come visit. I’ll point you to best sushi you’ve ever had.
Q: What’s better: Spooky or funny?
A: 👻 This one’s a toughie, so I’ll say this: I like things that are perhaps spooky to other people but hysterical to me. Case in point: I bought a gilly suit online. For those that don’t know, it’s the outfit that hunters wear to blend into the woods, or what snipers wear in the movies (and real life, I imagine). It’s more than camouflage – you literally look like a piece of foliage. Which is exactly what I looked like in the middle of my front yard on Halloween night last year when unsuspecting little trick-or-treaters came looming around the corner looking for Snickers bars. They walked right by me, thinking I was nothing but harmless shrubbery. And then…Hey kid. Trick or Treat. I’m not going to say they all jumped and screamed, or ran away, or never came back. But I did have a lot of candy left over for some reason. Spooky? I think so. Funny? Absolutely.
Q: Favorite Halloween costume?
A: 😂 Alright, I’m a little embarrassed to admit this one. But stay with me. In high school at a youth group Halloween party, I dressed as a bathroom wall. Seriously. I hung two giant cardboard pieces from straps and wore it like a sandwich sign. On the back I designed a (very classy, I might add) bathroom brick wall with a commode, and on the front I did the same, except (yeah, you guessed it) with a urinal. Then, the final touch, the jewel in the crown, the pièce de résistence: I hung magic markers from strings for people to “tag” the bathroom walls. It was magnificent. People came from all parts of the party to permanently mark their signatures, quotes, or smiley faces. And, not to brag, but yeah, I won first place in the costume contest.
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