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tips & tricks for growth
help your spouse feel more appreciated
It’s been shown that being actively grateful (that is, actively showing your appreciation) is linked to higher levels of joy, optimism, and other positive emotions, and feeling less lonely. Feeling valued and appreciated by your spouse has been found to be a major indicator (the number one indicator in one study) of a happy, healthy marriage.
Sara Algoe, a Ph.D. researcher from the University of North Carolina, gives us perhaps one of the most convincing pieces of evidence out there pointing to the importance of appreciation in marriage. She proposes what she terms as the find-remind-and-bind theory of gratitude.
💛 The basic idea: showing appreciation and gratitude helps you find a new relationship partner (remember the appreciation you showed your spouse when you were first dating?) or remindsyou of the relationship partner you already have. And (here’s the big kicker): showing gratitude to your spouse actually binds you together for a stronger relationship.
So, yeah, showing appreciation is kind of a big deal. Especially if what you want is a happy marriage and your spouse feels unappreciated.
respect totally matters in marriage; here’s why
Respect may best be defined as the way you show true appreciation for another person. Respect is an action, not just a feeling. It’s a declaration of value for someone. We demonstrate respect by how we behave toward another person.
And it’s fairly easy to recognize when someone respects (or disrespects) another person. The show of respect is usually thought of as coming from a place of inferiority. Pictures come to mind of soldiers standing at attention when high-ranking officers enter the room, or of hard-working employees speaking highly of their boss.
Respect in a healthy marriage is different, though. It’s a two-way street. Both parties in the relationship crave and deserve equal respect from the other, and rightly so. Respect is shown in marriage not because one person is more superior than the other, but because each person recognizes the value of the other.
In marriage, mutual respect matters. But why? Why does mutual respect play such a critical part in a healthy marriage?
🤝 Mutual respect eliminates the fear of being different.
🤝 Mutual respect upholds healthy boundaries in the relationship.
🤝 Mutual respect compels you to “check your jersey” when you have disagreements.
🤝 Mutual respect strengthens the friendship between you and your spouse.
Find the ways to appreciate your spouse—differences and all—and show that appreciation on a daily basis.