October 29, 2021
top trending topics
tips & tricks for growth
3 ways to have better sex in marriage
I have good news for you: an exciting sex life is salvageable and well within your reach for you and your spouse.
Here are three ways you and your spouse can take your sexual relationship from mundane to mind-blowing:
1.) Don’t make fun the point of sex.
Sex is about connecting, bolstering intimacy, and exercising vulnerability with the one you’ve chosen to love the most. It’s a part of your relationship that’s meant to strengthen your relationship. If the attention to your sex life with your spouse is centered merely on fun, you forget the overall essential role sex plays in your marriage, and the irony is that fun becomes a casualty.
2.) Dedicate to communicate.
Couples who struggle with communication struggle with other areas of their marriage, including their sex life; it’s all connected. But those who work on better, healthier ways to communicate thoughts, feelings, and needs with each other experience more connection, friendship, and intimacy. And this, as we’ve learned, is directly correlated with healthy (and fun) sex!
3.) Super-glue your marriage—including your sex life—to the top of the priority scale.
This is crucial, especially if you have children (of any age) running around your house. Life is busy, schedules are hectic, money is tight. Attention to your marriage and your spouse must supersede these potential speed bumps.
You can rejuvenate your sex life AND your marriage!
5 tools for healthy communication in marriage
It’s not exactly news that healthy communication is the foundation of a happy and satisfying marriage. But let’s be honest: As you interact with the one you love the most, it’s easy to let healthy communication habits slip.
Marital communication is a skill. And like any other skill, you can learn and constantly improve upon it. Fortunately, it’s not super complex. Using a few good tools can keep communication heading in a healthy direction.
Here’s a few communication tools you can try today:
1. Precision Timing
You probably know the frustration of trying to talk when one of you is in the middle of something (like a chore, or the game, or a nap).
Asking, Is this a good time (to ask a question or to tell you about such-and-such), cuts down on a ton of frustration and gives attention to your communication.
2. Laser Focus
Whether you’re speaking or listening to your spouse, eliminate distractions. Cut out the static as you tune in to them.Turn off the phone or the game. Send the kids to their rooms. Face your spouse and make eye contact. Listen as if they’re the only thing that matters at that moment. (Because, really, they are!)
3. Crystal Clarity
A stellar rule of thumb: Clarify, ask for clarification, and re-clarify. So what I’m hearing you say is… That must make you feel like… Am I understanding you correctly when I hear you say you need…
Make your thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs as clear as possible.
4. Controlled Tone
We often communicate much more through our vocal tone than actual words. Confusion happens when our words don’t match our tone.
It’s Fine. I’m Fine. Everything is just FINE!
This often indicates that our tone is truer to our feelings than the words coming out of our mouths.
5. The Magic Question.
You probably know listening is critical. But understanding why your spouse wants you to listen is the golden ticket to excellent communication.
The Magic Question can help you understand exactly what your spouse wants from you. Here it is:
Is this something you’d like me to help you find a solution for, or would you like me to simply listen and understand?
It’s amazing what using a few good communication tools can do for your marriage. And you can easily implement any of these tools today. Give one or two of these a try this week. It’ll make a difference!
what we’re lovin’
This week’s picks come from Gena Ellis, wife to her college sweetheart, mother of 3 boys, and a Healthy Relationship Facilitator here at First Things First! Take a peek at her recommendations for this week because they are just THAT GOOD. Check ’em out 👀:
🎧 Reimagining Love Podcast by Dr. Alexandra Solomon– Dr. Solomon is a dynamic speaker and author. She has been studying relationships for over 20 years as a couples therapist and professor.
🏈 College Game Day– I would often complain about being a college football widow on Saturdays. Now, I spend time with my husband watching College Game Day. It makes him feel good that I am interested in something that he enjoys so much.
📲 @IamTabithaBrown on Instagram– Tab is sweet, down-to-earth, and loves her family, especially her husband. She always gives a good laugh or some encouragement!
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