June 17, 2022
top trending topics
tips & tricks for growth
should you break off your engagement?
It’s normal to get nervous about important decisions. Asking yourself, “Am I marrying the right person?” is one of those nervy decisions because marriage is a lifelong commitment, not something that will come out easily in the wash if you’ve not made the right choice. So you weigh the odds, make a list of pros and cons, mull over some what-ifs. But at some point, when the doubt overshadows the confidence in the relationship, you may find yourself asking a new question: “Should I break off my engagement?”
Here are 5 signs the answer to that question may be “yes.”
💔 Isolation from family or friends.
💔 Can’t compromise on “big-ticket” items.
💔 Marrying because you’ve been together forever and it’s just the logical next step.
💔 It’s just not a healthy relationship.
💔 Your fiancé is abusive.
talk about your expectations
Almost everyone comes to marriage with some pretty specific ideas about how things will be. These expectations might be based on what people have experienced in their own family (things they liked or didn’t like and don’t want to repeat), a romantic movie, a previous relationship… or even the Hallmark Channel.
Here’s the thing: Whether it’s how you plan to handle money, accepting support from family and in-laws, how often you will make love, being on time, handling conflict, career aspirations, helping with chores or cleanliness, if you don’t talk about your expectations ahead of time, there’s a good chance it could lead to some disappointing and frustrating moments in the future.
People often don’t voice their expectations when they’re engaged. Sometimes they fear the other person won’t live up to them.
If you do talk about them and your spouse-to-be doesn’t see these expectations as a big deal or doesn’t plan to change their approach to these issues, you may try to convince yourself that things will change once you have a ring on your finger and things are more final. Don’t let that idea fool you, though. Lots of studies indicate that the best time to look for behavior change is before the wedding, not after.
Unspoken expectations can silently kill relationships. Do yourself and your fiancé a favor: Be honest about what you expect.
what we’re lovin’
This week’s picks come from Chris Gregory, husband to his wife of 23 years, Jodi, Dad of 3, and the VP of Development here at First Things First. Take a peek at his recommendations for this week because they are just THAT GOOD. Check ’em out 👀:
🏊 Looking for a place to spend time with your fiance here are some of the Best Swimming Holes in the U.S. No worries if you are not near any of these- just google some in your area. Grab your partner, pack a lunch, bring water and go exploring for a fun afternoon together.
📚 Stolen Focus by Johann Hari is my new favorite book. It helps you relearn how to focus, and put down your phone and all other distractions. For you engaged couples it can set you up for success by learning how to focus on each other and do things together.
👨🍳 I don’t remember how I found Smittenkitchen (Yes that is kitchen, not kitten!) on Instagram, but I have made the most recipes from her posts. Scroll through with your fiancé, pick a recipe that looks yummy and get cooking. Enjoy figuring out who likes to cook and who is a good cook!
share the love
Know a friend who would love reading all the relationship goodness we’ve packed in here? Go ahead and share it with them!