February 25, 2022
top trending topics
🧲 Wondering if opposites really do attract?
🤑 Planning your own wedding? Check out these $$ saving tips.
🛡️ With these protective measures in place, you can lower your risk of divorce.
💍 If you’re wondering whether you should be engaged or not, look no further.
❤️ Doing these 3 things for your fiancé every day can make a difference.
tips & tricks for growth
show your fiancé that you value their emotions
Remember, the key to healthy communication is listening. Often, our spouse just needs someone to listen and validate their feelings.
Wait a second – my spouse wants me to validate their feelings? What do you mean by validating my spouse?
Validation is the act of helping someone feel heard and understood. When your spouse comes to you to share their feelings, it’s genuinely listening and experiencing the moment with them. It’s showing interest in what they have to say and valuing their emotions, words, and thoughts. Often when we share our feelings, we aren’t seeking advice; we’re seeking validation. We want to know that what we feel is valid and our thoughts have worth. Researchers have found that validation is critical to our relational, physical, and emotional health.
Here are a few things you can do:
💛 Listen, listen, listen.
💛 Empathy goes a long way.
💛 Repeat what they share.
💛 Normalize their feelings.
💛 See it through their eyes.
💛 Touch them.
💛 Use your body.
You may disagree with them (and that’s ok), but their feelings have value. If you don’t think you do this well, now’s the time to start validating your spouse.
sacrifice & compromise; they both require a little give & take
We throw the words compromise and sacrifice around quite a bit in relationships. But what exactly do they mean? And don’t they mean the same thing?
Well, the short answer is, not exactly. It’s complicated, kind of like relationships are sometimes. Both sacrifice and compromise require someone to lose or give something up, but in two very different ways.
🤝 Compromise involves people meeting in the middle to solve a problem. Each person gives in a little… or a lot. Here’s a simple example: one person wants to meet for coffee at 11:00, while the other prefers 11:30. They meet in the middle and decide on 11:15. Each person gave up 15 minutes; problem solved.
🤗 Sacrifice is different, though. It requires one person to meet another where they are. They give up something to accommodate the other person regardless of whether they respond or give back. Another simple example: one person can only meet at 11:00 for coffee. Rather than reschedule, the other person gives up a prior engagement to meet with this person.
🤝 Compromise is a team effort toward a common goal, resolving conflict or disagreement. It’s mutual by its very nature. Everyone involved must give up something for it to be called compromise. A compromise works out differences.
🤗 A sacrifice is a solo act done to strengthen the bond between two people. One person gives something up for the relationship; the other person doesn’t necessarily have to, although relationships generally thrive when sacrifice is mutual. Sacrifice seals commitment.
There’s a time and a place for each: compromise freely and sacrifice wisely.
what we’re lovin’
This week’s picks come from John Daum, husband of 28 years to his wife Monica, a Dad of 5, and a Content Creator here at First Things first. Take a peek at his recommendations for this week because they are just THAT GOOD. Check ’em out 👀:
📚 Getting It Right the First Time: Creating a Healthy Marriage– Don’t be scared off by Amazon asking $170 for the hardcover! (What’s up with THAT!?) A new paperback or even a used copy is extremely affordable. (Like $1.30, plus S&H affordable.) The book is geared toward the engaged and newlywed. It’ll help you avoid marital problems and struggles you don’t even know are coming yet!
📲 How Well Do You Know Me?– (Check your app store.) Answer the quiz questions according to how you think your partner would. You take turns and pass your phone back and forth. The app has free quizzes, plus more you can purchase to unlock. This is just good clean fun for engaged or married couples.
🎶 Attention! You Can Do This Right Now!-Text your honey a song that makes you think about them or your relationship. You can talk about it later and maybe work together to create an Our Songs playlist. (It’s the little things.)
share the love
Know a friend who would love reading all the relationship goodness we’ve packed in here? Go ahead and share it with them!