Let’s talk about dating & The One.
You probably grew up believing there is one perfect person who you were supposed to fall in love with and marry. They are our Soulmate, aka, The One. And there is this fear that we won’t end up with the one we’re supposed to end up with, so we take this mentality into the dating game and freak out about making sure we pick the right one.
And that’s exactly what I did. I went on a quest to find my Soulmate, the guy that was exactly right for me, have a perfect love, and live happily ever after. Seriously.
I always dreamed that the guy I would end up with or The One would be a tall athletic guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. He would be outgoing, adventurous, and into photography and traveling like me. He would want to live in different countries and live a non-traditional lifestyle and dress like an outdoorsy, granola hipster.
The One would be able to understand all my emotions, read my mind, and know exactly what I was thinking, and I didn’t even have to say a word. He would do and say all the right things because he was, The One. Duh.
When this didn’t happen…and it didn’t, I would FREAK. OUT.
When Andrew and I first started dating, I freaked out all the time, “OMG, am I supposed to be with him or am I supposed to be with someone more outgoing, or someone that talks more, or someone who does photography too?” (All valid considerations.) I was like “Ugh, is this right? I don’t know…”
I started to rethink The One. I noticed it in the little things and I realized it in the important things, that I could really see myself being with him. Instead of figuring out who I’m supposed to be with, I get to choose who I want to be with. I know he is The One because he has become my person and I would like him to be mine for a long time. (But I won’t say he is The One out loud until we are engaged.)
I expected that when I met The One, I would know, and he would know, and that it was meant to be. We had found the one we had been looking for and it happened easily, obviously, and “just like that.” So I tried to look for all the signs to figure out if this was the guy I had been looking for- The One that was the right one, that I’m supposed to marry, oh, and he knew I was The One, too.
Andrew isn’t necessarily the one I was supposed to find by destiny and I instantly knew he was not perfect. But check it out– He is the one that I got to know and build a relationship with. He is the one I know I want to choose to love for the rest of my life and grow a life with. So it wasn’t like I began to date him and figured out “Yes, he’s The One I’m supposed to be with.” It was “Yeah, we like this and work to make it work and it’s good.”
There’s a big difference between those two mindsets. Dating isn’t about finding The One; the trick is to find the one who you can make it grow with.